"Rome?", I ask, more to my self than to anyone else in the room. I can almost not believe it. Why Rome of all places? What mission am I going there to do? And why should I stay at the house of Jay Black?  Or more correctly, who the fuck is Jay black?

"Rome", he reapeats again almost like he wanted to imprint the words in me.  I want you to find out everything you can about Dennis Saunders. I'm sure you know who that is. Yeah?"

Of course, I know him! Who on earth doesn't know Dennis Saunders?. The all too arrogantly famous teenage gangster who  remains wanted by both the cops and every Mafia gang. I'm not dumb to not understand the hidden meaning of the statement "find out something" whenever it comes from Jon since it eventually leads to the death of said person.

"How do you know he's in Rome and why exactly do you want him dead?", I ask trying to look for ways to avoid this mission. Who am I kidding?

"He killed my wife and now I want revenge", Jon says looking at me pleadingly.

I steal a glance at Alan and I notice he briefly tenses and glances away quickly. I try to gain his attention and get him to hold my stare, but he doesn't. He must not want to have anything to do with this.

"Why don't you just do the business yourself or better still, send Alan?", I ask still trying to avoid the mission.

Don't get me wrong. Going out on missions are things I do normally without neglect but I can't stop looking for ways to avoid this one because I don't want to stay in the house of Jay Black. Why do I feel uncomfortable with this mission especially since it involves a total stranger?. Why was –

"I can't bring myself to do it and Alan too because he is my son and Alan's step brother", he says with tears in his eyes. With tears in his eyes!.

Freaking fuck!.

Jon never cries and he has never been one to show or share weaknesses. My jaw practically drops to the floor at Jon's confession. Damn the pyschotic idiot responsible for this. This must be hard for Jon. Maybe Alan too.

"It's fne by me but if I were to be in your shoes, I'll want to take revenge myself", I say with a wicked grin, stuffing the last grain of food in my mouth.

"Thank you", Alan and Jon chorus simultaneously, making my heart tug a little. These are my best people and I'd walk through hell to fulfill their desires. It's done. I accept to go on this very difficult mission without protests be it in any kingdom or nation of the world. But..

"Jon, why do I have to stay with Jay Black? Can't I lodge in a hotel or something? Can't Alan come with me?"

"No to all your questions. Jay will be the one to show you around and here's the plan of your mission which involves Jay", he says handing me a blueprint. I take a quick glance enough to know the gist of the plan and I feel my brows draw apart in confusion. And.. hurt?.

"I thought you said you loved me Jon, how can you tell me to make Dennis fall in love with me, dupe him of five hundred million and to make matters worse, attend school?", I say on the verge of tears.

A Valerian that I am should not cry in the presence of other people and I make a quick mental calculation to check the last time I had shed tears in front of someone else. I only cry within the confines of my room. Was I so weak?.

"Do you have any other idea?", Alan asks smirking. Oh really?.

I should have known this was his plan. He always promises he'd get even with me for mixing blue dye in his bath. A smile forms at the corner of my mouth as I remember the day he came out of the shower with him looking just like smurf and it had taken him two goddamn days to go back to his normal complexion.

"Actually I do. Jon, you know Dennis owns so many companies, I can always get in as one of his workers, get him to trust me and one day, when he invites me over to his house, I could get the deed done. You know the money is not my main priority, my main priority is..."

"To kill and not get killed because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but what kills you leaves you dead", Jon and Alan choruses for me.

I smile at both of them. This is my family and they know me better than I could ever know myself. And besides, it had been my mantra for as long as I can remember.

"That's a brilliant idea!", Jon exclaims and I stick  out my tongue at Alan. I win!.

"Who'd believe that you're the most wicked female assassin in the business?", Alan says sighing and shaking his head at the same time.

"Yeah whatever! So Jon, when do I leave?"

"Before dawn, you'll be taking the first flight..."

That did it, I ran out of the ER and up the last floor to my room not pausing until I'm all the way in with the door firmly bolted behind me. I slid down behind the door and squat, hugging my knees close to my chest as I release out my pent up emotions. I cry until I felt tension gradually release from my insides.

First he didn't give me a break, then, he wants me to take revenge for him. And now, he wants me to leave tomorrow morning.

"Why are you crying?", I startle as a voice which sounds just like mine asks and I look up and see myself. I don't get afraid but instead feel compelled to reply back but I somehow manage to keep mute.

"Oh don't worry, I'll answer that for you, you're crying because you're going to miss Alan, right?", my look alike tells me. I look at her in shock as she definitely just read my mind.

"Who are you?", I ask, still not afraid.

"I am you, I am your conscience!" Conscience, huh?.

"Jem, please open up!", Alan's voice brings me out of my reverie and as I look back towards the door and back to where my so called 'conscience' was standing, she was gone. Oh. I get up, wipe at my tears angrily until I hear the knock again.

"FUCK OFF ALAN!", I screamed at the top of my lungs with the tears streaming down my face again as I run to the bathroom and I am met face to face with the mirror. I stare intently at the girl in the mirror.

There's no doubt that I'm undeniably beautiful, if not exceptionally beautiful. I have a perfect shape, with a very appropriate height of 5ft 4inches. Even if I was to wear a very loose dress, all my curves are visible. I have a very defined and smooth face with a slightly pointed nose. My hair is naturally champagne gold but I dyed it jet black. My skin is as smooth and silky as velvet cut. I was simply perfection but the only thing that I don't find perfect about me is my ability to cry. I hate the fact that I could cry because not only does it make me weak, but also leaves me vulnerable, defenseless, and susceptible to dangers.

I sigh deeply and move to take my shower. I slowly peel my dress off my body as I enter the bath tub and run a cold shower, since the weather is pretty hot. I don't know how long I stay but when I get out, it's sunset. I don't bother to check the clock as I still feel traces of depression from earlier. I casually put on some yoga pants and body hugs and move towards the gym to clear my mind.

Getting to the gym, I split and in that position, I move my left leg and wrap it around my neck using the support of my hands before finally closing my eyes. I begin to envision the images of my past self at age twelve. It might as well have be a lifetime ago..

"Daddy please!"

I see my twelve year old self begging and crying, the expression on Ava's face as she entered the room my inability to get up and save myself, the bargaining of my life as if I had no hand in it.

I open my eyes and begin to hyperventilate as the memories comes rushing back like they happened today and soon, I break out in a cold sweat. This happens occasionally during my yoga practices with my memory always as vivid and clear as day.

I take a turn around and my head is met with his hard chest. From his strawberry scented bubble bath, I know it could only be one person. Alan!.

"Having those memories again?", he asks handing me a glass of water.

I nod, grabbing the glass of water from his hand and emptying its content in just one gulp. It isn't until I feel a burn around my throat that I realize I was given spirit, not water. How did I forget that I prefer to take alcoholic drinks to calm me down? And Alan knows even that tiniest detail without being told.

"Alan I...", I begin to say but was cut short when he lifts me off the ground and carries me bridal style. We pass my bedroom door and continued down the corridor and I instantly know I was spending the night in his room. Before I set for any mission, I always prefer sleeping in Alan's room because he calms me down.

"Jem, I know why you're upset", he says once we were settled in his room and he nestles me comfortably on his bed.

"You do?", I ask in utter surprise. Am I that readable?

"Yes Jem, I do. You're upset because you don't like Jay. And you don't like Jay because... Well because… you're jealous of him. You're jealous of the fact that you have a rival and you don't want a rival. You want to be the only one who's feared and revered by all of the Mafia gang in the world", Alan says, stuttering a little and holding my hands desperately.

I sigh in relief because he hadn't voiced my thoughts and surprise because he couldn't be anymore correct. And although, I really hate Jay, Alan isn't aware that he played a huge role in my main reason for not wanting to go. He does know me more than I do know myself but for some reasons, I can't hold his gaze. I look away, avoiding the eye contact.

"Jem?", he says, using his fore finger to divert my gaze back to his handsome face. "Once the mission is done, you can come back and take your revenge, just please do this for us", he says, the tears now streaming down his face. He is crying too?. Today feels surreal..

I desperately wrap my arms around me and pull him in for a hug.

"I love you Alan!", I whisper in his ears trying to control my shallow breathings.

"I love you more Jem, more than you can ever know and never you doubt that for a second", he says whispering back and stroking my hair affectionately. I want to stay in this moment forever..

"Do you want some pizza...oh sorry, I forgot you don't like pizza ever since He left you", Alan says breaking the hug and looking at me with eyes so focused that I fear he was looking through my soul.

"I know right! I'd just like to sleep right now", I manage to say.

"Okay then", he says switching off the light and laying beside me.

He pecks me on the cheeks and closes my eyes.

This had been myself and Alan's tradition since stepping foot in this house. It was our way of saying good night or good bye.

I remember vividly the night I came here. I had been so scared that I couldn't sleep but Alan had come to my room, hugged me and kissed me on the lips. I had been frightened he was going to take advantage of me but he didn't. He calmed me down and promised me he was always going to be there for me no matter the situation. He never failed that promise, as it were.

"Oh Jem, I have told you, I am telling you and I'll always tell you that..."

"As long as you're alive, you'll always be there for me, come what may", I conclude for him with a giggle.

"That's it silly girl"

"Am I a silly girl?"

"No you're not", he says at the same time I say, "No I'm not".

This has always been his own way of making me happy and for the record, it always worked. It never gets old. And I'll never get tired of hearing him say that over and over again!

"Good night Miss Valerian!"
"Good night Mr Ross!"

But so far, nothing seems good about this night because later today, l have to leave for ROME!

It'd have been better if I had just lodged in a hotel and darn!. Alan was right! I am indeed jealous of Mr Jay Black! Who does he think he is? I want to be the one and only feared Mafia in the business even though I am not a Mafia. And although I grew up in the Mafia ring, Jon trained me to be an assassin. I could remember when he sent me on my first mission at the age of 14 when I had been used as a bait for the president of Italy.

I had been so scared but thanks to Jon's presence all the way. I had been presented as a lost child and gotten into the president's room while Alan hacked into their camera and I slipped poison into the president's tea. I remember causing havoc as I was reported missing from the conference room. Then, Jon sneaked into the commotion and carried me away into the waiting helicopter where I left my signature mark and became so popular and feared. Unfortunately, I'll have no mother fucker ruin my reputation. Especially not the damned Jay Black!

And I will do whatever it costs to make sure I leave Rome with Jay's head on a platter. I will make sure I come back home being not just the most feared assassin in the business, but also the only one. Only one!.

Then I'll pay a visit to old nemesis.!.