I slept like a rock that night. Even with the rough hotel sheets and extra loud AC that wouldn't turn off despite being December, I slept better than I had since my dad passed. I woke up feeling like a new person, or maybe like my old self. I checked in with my office and promised that I'd be back online the next day. Then I packed up, checked out, and headed to Mary's house as I promised I would. I used my phone to give me directions, but they kept getting interrupted by messages. Tim was back to obsessing over the records. When I finally pulled up to Mary's house, I was in full-on annoyed mode at Tim's incessant texting.

"Dude, maybe you should just ask him," I quickly texted before pulling myself out of the car.

Before I even shut the door, Tim shot back, "maybe YOU should ask him."

"Brilliant plan, Einstein, except he's not TALKING to ME."

"And whose fault is that?" I got back almost immediately. Then, "it's too soon for that, huh?" Followed by a final, "sorry, Lil."

"It's fine. It's not untrue. I'm at Mary's; gotta go."

"Say hi for me. Let me know if she made shortbread."

"Why would I tell you that? Then I'd have to share." I smiled, knowing that Tim would laugh at my message.

"I missed you, Lil. No one gets my humor like you do."

"Love you, Timmy."

"You're worse than the kids with that phone," Mary called from the door.

"Sorry, it was the biggest kid, and he wants shortbread." I hugged Mary as soon as I was within reach of her.

"Tim could skip a few of the cookies," she laughed as she pulled away. "You, on the other hand." She shook her head in disappointment. "Get in here and off with that coat so I can confirm my suspicions."

I knew what was coming as soon as I shrugged off my coat.

"Lily Turncott, have you eaten at all in the last ten years?" There was the unmissable tone of a loving mother's scold.

"It's been a rough month," I murmured.

"I know, sweetie," her voice was more tender now. "Come on; I'll make you some pancakes."

I got the impression that Mary knew my dad had passed, but I was afraid to confirm it. If she knew, then it was once again real. It had followed me to Duluth, and I wasn't ready for it to be real again. I was still shoving it deep down and avoiding it.

"So, tell me about work. I've been following along. You've been doing so well. I update the girls at book club with every promotion."

"I'm very lucky," I smiled as I slid onto a stool at the island.

"Nonsense, they're lucky. You worked hard. Never say it was luck."

"Sorry, Mary."

"Oh, there it is. The only one that can sound as pathetic as my Billy is you." She said Billy's name with no hint of a flinch.

"Tell me about him."

She smiled but stopped the onslaught with a "are you sure?"

"Yes, you're the only one that will really tell me about him."

Mary let out a sigh and slid a cup of tea to me. "He has worked very hard on the kids and music. And he has been very successful with both. I'm sure you don't want to hear about his work."

I gave her a nod in agreement. I still had not heard his music. It was all she needed to move on.

"He has raised such great kids. Jackson can melt your heart with just a look. He's so sweet."

"Like his father," I smiled.

"Yes, just like his father. Life will probably be a bit harder for Jackson, but he has Viv." Mary's eyes twinkled at Viv's name. "She is something. She goes after what she wants."

"Like her father." I let out a bit of a laugh.

Mary looked at me for a moment. "Few have seen that side of Billy."

"The entire world has seen that side of Billy. He went after his career and earned every ounce of success he has."

"True, but you know we were both talking about the other tenacity he has. The resolve he has for love."

"Is he happy, Mary?"

"No," her tone hit like a slap.

"Did I break him?"

Mary wasn't cooking anymore. She knew this was why I was here. All along, the reason I had come to Duluth was to find out if I had failed Billy as much as I had wrecked myself.

"You did." There was no apology in her words. "You broke many things, but he patched himself back together; we all did. Better than you did," she knowingly nodded.

"I didn't try to patch myself up," I admitted.

"And now it's time, time to patch yourself up. I think you two will always be connected, no matter how far apart you are or how long you go without speaking. Neither of you will be happy unless both of you are happy." She gave another nod before returning to her pancake batter.

"Tess mentioned that you have been keeping tabs on me," I acknowledged, trying to change the subject.

"Of course, I keep an eye on all my kids, near and far."

"Thank you." I felt the tears building. "It means a lot that you would still consider me one of your kids."

Mary slightly paused in her mixing at my words. Her shoulders raised with a sigh. "Did you tell Tess and Tim?"

"No, it seems you didn't either. Does Billy know?"

"No." Mary turned to me. "He stayed in touch with your father. He needs to know. Billy considered him a very close friend."

"I didn't know they stayed in touch." I would have expected anger or annoyance at the revelation, but it just felt like another wound I had inflicted on Billy.

"You got your propriety from your father." Mary warmly smiled, but she could see the past tense register on my face.

"When were you planning on telling him?" I asked, as I swirled my tea.

"I wasn't planning on telling him. I imagined you'd tell him." There was no hesitation in her statement.

"Me? He's not even talking to me, and until yesterday, I had seen none of you in ten years," I stammered.

Mary flipped the pancakes from the pan and slid the plate in front of me. "Lil, I love you, but the clock began to tick down to your return the moment your dad passed. Billy needs to know, and you need to tell him."

"He won't talk to me," I argued.

"He will; give him time."

I was angry and annoyed at her smugness, but I pushed it down with pancakes. As I worked my way through the plate, I solved the riddle that had brought me back to Duluth.

"You sent the records," I said out loud.

Mary looked up at me.

"All those years, it was you. I should've known it; who else would send Rubber Ball?"

"The door home is always open; I just wanted to make sure you knew the light was on for you."

It would've been sweet if not for the panic that was flowing through me. I pulled my phone from my pocket to see the missed calls and texts. All I needed to see was the last message from Tim, "he left." The time stamp was twenty minutes prior. I had no time, precisely no time.

"Ma," burst from the door as it opened, "did you send records to Lily?"

I looked up at Mary with panicked eyes. I wanted to run, but my legs filled with lead at the sound of Billy's voice.

"Ma," he called again as he rounded the corner into the kitchen, "why wouldn't you..." but his words dropped off when they landed on me. "What are you doing here?" The words slithered out like snakes attacking.

"Billy, she's my guest."

"She's not a guest," he protested.

"Don't be rude," Mary demanded.

"Don't be rude? Don't be rude? Mom..."

"I'll go," I said as I pulled myself up. My limbs still felt heavy under the circumstances.

"Nonsense, you're staying with me," Mary evenly said, as though she were discussing the weather.

"She's what?" Billy's voice was raw with rage. I had rarely heard him speak this way and never in front of his mother.

"She is staying with me. I invited her as my guest. We have a lot to catch up on." Mary's voice was unyielding.

"You have a lot to catch up on because she ran out on us ten years ago, never to be heard from again," Billy was matching her stubborn tone.

"Maybe we should...." I interjected. I wanted to diffuse their stalemate, but didn't know how.

"We?" An insane laugh trickled from Billy. "There's no we here for you, and you're sure as hell not going to tell me what I should do. We had a fucking agreement." Billy bristled with anger. His body rose from its regular slouch to present his full stature. "We agreed that if you left, I'd choose when you got to come back. Well, guess what, Lily, not today; not fucking today."

"Billy, you stop right now. She's a guest in this house, and this house is mine. I get to decide who comes and when. If you don't like that, you're the one that should leave." Despite being over a foot shorter than him, Mary's presence felt dwarfing.

"I bought this house," Billy spat.

"Without asking me," she reminded him.

Billy's mind spun on his mom's barb. "Fine." he swiveled on his heel and charged towards the door.

"No, Billy, stop." My legs moved again as I raced after him.

I caught him just before he got to the front door. There was no hope of stopping him if he was intent on leaving. I did all that I could; I tagged a hand to his back. It was up to him if he paused.

"I get to decide, Lil," his words were a sharp whisper, but he said Lil. "That's what we agreed. You leave, I decide."

"I'm sorry. I thought you had...."

"The damn albums," he finished.

"It was your mom. I should've known. Tim figured it out, but didn't know it. Last night he was looking them over and pointed out that Rubber Ball didn't fit."

"None of them fit, Lil. I've spent ten years trying to forget you, not sending you secret codes in records." He recoiled at his own words. "I just can't deal with this right now."

His words struck me with a wince that was not lost on Billy.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, but it only seemed to anger him more.

He swiftly turned for the door, but I couldn't let him go, not like this.

I cut in front of him as his eyes burned into me.

"I'm sorry, Billy." I didn't speak louder than a hush.

"It's too late, Lily. It's too late for fucking apologies."

"I'm not apologizing for leaving and I'm not apologizing for coming back," I explained.

"Then what the fuck are you apologizing for?" Annoyance was mixing with his rage. How dare I not be sorry for leaving?

"Billy, I'm sorry you're hurt. I'm sorry I broke you. I thought..."

"What did you think, Lily? I was pretty fucking clear with my intentions, so what did you think?"

"I thought you would be better without me," I admitted.

"Fuck you, Lily. Fuck you for deciding for me. Now get out of my way," he growled.

I stepped aside, knowing it was a lost cause.

It was then the rage quelled just slightly as he looked me up and down before adding, "you're too fucking thin; let her feed you." And then he was gone.

I had seen Billy; I had spoken to Billy. Billy Collins had spent ten years trying to forget me. He had done just as I had asked, so why did it make me feel entirely gutted?