Warning: Chapter is unedited

Chapter no 17:

Shayad mein uss yogya hi nahin tha

Dhruv tried to take his hand away but stopped hearing her.

Mat jaiye Dhruv. Humein chod ker mat jaiye.

Tara mumbled in her sleep. His resolve weakened and he stared at the lady who held his heart captivated sitting besides her. He loves her to no end, more than anything. No matter what she does with him, no matter how much she breaks him, he will continue to love her even with the broken pieces of his heart. No matter how much he tries to go away from her but his heart always brings him back to the women who possessed him in every way.

His heart aches whenever he sees the questions in her eyes, the pain, the greif, the raw vulnerability, the desire to be with him, the yearning to be held by him, the plead when he ignores her. He would give her everything he possessed including his life but he was scared, scared of being heartbroken, scared of being abandoned, scared that she'll doubt him, scared that he might be pited, scared that he'll breakdown to such an extent that it'll be impossible to be whole again.

The fears, insecurities and longing reflected in his eyes as he stared at her. He took a deep breath.

He ran his hand through the beautiful, silky, black wet locks of her hair. He looked at her with love, tenderness and yearning shinning in his deep brown orbs. He loved the feeling of her hair slipping through his fingers. His touch loving and tender as he continued to slip his fingers through her now slightly wet hair. His touch held tenderness along with a touch of longing.

Main kahin nahin jaunga. Kabhi nahin jaunga.

Dhruv whispered softly, his voice held a promise and a commitment.

He looked at her. She was looking utterly beautiful. Her beautiful long lashes casted like butterfly wings shutting her beautiful almond orbs. Her hair were thick, long, black and silky yet wet. Some locks of her hair clung to her skin along with the raindrops that clung to her hair glittering like diamonds in the candle light. The Orangish hue of the candle light made her fair complexion look more angelic.

Dhruv was surprised at her beauty as he never really noticed that she's this beautiful because he always saw her kind, caring, courageous fearless, soft hearted nature. He found her unique from others which made him fall for her.

Tum bahot sundar ho Tara. Bahot zyada. Sabse zyada.

Dhruv said softly. He looked at her, his eyes a mix of love, affection and adoration. His fingers were interlocked with hers and she had held his hand close to her chest, her hold still tight on their interlocked hand. He smiled seeing how her small hand fit into his big one as if it was meant to be.

His delicate caresses in her hair slowed down as his eyes grew heavy. His
eyes fluttered shut and his head fell over her stomach as he gave in to the heavy yet peaceful slumber.

Morning!!!

Tara opened the delicate folds of her eyes. Her cheeks turned warm remembering the tender moments they both had shared yesterday. She could still feel his lips on hers. The kiss played in her mind. She couldn't believe that she broke boundaries and came out of her cocoon. She had thought that she'll regret breaking her boundaries but she didn't. Instead she felt a sense of belonging and acceptance. She was shocked and surprised at herself that how come she changed this much.

She felt a weight on her stomach and looked down. A huge smile broke out on her lips as she saw him sleeping on her stomach looking utterly cute. His fair complexion, beautiful deep brown orbs which were shut by thick long lashes which were casted on his eyes like butterfly wings. A strand of his hair was falling on his forehead as she watched him in love, awe and adoration and she watched how his head raise and fell with each breath she took. She felt her heart swell with love and brought her hand closer to his hair. She looked at him for a moment and started caressing his hair. She smiled feeling her fingers slip through his soft, velvety hair. Her touch loving and tender as she looked at him not daring to move her eyes from him, her gaze unwavering, filled with love, trust, longing, pain, care, tenderness and yearning as she continued to run her fingers through his soft hair.

Dhruv begin to stir as he hummed sleepily hinting that he'll wake up soon.

Tara,s heart raced hearing his hot sleepy hum. She visibly tumbled as her cheeks heated up. Her grip on their interlocked hands tightened slightly. Her heart pounding in her ears. She took some deep breathes trying to compose herself.

Dhruv looked up opening his sleepy eyes. His shoulders were aching badly but as soon as he saw her, he grew worried.

Tara tum theek ho.

Dhruv asked concerned. She smiled as their eyes met. His eyes held love concern, care and tenderness which caused her eyes to tear up but controlling her emotions upon seeing the worry all over his face, she uttered with a soft smile.

Hum theek hain.

Dhruv let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. His lips curved up in a love filled, tender, charming smile.

Dhruv aap kya sari raatri yehin thy?

Tara asked concerned.

Tumne kaha tha ruk jao

Dhruv replied her smiling softly, his voice filled with love, tenderness and sincerity which warmed her heart.

He came forward and placed a love filled, tender kiss on her forehead. Her cheeks turned warm and her heart picked up pace as she felt goosebumps travel all over her skin. Tara held his upper arm and opened the delicate folds of her eyes taking a deep breath.

Subh prabhat.

Dhruv said as his eyes lit up with mischief. Before Tara could understand. He placed a kiss on the bridge of her nose and left from there without looking back leaving her there in a state of shock. She came out of her shocked state and touched her nose blushing heavily.

Afternoon!!!

Tara was pacing here and there in her chamber anxiously all the while rubbing her palms together.

Yeh lo.

Tara heard a familiar voice and looked at the person. Relief washed over her as she saw Sitara standing in front of her and she finally let out a smile. Tara took the diary from her hand and smiled thankfully at her.

Dhanyawad Sitara.

Tara thanked with a soft smile on her face.

Sitara smiled at her but soon turned serious.

Tara hum aapki sahayta ker rahe hain kyunke humne aapki ankhon mein glaani aur apne bhai ji ke liye bahot prem dekha hai. Asha kerte hain aap unhe kabhi koi aur peeda nahin dengi.

Tara shook her head sideways but Sitara continued in a threatening tone.

Kyunke agar humare bhai ji ko peeda hui na iss baar aur humein pata chala ke woh peeda aapki wajah se hai toh hum kya karenge aapko andaza bhi nahin hai.

Sitara threatened. The look in her eyes was telling that she means it.

Tara smiled and nodded her head in positive.

Sitara smiled back. Her anger vanished and she looped her arm around Tara,s shoulder.

Waise Tara humne suna hai ke bhabhi aur nand main 36 ka aakra hota hai.

Sitara said raising her eyebrows at Tara. Tara blushed heavily but hid it behind her laugh.

Ho gaya?

Tara asked successfully hiding her blush. Sitara pretended to think for a moment.

Haan ho gaya.

Sitara said with a click of her tongue.

Bhai ji kya mil gaye humein toh praya hi ker diya.

Sitara said dramatically.

Tara smacked Sitara lightly on the back of her head.

Ah!!

Sitara yelped pretending to be hurt as she rubbed the back of her head.

Nautankibaaz

Tara mumbled.

Kabhi kabhi toh humein vishwas nahin hota ke aap Dhruv ki hi behen hai.

Tara mumbled.

Acha chalte hain, Prarthanaon mein yaad rakhna.

Sitara said in a singing tone.

Tara glared at her. She picked up the cushion from the bed and threw it at Sitara.

Are ja rahe hain.

Sitara said hurriedly as she bent down and the cushion fell on the floor.

Bhai ji ke sapne mubarak bhabhi sa

Sitara teased mischievously and ran from there and Tara glared at Sitara,s direction. She covered her face with her palms blushing heavily.

Tara took a deep breath trying to compose herself. Her hand tumbled as she caressed the diary with her fingertips. Gathering some courage, she opened the diary and begin to read.

Aisa kyun hota hai? Ek tarfa prem ki peeda itni kyun hoti hai, ya phir prem ka dusra naam peeda hai?

Tara read the lines and turned the page curious to read further.

""Tu hai subha sham ki tarah,
Khushiyon ke paigaam ki tarah...

Kaise bhulaaye hum tujhe?
Tu yaad hai humein humare naam ki tarah......

Dil saupa hai tere hathon...
Wapas kaise mang lein...

Jaan hazir hai tere liye...
Per jo tujhme basi hai,
Usse kaise mang lein.......?

The beautifully written lines rolled off her tongue effortlessly. She caressed the beautifully written lines slowly with her fingertips.

She turned the page and begin reading further.

Khud khuda ne kaha uski mohabbat dekh ker
Khud khuda ne kaha uski mohabbat dekh ker
Naseeb mein toh nahin tha tere
Ja!!! De diya tera dard dekh ker
Shart sirf itni hai
Rahega tere paas woh
Rahega tere paas woh
Jab tak rakh paoge usse ussi ki ahemiyat chupa ker.

She continued reading, poetry after poetry, page after page not getting tired of it. The thoughts written in the form of beautiful words and poetries held her captivated.

Yeh prem kaisa ehsaas hai? Na nibhaya jata hai, na choda jata hai, na jataya jata hai, na chupaya jata hai.

Tara,s heart skipped a beat at the words.

Jisse hum sabse zyada prem kerte hain wohi sabse zyada peeda deta hai pata hai kyun? Kyunke uske ilawa humein koi peeda de hi nahin sakta, kyunke yeh adhikar hum kisi aur ko dete hi nahin hain.

The painful but true words prickled Tara,s heart like sharp darts as she remembered the pain that she had given him. Tara blinked her eyes causing a tear to roll up on her cheek and it fell over the page. She covered her mouth with her palm and gulped trying her best to not to break down

Dard bhi hai, dawa bhi
Andhera bhi hai, roshni bhi
Shaam bhi hai, subha bhi
Sukoon bhi hai, junoon bhi
Himmat bhi hai, kamzori bhi
Jeewan bhi prem hai aur mritiyu bhi prem hi hai.

Tara read the words, her eyes glittering with unshed tears as she caressed the page with her fingertips.

Suna tha prem ka dusra naam peeda hai aur kehte hain ke peeda ke bina prem asambhav hai, aaj dekh bhi liya parantu aisa kyun hai?

Tara,s eyes welled up with a fresh round of tears as she read the words. She bit her lower lip trying to control her sobs that were threatening to escape her lips and closed her eyes.

Her legs turned wobbly and she wasn't able to stand anymore. So she sat on the bed. She wiped her tears with the back of her palm and inhaled a forced breath gathering some courage before turning the page to read further.

Mujhe Tara se koi shikaiyat nahin hai. Main janta hoon uski stithi kya thi uss samey. Per ek baar sun toh sakti thi na.

Tara gripped the bedsheet in her tight fist. Her heart shattered loudly in her ears and tears clouded her eyes.

Ya phir main itna bura tha ke mujhe meri safai dene ka mauka tak nahin diya gaya. Shayad main uss yogya hi nahin tha.

Tears rolled down her cheeks like a waterfall as she read the lines. She bit the inside of her cheek to control the sobs that were building inside her. With shaky hands, she turned the page and started reading further.

Main kitna bura hoon na Tara mujhse shama mangti gayi, tadapti gayi per maine usse shama kerna toh door ki baat hai, usse theek se baat bhi nahin ki. Main sach mein Tara ke yogya nahin hoon. Maine sirf apni peeda dekhi, uski peeda mujhe dikhi hi nahin. Kitna swarthi hoon main. Usne apne pita ji khoye thy uska iss tarah kerna swabhavik tha per.... jo bhi ho galti meri hai mujhe uski stithi samajh ker usse shama kerna chahiye tha.

Guilt, regret, disbelief and pain washed over her after reading the text page as ocean of tears flowed down her cheeks repidly. Her heart shattered loudly in her ears all over again. It's broken shreds piercing her insides mercilessly. Her heart suddenly felt too shattered and heavy for her to carry.

She couldn't believe that he was blaming himself and not her. How could he blame himself. Tara just lost her father but Dhruv what about him? He lost everything, Her pain was nothing compared to his but he kept her above himself once again, like before, like always. Tara didn't had the courage to read further but she wanted to read further so she took a few deep breaths and turned the page.

Main Tara se ghrana ker hi nahin sakta. Kyunke maine Tara se iss hadh tak prem ker liya hai ke ab chahe woh mujhse ghrana kare, chahe woh mujhe jitni buri tarah marzi tod le per main humesha prem karunga usse, chahe jo ho jaye main usse ghrana nahin ker sakta.

Tara,s heart clutched very painfully in her chest as she read the lines, her voice tumbling with emotions. More tears streamed down her face as she placed her hand on her forehead.

Hum donon ki peeda ka koi mukabla nahin. Uski peeda mujhse bahot zyada hai. Krishna ji main aapse bas ek cheez mangna chahata hoon. Ke aap Tara ko sada khushiyan dein. Main uske layak nahin hoon per aap uske jeewan mein kisi aise ko lana jo uske layak ho, uske bina bole uski har baat samjhe. Kabhi uski peeda ko andekha na kare. Usse duniya ka sara sukh de. Usse itna sukhi rakhe ke woh yeh bhool jaye ke peeda kya hoti hai.
Aur yeh bhi bhool jaye uske jeewan mein koi Dhruv bhi tha.

Tara,s breathes turned uneven reading the last page of the diary. Ocean of tears started flowing from her eyes as she kept looking at the dairy. Her heart too heavy due to the emotions she was feeling. She kept her hand over her painfully clutched heart. She felt sobs building inside her. She felt like dying. She chocked on her breathes. She wanted to cry out loud but no words were coming out of her mouth. Her tongue had left the power to speak. Ocean of tears flowed down her eyes retracing the path of previously dried ones only moments ago as she tried inhaling a painful breathe. She covered her mouth with her palm. She couldn't believe what she has just read. He loved her so much despite being in pain himself, he wanted her happiness. He wanted that girl,s happiness who didn't give him anything except pain, sufferings and scars. She felt her heart too shattered and heavy for her to carry.

Hum chikitsak Dhruv ko mritiyu dand dete hain.

Koste hain hum uss gadhi ko jis ghadi hum tumse mile.

Tara!!!

His voice, soothing and calming as always brought her out from the flashes of the past.

Tara didn't look up at him. She was too guilty and ashamed of her actions and couldn't meet his gaze.

Tara!!!

Dhruv called out again, this time getting worried and he took a step towards her. Tara looked up gathering some courage. Dhruv grew worried. His heart shattered loudly in his ears upon seeing her eyes red and tears threatening to escape them any moment.

Tara Kya hua?

Dhruv asked her as he rushed towards her, his voice a mix of depression, fear and worry. Tara looked at him. He looked at her scared, depressed and worried.

Dhruv noticed the diary in her hand. He snatched it away from her and sat besides her. He cupped her face in his palms. His touch fearful but tender. He made her look into his eyes. Their eyes met. Dhruv gulped seeing the depression, fear, pain, hurt regret and shame in her eyes along with tears threatening to escape any moment.

Nahin padna chahiye tha tumhe yeh.

Dhruv said, his voice a mix of softness and hurt seeing her in such a state fragile state.

Dhruv!!!

Tara whispered, her voice barely audible. A tear rolled up on her cheek.

Nahin. Nahin. Tumhari galti nahin hai. Tumhari koi galti nahin hai. Tumne kuch nahin kiya Tara.

Dhruv said, his voice a mix of desperation and urgency trying to make a point.

His hold on her face tightened but was still loving and tender. Tara looked at him in shock. He was still caring about her and was worrying about her. How can he say that she wasn't at fault. How could he?

She stared deep into his dark brown orbs. She uplifted her shaky hand and was about to cup his cheek but stopped in middle as the regrets threatened to consume her.

Tara meri jaan.

Dhruv called her out softly looking at her, his gaze unwavering, a mix of love and tenderness. He uplifted his hand and enveloped his fingers around her palm. His actions were a mix of tenderness, love and delicacy. Dhruv watched as Tara closed her eyes as the feelings of belonging, tenderness, love and acceptance washed over her. Tears streamed down her face as she opened her eyes and looked at him. Her eyes were shinning with love, pain, hurt, vulnerability and regret. Dhruv,s heart shattered loudly in his chest seeing her state. He knew that this will happen that's why he never wanted to let out his emotions in front of her and had wrote them in the diary thinking it to be safe but he didn't knew that Tara will read it.

Tara.

Dhruv called her out, his voice soft and tender. He pulled her close and wrapped his arm around her petite frame. His one palm rested on her head caressing her hair with the most tender and delicate of touches while the other one was wrapped around her petite frame rubbing comforting circles on her back. Tara,s body shook because of the sobs that were building inside her.

Dhruv placed a loving, tender kiss on her hair and a sob escaped her lips seeing his tender gestures.

End Of Chapter!!!!

Coming up next: Pyaar ka arth

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