A few months later...

Joshua sat between his parents at Temple Beth Elohim and felt ten again. It was the high holy day of Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. Josh's stomach growled, but he couldn't eat until sundown. Most families broke their fast with a nice meal, but not the Roches. They pick up Chinese food. Jill couldn't be bothered to cook. She didn't believe in spending more time preparing a meal than it took to eat it.

Throughout the service, Jill had been nudging Josh and pointing out single girls. The age range was from eighteen to fifty. Some days, he had regrets over ending things with Ann. He had fallen in a rut and was lonely.

Josh still spent Sundays in Dover, where Stella insisted he stay for dinner so she could fuss over him. Inquiring about Shaun and Tansy led to only what he already knew. Sarah didn't share with him. Shaun would respond to texts, but she was too busy to talk. She had started working full time and had Tansy to care for. Her divorce went through, but she wouldn't share the details.

Once a week, Stella shook her head. "I hope that baby girl is safe with that man."

After Sunday, he worked and worked. He felt like he had become Ann, but it kept him busy. Occasionally, he met Jimmy for a drink. He had been flying out to Seattle regularly to keep tabs on his cousin. The woman he was dating wouldn't discuss her sister or the douchebag. Josh was certain Jimmy was hiding information about Shaun. Other than going stag to functions he couldn't avoid and hanging at the house in Waban, his life had become depressing.

"Stop!" He hissed to his mother, who pointed out a girl who looked about twenty-five.

He needed to atone. He needed forgiveness for hurting Shaun. His gut told him it was his fault she left. Maybe he should have kissed her. He shut his eyes and remembered the moment. He wanted to, but she hated cheaters, and he would become one. When he realized she wasn't returning, he texted to tell her he had ended it with Ann, but she never responded. Often she didn't. He should atone for his own stupidity. From the very beginning, she told him she wasn't staying, but he convinced himself she would.

He had a text from Jimmy asking if he was free for a drink. Josh should say no, but he texted he could at eight. It gave him an hour to eat Mu Sho chicken, no pork on high holy days, and a half hour to get in town. Josh learned not to gorge himself after the fast. He ate a plateful and ignored his mother as she encouraged him to take more.

He shook his head. "I have to go. I'm meeting a friend for a drink."

"A girl?"

"No, Jimmy Sinclair."

His father looked impressed. Jill did not. "Why weren't you interested in the girls at the temple?"

"Mom, that's an essay question. I don't have time."

"Take some leftovers."

"I'm not going straight home. You keep them."

He would probably regret it in three hours when he was hungry again. Jimmy had texted for him to come to his house. The drive was quick without a lot of traffic. He stood apprehensively at the door. He had never been invited into the Sinclair home.

A man in a suit opened the door and wished him good evening. Before he could reply, Jimmy raced down the wide staircase. He wore jeans and only socks on his feet. As Josh glanced around at the decor of dark wood and rich colors, he wished Emma could see it.

"Thank you, Charles. We'll be fine to pour our own drinks."

The man asked, "Are you certain?"

"If I've forgotten how, Josh can help."

The man looked as if he wanted to crack a smile, but didn't. Josh did. He laughed. "Is that your..."

"Butler. He runs the household."

"He's a little serious."

Jimmy chuckled. "Come in."

"I can't believe you live here alone."

"Not alone. Charles and the cook live in. My parents do too, officially, but they don't come home often."

Josh waited until he had a glass in his hand. It was the same scotch as on the plane.

He raised his glass. "I love this."

Jimmy smiled. "I'll be sure to remember at Christmas."

Josh didn't correct him. His family celebrated Christmas at the Sumner's. They enjoyed the traditions, but didn't celebrate the birth of the savior.

"Have you been west?"

Jimmy took a sip before answering. "This can't go on."

"Is she okay?"

"She hides it, but she's miserable. Other than to pay her lawyer, she didn't ask me for a penny. She hasn't used the credit card since before she came home."

Maybe it was his guilt and the day in the temple, but his mouth took over for his brain.

"I almost kissed her."

Jimmy studied him. "Almost? Didn't you want to?"

"I did." He could see her closed eyes and plump lips. "But I was with Ann and she was still married, so I turned away. I'm afraid I'm the reason. She barely responds to my texts and..."

"She barely responds to Sarah's texts. She pushes me out the door after two minutes. It's bigger than you. From what I gathered, she went back and took control of her life. She confronted both the douche and the douche stealer."

Josh smiled at Jimmy's word choice. After a sip of golden heaven, his mouth tilted down. "Why has she cut herself off?"

"You should ask her."

Jimmy studied Josh over his glass. It felt very Masterpiece Theater (Jill liked PBS) to be sitting in a two-hundred-year-old mansion on Beacon Hill sipping scotch. It felt more serious than sitting at a bar. Josh wondered if Jimmy had planned it.

"She won't respond."

Jimmy held his glass. "Ask her in person."

Josh shook his head at the same time his chest expanded. It had felt constricted for so long. "Do you think she's let me in?"

"Tansy wouldn't give her a choice."

"Maybe I should." He could afford to take another day or two off.

Jimmy smiled. "What's your plan?"

"Plan? You're the one with the plan."

The only thing he could think of was if he were in a similar position again, he wouldn't pull back; he would kiss her.

Jimmy laughed as if he was a child and didn't respond. Embarrassed, Josh felt tight in his chest again. "There isn't an actual plan. She lives there. I can't move. Timing is everything. Maybe if I kissed her in high school... But I was graduating. We are destined for friendship."

"Is that what you want?" Jimmy took a sip.

Josh saw a vision of Shaun and Tansy in the hayloft. He loved the little girl, and they went together. He slowly shook his head. "Sometimes it doesn't matter what you want."

"I always get what I want."

Josh saw a hint of deceit behind Jimmy's bravado. The man was an enigma. He had seen the real Jimmy Sinclair with Tansy and Sarah, so he was privy to information the world was missing.

He would go to Seattle because he missed her, but it was impossible to see a future with their friendship expanding. Maybe seeing that she was alright was what he needed.