The day ticked by slowly. Tim texted his address, but it felt curt. Bailing tempted me. It'd be easy to run again; I had so much practice. I gazed out the window of my hotel room to the gray winter sky, sipping tea and wondering how I became this person, afraid of everything. Of all things, I was terrified most of myself. I was stuck, and I didn't know where to go. I had pushed everyone I loved away. The curtness I earned. I didn't deserve a dinner.

My phone dinged, as if she could hear my thoughts from miles away.

"Come early; stop climbing your hotel room walls." Tess, ten years and she still knew me. And to prove it, my phone dinged again. "You're not intruding."

All the demons in my head screamed to say no, but the quiet voice of my heart typed a simple "thank you."

Ten years can change many things, but it didn't change the Denning house. It was still the welcoming birthday cake house, adorned with wreaths and garland for the holidays. It looked like it belonged on a greeting card. I lingered at the sight until the front door opened.

"Come in; it's freezing," Tess prodded with a broad smile stretching her cheeks.

My eyes fell on her as the pain of missing her flooded me.

"Hi, Tess," I quietly greeted as I neared.

"My God, aren't you a pathetic sight?" She laughed as she pulled me in for a hug.

"I deserve that," I agreed. "You look amazing, by the way."

"Oh, I know; this doesn't happen by accident." I was grateful for her humor, but it still made me feel guilty. "Now, get inside. I'll make tea. Make yourself at home." she nodded to the welcoming living room.

I shirked my coat and shoes off and floated to the warmth of the roaring fireplace. The entire home smelled like Tim's hug, sweet and cozy. Pictures of the life I missed adorned the mantel. Tim, Tess, and James mingled with Billy, Viv, Jackson, and Mary as though they were one family. The kids were growing taller with each passing image, but the smiles haunted my mind. They were the smiles that came from deep within you. Tears prick my eyes, but I didn't deserve to mourn the life I ran from; I gave it up.

"The boys have put on a few pounds," Tess teased as she entered, catching me studying the pictures.

I winced at the memory of my anger rearing at Tim with a flash comment on his weight; it was immature and rude. My eyes finally fell on the unavoidable, Billy. I wasn't sure if I'd have noticed the few extra pounds had Tess not pointed them out; they suited him. The added weight grounded his stature and made him look cozier than I recalled.

"Sit. I want to hear about you." Tess kept her voice friendly and natural.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" It spilled out as I turned around to face her.

Tess gave me the warm, sympathetic smile of a mother, a good mother. "Lil, me being mad at you won't change the past ten years and certainly won't make anyone feel better."

"Try telling that to Billy." I shouldn't have said it. It wasn't fair to Tess or Billy. I sighed as I tentatively perched on the couch and tried to begin again. "Tell me about you."

She let out a laugh. "You just saw me. Those pictures are my life." Her eyes met mine. "It's a happy one."

"It looks happy. How old is James now?"

"Sixteen and just like his father."

"Two Tims; can the world handle that?"

"The world? What about me? Do you remember how much Tim can eat? Even Mary has a hard time keeping up, and she raised five Collins boys!"

"How is Mary?"

"She's Mary. Can't slow her down for a minute. It's good, though; she's the only one that can keep Billy in line. Well, her and Viv."

"Tell me about them, Viv and Jackson." I felt the tears pricking again.

"Jackson got all the sweetness of the Billy you knew. He bleeds empathy... and is so shy." Tess' voice was distant as she thought of Jackson.

"Like his father," I whispered to myself, but I knew Tess heard me. The corner of her mouth tipped to an almost smile.

"They're both extraordinary men," she agreed.

"Is he a musician?" I prodded.

"No, I mean, he's only thirteen, so who knows, but neither he nor Viv have gravitated to music."

"And Viv?"

Tess dropped her face again to hide a smile that came from deep within her. "Viv is something special in her own right. She certainly keeps her father on his toes. She got all her dad's stubbornness."

"Oh dear, that's a lot of stubbornness."

"Only one person I've ever met is more stubborn than Mary, Billy, and Viv Collins combined." She gave me a wink.

"Stubborn isn't the right word for me. I'm sure Billy could come up with a few choice words."

"We'd never hear them."

My eyes met hers, and I could see the flash of panic as she revealed too much.

"Is he happy?" I pressed into the crack; I needed more.

"He has the kids and his work. It's complicated; he's complicated," Tess admitted.

"Does he have... has he found someone?"

"He has, a few times. He's been single for a little over a year. It's...."

"Complicated?" I finished for her.

Tess let out a laugh.

"Why is he suddenly so complicated?"

"Suddenly?" She laughed again, but my seriousness quieted her, and she began again. "Because he's desperately looking to be simple, and when you chase an idea instead of a reality, you never get to the end."

"Simple," I murmured to myself as the quiet cottage overlooking the sunset sprung into view. I had almost forgotten how much I had wanted that quiet. Since my father passed, I'd been avoiding quiet; it was too hard to hear the thoughts and recall the memories. "I didn't want that for him. He was supposed to...."

"Lil, don't." The unmistakable flair of anger was there. She let out a sigh to dissuade it. "I love you, Lil. Please take my advice. Don't act like you ran for Billy. You ran for yourself. You ran from the life he offered to you. That life." She nodded to the mantel. "You decided for yourself. It was your right, but you lost all rights to Billy when you did. Like you, he had to find his path without you, but still carrying everything you two had built for each other. You have no right to decide what he was or is supposed to do; you gave that up." Her words sliced through the air and stung my face. "And now we talk about other things."

She stood and headed toward the kitchen as if changing rooms would turn the page. The moment of fury let me know the undercurrent I feared was there, threatening to drown me at any moment. But Tess was stifling it; she gave me a gift I didn't deserve.

We spent that afternoon chatting about softer things. Stories of Viv and James swirled in the room with joyful bouncing.

"They seem like quite the duo. Do you think Viv has a crush on James? He's an older man." I winked.

"Oh honey, if anyone has a crush, it's poor James. Viv has him wrapped around her little finger."

Tess had mastered the art of the kitchen conversation. She spun and whirled around the room with as much ease as Mary did. Watching her made me long for my chats with Billy's mom. Tess caught my expression during the lull of our conversation.

"What's that look about?" She prodded.

"Mary," I admitted.

"Have you told her you're in town?"

"No, we haven't stayed in touch." My tone was mournful.

"You haven't spoken," Tess corrected.

It wasn't a question. It should have been a question, but it wasn't one.

"Isn't that the same?"

"Mary is a mom at heart. Once she adopts you, she won't give up on you, Miss Director of Operations."

I felt my face blush. "She's been following my career?"

"She's been following you. She never updates me around the guys." Tess gave a knowing shrug. "But that woman will brag to me for days."

"Does she know about... has she given you any updates recently?" I prodded, wondering if Tess knew about my dad.

"No, what now? Did you take over the entire company?"

"No, it's nothing. I wasn't sure how accurate the info was."

"I have her number for you. She'd kill me if she found out you were in town, and I didn't tell you to call her."

"I don't know. What would Billy think?"

"Billy would think that his mother is a grown woman who can see whomever she wants." The fire of Tess bubbled up as she spoke.

The conversation shattered with a bang of the front door slamming shut.

"Mom, you'll never guess what Viv did to me on the way home." A voice frighteningly close to Tim's and Billy's hollered from the front of the house.

"Oh, shut up, ya wuss," a girl's voice followed.

I looked at Tess in a panic. James had come home with Viv, Billy's Viv.

"He wouldn't want me to be with her," I shot in a panic.

Tess gave me a calm smile. "It's fine. Just head downstairs and grab me some nutmeg. It's in the basement on the shelf behind the bar. Tim tried to make eggnog at Thanksgiving. Amazingly, we all survived."

I didn't question her. I just bolted for the door. As it clicked behind me, I heard them enter the kitchen. My feet stalled; I wanted to hear more of Viv.

"Mom, she texted Christy Smith from my phone and asked her to the winter formal," I heard James complain.

"I had to; he had written the text a hundred times and kept erasing it. Honestly, I feared for the health of his fingers. He may have worn off his fingerprints with all that indecisiveness. Then he really would be a nobody." Viv's voice was teasing.

"Mom," James complained.

"How did she even get into your phone?" Tess was struggling to mask her laughter.

"Oh, his code is very easy to crack. Mr. Complex set his passcode to my birthday," Viv continued.

"I didn't think you'd be so self-centered that you'd try your own birthday." James was still in full victim mode.

"Really? It's like you don't know me at all. Besides, you should thank me; Christy said yes. So, you're welcome."

Tess didn't bother to hide her laughter now. "I'm sorry, honey, but I agree with Viv. You wanted to go with Christy, and now you are."

"Mom, you don't understand. What if she finds out that the first time I worked up the nerve to ask her out was really my annoying Little Ghost?"

"Do not call me Little Ghost." Viv's voice filled with anger.

"What was that, Little Ghost?" James teased again.

"I swear, Jimmy, I'll make you regret it," Viv threatened.

"Don't call me Jimmy; you know I hate that!"

"Both of you stop. James, change the passcode on your phone. Viv," Tess paused, "I don't know, be less Viv-ish."

"Viv-ish?" James and Viv said at once.

"You know what I mean. Anyway, James, take Viv home; we have a dinner guest coming over tonight."

"So? Viv is family," James absently spoke.

"It's a friend of mine from years ago, and I'd like her to get to know you. Be here by 5:30 pm for dinner."

"Whatever, come on, Little Ghost; looks like you're getting the old heave-ho."

"Did you just call me a hoe?" Viv's voice filled with feigned indignation.

"No, it's an expression," James fought back.

"Sure, it is."

"It is." He was grasping to avoid the insinuation that he had called her a hoe.

"I know; it's a nautical term from hauling rope. It's actually a call-and-answer. One person says heave; the other says ho."

"If you knew that, why did you accuse me of calling you a hoe?" James' exasperated tone groaned like an overtaxed step.

"Because it was fun." Viv let out a laugh.

As soon as I heard the front door slam, I returned from my hiding spot.

"Wow," I said as I slid back onto my stool.

"Remind you of anyone?" Tess teased.

"You and Tim?" I offered.

"Yeah, me and Tim. We're the two that bicker and tease each other all the time," Tess absently spoke as she continued to cook.

"Me and Timmy?" I offered again.

"Closer, but just shy of the correct answer."

I slumped down on my stool and let my mind dive into the pool of Billy memories I rarely indulged in; it was a slippery slope with him being so close.

"What's with the whole Little Ghost thing?" I asked, as I twirled my depleted teacup.

"Oh, Billy gave her that nickname. When she was little, she always followed him around like his shadow, so he called her Little Ghost. She doesn't seem to mind him calling her that, but anyone else, and she hates it. James figured it out a few years ago and now likes to tease her about it."

"Huh, it's a cute nickname; I wonder why she doesn't like it."

"Like someone else I know, there are many things locked in that girl's head that we'll probably never understand." Tess smiled, but my thoughts whirled to a mind that locked things away. I hoped it wasn't an infliction that Viv had. It was a lonely world.

"Hey, it's going to be an hour before dinner is ready, and at least that before Tim and James are back; why don't you give Mary a call?"

Tess had forced my hand. As much as I wanted to talk to Mary, I was more afraid of another undeserved warm welcome than the bristled anger Billy gave me. It wasn't fair that kindness greeted me after all this time.