I stared at a photo on Mary's mantel, chanting the Collins boys' names: John, Steve, Pete, Michael, and Billy. I had met them a few times, and the differences between Billy and his brothers always struck me. They were more boisterous and outgoing. Tim fit in with them much better, barring that his blond hair was in stark contrast to the dark brown hair the brothers shared.

"Hey," Tess' voice was low so that she wouldn't startle me, but I still jumped.

"Hey, sorry," I gave her a quick hug in greeting.

"So, my husband has been getting a lot of late-night calls and texts." She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Sorry, I'll stop."

"I'm not mad that you're reaching out to him; I'm bothered that you're only reaching out to him. I know you and Tim have something special, but I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks, Tess. You may regret that, though."

"There are my girls." Tim snuck up and wrapped his arms around us both. "Studying, Lil," he nodded to the photo.

"Guilty, John, Steve, Pete, Michael, Billy," I deftly listed.

"Seems like you're ready for the boys. How are you doing on the wives?"

"Fuck," my mind whirled. "Umm, Tess."

"Okay, I'm offended that I'm in the wives category," Tess argued.

"Sorry, going for the easy win," I admitted. "Is there a Wendy?"

"No," Tim's brows furrowed in a way that I knew I was way off.

"Wait, John's wife is Allison, and she goes by Ally," I remembered.

"Close; Pete's wife is Ally. John's wife is Abby," Tim corrected.

"Fuck, I'm screwed," I admitted in defeat.

"New plan. One of us will stay with you and use the person's name when everyone gets here," Tess declared. "No awkward encounters."

"That'd be amazing," I breathed out with relief. "But don't overuse their names and make it obvious." I glared at Tim.

"Really? Partners in crime for so many years, and you now question my skills? But that means you have to stay close. No chasing any moody boys." Tim gave me a fatherly glare back at me.

"Rude," but as I spoke, Viv and Jackson burst through the front door in the middle of a fight about chores.

"Hey guys, sounds like you had a fun time at your mom's," Tim teased.

"Ugh, Mom keeps moving everything around my room," Viv complained.

"She's not moving things around, Viv. She's cleaning, probably because she doesn't want rats," Jackson shot at her.

"It's not that bad," Viv fought.

"You'd never leave your room like that at dad's house." Jackson slumped down on the couch.

"Well, this is an old friend, Lily," Tess introduced.

"Lily." Viv let out a laugh. "Like, Lily, Lil, Lily?" Viv fell to the couch next to her brother. "This should be fun."

"Viv, don't be a bitch," Jackson chided as Billy entered the front door.

"Hey, don't call your sister that," Billy immediately scolded.

"We were just introducing Lily," Tim added, as an explanation.

"Do you guys remember her?" Billy said as he met my eyes in an even tone. "She's an old friend who stayed with us for a while when you were young." He added as he paced across the room to me and gave me an awkward side hug.

"Old friend, Dad? We're kids, not stupid. We know who Lily is." Viv absently picked at her nail as she spoke.

"Viv, don't be rude," Billy's tone coursed through his chest and into me. It was exactly what I was looking to avoid; the shades of my father had spread to Billy. "How was your mother's?" He added as he dropped his arm from me.

"Great, Viv and her got into it because Viv now has an aversion to trash cans," Jackson tattled.

"That sounds like a topic for later." Billy sighed. "Have you said hi to Nonna?"

"Not yet," the kids said in unison.

"James is in there, probably making a pest of himself," Tess offered as she slung an arm around Viv while we all made our way to the kitchen.

I shuffled slowly behind everyone as my mind swayed to my dad. Tim paused until I caught up and wordlessly draped an arm around me. I watched as the family converged. Slowly, the brothers and their wives gathered in the kitchen. It made sense that they were a kitchen family. Mary's love of cooking, the boys' love of eating. Everyone was loud, teasing, and happy. I didn't fit.

I slipped into my office, but as I neared, I slowed. It was a familiar strumming. I paused to listen for a few minutes before realizing there was a bit of stiffness that didn't match Billy's style. I pushed to door open to see Jackson perched on the couch as though he were playing his father in a movie.

"Sorry," he murmured as he stopped playing. "Do you need your office?"

"No, not at all. I was just..." I stalled before admitting, "needed a minute."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Jackson swung the guitar to set it aside.

"You don't need to stop because of me. You're very good; I bet your dad is pretty proud."

"No." Jackson's eyes snapped up to me. "He doesn't know I play. You can't tell him."

"What? How doesn't he know?" So many questions swirled in my head.

"He just." Jackson's face dropped as he slightly shook his head. "He'd expect... too much; everyone would expect too much. Only my mom knows, and Nonna Mary."

"Your secret is safe with me." I smiled.

"Sorry about Viv earlier. You've been mentioned. Our mom has mentioned you," he sheepishly admitted.

"Oh, I bet that was a flattering portrait." A laugh escaped with my words. Part of me was relieved that they had heard of me from Sarah and not Billy.

"Viv's pretty protective of Dad," Jackson added.

"I get that. I was a proud daddy's girl until recently," I admitted.

"Recently?" The compassion of his father filled his brown eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you; I appreciate that." The silence filled us for a moment before I added, "what were you playing?"

"Simple Man, my dad used to play it for us."

"I love that song, Lynyrd Skynyrd. What else do you know?" I settled on the couch, relieved to have found someone quiet to talk to for a few moments.

Jackson shrugged a bit. "All kinds of things. I taught myself, so I just kind of listen and then work on it. It's weird. I know you're supposed to learn to read music and stuff, but it never held my attention that way."

"Kinetic learning," I offered. "Your dad can learn songs like that too. He once plucked out Mister Sandman on a kalimba in a random thrift shop."

"Nonna loves that song," Jackson smiled.

"Your Nonna has amazing music tastes. We were listening to Perry Como last night while cooking. I forgot how much I love Perry Como."

"Viv has a thing for Bobby Vee. There's this Rubber Ball song dad used to play us on his jukebox when we were kids. It has this brain-penetrating 'bouncy, bouncy' chorus. I swear she sings it to annoy me."

"I wouldn't be surprised. She reminds me of someone I used to know who was quite a jerk at her age." I laughed.

"Jackson, there you are," Billy called from the doorway. "Lily," he added with a nod, before returning his attention to Jackson. "Go help Viv and James set the table."

"Yes, sir," Jackson murmured as he rose and left with a slight nod to me.

"Yes, sir? Brings back a few 'yes, ma'ams' I once knew well," I offered.

"Still have a problem with gentlemen?" Billy defensively asked, setting the tone for this new day.

"No, he's a good kid. He reminds me of someone I used to know." The warmth of tears unexpectedly pooled in the back of my eyes. "Billy, I..." But I didn't know if I was allowed to say what I wanted.

"Go ahead, Lil," Billy sighed.

"Billy, I miss you. I'm here for you. I didn't realize it until last night..."

Billy let out a sigh. You mentioned Something's Better Than Nothing last night. I wrote that the same night as Compelled to Yell."

I had suspected it, but his admission still coursed through me with a surge of unexpected energy. "You're talking to yourself."

"I tend to do that a fair amount." He turned as his eyes met mine.

"Do you still believe that something is better than nothing?" I asked.

"No, I was overly optimistic. I know better now; I have other priorities."

"Don't do this, Billy. Last night was progress. Don't push me out, Billy, please."

He stared at me for a moment before he crouched down and lifted a latch from the floor, revealing a small trove of albums.

"What? No!" I laughed.

"What did you think? It was just a random turntable with no albums?"

"Kinda," I admitted.

"Tim has albums hidden all over all the houses." Billy thumbed through the ones available in the collection. "I guess this will have to do."

"Is that Where It's At?" I questioned as the old Beck song filled the room.

"It's the closest to 90s pop you'll get around here." He held out a hand to me. "What was it you used to say? You can't spiral to 90s pop?" He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Let's test that theory, shall we?"

"Few of my theories have panned out for me." But even as I objected, I found myself taking his outstretched hand. "This isn't a waltz," I teased as he spun me to the music.

"The world's a waltz, Lil. Get on board."

It felt good to be in Billy's arms, smell his musk, and watch the twist of his neck as he moved. There was still a flare of burning that emanated from his touch. He twirled me until the song fell out, then switched off the turntable, quickly returning to me. His hands landed softly on my hips as his eyes scanned me, reading my mind.

"Your dad used to tell me about you. He was very proud. He had no idea what it was you did all day." Billy let out a laugh. "But he knew you were good at it."

I dropped my face so he couldn't inspect me anymore. This is what I wanted, and he knew it. I wanted to know everything I didn't know about my dad.

"He hated the end of that last album. Everyone hated the end of that last album. He rarely used you against me, but he voiced the correct opinion in your name. I don't regret that decision, but I regret that the last album he heard from me ended that way."

"He never mentioned you to me. I didn't know you were still in touch." It felt like an excuse, but I didn't know why.

"I asked him not to." Billy's heavy gaze weighed on me as he spoke. "Lily, will you look at me?" It was a soft question.

I raised my eyes to meet his as he surveyed my face again. My pain was mirrored in his expression.

"He loved you more than anything else in the world. You were his biggest accomplishment. You know that, right? You know how much he loved you?"

"I do."

"Lily, we can't be friends. I'm sorry, and I know the timing is terrible with your dad. But we're not friends; we never were. I can't go back to pretending we're something we're not. Something isn't always better than nothing."

"I don't want to be friends with you, Billy. I love you, and I will fight for you, for us. Billy, I meant what I said. Even if it takes me forever, I will prove it to you. That's what you deserve, my forever."