I gazed at a picture centered above the Denning fireplace of my once family gathered in front of Billy's barn. A giant wreath hung above the rolling barn door; it must have been from last Christmas. Billy had his arms around Viv and Mary. Everyone looked happy; Billy looked happy. Suddenly my choice of loneliness crumbled, and I hoped one day I'd have a picture where I looked happy.

Calling someone had an intention, but I still hoped Mary wouldn't answer.

"Hello, Lily," Mary spoke in the same chipper tone as though we had talked the day before.

"How did you know it was me?"

"I don't know many people with Maine numbers," there was a jest to her tone. "How are you?"

"Well, and you?"

"Better now that I have you on the line. It's been ages."

"I'm sorry, I just...."

"No, no excuses. I know all the reasons why not. I'm just happy now." There was still a joyful tone.

"So, I'm in Duluth. I'm at Tess's and Tim's place."

"What?" Excitement bubbled from the phone, striking me so hard that I almost dropped my phone.

"I'll start shortbread right now. How long are you in town? When can you come for dinner? Sunday, Sunday would be best for me. Yes, Sunday lunch works perfectly."

"Mary," I tried to stop her stream of babble.

"Oh, I can make my meatballs. What else did you like? My stuffed bread; I'll make that too. I bet you're too thin. I can hear it in your voice," she continued.

"How can you hear it in my voice? You haven't even heard it!" I finally cut in.

"I guess I got a little ahead of myself," she impishly giggled. "But Sunday, you'll come Sunday, right?"

"I don't know. I wasn't planning on staying that long."

"Nonsense. You can work from here. You have before. Are you staying with Tim?"

"No, I have a hotel downtown."

"Hotel? With all these big houses Billy keeps handing out? Stay with me. Come tonight; I'll make up a room and a lasagna!"

"Mary, it's fine, really."

"Oh shush, you know I love having guests in the house; it keeps me from talking to myself."

I let out a sigh. I always had the most challenging time saying no to Mary. "Okay, but tomorrow. I'm having dinner with Tess and Tim tonight, so it'll be late. I'll come tomorrow."

"Fantastic. I should go so I can start cooking! I bet you haven't eaten a proper meal in ten years!"

"Mary," I cut in, and she finally stopped her jabbering. I said the only thing due at the moment, "thank you."

I was relieved that the ten years had been kind to Mary. She seemed to have the same pep as though I had just seen her yesterday. I looked over the pictures again, this time focusing on her. She looked as though time had stopped for her. My stomach rumbled from deep down, agreeing with Mary that I had not had a proper meal in ten years.

The pictures in the living room entranced me. Once I surveyed the mantle photos again, I picked up one from an end table that looked like they took it at a baseball game. The vivid colors of summer made my eyes squint. Everyone wore matching uniforms with the studio logo on them.

"Company ball game," Tim's voice was close to me. "We play against the staff of the local music venues every summer for charity."

"You boys always liked baseball." I didn't take my eyes off the picture.

"Can't say that anymore; Viv's been our MVP for two years straight."

I felt a smile spread across my face. "Viv is the ballplayer." I spoke to myself as I set the picture down.

"How are you, Lil?" The afternoon had softened Tim or, at the very least, prepared him.

"Good, how are you?" I asked, cutting off the 'Timmy' I had wanted to throw in with an awkward halt.

"It's Timmy, Lil; call me Timmy."

"How are you, Timmy?" I felt the tears prick my eyes.

"I'm good, Lilipop." He pulled me in for a hug, a real full-body Timmy hug. As he encased me in his frame, I realized I hadn't had a proper hug in ten years either. Men in the Northeast don't hug like a Midwest men. A Midwestern hug is heavy and lingers. I missed them.

"Tess said you called Mary," he added as he pulled away.

"Yeah, we have dinner plans."

"She will not be happy with this," he teased as he poked my stomach. "Did you lose weight?"

"I'm down a few. It's been a hectic couple of weeks," I acknowledged.

Tim suspiciously eyed me but didn't prod.

"How was Billy after I left?" If words could wince, my words winced.

"Oh, he was fine. He spent a little time laying down some drum tracks. You're nothing if not good for business."

"Did you ask him about the records?"

"No, but I stared at them all afternoon. Are you sure there from Billy?"

"They must be. I know they aren't from my dad, and Billy is the only one that knows me well enough to send them."

"What was the first one?" Tim pulled the vinyl carrying case from the floor and flicked it open.

"Rubber Soul," I answered.

"Hmm," Tim sunk to the floor and fanned the albums out across the floor. He looked like the boy I knew years ago that intently focused on loading an old jukebox.

"Do you remember the full order?" His tone was absent as he puzzled over the titles.

"This year was I'm Your Puppet," I slumped down next to him.

"A single, what about before that?"

"Exile on Main St., you want me just to tell you the full order?"

"Yep," Tim's mind was whirring over the puzzle before him.

"Ok, so it's I'm Your Puppet, Exile on Main St., Stand By Me, Rubber Ball, I Put a Spell on You, Monster Mash, Freewheelin', Must Be Santa, and Rubber Soul." I laid them in order as I spoke.

"So, it's not a bad collection."

"Yep." It was an obvious pattern.

"But didn't you have most of these?"

"Yeah, that's not the point. It's like a greeting card. They're all saying something."

"Of course, but this doesn't feel like Billy. Are you sure it's not your dad? Did you ask him?"

"No," my voice creaked, "but I know it's not him."

Tim's eyes flickered to mine but didn't press. "Rubber Ball, man; it just doesn't fit with the rest of them. But..."

"It was in the jukebox, in the section for Viv and Jackson," I pointed out.

"Yeah, it was a favorite of Viv's for years. She used to twirl around singing bouncy bouncy like a maniac. It was adorable." Tim continued to gaze at the single as he recalled the memory.

"Dad?" The slam of the front door followed James' voice. "What are you doing on the floor?"

"Nothing," Tim started to pick up the albums, carefully keeping them in order. "Do you remember Lily?" He asked.

"Lily? Like, the Lily..." James' eyes grew wide.

"Just Lily," Tim corrected with a stern tone.

"No, not really," James straightened at his father's tonal correction.

"Hi, James; it's been a long time," I stood and held a hand to him.

"Yeah, sorry, I don't remember you too well." He had his mother's sympathetic eyes.

"Of course, you don't. I barely remember ten years ago, and I was an adult," I smiled, trying to comfort the concern in his eyes.

"You were an adult?" Tim teased, breaking some of the tension.

"I was of an adult age," I corrected.

"I thought I heard James," Tess said from the doorway. "Dinner is ready."

Awkwardness scattered the conversation at first as everyone spent an excessive amount of time staring at their plates. Even with Tess and Tim, the most skilled awkwardness diffusers, there were still starts and stops. Their lives were so intertwined with Billy that nearly all roads led back to him. Even James struggled with topics that didn't end with Uncle Billy.

"Okay, let's just get over it," I finally announced. "Billy is a person you all see every day. He's a person who can't even look at me. But I don't burst into flames at the mention of his name, so go about your normal conversations."

"Are you sure?" Tim asked. "Maybe it takes saying it three times like Beetlejuice. We should try," he laughed to himself.

"Billy Collins, Billy Collins, Billy Collins," I shot at him.

"Wait for it," Tim sat back in his chair. After a few seconds, he added, "well, I'll be."

"Thanks, Timmy." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Well, now that we got that out of the way." Tess let out a breath she had been holding all afternoon.

"Okay, so tell me all the shenanigans. I miss the mischief the most." I smiled.

"Mischief, Uncle Billy is so serious!" James laughed.

"What? Billy Collins is serious! Timmy, have you dropped the ball?" I prodded.

"Hey, don't blame me!" Tim threw his hands up.

"I have some stories about your uncle I could share, and I'm sure your father has loads more."

"I need stories." James' eyes lit up with excitement.

"Timmy?" I looked at him.

Tim let out a sigh and sat back in his chair. "Well, James, once upon a time, your uncle and I were young and, dare I say, cool."

"Well, they were definitely young, but the jury's still out on cool," I added.

"Oh, right, the peanut gallery is in town. Are you telling this story, or am I?"

"Depends on what story?" I winked.

"Chinese restaurant dumpster," Tim laughed.

"Oh no! Not the Chinese restaurant dumpster that makes us look terrible and Billy look sweet," I argued.

"Guys, I hate to burst your bubble, but most of the stories with the three of you have you two looking like assholes and Billy looking sweet," Tess added.

"Is it our fault that he made it so easy? Love blinded the man, and he just fell right into everything," Tim countered.

"Okay, what is going on?" James' eyes were still gleaming with excitement.

Tim realized he had gone too far when he mentioned Billy's blind love. "Maybe when you're older," he settled.

"What? No, you can't dangle something like a Chinese dumpster and then not tell me." James protested. "I know Uncle Billy and Lily dated. You all speak in lower voices when you talk about her, so, of course, I listen harder. Besides, Nonna talks about her all the time."

"She does?" All three of us said at once, causing James to rescind back into his chair.

"Yeah, Viv found a few pictures of her and asked one time. She just said you guys were all really good friends and that Billy and Lily fell in love, but it didn't work out. She's mentioned her a few other times since." James then turned his attention to me. "I think you might be stubborn based on some comments, but Nonna seems to like that in people. She always talks about how successful you are. IT is cool," he added with a shrug.

Tim nearly fell out of his chair with laughter at the stubborn label, but still, it was a kind description of our relationship. I wouldn't have expected any less from Mary, but my mind spun on Viv finding pictures of me.

"That about sums it up," I nodded once Tim had calmed himself. "Chinese restaurant dumpster," I began. "So, I had this ring that your uncle gave me. It really wasn't anything valuable; I think he got it from a Cracker Jack box, but I loved it. This was back when Billy was just around playing wherever would pay him. One summer, Timmy and I tagged along. We rented an RV for a while, and I spent way too much time in too small a space with your dad and uncle. Anyway, I had taken my ring off and left it by the sink. When I went to get it, it was gone. I went straight to panic."

Tim let out a snort. "Panic is not what I'd say. I wasn't there for this part, but based on what I knew of Lily, there were tears and despair like you have never known."

My mind dove into Tim's words. Had that been what he had seen? A girl free with her emotions? Had I been open with my feelings? If so, when did they freeze? Was it the first time Billy left after that summer? Did I put up a wall to protect myself from the loneliness of the long-distance calls? Did I shore myself off after we broke up and I had to digest Billy's new relationships via headlines while working a shitty job at a supermarket? When did I turn off my feelings?

"So, the ring was missing and believed to be in the trash that I, the responsible adult, had taken out," Tim continued.

"Woah, woah, woah; I'm all for artistic interpretation, but to say that you were the adult in the RV is so far from the truth. If it weren't for me, you two would never have had vegetables or toilet paper. You'd be eating candy and using socks like feral children."

"Ew," Tess and James both said at once.

"There was one sock incident in an emergency, and we agreed never to discuss it again," Tim shot.

"Anyway," I continued. "So, Tim had taken out the trash, and the closest dumpster belonged to a Chinese restaurant."

"Oh, no, he didn't," Tess was leaning in as she listened to the story.

"Of course he did; he's Billy. He didn't even hesitate. He just hopped in and started looking for our bag of trash. He had been in there digging around for probably five minutes when this one showed. Billy was just swimming around in the trash while Tim just stood next to me."

"I was surveying the situation. So, Lil tells me her ring is missing, but the thing is that it wasn't missing. When I was taking the trash out, I saw it on the edge of the sink, and I didn't want it to fall in, so I put it in my pocket."

"Oh, no," James and Tess said together.

"So, I told Lil, and we both figured he was already in there and dirty; what are a few more minutes?"

"How long?" Tess' tone was angry.

"All in, he was probably in there half an hour," I sheepishly admitted.

"You two are the worst humans ever," Tess shot at us.

"Look, he was already dirty; what were a few more minutes?" Tim protested.

"Well, it was all fun and games until he saw us laughing. He wouldn't shower for five hours. That's five hours in a tiny RV smelling rotted Chinese food."

"Oh, and you know how stubborn Billy can be," Tim added.

"How did you get him to shower?" James innocently asked.

"Yeah, Lilipop, how did you get him to shower?" Tim teased, pulling a warm blush to my face.

"Well, I think it's time for dessert," Tess said as she tried to change the topic.

"Funny, I think that is exactly what got him to change." Tim winked at me.

"You suck, Timmy," I pouted.