not good enough





domitilla peyton

I woke up tangled in his arms.

They cradled me firmly, holding on to my waist, his head snuggled in my neck. My shirt was lifted up slightly, because his hand was placed on my bare stomach.
I glanced down at him, and the sight.
He looked so gorgeous.
Messy, blonde hair ruffled across his forehead, and he had a peaceful look on his daintily pink stained face. He snored quietly, and I could feel his chest rise up and down against my body.
A smile lingered on my lips, and I thought about just how lucky I was.

Birds tweeted merrily through the glass panes, and I could feel the slight breeze tickling through the bedsheets. I shivered, pulling the blankets over us.

My throat felt dry, and I slightly rolled away from him to grab the water bottle on my bedside table.
Then, he suddenly pulled me in, his cold fingers gripped round my torso.
I looked back at him, and his cold blue eyes were now open, staring at me. He gave a sleepy grin, digging his head into my shoulder.
I smiled back, cuddling with him, my arms wrapped around his neck.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, in silence, before he mumbled in his husky morning voice,

'Morning, dummy.'

'Good morning.' I grinned, yawning, and detangling from his arms, lifting the blankets away. He lied to the side of me, and his hand slowly moved to my thigh. His fingers started drawing soft circles on my skin, and I felt butterflies pound inside. I giggled quietly, and he sleepily gave gentle pokes at my legs.

'We have to get up.' he whispered, flipping over onto his stomach to face me.

I groaned, lifting the blankets back up and tucking them right to my chin, pretending to fall fast asleep.

Through my closed eyes, I felt him get off the bed, the weight lifting off.
It was quiet for a few seconds, and I really was about to fall back asleep, when all of a sudden, a pillow whacked up my head, making me yelp. I sat up abruptly.

'Oww, what the fuck!' I rubbed my eyes, frowning at him. He held the pillow in his hands and smiled cheekily,

'Wake up, sleepyhead.'

I groaned again, closing my eyes and cuddling back into the blankets.
I heard Draco whine in annoyance and I suppressed a smile. What a dramatic baby.

I still didn't get up, until he suddenly crashed onto the bed without warning, getting on top of me. He took his arms and tickled my tummy. I laughed in shock, squirming about as he continued his torture. He then planted kisses all over my face, pretending to attack me by smooching my neck, making me wriggle about even more.

'Stop- stop!' I squealed.

He chuckled loudly, finally letting go, leaving me in a panting mess. I laughed exasperatedly, looking up at him, with his arms still pinned on either side, smiling wide. He peered into me suggestively, giving a look like you better get up or I'll tickle you again.
I laughed, rolling my eyes,

'Alright, alright. I'm awake!' I huffed, sitting up on the bed. He moved to the side, rolling off and grabbing his uniform which was set on my desk chair.
I stretched my arms out wide, sighing happily,

'Don't you just love morning stretches?'

He turned round to face me, as he was adjusting the tie round his neck. He breathed in dramatically and stretched his arms out as well, which made me giggle.

Then, I looked over to the clock, seeing I only had five minutes left to get ready,

'Oh fucking hell!' I abruptly jumped off the bed, scrambling around to grab my uniform. I patted pathetically through my hair, and eventually gave up. It was a lost cause.
Draco saw me in the midst of my panic, and he chuckled, shaking his head.
I grumbled at him, then grabbed the nearest robe, putting it over me. It was then that I realised I basically drowned in it. Why was it suddenly so big? The sleeves overflowed and the robe baggily dropped down to the floor, causing me to look like a midget.

Draco started furiously cackling at the sight, throwing his head back,
'You look- you look- so funny!' he chuckled, cupping my cheeks and pecking my nose,
'Darling, that's my robe, you numpty.'

'Oh. Sorry.' I giggled, taking it off for him, and grabbing my own, which was hung by the door.

'You look cute though.'

'Shut up.' I said affectionately, thrusting him out the door with me, making our way to Defence Against Dark Arts.

My pen twirled inattentively through my fingers, as I drifted off into daydreams through the professor's voice.

I turned to my side at Harry, who was busying himself writing a long essay on parchment. I leaned over in attempt of copying him, but he shook his head, raising his brows at me like come on get some work done.
I rolled my eyes, huffing back into my seat.

I started catching up, writing my essay, and I was almost done, when I got suddenly startled by a kick on the back of my chair.
I twisted round, and Draco leaned forward, passing a small note. I turned back, opening the carelessly scrunched up paper ball in my hands, revealing his scrabbly handwriting.

Study in common room after school?
DM

I quietly ripped a piece from my parchment, and wrote back,

You're not a very good teacher though.

I tipped my chair back to hand it to him, and as he read it, he made a hurt pouty face. I mouthed,

'Just kidding!'

That lesson, we just kept sending each other silly notes, not paying attention to the class at all.
When I was talking to Harry, he suddenly kicked my chair again, and I spun around to see him hand yet another scrunched up ball.

When this class is over I really want to kiss you.

I felt my heart float mightily, and blood rushed to the surface of my cheeks. It was embarrassing how I blushed so easily.
Harry caught sight of the note, and gave me an ooh look. I glared at him, before hiding it away, making sure nobody could find this after class.
I turned to Draco, who was gazing at me, and he gave an impish grin, which made my breathing stop for a second. This boy.

'So you and Malfoy now?' Harry whispered, glancing back to make sure Draco wasn't eavesdropping.

I flustered, suddenly feeling shy for no reason,
'Uh, I guess. Sorry, I know you think he's um...'

'No judgment.' he grinned.

I laughed quietly, giving a grateful smile.

The bell rung after what felt like a forever of boredom, and I gathered my stuff together, heaving my satchel over my shoulder. Harry waved bye to me, and I headed out as well, trying to reach to my next lesson in time.
I was pacing through the corridors, and wandering about an empty area outside my class. I was actually early for once.
Without warning, Draco comes up behind and picks me up by the waist, spinning me round and round. I yelp in shock, laughing as he set me down facing me.
He cupped my cheeks with his hands, and gazed tenderly into my eyes.

'So, about that kiss?' he smirked.

I decided to tease him, by looking off wistfully into the distance, like I was thinking about it.
He rolled his eyes, then suddenly crashed his lips onto mine, holding my waist. My eyes widened for a bit, then fluttered down, and I kissed him back, soft lipped, my hands placed on his chest. I became slightly weak in the knees, and my adrenaline rushed. He gripped his fingers on my hips, and it felt so nice I couldn't think straight.
He was about to deepen it, when I noticed people were starting to walk by us in the corridor. I pulled away, smiling,

'Not here, Draco.'

He grinned sheepishly, giving one last peck on my forehead,

'Got to go Astronomy. See you dummy.'

'Bye.' I said, before walking up by the class doors, lined up with everyone else.
I leaned against the wall, thinking over our kiss. I started to smile, when I heard a girl behind me whisper to Tracey Davis,

'Why would Malfoy date her? I mean, she's not even that pretty.'

Tracey whispered back,

'Yeah, look at Pansy, then look at her.'

I did not dare turn back to face them.
I felt myself start to shrink.
Was that what everyone thought of me?
Just this girl who isn't pretty enough?
The girl who's not good enough?

During Transfiguration, I sat next to Millicent, who asked me,

'Are you and Malfoy a thing?'

She had never even glanced at me before, let alone become so interested in who I was with all of a sudden.
I pretended I didn't hear her, and sunk lower into my seat.

Even when Hermione came up to me at dinner, she kept talking about Draco this and Draco that.

'Are you alright, Domi?'

'Yeah.' I closed my eyes, 'I think I need to rest.'

'Well, I think someone's waiting for you.' she was staring at something behind me, and I turned round in my seat to see him.

'Hey.' I smiled warmly, trying to cover my face with as much happiness as I could.

He grinned back,
'Done eating?'

-

It was late at night, the sky darkened outside the windows, and sleep drifted through the castle.

We were both sat opposite each other by the table, writing busily on our books, the sounds of fire crackling and our quills scratching on the parchment were the only things we could hear.
I looked up, seeing Draco deeply engaged with his work, in full concentration. I knew how much he loved Potions. He was very good at it as well, second best to Hermione in class.

All of a sudden, the thoughts of what Tracey and the other girls had said this morning flooded back in. I couldn't stop replaying them inside my head, and I noticed my lips were quivering slightly.
I glared hard at my book, trying to get rid of any ounce of hurt on my face.

Then, something dripped onto the parchment.

Was I crying?

My eyes burned suddenly and my vision became blurry, so I figured I was. Before anymore tears could stream down, I rubbed my cheeks, unable to wipe all of it away. I covered my face with my hands, trying to subtlety hide the fact I was pathetically crying.

'Um,' I spoke softly, 'It's getting late, I should go.'

I quickly grabbed my stuff, facing away so he couldn't see me, and was about to head off, when I tripped over, spilling my books all over the floor.

Great job. Just go and be even more of a loser.

I frantically scrambled down, collecting them all back up, and I didn't even realise Draco was speaking to me.

'Doms-' his worried voice rose as he got my attention.

I stammered, 'It's okay, I'll just-'

Then he rushed over, wrapping his arms behind me, the warmth of his chest spreading against my back.
I crumbled into him, finally loosening the tears I had been holding. They burnt my swollen cheeks, and my heavy breaths echoed through the silent room.
He buried his head into my shoulder, then turned me around, studying my eyes for a moment. It was hard to look into him, I felt too embarrassed.
I took a shaky breath, and he stroked my hair reassuringly,

'Hey, hey. What's wrong?' he looked really nervous, like he's never had to take care of someone crying before. He gently wiped the tear tracks from my face.

I found it hard to speak, but eventually whispered,
'Just- these- these girls were s-saying things about me.' I stopped, realising how stupid I sounded. It wasn't something to cry over.
'It's f-fine it doesn't matter anymore I'm all better-'

His eyes pained, and he embraced me into his arms, my face muffled against his chest.

We stayed like that for a while, just the beat of his heart echoed through my ear drums.
My breath finally returned to normal, and I wondered how swollen my eyes were.

'Who said things about you?' his voice sounded strained, like he was actually angry.

'It's fine, Draco. You don't have to worry. Those girls can just be real bitches.' I replied.

I knew he knew what I meant. By those girls.
Millicent.
Tracey.

Pansy.

But it wasn't like he could do anything.

He still cared about her. I know he did. Why wouldn't he? It wasn't even explained why they broke up, anyway.
Ginny told me apparently she cheated on him with some upper year boy, but you know how fake news spreads around. People will make anything up. So it's uncertain.

I felt him tense up against me, then sighing above my head,

'Do you feel okay?'

I nodded, sniffling into his shirt.
I looked up at him, and smiled lightly. He gave one back, rubbing my back comfortingly.

Then, he took my hand, leading me to the grand piano, which sat in the corner of the room.
He sat down beside it, and he directed me to sit down too on the leather bench.
I sat, turning my red, puffy face to glance at him. He grinned warmly, and moved his hands to the keys.

He began playing a tune. The melodious rhythms floated delicately across the room, as his fingers flew over the keys. Every note of that tone was weaved with such beauty that it seemed like even the jasmine flowers were dancing by the piano. It sounded so heavenly, yet so familiar.

As he continued, I realised he was playing the song that we made up when we were little. We wrote it in this exact room, 3 years ago, and I think he decided to name it 'The Sun Sleeps On Christmas'. Weird name. I know. But we spent forever on it, staying way past curfew, and thinking we were the baddest criminals, and me writing down the lyrics while he experimented with the chords. We eventually completed it, and let's just say it was our greatest piece of work.
I still remember both of us performing it in front of Crabbe and Goyle every night till they got so sick of it.

I smiled, and he gestured me to play with him.
I brought my fingers towards the keys, feeling the gradual muscle memory as I drifted them along the piano, playing the tunes. We both started to sing along, and it really was like time hadn't changed. That we had stayed the same like always.

After we finished, he turned to face me, and I laughed shakily, my breath still ragged from the crying. He wrapped round my body, leaning in to a tight, reassuring hug. He kissed me softly on the lips, still gazing at me in search for happiness. I knew how he hated seeing people cry.

'That song is so old.' I grinned, 'I almost forgot how to play it.'

He chuckled lightly, then his eyes suddenly filled with guilt. I knew what he was thinking, about how we drifted apart for so long.

'Yeah,' he smiled, then asked, 'Can I cuddle with you tonight?' he gave small pokes at my thigh gingerly. That was how he fiddled when he was nervous. My heart tingled with tenderness.

I nodded responsively, 'Okay, dummy.'

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