My mind wandered as the whirring of the air popper and the smell of popcorn halted my conversation with Mary. I had never thought of myself as good for Billy. I knew Billy was good for me: kind, patient, and compassionate. He always seemed much more together. His course was set in life, driven by his passion. It took me years to find a career that interested me and even longer to get to a role that felt fulfilling. There were many times I questioned if my career was fulfilling. In a way, my loneliness curdled the success. I uncomfortably shifted as I suddenly felt the distance between Billy and me.

"Hey, bring this into the boys," Mary said as she pushed the first bowl of popcorn across the island.

"I'm hoping to get them out without breaking them, but we have a few extras in the basement. You want to help?" Billy said as I neared. I lingered in the doorway for a moment not to disturb them.

"Yeah, sure," Jackson murmured.

"Really?" There was a bit of surprise in Billy's voice that I could see settle on Jackson's face, but there was also the undertone of excitement.

"Yeah, if you want." Jackson's voice was still low, and he didn't raise his eyes to Billy as he spoke.

"I'd love the help."

"Hey, you two, what's going on?" I handed Billy the bowl and flopped down next to him.

"Just making our plan of attack on the first-floor bathroom for tomorrow." Billy slid an arm around my shoulders, and instinctively I leaned into him as he kissed my temple. Our eyes lifted simultaneously to see Jackson's gaze trained on us. We stiffened and moved apart.

"You don't have to do that." Jackson had a bit-back smile that was frighteningly close to Billy's.

"Jackson..." Billy began with no clear destination.

"Dad, you guys have been pretty obvious since Lily got back into town. I'm thirteen, not an idiot. It's cool."

"Do you have questions?" Billy asked as he let a hand grasp mine.

"No, not really," Jackson mumbled.

"Not really, or no?" Billy prodded.

"I don't know; I guess I was just curious about what happened?"

"We have a connection that we're re-exploring," Billy diplomatically answered.

"No, I mean, what changed? I know you guys have a history. What happened now? Did you call her?"

"No, I didn't call her." Billy's eyes dipped to the cards scattered across the table.

Jackson's eyes fell on me as I pondered the moment. "You know, when I came here, I didn't think it was for Billy. And when I saw him for the first time, I didn't think it was about him. But when I really felt like my trip was purposeful, it was because of your dad." Billy's hand constricted tighter around mine at the sentiment.

"Why did you think you came here?" A curiosity on Jackson's face pulled me back to the incessant question of Billy when we first met.

"Jackson, it's complicated," Billy protectively interjected.

"No, it's not really," I corrected. "It's fine, and these are good questions." I nodded to Jackson with a smile. "I first came because I was angry. I thought I was angry about some silly albums I had been receiving yearly for a decade."

"Why would you get mad about gifts?"

"Well, that gets a bit into your dad's story to tell, and I wouldn't want to divulge anything he's uncomfortable discussing, but we didn't part on the best of terms."

"Yeah, I know. My mom always says you ruined everything you touched and then ran away from the mess." There was a goofy smile on Jackson's face.

"Jackson," Billy chided.

"Billy," I scolded. "It's not exactly untrue."

"It's not the full story, though," Billy corrected.

"But that story is much longer and for another day. This is my story, and I thought your dad had sent them, which upset me given our past."

"But why did you just now get mad if you thought he had been sending them for years?" Jackson continued.

"Well, I had thought it was my dad, but he passed just before Thanksgiving, so when one arrived this year, I knew it wasn't him."

"Oh, right. I'm sorry." Jackson's eyes dipped.

"Thank you." I smiled as I watched Jackson continue to gaze at his hands. Billy squeezed my hand as though he were trying to draw my attention, but I knew the look on Jackson's face. I had seen it many times on Billy; Jackson had many more questions. "You have more questions," I prodded.

"Who sent them?"

"Oh, that was me," Mary sang as she entered the room.

"You?" Jackson said in surprise.

"Me." Mary nodded to him as she handed him a bowl of popcorn.

"And now you don't think the records were why you came back?" Jackson returned his attention to me.

"No, they weren't. When I realized that wasn't really why I needed to be here, I thought it was because I came here to heal after my father, and in many ways, it was and is, but I didn't begin to heal until..." I lifted my eyes to Billy, who was looking at me with the same expression of curiosity as Jackson. "Until I remembered what it was like to have Mary, Timmy, Tess... your father as a support system. You're lucky to have them."

Jackson nodded to himself before he continued. "And you were just like, welcome home?" Jackson directed to his dad.

"No." Billy's tone was low.

"But I mean, it's only been two weeks, and you're like all...." Jackson waved a hand between us.

"I'm touched," I teased.

"Well, what are you?" Jackson countered.

I looked at Billy, and he looked back at me. "I guess we're boyfriend and girlfriend," I suggested.

"Ew, but you're old and...." Jackson looked at his dad... "and your..."

"I'm a damn rock star!" Billy protested again.

"Oh, honey, there are no bright lights here; you're just a cheesy dad." I leaned into him as I spoke.

"That's what Viv and I try to explain to him!" Jackson laughed.

"You know, many people find me very cool," Billy argued as he slumped deeper into the couch.

"Really? Name three?" I offered.

"Name three? Whose side are you on? He just called you old too, Lil."

"I just meant you, Dad. Lily seems cooler and a lot younger than you. Not like Jenny young, but younger."

"Thanks," I smiled at Jackson. "Who's Jenny?"

Billy shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, she's my ex."

"His much younger ex," Jackson quickly offered.

"Oh really? A much younger ex?" I shot with a teasing eyebrow cock.

"I think we are getting off-topic here." Billy held his hands up in defense.

"You're right." I smiled and squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Jackson, do you have any other questions?"

"No, not really," but he hesitated. "When are you going to tell Viv?"

"Any chance you want to tell her?" Billy asked.

"Nope," Jackson quickly shot.

"How bad do you think it's going to be?" Billy leaned in now, genuinely interested in Jackson's thoughts.

"Well, it's Viv, so... dramatic. Good luck," Jackson offered.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"What are you laughing at? This is your problem too," Billy shot at me.

"Is it? She's your daughter. I covered the Jackson conversation. You take this one. Chess match conversation?"

Billy sat back on the couch, pondering the idea. "Hey, mom..."

"Nope," Mary immediately said.

"Damn," he said to himself.

"Jackson, you good? You can ask your dad or me any questions at any time," I added.

"Okay, where do babies come from?" His eyes bored into me.

"What? Oh, babies. Right, so..." I looked at Billy, who had a broad smile on his face.

"He's fucking with you," Billy added.

"What?" I demanded at Jackson. "I thought we had a good thing going!"

"Sorry," Jackson laughed. "I couldn't resist. What other questions would I have? Honestly, I don't want to think of my dad's relationships at all," he clarified.

"Fair," I agreed.

"Why am I the lamest person everyone has ever met? When did this happen?" Billy lamented.

"Well, for me, it was one night outside of a dive club...." I began with a chuckle.

"Birth for me," Jackson added.

"Okay, well, let's get back to the cards," Billy directed.

I leaned into Billy's side and whispered, "I love that you are lame."

He smiled a smile that pricked his cheeks with his dimples and added, "then I'm happy to be lame," before kissing my forehead gently.

The rest of the evening went by in relaxed conversation and joking before Billy tossed his cards down and announced that it was time to head out and pick up Viv.

"Can I grab you for a sec?" He asked after he pulled himself from the couch. As he spoke, he offered a hand to me. I grasped it and let him pull me up to his side. He didn't drop my hand once I was stable by his side; he cradled it as we made our way to my office. "Come over tonight," his words came as an urgent plea.

"Billy, the kids are home. I can't...."

"I'll text you when they go to bed. You can park in the garage." He pulled me close to his chest so I could feel his warm breath flow over me.

"And when they wake up with me there?"

"First, I'm always the first up so I can wake you up, and we'll say you came over for breakfast. Besides, Jackson already knows, and I'll tell Viv tomorrow."

"I thought we were going to ease them into this?"

"Yeah, we're idiots. I was talking to my mom, and she is pretty sure Viv already knows. She's pretty sure Viv knew before I did," he admitted.

"I don't know. It feels deceitful." I let my forehead fall to his chest as I warred between what I desperately wanted and what was right.

"I know. It's not my favorite answer, but I want you there. I've spent too many nights without you. I'm done racking up that score."

I sighed. "I don't know. If Viv feels we were keeping her in the dark, it'll worsen everything."

"I'll tell her tonight," he offered.

"You can't do that! This was her first date. You can't ruin that!"

"Ruin it? How would we ruin her night?"

"Billy, I love you, and you love me. Jackson seems fine with it, but the father/daughter relationship is different. Viv will probably see me as a threat to her time with you and will not be happy about us. Not to mention that she seems to know all the ugly from our past. You cannot ruin her big night, so you don't have to sleep alone. A girl only gets one first date in her life."

"It's not so that I'm not alone." His tone was dejected as his arms dropped from me.

"Hey." I grabbed his arms to prevent him from moving away from me. "Talk to me."

"It's nothing."

"Whenever you say it's nothing, it means it's something. What?" I prodded.

"I hate sleeping alone. Ever since I saw you, the cold creeps in when you aren't with me. I don't like it."

"The cold?" I tried to keep my voice smooth, but his admission unsettled me.

"Yeah, it's just lonely when you're away." His eyes lifted to mine.

"Is it just loneliness? It doesn't sound like loneliness to me."

"I get nervous that you'll leave again..." His eyes dipped away from me. "When you're away from me, the worries get louder."

"Billy!"

"Don't Billy me, Lil. This is how it always happens: you show up, we're great, things look like they'll finally work, and then gut punch."

"I'm not going anywhere, but if you need me, I'll come over tonight."

"You will?" His eyes flickered to mine.

"Of course. I'm here, I'm in, and I'm fighting for you."

"I'll text you when they head to bed." He pulled away and headed for the door. When his hand hit the doorknob, he paused and added, "I'm sorry." And then pulled the door open and continued on his way.

"Billy," I called after him, but he didn't pause. It was another moment of stabbing.

Billy revealed the pain our relationship had left with him. We created this fear; I made it. If I was honest with myself, I had my own wounds I was trying to ignore. Billy had just gotten there faster, realizing the scars that bound and separated us.

As the minutes slowly ticked by, I felt the cold surround me. I waited for his text with a near-constant obsession with my phone. Finally, hours later, he sent a single word, "now."