"Ma," cut through my conversation with Mary as the door slammed behind Billy, causing a rattle through the house.

"We're in here," Mary called out to him from her usual spot in the kitchen.

"Why does he enter like that?" I shot at her.

"He always has." Mary shrugged. "I just like that he still calls me Ma," she added with a wink.

"Hey." Billy was beside me, giving me a tender kiss on my temple. "Hey, Mom," he added as he pulled her in for a hug.

"Hey, Billy," she had a serene smile as he hugged her, which warmed me. "I could get used to you stopping by more often," she added as he pulled away.

I shot Billy a look, but with a single glance, we both agreed that it wasn't the moment to tell Mary of our plans for me to get my own place.

"Are you hungry, dear?" Mary asked as she turned to the stovetop.

I stifled a laugh at what was coming next.

"I could eat." He slid onto a stool next to me. "Did you already eat?" He asked innocently enough.

"Sure did," I smiled, but he could tell there was more to the evening's meal.

"I made Italian Wedding Soup," Mary attempted with an absent tone.

"Mom, really?" Billy groaned.

"What? I just had a craving for it." Mary shrugged with a mischievous smile.

"Did she get a lecture like Tim and I did this morning?" Billy shot at me.

"Nope, that's one Mama Bear I won't poke."

Billy sighed in resignation. "Well, at least I get soup out of the deal."

"What are you two up to tonight?" Mary asked. "Did you rent out a zoo?"

"You know, I expect this from Tim, but you, Lil?" Billy complained to me.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help but tell her." I leaned into his shoulder, hoping the touch would foster faster forgiveness.

"It was very thoughtful," Mary added with an agreeing nod.

"We're going to have a good old fashion night in," I offered.

"Oh, that sounds fun." Mary had her false chipper tone in her voice, causing Billy to stiffen a bit.

"I'm excited," I squeezed his arm to reassure him and dissuade Tim's opinion that was inevitably rattling in his head. We could spend a quiet night together and even talk about our complicated relationship without a collapse.

"I take it I won't see you two until breakfast?" Mary asked as she wiped down the counter. "I can make French toast."

"No," Billy murmured. "I'm reducing my carbs."

"What?" Mary and I said in unison.

"I'm not kidding. I'm kicking the pasta pouch."

"No," I challenged.

"What's your pasta pouch?" Mary had a bewildered look on her face.

"His adorable tummy." I resisted the urge to tap it.

"If roles were reversed, and I told you I loved your adorable tummy, you'd murder me in my sleep," Billy grumbled before downing the last of his soup.

"I wouldn't. Besides, you keep telling me I'm too thin. That's not any better."

"You're too skinny. Mom, isn't she too skinny?"

"I luckily get to agree with both of you on this. I'll also ensure extra fruit salad for you both tomorrow morning."

"Speaking of which, I'm going to grab some provisions." I slid off my stool and kissed Billy quickly as I headed upstairs to pack a few things. It also allowed Mary to quiz Billy after I gave her the lowdown of the evening over lunch.

I took my time as I looked through the few clothes I had packed in haste when I left Maine, paying particular attention to my underwear. I hoped to find anything that could pass as a bikini, but nothing sufficed. I sighed; the thought of this being my last night with Billy until after Christmas dropped like a brick in my stomach. He'd have the kids, and then I'd have to fly back to Portland for the holiday. The thought of being apart filled me with dread, and knowing that my dad wouldn't be there only compounded it.

"Ready?" Billy asked when I returned to the kitchen.

When he met my eyes, he could see the shades of sadness I was trying to suppress. It was so easy for him to read my emotions.

"Yeah," I gave a halfhearted smile.

"Have fun, you two," Mary called after us.

Billy helped me with my coat and clutched my hand as we walked to the car. He didn't press. I leaned into him as he drove and focused my eyes on his hands on the steering wheel. My mind slipped to memories of his hands dancing along the keys of a piano, how his fingers would be askew unnaturally. I felt a tender kiss on the top of my head as we pulled to a stop in front of his house.

"Can we go to the studio for a bit? I was hoping you would play something on the piano for me," I said before he pulled himself away from me.

"Of course," he gave a reassuring smile, but I could see his mind working through my change in mood.

I welcomed his proximity as he pulled me to his side while walking up to the studio. The blanket of his presence was the only thing keeping me from tumbling into the depths of mourning.

"Don't worry; I'm just thinking of my dad."

Billy relaxed a bit, knowing what had changed my mood so much.

"What can I play you?" He asked as he helped me out of my coat.

"Anything. I want to watch your fingers play," I admitted.

"Yeah?" He said as he peeled off his coat.

"Yeah, I find it soothing."

"My fingers playing, not the music?"

"I'm a weirdo." I shrugged.

"But you're my weirdo, and that's all that matters."

We hunched together on the piano bench as Billy played for me. I barely heard a note he played. I just watched his fingers glide across the keys. It was as soothing as I had expected and lulled me into a warmth I hadn't felt since I was a kid. He must have played for an hour before he stopped and wrapped his arms around me.

"Talk to me, Lil," he prodded.

"I was packing to come here and trying to figure out if I had anything that could act as a bikini. I don't, but my mind went to packing next week when I head to Portland. Then I thought of going to Portland and being apart from you."

"And celebrating Christmas without your father," Billy softly added.

"Yeah. The mourning sneaks up at random times." I let out a sigh.

"I hope you don't mind, but I talked to my mom about that this morning."

I lifted my face to meet his gaze. "You were?"

"Yeah, it's Sarah's year with the kids, so we already had planned to have Christmas on the 26th."

"Oh, I could be back by then, so at least I won't miss everything." I felt a little better before I realized I had made an assumption. "I mean, if you want me to celebrate with your family. I know this is still new, and with the kids...."

"Of course I want you there. The kids know you're an old friend. We'll probably try to cool it with the PDA while they get used to it."

"I can try." I gave him the best smile I could muster.

"But that's not what I was talking about with my mom. Usually, we still get together for years without the kids and have a mini-Christmas. You know, with my brothers and Tim's family, but I was thinking about changing it up this year."

"Yeah, how's that?"

"Well, Sarah gets them on Tuesday. We could fly to Portland and then fly back on the 26th when I get Viv and Jackson back. We could spend Christmas in Portland together."

"You'd come to Portland?" There was a bubble of hope about to burst in my chest.

"If you'll have me," he offered.

"I'd love to have you come home with me. It'd be amazing." Relief washed over me. "Are you sure you can get away? What about Mary? Won't she be bummed you aren't home for Christmas?"

"She understands. I want to be there for you. Do you think your family will mind?"

"Who cares? I want you there."

"Well, I don't want to be unwelcomed."

"Billy, I want you there. To be honest, I need you there."

"Then that's where I'll be." He placed a soft kiss on the crown of my head.

"I feel so much better," I admitted as I sunk into him. "I'm kinda excited. You can come in and see my office," I began as my mind spun through all the things I wanted to share with Billy.

"I'd like that. I have many questions about what you do." Billy's brow furrowed as his mind sorted through a few of them.

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Okay, so here's one that has plagued me for ten years. What the hell is a fuck date at your company?"

"I'm sorry; what?"

"I'd walk by every once in a while and hear you talking about pushing dates if you can't get a fuck date. It was worrisome."

I laughed. "I think you heard me saying FOC date."

"I don't hear the difference."

"F-O-C date; means firm on confirmation. It's for installations," I explained.

"Why don't you call it a confirmation date? Why FOC date?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "It's just the lingo."

"Well, that makes me feel a little better. I was suspicious of what kind of IT you were into."

"I love you," I said with a giggle.

"Don't tell me you love me in that aw, he's so dumb way."

"I wasn't!" I argued.

"Yes, you were, but I love you too." He kissed my forehead to accent the sentiment. "Did you want to listen to some of my music?"

"Yes!"

"Here or in the house?"

"House, please, preferably by the fireplace."

He wrapped his arm tighter around me and rubbed his hands up and down my arm. "Sorry, it's a bit colder up here."

"I thought we weren't apologizing?" I teased.

"I thought we agreed that was a stupid plan."

"I love you, Billy."

"See, there you go, calling me dumb again."

"Someone's a little touchy tonight," I laughed.

Billy trailed after me as I headed downstairs from the studio.

"Hey, Lil," he murmured.

I turned to find him cast in moonlight, causing dim shadows to obscure his dark eyes.

"Thank you for letting me come to Portland," he continued.

"Letting you come?" I paused and moved in closer so I could see his eyes. "Billy, I want you there. I don't think I could get through it without you."

"I guess I mean, I like you letting me in. I've always wanted to support you, Lil. I know you worried it would make you weak, but when you let me in to support you, I really feel like we are together."

I lifted my hand to cup his face. "I'm sorry you felt like I didn't need you."

"Lil, I know you don't need me. You may not have believed it, but I always knew it. I just wished you could have seen what I was offering. I wasn't trying to take anything from you. I was just trying to give. I may have used a little too much force, but..."

"Billy, I knew you believed in me. I just needed to believe in myself, and you got all mixed up in it." As I spoke, a shiver ran through me.

"Come on; let's get you in front of a fire," Billy prodded as he ushered me inside. Still, the sentiment stuck with me. He was trying to forgive me, but I still had work to do.