Mild panic built in me as I drove to Billy's place. I hardly noticed the feel of the new car. My mind was too preoccupied with Billy, Jackson, and Viv. As I pulled to a stop, my eyes flickered to the darkened studio above the barn. It quelled a bit of my anxiety. If something had been wrong, that's where Billy would be. I approached the door awkwardly, unsure if I should knock or just go in. I settled on knocking.

"Hey," Jackson's greeting came on the wave of a breath.

"Hey, how was dinner?"

He just shrugged back at me. It felt like a decent answer for an uneventful dinner.

"Dad's up in his room," Jackson added.

"Okay, what are you up to?"

He held up a beat-up copy of The History of Salt.

"I love that book. I remember reading it when I was in college. It's fascinating how something we use daily can have such a tremendous impact on the world."

"Yeah, it's cool."

"Are you reading it for school?"

"No, it's one of my favorites as well."

"You know what? Another one I like is, The Elements of Style."

"Isn't that a grammar book?" Jackson suspiciously eyed me as I pulled off my boots.

"Yeah, but it's well written, and, honestly, when life is a bit coo-coo, it grounds me. It's soothing, I guess."

Jackson nodded to me.

"I know, I'm a weirdo. My favorite books range from salt to grammar to children's mystery to gothic."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm, this one," I poked the spine of his book as I spoke, "Elements of Style, The Westing Game, and Weiland."

"I don't think I've read the last two." His words came absently as he tried to recall either title.

"I have copies of both. I can pick them up for you when I'm in Maine next week.

"I'd like that," he agreed.

"But," as I added a condition, Jackson's eyes met mine again. "That means you have to compile your top four books for me to read."

"You want to know my favorites?"

"Yeah, of course. I love hearing other people's favorites."

"Okay, I'll get them together for you."

"Thanks, Jackson. I'm excited." I tousled his hair before heading upstairs to Billy's room.

Billy's bedroom door was ajar and pushed silently open with little prodding. He sat in a chair, gazing at the roaring fire, deep in thought. A lowball of Scotch dangled from his thick fingers.

"Hey," I whispered, hoping not to startle him.

His eyes met mine, and a pleasant smile settled on his face with a whispered "hey" of his own.

"Pensively looking at a fire while drinking scotch; should I be worried?"

"Looks can be deceiving." As he spoke, he swung his hand around to the bottom of his glass, so it perched on his fingertips as an offering to me.

I plucked it up when I reached him, and as I drew the glass to my lips, the smell let me know it wasn't scotch. I took a tentative sip. "Cream soda?"

"Mmhmm, gotta love the cream soda; only Faygo, though. And a small glass; some of us have a pasta pouch to kick."

"I love you." I smiled as I took a small sip and handed the glass to him. "But Captain Eli's is the best, and I love the pasta pouch."

"I'll give your precious Captain Eli's their root beer, but Faygo cream soda is the best." As Billy spoke, he gently tugged on my hips, pulling me down to his lap. "How was your dinner?" He asked as he nuzzled into my neck.

"Delicious; the Denning family was all there." A giggle disrupted my words from the tickling of his hair. "How was your dinner?"

"It was good." He continued to pepper my neck with kisses.

"Is that all I get?"

"Sarah and I had a good talk. I don't think we're good yet, but we're moving in the right direction."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I feel a bit relieved to have something closer to communication. We plan to have a monthly family dinner, just the four of us."

"I think that's a great idea."

"Mmhmm, I figured you would."

My arms snaked around his neck. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." He finally pulled away from my neck so I could see his smile.

I let my hands cup his face as his dark brown eyes gazed at me. "I love you."

"I'll never stop loving you saying that to me." He pulled me close to his chest and rested his chin on my head. "How are you doing, Lil?

"I'm good," I murmured, letting my hand flow over his chest. "I had good talks with Tim and Tess today."

"Yeah?" Billy sat back in the chair so he could easily keep eye contact.

"Mmhmm. I burned a couple of bridges around here," I admitted.

"Well, if anyone can build them back, you can. Are you getting worried or excited about heading back to Maine?"

"Yes," I chuckled.

"Tell me about your dad. What have you been thinking about lately?"

I sighed. "I wish I could talk to him about us."

"Yeah, what would you want to ask him?"

"I don't know if I want to ask him anything; I just wish he knew we found each other again. He would've liked that."

"I like to think that he knew we'd find our way back to each other. I always knew we would."

"Always?" I teased.

"When I was of sound mind, yes."

"I wish I could talk to him about your music. He must have loved it so much," I added.

"I like to think he did. When he didn't, he certainly didn't hesitate to tell me."

"Really?" I pulled away to meet Billy's eyes.

"I told you he hated the end of the last album?"

"Yeah." I let my head fall back to his chest. "What did Viv and Jackson think?"

Billy sighed. "You know, they are pretty pragmatic critics. They tend to focus more on the music than the lyrics."

"Or at least that's what they tell you," I challenged.

"Mmhmm, I've wondered if they have more thoughts on the lyrics than they share."

"How a person interacts with a song is very personal. They may still need to learn how to voice their thoughts on the lyrics, especially since the author is you. Do you think you would've had anything to say to Bob Dylan at thirteen or fourteen?"

"Honey, I have nothing to say to Bob Dylan at forty-five."

We both laughed in unison.

"Billy..."

"Mmhmm." He tucked a tendril of hair behind my ear as he waited intently for me to continue.

"I miss you."

"I'm right here." His brows furrowed as he inspected me.

"No, I miss you," I tried to accent the word you.

A crooked smile crossed his face as he realized what I was saying. "I thought we'd wait until we were married."

"I'm sorry, what?" My stomach dropped at the idea.

"It could be cool, right?"

"Um, I can think of a few things that wouldn't be cool about that." I tried to remain as calm as I couldn't tell if he was serious or joking. "Do you really want to wait?"

"I don't know. This time, I want to do everything right. I want nothing to get in the way."

"And you think sex will get in the way?"

"Well." His eyes stared straight into mine. "From what I recall, we didn't have any problems in that area."

"It was so good you named it," I reminded him.

"As I said, no problems. But it was very satisfying and could sometimes overshadow other less enjoyable areas. If we rush that, we'll spackle over the cracks with it, and then the foundation will break down again.

I sighed at his concerns. "I'm fine with waiting until you're ready, but I don't think we need to put a condition like marriage on it."

"Why? Are you having second thoughts about marrying me?"

"I'd need to have first thoughts to have second thoughts. You haven't asked me. For the record , only one of us has proposed in our twenty years. And you said no." I meant it as a tease, but it came out harder than I had expected.

Billy gazed at me for a long moment before he rose with me in his arms. He set me on the edge of his bed and moved to his dresser. "You're right; I haven't asked you to marry me. I think I've clarified my intentions, but I haven't asked." He returned to me but didn't sit on the bed. Instead, he sunk to the floor in front of me. "But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it." He held up an empty necklace chain before me. "Go on, take it."

I pinched either side of the chain in my hands.

"You know that you've captivated me since the moment I saw you from the stage that first night. When we met, I wasn't...."

"Billy, choose your words very carefully here," I cautioned.

"That first night, I didn't feel worthy of you. So, I left and tried very hard to push you out of my mind. But, as you know, I failed. Remember the next time I saw you?"

"Yeah, you showed up out of nowhere," I teased.

"I had been in town for over a week. I convinced myself that if I could be in Portland and not see you, I would've finally kicked the pull to you."

"How did that work out?"

"You know how it worked out; I ended up at your door."

"I loved your visit. I think that's when I knew you'd always be a part of me."

"You made it easy, too easy. You just let me show up and welcomed me with no hard feelings. It threw me."

"I already loved you," I admitted, letting my finger comb through his hair. "I don't think I even knew how much, but I did."

"When I left that time, I was determined to become the man you deserved. I knew there were things I couldn't change, mostly my career. But everything else I did for the next couple of years had you at the core. I also got this." He pulled out a tiny ring. "I didn't have a lot then, but I knew I wanted you to be my girl. Even back then, I was all in." As he spoke, he slid the ring onto the chain. "I was going to propose that Thanksgiving, but..." His eyes dipped from mine.

"I broke up with you." My tears pooled.

"You weren't ready. Marriage isn't a party of one. I didn't hold it against you. Well," he pursed his lips, "I tried not to hold it against you."

I lifted a hand to his hair again and brushed it from his face to see his eyes.

"And then life. Sam and Sarah showed up. You know, for a little while, we were friends. I tried to believe that. It felt right for a while. You were happy with Sam, and I was happy with Sarah. It was honest and... I don't know. It felt like our childhood."

"What happened to that?"

"The thing I always got about you was you wanted privacy. I get that; I want that. And for years, Sarah helped me be... I don't know... better at my job. But for me, it was a job; it wasn't my life. Sarah lives fame as a lifestyle. It's like breathing to her. Once the kids were around, I couldn't give them to strangers like that. I don't think it's fair for my career choice to take your privacy away, and I don't think it's fair to Viv and Jackson either. Sarah and I are different in that way. She doesn't see it as a negative; she sees it as a benefit. That just drove us apart and, in that gap, ..."

"Me..."

"Mmhmm, every delta in my life is easily filled by you. You just fit, Lil. But I didn't know Sarah and I were over until the accident." He shifted a bit as he recalled the discomfort of his car accident. "You were the first one there. I didn't even need to call; no one needed to call; you just came. And I felt better."

"That was probably the drugs," I teased.

He let out a laugh. "No, the ribs and concussion still hurt like a son of a bitch, but you being near me made me feel better than I had felt in months. I needed you near me; that was the second time I realized I needed you."

"I needed to be near you. I kept expecting to lose it, just tears, snot, and panic, but it didn't come. Well, not until you were okay, and I knew you could put me back together again. You've always been the one to put me back together."

"We're good like that, aren't we?" He smirked.

"Even then, you were too focused on me for your own good. You kept trying to convince me to share your tiny hospital bed with you despite broken ribs!"

"Remember what I said when I finally convinced you to slide in next to me?"

I shook my head as I tried to remember.

"You always fit," he distantly recalled. "I knew at that moment my marriage was over. I didn't want to admit it, but I knew. Everyone knew."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, Lil." Billy's hand raised to my face, cupping my chin. "I'll never be sorry for how much I love you and never want you to be either." He let out a sigh and continued. "It took some time for Sarah and me to call it finally, but we were done. And, like you always do, you came to me. Those months you spent here were the happiest I had ever been in my entire life. I had it all: the career, the kids, the girl. I was beside myself with excitement." He pulled out another ring from his pocket. This one was much more elaborate than the first. "I was selfish," he murmured as he gazed down at the ring. "I didn't see you. I was just too damn happy for myself to see you struggling."

"Billy, it wasn't that," I tried to soothe.

"Yes, it was, Lil. Overnight I thrust you into the role of wife, mother, and rockstar partner, even though I knew you didn't want any of it. I just focused on what I wanted. I wasn't listening to you. I wasn't even asking you. I just made all these plans and assumptions." He plucked the end of the necklace from my fingers and strung the second ring on it. "I've always loved you, Lil. There have been moments I've deserved you and moments I didn't, but I always loved you."

"I know, Billy."

"I'm going to ask you to marry me. It won't be years; it probably won't be months; hell, it may not even be weeks. And I know I've told you this already, but I'm going to ask you."

"And I'll say yes. If you weren't listening to me those other times, listen to me now; I will say yes. I don't feel lost, and I'm not scared to stand beside you. I love you, Billy Collins."

"Even though I'm not a mechanic." He gave a sheepish smile.

"Even though you aren't a mechanic," I nodded.

"Come on, let me put this on you." He stood as he spoke and held out a hand to me. I took it and felt the rush of air pass by me as he pulled to his side. His fingertips brushed along my skin as he clasped the necklace around my neck.

"How does it look?" I asked, as I turned to face him.

"You look beautiful," he murmured.

"That was a very long-winded way to get out of sleeping with me," I teased.

"You know, I'm just a sweaty transient that makes melodic noises for a length of time, trying to do his best," he teased.

"That's the man I love." I smiled as I sunk into him with a sigh.

"What are you thinking?" He asked as he brushed the hair from my face. "Right now, what are you thinking?"

"Honestly, I'm a little sad."

"Sad?" He didn't mask the shock on his face.

"It's the end of all that. I know a lot of it was terrible, but it feels like the end of our childhood. I'm excited about the next page, but it's..."

"It's the end of our beginning." He kissed my temple as he spoke. "But now we have a new beginning."

"A new beginning," I agreed.