Chapter 24: "Don't blame yourself."

JAY

"TELL ME WHAT happened."

My right knee bounced up and down and I glanced around the room. "I already told you what happened."

"Tell me again."

"What purpose will that solve?"

"The more you repeat an incident, the more details you will remember. Even the smallest details could save Addy's life."

I leaned back in the chair and stared at the white floor. My shirt was stained in the blood I'd washed my hands off a few hours ago. Ada's blood. "There's nothing else."

The woman snarled. "Do you want her to die?"

"Darling." The man placed a hand on her shoulder. "You can't kill him yet. He's clearly important to Addy. Before she passed out, she said we could not kill him."

The woman huffed and tossed a curl of red hair over her shoulder. "I know. That's the only reason I haven't put a bullet in his brain."

I must say, I do not enjoy how casually she talks of killing me.

Ada. I tried to smile despite the unfiltered terror coursing through my veins. Why have you brought me here?

The man turned to me with an apologetic shrug. "Sorry about the hostile welcome. We're just deeply worried about Addy. My name is Ryder and this is my fiancée–"

"Don't tell him my real name," the woman snapped, her green eyes narrowing."Call me Silver."

"Silver. Got it." I nodded, not eager to anger the woman with a gun. "How is- how is Ada?"

"We don't know," Ryder answered honestly. "She keeps slipping in and out. The doctors say she's been poisoned and are trying to flush the toxins out of her body but... it's unclear if she will- if she will make it."

"Of course she'll make it," Silver said abruptly, her hands curled into tight fists in her lap. "She has to. She promised she wouldn't leave us."

Ryder wrapped his arm around her shoulder and I had to admire his courage. "It's okay, Za- I mean, Silver. Addy is strong. She'll pull through."

"We had a deal," Silver whispered, "she never breaks her deals."

I awkwardly stood up, feeling like I was intruding on a private moment. "Um, I'll just go–"

"No need," Silver tiredly waved a hand. "Sit back down. Now, Jay Carter, tell us everything that's happened so far that's led to my best friend getting poisoned."

I took a deep breath and told her everything from Keen nearly killing Ada in the alleyway, to Ada getting poisoned. When I mentioned the building in the woods, Silver paled and let out a shuddering breath.

"I know the place you are talking about," she growled, her hand inching towards the gun strapped to her waist. "I know the man who runs it too. Until I see his head separated from his body, I cannot believe he died in the fire."

"I understand." I nodded. "Ada...told me about her time there."

"She did?" Silver raised her head and frowned. "She trusted you?"

"I think so?"

"Remarkable... what sorcery did you commit?"

"What? None!"

"Dear," Ryder said gently. "Remember, no killing."

"What if I just break his nose a little?" She tried to compromise.

"Would you be mad at Addy if she just broke my nose a little bit?" Ryder asked.

"Well, not really. You probably would've done something to deserve it."

Ryder spluttered in protest and I took the opportunity to excuse myself to go check up on Ada. When I heard the happy couple bickering and threatening to kill each other, I knew I made the right choice.

When I first came to their doorway, holding a feverish and shivering Ada, I was nearly shot down by the guards. Fortunately, Silver and Ryder spotted Ada in my arms and immediately ordered for us to be brought inside. Ada was whisked away by the medical team and I was left in the hallway.

Then Silver put a gun to my head and demanded I tell her what happened.

For hours I was recounting my version of events, and I only got to see Ada once in that time. I suddenly realised how much I cared about that damned Analyst, and I wasn't sure how to feel about that.

I knocked on the wooden door and opened it, my eyes falling on a painful sight. Ada was lying on a white bed, her dark hair fanned like some sort of halo as her breath clouded the mask strapped over her mouth. A million tubes and wires were sticking out of her and a heartbeat monitor beat slowly in the corner.

"Hey," I whispered, my voice choking up slightly. "Um, the doctors said you woke up a little while ago? Like, your eyes opened and everything. But then you went back to sleep... but it's still an improvement I guess?"

I sighed, pulling up an uncomfortable chair and slowly lowering myself into it. "I can hear you calling me stupid right now."

I thought of Wilson's expression before she blacked out. Blood trickled out of her mouth and she started shaking. Her mouth was wide and pink froth bubbled at the edges and let out the most pained sounds I'd ever heard.

I called Silver and Ryder, and they gave me an address which was about an hour away from where I was. Never in my life have I broken so many traffic laws or skipped through so many red lights. I knew this would put us on the Agency's radar, but I did not care.

Hesitantly, I grabbed Ada's hand and interlaced out fingers together and gently rubbed circles on her hand. "C'mon Ada... wake up already. You still owe me a fight."

She didn't wake up. But I could've sworn her grip on my hand tightened a little bit- that's a good sign, right?

The injuries Ada gathered must have also taken their toll. I was such an idiot. I should have realised that it would be too much and that Ada's 'I'm fine' cannot be applied to human standards. She should never have gone into that building alone and I should be the one in the hospital bed rather than her.

"Don't blame yourself."

My head snapped up and I tensed, becoming more alert when I saw it was Silver. "Sorry?"

She rolled her eyes and crossed the room. "Would you relax? I'm not gonna shoot you. I wouldn't risk getting blood on Addy."

"That doesn't reassure me in the slightest."

She shrugged and took the second chair, placing it opposite to me. "That's your problem."

Good. I thought. At least she will be more reluctant to strangle me if Ada is in the middle.

I cleared my throat. "What did you mean by 'don't blame yourself'?"

"Exactly what I said. I know what it's like to be the only survivor. You're thinking over everything in your head, right? Trying to see where it went wrong and what you could have done differently."

I stayed silent and kept my gaze trained on the heart monitor. She was right, but I didn't like the feeling of someone else being in my head.

"Stop thinking," Silver said, her tone insistent. "Stop thinking about where it went wrong and try to look ahead. You can't fix the past but you definitely can change the future."

"How?" I asked. "I can't do anything while Ada is in the hospital bed."

"Says who?"

"Well, I mean, she's the Analyst–"

"So?" Silver scoffed and rolled her eyes, "You're telling me that, despite living in the twenty-first century, you don't know how to use a computer?"

"I do, but–"

"But nothing." Silver jerked her head towards Ada. "She's the one in a coma, not you. Now get off your ass and go do some work. I'll have one of the assistants get you a computer. Make a plan, do some research but don't mope about. You're not helping anyone by moping."

I thought about it. While I was very partial to moping, Silver had a point. When Ada woke up, I wanted to get out of this place and travel as far away as possible from the Agency. I wanted to forget about Ezra, forget about Keen, forget about everything to do with that damned Agency.

Unfortunately, I knew Ada better than that.

If I even suggested we run away, she would dump me in some remote ghost town and die trying to take down Keen and any other traitors within the Agency. Oh and find Ezra, of course.

I remember Wilson took some papers from the building. They were in a little crumpled heap on the bedside table. Wilson thought they were incredibly important to take while running for her life, so they must contain something.

"Thank you, Silver," I said, standing up. "You're right. Sitting around doing nothing is a poor way to repay Ada. Also, I'm sorry for tracking mud inside your home."

She waved her hand. "Happens all the time, kid, don't worry about it."

I smiled, despite being slightly disturbed, and left the room. Before the door shut, I heard Silver whisper something to Ada, but I didn't dare stick around to eavesdrop.

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