TWENTY-SIX

RECONCILE AND REGRETS

Trigger Warnings!

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Mentions of mental health and abuse will be addressed. You've been warned. Skip this if it could bother you in some ways. Be a responsible reader, malalaki na kayo.

MINAMI KNEW THAT once her mother remarried to a politician, her life would be miserable. If she had just spoken out about what happened to her real father, this would not have happened.

Because of this, she has plainly lived her life as a pawn. Her childhood was also not exactly joyful. Especially when she was at the highest point of her senior high.

Minami was holding a cleaning scrapper and moving it around the room to clean. Then Kotori waved her hand and folded her uniform sleeves.

"Minami! Andito ka pa pala sa STEM-1!"

"Dahil tamad ang mga kaklase ko, I have no other choice!"Pagpaparinig ni Minami sa kanyang mga kaklase na nagtatawanan at tuwang-tuwa sa paglalaro ng ML sa kanilang mga selpon.

"Ikaw lang ang aburido sa mataas mong grado para sa nakakuha ng 98 sa Calculus." Kotori chuckled.

"Dahil 'di ako sigurado kung makakapasok ako sa med school!"

"Same! Sana makapasa ako sa ina-applyan ko sa med school, noh. Kung hindi, mag-asawa na lang ng sculpture artist, beh!" She winked.

Kotori clearly recalls those days.

Minami was really hard on herself at times. Alternatively, you may describe her as an achiever who's overly ambitious. It causes her a lot of stress Just like right now.

She's already the class president, and she's even taking on the cleaning tasks as instructed by the teacher.sident and she even takes this cleaning duties just as the teacher says.

Minami would simply give her a nod. She was being quiet as usual. "Sige na! Maharot ka." she says, and Kotori giggles and covers her mouth.

She's aware that Minami's a quiet person most of the time, which concerns her greatly given her tendency to isolate herself from everyone.

Minami looks forward to nothing. She was quietly pushing the books and arranging all of the tables and chairs. It was almost 3:30 p.m. when class finished. She just wants to finish what she needs to do right now.

Minami finished her cleaning tasks and proceeded to the faculty to hand over the keys, waving her hand and smiling pleasantly at the professors.

Kotori then rushed and walked alongside her. "Alam mo 'to!? 12 parts of the cell-"

"Eukaryotic cell parts include the nucleus, nucleolus, mitochondria, rough endoplasmic reticulum, smooth endoplasmic reticulum, centrosomes, lysosomes, ribosomes, Golgi complex, cell membrane, nuclear envelope, and cytoskeleton."

"Wow, cous! Lalo akong nalula!" Sigaw ni Kotori, tapos tumawa pa ng malakas.

"Ano, sige? Kukuha ka pa ng pre-med sa college talaga, ha? Good luck na lang."

Minami's straightforward statements caused Kotori's mouth to shut completely. That's how she typically speaks. Because she wasn't very close to her, she hardly knew who Minami was, except for those two friends with whom she spent most of her time.

All Kotori had were the scorching emotions she felt due to her jealousy of Minami. That is not it. She feels too distant, despite the fact that they lived together.

Pag-uwi nila, si Minami ay sinalakay ng kanyang kuya at ama nang sabay at binigyan ng kanilang masasamang tingin. 'Di mabasa kung ano ang nararamdaman ni Minami and it was as if she had fully shut down her feelings.

Minami's father greeted Kotori and smiled broadly at her, "Kotori!" He beams. "How is school?"

"May kaunting problema ako sa paparating na exams, ninong! But Minami is different. She absolutely excelled at-"

"As the kid should have!"

"Magaling si Minami, ninong. Ang mga scores naman niya po eh palaging nasa top. 'Di siya nagpapabaya! Ninong, napakagaling niya. Napakagaling niya sa lahat! Pati na rin ang student council. At laging laman ng pageants sa school namin. Pinagmamalaki siya ng buong STEM-1!"

If Minami could have said anything, she would have. She clutched her test papers and smiled sadly. She will never be enough, no matter what she does, right?

For once, she wants to be loved. Not an option. But she knew she wouldn't receive that type of love from her family.

She tapped Kotori, her hands shaking, and she could feel her ears become hotter than usual as her tears flowed down. "Doon na'ko sa kwarto, ha?"

"Kahit kailan, wala talagang silbi!"Sigaw ni Masaki

Minami bit her lip as she carefully stepped into her room, noting that her shoulders were heavier than usual. When she finally entered her room, agad siyang bumagsak sa sahig, at tuluyang bumagsak ang kanyang mga luha.

Napakabigat nitong dala-dala niya. Pakiramdam mo sasabog ka na. Kung ano-ano na ang naririnig mo sa 'yong sarili. And she just tapped her chest, and her heartbeat began to rise.

Niyakap niya ang sarili niya at umiyak. Halos isang oras din siyang 'di tumitigil sa pag-iyak. Pinunasan niya ang kanyang mga luha, at nanginginig ang kanyang mga daliri and she was considering whether to call Saku or Nanako.

Kaya't hinugot na niya ang lakas ng loob niya at agad siyang tumawag dito. You could hear her sniffing at halos manginig ang baba niya at 'di tumigil pa rin siya sa pag-iyak.

[Minami? Are you crying?]

She wasn't sure what to say anymore. All she wanted was for someone to listen to her.

Her voice broke, tears streamed down her cheeks, and she breathed quickly. She opens her mouth and notices the caller ID.

Saku on the line...

[Don't dare to disconnect the call. May nangyari 'di' ba? Sino'ng umaway sayo? Sabihin mo nga. Pakisabi na kung hindi ka kayang alagaan, sa' kin ka na umuwi. Maingay man dito dahil sa ingay ng mga bata sa ampunan but I can take care of you.]

"Hindi naman masama mapagod, 'di' ba? Kasi ako, pagod na'ko. I can't live with their ideals of becoming a perfect daughter. 'Di naman anak ang turing nila sa'kin. Kung magagamit nila ako para lang pagtakpan ang ebidensya, doon lang sila magaling."

"Saku..." Minami said, "I'm not okay." I'll never be okay. I'm so over everything. I-I want to give up...Ayoko na. Tama na."

[You can't. You still have me. Minami, please come over here tonight. Can you do it? I'm worried about you. I'm still at work, but I'll get out at 11 p.m. I'm still on my shift, but I'll be home soon!]

Minami grinned and chuckled since he occasionally exaggerates things. Or how she's always his primary priority. Her parents couldn't even get her to visit a psychiatrist, so he had to work for her to keep her in therapy.

"I'll be there at 9:45, so please wait for me, okay?"

[Okay, love.]

And it's his signature move. Is he hitting on her? Probably not. Minami's face reddened, and she shook her head because of what Saku had called her.

☫✠_____♆_____✡♆

SHE RUSHED TO her cabinet and grabbed some clothing. She wore a cream oversized blouse with stripped maong shorts, white stockings, and red rubber shoes. Minami applied makeup and decorated her hair with pink jewels. Well, it's only a sleepover! It's also important for her to look good.

Hinawakan niya ang salamin at tinignan ang sarili, "Okay na 'to! Alam kong maganda ako."

As she made her way downstairs, she took care to make no noise. Fortunately, neither her father nor her brother were present. Thus, she grabbed the opportunity and ultimately fled the mansion. Mabuti na lang at 'di siya nahuli sa kanyang ginawa.

Halos hingal na hingal na rin siya sa kanyang ginagawa.And before she knew it, nakatayo na siya sa harap ng simbahan. It was frequently based on the oval, and in order to enhance the sense of motion and sensuality, dynamic opposition and interpenetration of spaces were preferred.

Grandeur, drama and contrast (particularly in lighting), curvature, and an often bewildering assortment of gilded statuary, twisting elements, and rich surface treatments are additional distinguishing features. Bright colors and illusory, vividly painted ceilings were boldly used by architects.

Saku stood before her, smirking as he saw her approach and placed his palm on his mouth, "You're going to sleep here with that? Nagpaganda pa, ha?"Mas lalo siyang nakaramdam ng hiya dahil sa mga sinabi ng lalaki. She didn't realize how much her cheeks had turned redder.

"Ang sabihin mo Kuya, kanina ka pa aligagang nag-aantay kay Ate Ganda!" Sabi ng isang bata and she grinned at him.

"Hindi ah..."

"Brad, malusaw ako, " sabay hampas ni Minami sa dibdib ni Saku. She could feel how strong as a rock his body is. Yeah, right. He's working out on a gym.

Minami blinked for awhile and looked so excited as she noticed him wearing a black formal shirt along with a grey apron.

Based on what's he's wearing, he must be working on a exclusive restaurant. But he remains the same. He's awfully quiet. Maybe not. Once Saku noticed her, he gave her a smile after.

Kanina pa siya tinititigan ni Minami sa mga punto na 'to and words aren't coming from her mouth, 'Akala ko ba mamaya pa ang out niya sa shift? Naistorbo ko ba siya?' It makes her feel terrible.

She now feels so burdened as a result of telling him about her current situation. She feels uneasy and unexpectedly rubs both of her hands.

Agad siyang inakbayan ni Saku and pulled her inside their home, "Dala mo ba 'yung gamot?"

"Yes, on my bag..."

"Excellent. Dad gave a call. Next week is your next session. Plus, tumaas ang sweldo ko ngayon! Isa sa construction, isa sa convenience store, at heto may racket pa sa restaurant."

His excitement was obvious in his eyes. Para kay Minami, gagawin niya ang lahat. At nang kailanganin ni Minami ang suporta, sina Saku at Nanako lang ang naging support system niya. She attempted to talk to her family about her mental health issues, but they showed no interest.

As she began to feel even heavier, she was only able to hold onto her bag. If you ask her, she couldn't have that, so she was always envious of other kids who had family love particularly the fact that she has been neglected since she was a young child. Wala siyang mapupuntahan sa oras na 'yon. 'Di na niya maintindihan ang iniisip niya.

How awful it is to have anxiety in your life. You would hear all the negative thoughts in your head every day. Your mind is constantly alert. You wish it would stop because you have a lot of possibilities running through your mind. Even once. It seemed like there was always something wrong with you.

You believe that nobody can relate to you. Because others may not understand the absurd ideas that are going through your mind and how you've been stuck in your negativity. How self-critical you are and believing that you're not improving. and believing you're going insane when you're not. This is a difficult way to live.

Having all of these panic episodes makes things more worse.

Minami hold her head and everything's feel so clouded. Halos manigas na lang siya sa kinakatayuan niya.

"Minami?"

She shuts her eyes slowly. This was extremely difficult for her. There is no one she could run into. Saku simply put out his arms and signaled her to rush to him so she could hug him. "You can always run to me. You're aware of that."

Minami clutched her clothes and bit her lip. Her thoughts are loud, and she can't stop hearing them about how small she is. And up to this moment, she feels so little. Her tears fell, and she ran towards him and held him.

"Ako ang kakampi mo sa lahat, kahit tabuyin ka man nila, alam mong pwede kang umuwi sa'kin."

"Bakit gano'n? Bakit ang hirap maging matapang?"

"Sino bang nagsabi sa'yo na magpakatapang ka na lang to the point where you ignore your own emotions? What they don't realize is that sadness is one of our feelings. It's alright to be sad at times. You do not have to be okay all the time. Take your time to heal."

"And if they don't understand?"

"Fuck their mindset then." Umirap si Saku at hinampas siya ni Minami. "Saku Ithiel, seryoso nga kasi!"

"Well," he said, rubbing the top of his nose, "If they don't realize how hurt you are, then they're the problem. When they are the ones who have wounded you the most, people like that feel better than you and superior. Isn't that selfish?"