Joshua rode back to Boston alone. Even with Kendall's invite, he had a good evening. Fake dating Shaun was more fun than an evening with Ann and sex. Maybe it was because Shaun was his friend, or because he didn't have to be on guard like he had to with Ann and his friends.

Meeting Shaun changed him. Even his personal goals have shifted. Those moments in the car probably ruined everything. Holding her while she slept had felt right. Oliver had winked at him, as Emma had snuggled in too. Oliver's whisper, about not being tired and his looking forward to taking her dress off, led to an empty feeling inside. Shaun's warmth filled the dark pit.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! He almost kissed her. He wanted to. She wanted it too, but he pulled away. She put up a wall when he did. Maybe it was a friendship wall, but his gut told him it meant more. It would take effort to tear it down, but Josh would do the work.

Fatigue set in as he dressed for golf. He had tossed and turned and then slept in too late to run. Maybe he should bring his boots and jeans to ride after the eighteen holes. He could skip the nineteenth at the club. The wall felt daunting, and it might need some space before he started chiseling away. Tuesday. He would give her until Tuesday.

Monday came, and he felt even more tired. The Sunday sun had worn him out, so he had an afternoon nap. He needed to sleep off the embarrassment of losing a hundred bucks. If he considered his handicap, Oliver beat him. Clearly, Josh was off his game.

He had to be on it, because he had a meeting with Kendall to iron out some language issues in a contract. He wasn't too far gone, so he made sure Joyce scheduled it in his office. Kendall could rant and yell at him, but he didn't need to witness her berating her assistant. Josh's thin thread might snap. She wouldn't dare yell at Joyce. The older woman remembered when Kendall was an assistant herself, a million moons ago.

He survived Kendall and Monday. Home alone, he realized he hadn't received so much as a text from Ann since Friday. She had texted telling him not to miss her too much over the weekend. He hadn't. In fact, he only thought of her in contrast to Shaun, and when he abruptly turned away from her. He wasn't perfect, but he wasn't a guy who kissed a woman when he wasn't single. He wasn't a douche, but he might be a dumbass.

Wrong. He was a douchebag. When he arrived at the barn on Tuesday afternoon, Stella met him at the door. She studied him for a moment as he stood smiling like a kid on Christmas or Hanukkah, in his case. He braced himself for Tansy to jump into his arms.

"They're gone."

"Gone?" His heart dropped.

She nodded. "Left Monday to go back home."

He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. She hadn't even texted him. "I thought she was staying longer while you recuperated."

"I'm fine. I pretended a bit to keep her here." She stared at him as if she could see into his soul. "Did something happen Saturday night?"

Josh shook his head and shrugged. "My friends like her."

"But you didn't come on Sunday."

He shook his head. "I golfed."

"Tsk. Something smells fishy. You're too old for games."

He shook his head, pushing the guilt that had risen in his throat down. "I live here, and she lives there."

"Yes, but if you wish she lived here, you need to tell her. Jimmy can make anything happen."

"At what cost?" Josh sighed.

"Think about it."

He thought about little else as he saddled Shadow and rode the same route. When he reached the woods, he sat by the stream. He was a planner. He kept lists of things he needed to get done. If he wrote a list for his personal life, the top item was to have a long talk with Ann. As much as he liked her, they wanted different futures. A casual relationship may fit into her plans, but it didn't fit his. Once he resolved things with Ann, he would figure out his friendship with Shaun. It could be out of his control because of the distance. If he ever had the desire to kiss her again, he wanted to be unencumbered, so he could follow through with it. Hopefully, she wouldn't slap him.

On a whim, he took a selfie with the stream behind him. He sent it with the message: Sad you're not here. Once he pressed send, it was too late to take it back.

His week dragged on with no word from Shaun. Even JJ commented on his mood. They were two opposites. JJ was young and enjoying his new relationship. Josh was getting older by the day and facing being single again. He could hang on with Ann longer, but it wouldn't be fair.

When his phone rang just after five on Friday evening, he let it go to voicemail. The last thing he need was to listen to Jimmy talk about Shaun. As he was staring at his phone, a text came in from Ann, telling him she was home. Date night was on.

The guilt set in. He was disappointing women at every turn, even Emma. She had texted, asking for Shaun's number. She wanted to invite her and Tansy to lunch. He had to tell her Shaun had left.

"Why? You two looked so cozy."

Too cozy. "She fell asleep."

"But you like her?"

The answer was yes. He sighed. "It's not high school anymore."

"And you're not getting any younger."

Josh sighed. "Thanks for what I already know."

His strongest argument had always been Ann. I'm just friends with Shaun, I'm with Ann. Josh reminded himself that keeping Ann for an excuse wasn't the answer. It was easy, even satisfying, but only in the moment.

Ann invited Josh over on Saturday night. "We can get takeout and make up for last week."

Normally, her suggestion would cause a reaction in his pants, but his anxiety distracted him. Josh had been in a fair share of relationships but had never ended one. He was the guy the girls grew tired of and dumped. Although he may have helped one or two make the decision, but Ann was different. He respected her, and she deserved a straightforward approach.

He took the T over to Park Street and walked to Ann's apartment. He had no reason to dress up, so he felt comfortable in shorts. It was a warm day, and he felt a little sticky. He wondered how long it would be before he reversed his trip. He could wait to talk to her in the morning, but that was being selfish.

She let him in and greeted him with a kiss. It was not a passionate kiss, perhaps because he didn't escalate it. To him, it meant 'I'm glad to see you', mixed in with some 'I missed you'.

He took in her apartment. It was small, but she had nice furniture. Josh had always felt comfortable at her place, even though they used his most of the time. He looked at the bottle of wine. It was expensive.

"What's this?"

She blushed. "I had it in San Francisco and splurged. I loved it."

Josh felt like a heel. He watched as she poured two glasses. Then he let her talk about her travels. Her excitement illuminated her beauty. Josh could still change his mind. Being in the same business worked. When she spoke of her number one love, he understood.

They were on their second glass when she said, "I'm so glad to be home."

"Your flight was fine?"

"A slight delay. So what's new with you? How was the thing last weekend?"

"Fine. You would have hated it. Emma's friend Rex was in rare form."

Ann sighed. "At least you had your horse friend."

Josh smiled. For an English major, Ann's phrasing was all wrong. She never felt threatened by Shaun. He could respond that his friend left, and they could discuss her. Ann enjoyed an exciting story. She once said that people's lives are a series of stories. Talking about Shaun would be the wrong choice. His decision was irrespective of his confusing feelings for Shaun.

"One of the fathers invited Kendall, so you should be glad you missed it."

Ann looked at him. "Does she know about us?"

Josh shook his head. "I try to keep my private life private."

Except he wouldn't if he were like Oliver, who was showing off pictures of Daphne to anyone who asked about her.

He took a deep breath. "Ann, I've been thinking. Saturday only isn't working for me."

"We've had this conversation before. My career."

"I know. Your career is your priority. Your goal is to move to New York. Mine are different. I want to be someone's priority, their number one."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm thirty-four and I want what Oliver has. As much as I care about you, we'll never get there together."

Ann looked confused. "Do you mean kids?"

"Yes, and I think it's safe to say, you don't love me enough to change your goal for me." She tried to say something, but he was on a roll. The pressure released from his chest. "I respect you too much to change your mind. If we were heading in the right direction, I could have fallen in love with you, instead I admire and respect you. That's not enough."

She frowned. "It was enough for some really great Saturday nights. I'm not dumb. I saw you with your friends and felt jealous of Oliver's baby. When you held her, I knew. You aren't my first relationship to end this way, but you're my nicest."

"If I wanted to be a career guy, I could see us making it, if you compromised. If you want it, you can find the right guy, but he'll want to be in your bed every night with his laptop."

"I get it. You tried, and I always said no."

"With the next guy, say yes. You might find a balance you didn't know you needed."

"Why are you so nice?"

He laughed. "A personality flaw. Are we friends?" Ann nodded. "I promise to run interference with Kendall. Just call and I'm there for you."

Ann forced a smile. "Will you approve contract language that benefits me?"

Josh laughed. "Don't push it. We did a good job keeping business and personal separate. We should both feel good about that."

Ann wiped a tear. "I'm going to miss you. I know I was the world's worst girlfriend. You are a really nice guy. You deserve better."

"I'll miss our Saturday nights. Can we prove the cliche wrong and be friends?"

"We can try."

"I guess you don't want me to stick around for takeout."

She shook her head. "I'm not very hungry. I might get some work done."

Josh stood. "I'm sorry it couldn't work for us."

"Thanks for putting up with me as long as you did." Josh opened his arms and she let him hug her. "Honestly, if you ever need anything, I'm your guy."

"Can you just leave? I'd like to cry alone."

He tightened his embrace. "I'm sorry." As he pulled back, he brushed his lips across her forehead. "I believe you will make it to New York, and I will be the first in line to congratulate you."

She pushed him away. "Just go. You're too damn nice, and I don't deserve you."

He shook his head. "Friends? Promise me."

She nodded. "Friends."

"I'll even give you relationship advice so you can hold on to the next great guy."

With a half-hearted smile, she asked, "What about Jimmy Sinclair?"

"No. Too weird, besides the guy has a reputation."

"Too bad. He's sexy."

"I'm going now. Ann, thanks for some great times. I mean it."

He tapped on his heart. He loved her a little bit. Enough to give up his dream of a family? He would never know.

When he stepped outside, the pavement was wet. A shower had passed through, but the sky was clear. The air was cooler and drier. He felt lighter with every step, as he by-passed Park Street Station and headed for Government Center and kept walking. He walked through the tourists at Quincy Market and passed the people laughing and drinking in the outside seating. A late summer night in Boston, and he was alone, but he was no longer accepting less than he deserved.