- underage drinking
- TRIGGER WARNING; blood

this chapter did make my heart ache a little:'(

domitilla peyton

The neon radiant lights flashed across the chambers, as Halloween continued over the drunken shouts and dancing.

Emptied plastic cups dispersed along the floors, as our laughs and voices could barely be heard over the booming music. It was so loud that it made my skin tingle. The beats thumped in time with my heartbeat.

'Time to get fucking wasted.' Lyra groaned in gratitude whilst she glugged carelessly on a bottle of vodka.

'Same. I'm starving too.' I added, reaching over for the pile of cornish pasties on the table beside out couches.

Pansy sat opposite us, with her couple of friends, drinking and giggling.

'Might want to watch what you eat Dom Dom. You couldn't even fit into your jeans yesterday, and Draco wouldn't want to date a fatass.' she chirped menacingly.

My hand drifted slowly away from the food as I shrunk back down into my seat. It felt like I got punched in the face.
Tracey and Millicent sat beside her, and sniggered along.

'Shut your mouth, you fucking bellend.' Lyra growled opposite her.

Pansy's face soured in rage, 'Why? Got a dick to suck you slag? Or has Graham decided he couldn't get hard enough for your slutty arse?'

Red splotched over my vision, my fists trembling under the tables. I stood up forcefully, as if about to scrap her.

'Don't you even fucking dare call my friend that, or I swear to shit-' I seethed, before a pair of hands held onto my shoulders, carefully adjusting me back to the couch.

'Woah, woah, woah.' Draco's voice spoke behind me, 'No need to fight.' he scooted down beside me, rubbing a comforting hand on my back.

My vision slowly came back, and so did my breathing. Pansy had a fuming, scrunched up expression slapped on her face as she quietly went back to talking with her girls. Lyra acted like nothing happened, and sipped on her bottle in complete innocence.
I exhaled, going back to my normal self. This night was about having fun. Getting drunk. Partying. I needed that in my life sometimes.

The rest of the boys joined us in the corner of the room, collecting themselves on each spare seat by the couches.

'Why are the girls pissy?' Adrian asked teasingly, and Draco shot a cold glare towards him, still keeping his hand on me.

'You okay?' he whispered. I nodded nonchalantly and kept my eyes down. I didn't even get more than 4 sips, and I already felt woozy from the almost cat fight. Draco's breath didn't smell like alcohol, so I knew he didn't drink yet.

Hugo sat close beside Lyra and kept throwing flirty jokes, which made her blush harder, like that could even be possible. She always went red when she got drunk. I was so happy for her though.
We were all talking casually, while Draco kept an eye of me, making sure I was calm and collected.

'So,' Pansy began, eyeing me disgustingly, like I was a dead rat. She had a fake smile, the one without showing your teeth, which was more terrifying somehow. 'Isn't it crazy how you two just got together? How did it happen?'

I looked up and glanced at Draco. He tensed up uncomfortably, twisting his rings around his fingers. He drew his eyes away from her gaze, towards the wall beside.

Her lips turned up impishly, 'Why so nervous, Dracy?' she asked, resting her chin on her palm in innocence.

'I'm not.' he muttered lowly.

'Then tell us.' she pressed, tilting a casual sip into her mouth, 'What made you so interested in getting Dom Dom here in your pants?'

A silence lingered. For a solid five seconds.

'Pansy. Don't.' he breathed.

She batted her lashes innocently, 'Why shouldn't I? Have you got something to hide?'

'No, I-'

'Then tell her. Tell her why.'

'N-no. Pansy, no-'

'Are you still playing that game?'

'Shut up.'

'She deserves to know, mate.' Hugo spoke over them two. It was hard to see through the blind flashing lights, but he had that pitying look on his face, the same one from the time at The Three Broomsticks.

Draco's fingers shook slightly as he tried speaking,

'I-I-'

'Or should I tell her instead?' Pansy hissed, smirking at me.

'Tell me what?' I murmured softly.

Draco instantly spun around to face me, a desperate, fearful look in his eyes. His lip quivered, as water glistened on his bottom lashes.

'Domi...'

'What does she mean by 'playing that game''? my voice wobbled, and my hands starting sweating uncontrollably. My face felt like it was melting suddenly from the heat of this stuffy, sticky room.

'Domi, j-just know I didn't mean- I didn't mean-'

'What does she mean Draco?'

'Domi-'

'What game are you playing?' my heart pumped aggressively in my chest. It felt like everyone could hear it.

He sat there, his face grey with guilt. What guilt?

'Just tell her, Malfoy.' Hugo exclaimed. My eyes glanced over to him, and he bit his lip in anticipation.

Everyone was looking.

My knees shook.

My chest ached.

Head spinning.

'This-this game. It was...it was about you.' he choked.

My mind throbbed in confusion and impatience. What game was about me?

He continued cautiously,

'And th-the game we were playing,'

My skin felt itchy. Everything tingled.

'It... was a bet.'

What.

'Domi...'

I hadn't realised tears were rolling down his paled face. When will my heart stop thrumming?

Why was everything so bright?

The beer in my stomach curdled.

My chest was so heavy.

Was I going to have a heart attack?

He winced at my expression, breathing out shakily, as he whispered what changed everything.

'You were a bet.'

Those words smoked me out.

They numbed me achly, my mind couldn't understand.

Then they pierced me.

They cracked me.

I became my heart.

And my heart cracked.

He said something.

He was still talking.

But it didn't matter.

Because I heard those words.

Those words.

Then I cracked.

I didn't want to be here.

Anywhere, but here.

I couldn't think. It was too stuffy. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I wanted alcohol. I needed alcohol. I wanted to drink until my heart stopped beating. Because it hurt. Make it stop.

You're worthless.

You were a game.

A toy. A worthless toy.

A bet.

A fucking bet.

A bet.

For him.

Him.

Why was I still looking at him? I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to remember him.

My feet pressed hard on the ground, straining me up off my seat.

I needed to get out of here.

I couldn't see anything. Nothing but the fogged reflection of him. His face.

Then I didn't see it anymore.

My head turned away, and my feet rushed towards the nearest table. People were playing beer pong.

Everything was going in slow motion. Like a car crash. Everything was fuzzy. The blood pounded in my ears. I couldn't feel the ground below me. I looked down, my vision numbly obscuring.

I saw the bottle of beer. I needed it. Right now.

My hand desperately grabbed at it, chugging the half drank contents into my mouth. Raw liquid burnt my throat, but it wasn't enough. My stomach quickly filled with the intoxication, and I felt myself gradually become lightheaded.
I tilted another careless chug, the wave of stinging sensation blurring my senses.

I still felt the pain.

Another. Why wasn't that enough?

Another. Why wasn't I enough?

Another.

My feet hurt. The flashing lights blanked out everything. The smells of mixed cheap body spray pained my lungs. The heat. The sweat. Everyone's shoes stepping in and out of my vision. It was so overwhelming.

I felt like I was dying. It was painful. So excruciating. My heart pounded as I tried to swallow more air. Everything burned.

'Domi.'

I turned around, facing him. My legs staggered unstably in an attempt to still stand up.
My bottle was brought to my lips again, taking in another, drowning sip.

'Stop that.' I could barely hear his voice over the deafening music and unfatigued shouts.

I dismissed his words, chugging more of the alcohol down my throat. The stinging feeling was starting to become plain. I needed more. A stronger drink.

'I said stop, Domi!' he pleaded, trying to walk closer.

I needed to collapse. But my knees locked me in place, keeping me still as I scanned his broken face, the bottle still gripped on tightly in my fist.

'Why now?' I shouted over the blaring music.

'What?' he blinked in confusion.

'You ignored me for the whole of last year. Why now? Why now you decided to play a fucking game on me...'

He just stood there, slowly damaging. His face greyed.

'...Like I meant nothing to you.'

'No, Domi. No. That was before everything. I-I... It was before everything. Before I realised how much I-'

'I'm done being second choice, Draco. You stopped caring because you just loved her more. You still love her, don't you? And it's like-like- fucking hell, I should've never-'

His voice rang into my ears, 'I never stopped caring about you.'

I was slowly dying, I could feel my heartstrings tearing in half.

'What's the difference?' I whispered, 'You left me. You weren't there. You chose her.'

His eyes gleamed with crystals of fearful tears. He just stood there, not saying a single word.

I felt so hurt. I wanted to die. I wanted the piercing pain to just stop. My fingers sweated as they trembled, gripping onto the bottle tightly. My head throbbed, and I wanted to crumble into the ground beneath my feet.
He finally choked out something,

'I need you.'

The glass smashed against my fingers.

Shards of broken bits burst all over.

I cracked the bottle. With my fist.

I saw the blood before it hit.

Scarlet wept down my palm, the sharp stinging liquid seeping from a gash in the middle of my hand. I couldn't even feel it. But I wish I felt it. I wish I felt the glass pierce into my numb flesh.

'You need me?' I screamed, my voice cracking as more cries escaped my mouth, 'I needed you. For the whole of that year, when you were gone. And you just left. I needed you. I needed you. And you left. For her.'

His face crumbled, eyes glistening as tears unravelled down his thin, rosy cheeks.

'And for once in my life,' I scoffed, 'I thought I was number one.'

'You are.' he choked, attempting to step forward, which only made me stumble back.

'She will always be the one you love more, won't she? No matter what I do. I just fell in love with the wrong boy.'

'No-no. Domi.' he breathed weakly.

I released the fistful of shards from my hand, letting the glass clump out, my raw cuts hitting the humid air. I winced sharply as the blood boiled through. My palms looked like a cut, bruised wreck.

My eyes trembled at the gradual, pulsating pain, finally looking back up at him.

'I hope one day, you'll realise, how hard I tried for you.'

The sounds of music dulled out as I pushed through crowds of intoxicated people. They stared at the mess I had become. Blood had hardened slightly at where the cuts were, but they were still exposed in the most excruciating pain possible. My tongue felt dry from the beer and it was like I couldn't even feel my feet above the ground.
I just needed to get out of here.

Blood slowly started to dilute in the water, as I stood by the sink in my bathroom, my hand rested underneath the soothing tap. It felt like water on fire, and soon, the pain wasn't so present anymore. I reached for the towel hung onto the radiator, pressing it against my cold, damp palm, in attempt to stop the bleeding. Where did Lyra keep the first aid kits? I decided to grab some paper towels and just wrap it round my hand. Better than nothing.

I wiped the hour old sweat off my forehead, biting my lip in frustration at how hot my head felt.

I stumbled round my room, ruffling through my pictures lost in a green box of special possessions. My fingers gripped round a photo. Of him. Him and I.

We were 12. Our backs faced each other, and our arms crossed. We flashed stupid grins, him completely oblivious I had feelings for him, even way back then.

How I loved him. How he loved me, even if it was just in a friend way. Yet, I was still his favourite. His number one.

Now I'm nothing. Now I'm just a bet.

For the first time that night, I screamed.
I screamed the most heart aching scream I could. My knees struck the floorboards beneath me, my body giving out finally. My eyes wrenched as they squeezed shut, trying to just block out everything. My lungs pounded for air and I suffocated with each choked sob. My arms wrapped tightly round my torso. I pretended it was my mum. She would've held me. She would've sang me those lullabies I used to make fun of her for. She would've tucked me into bed, and made me lemongrass tea. That's what she would've done. But she's not here. And I needed her. Beyond anything.