Ah, the sea. So fascinating. So mysterious. So...uh...wet.

Too bad we're not going there.

No, our story actually begins in a city above the sea: Bikini Bottom. In the popular eatery, the Krusty Krab reasturant, where...

"Hey, back off! Back off!"

Hey, wait a minute! What is happening?!

Reporters crowded around the owner of the reasturant, the paparazzi taking pictures.

"Please, settle down!" he begged in a Scottish, pirate's accent, microphones all in his face. "We've got a situation in the kitchen. I'd rather not discuss it 'till me manager gets here."

Pointing, a girl with h/c hair cried, "Look! There he is!"

A black car pulled up and out of it came a black boot belonging to a short man with blond hair and beautiful sky blue eyes. He gave off a look of seriousness as he stepped out. The girl, meanwhile, fawned at his awesomeness. Approaching swiftly, not slowing his pace, he said calmly, "Talk to me, Krabs."

Panicked, the man known simply as Krabs tried to explain as the man took a bubble container out and blew one in favor of a cigarette. "Oh, it started out as a simple order: a Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite...NO CHEESE!" He let out a few hysterical sobs before getting slapped across the face.

"Get ahold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in."

-

The doors opened up and the man from before stepped in smoothly, a man shaking in his seat at one of the tables in the reasturant. "Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of the establishment." He walked over and put down a briefcase, opening it up. "Everything's gonna be just fine."

Nervously, the man admitted, "I'm really scared here, man..."

Ignoring his comment, he took it a headset and put it on. "Got a name?"

"Phil."

"Got a family, Phil?"

Phil whimpered, trying to get the words out.

Headset on, he snapped at him and demanded, "Come on, Phil, stay with me, let's hear about that family."

"I've got a wife...and two beautiful children!" His voice was almost begging.

"That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil." He fingered above the briefcase.

"What?" he asked as a tear slid down his cheek.

A piece of cheese wedged between a pair of tongs, "Say cheese."

He opened the bun and made a careful, but quick, job of putting down the cheese, all while Phil continued sweating.

-

The boot from earlier kicked the door open. Phil was cradled in the man's arms with a small smile.

"Order up."

Everyone cheered and ran to him, Y/n getting to him first. She threw Phil to the side and jumped in the man's arms. "Oh, Bob, I knew you were the only one who could do it! Just marry me right here, right now!"

With the same cool grin, he dipped her down, saying, "Baby, I'd be honored to make you Mrs. SquarePants."

Cheering even more, the crowd picked him up. "Three cheers for the manager! Hip-hip! HOOOO! Hip-hip! HOOOO! Hip-hip! HOOOOOOOOOO -"

-

Bob opened his eyes and, realizing it has all been a dream, shut off his alarm. "Hooray! Gary! I had that dream again!" he informed his pet cat energetically. "And it's finally gonna come true!" He ran over to his calendar. "Today! Sorry about this calendar..." He ripped it away to the current date, where it had been marked all over the today was the day he had been waiting for, marked with rainbows and hearts. "Because today is the grand opening ceremony for the Krusty Krab 2! Where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager!"

"Meow," was Gary's only response.

" 'Who's it gonna be', Gary?" Chuckling, he gestured at the wall that was filled with pictures of himself. "Well, let's just ask my wall of consecutive employee of the month awards."

"Bob SquarePants!" they all seemed to cheer.

Bob picked Gary up, holding him up high in excitement. "And then after I make my acceptance speech, I'm going to turn around to Y/n and ask her on a date tonight in celebration! With my stunning good looks and managerial position, there's no way she'll reject me now!"

Gary pondered this thought for a moment. Bob had always tried to ask the girl out, but always seemed to get to tongue-tied or blushed too much, which really was not that noticable since his cheeks were already a natural red. But if he could actually ask his co-worker crush out, Gary would be proud of him.

"I'm ready! Promotion! And Y/n!"

-

Bob went about his morning routine, first stopping in the bathroom. Stepping into his shower, he ate a piece of toast while washing, having it down to a science on how to make sure the toast did not turn soggy. Once he got out, he put on a white dress shirt, brown shorts, knee-high socks, a tie, and his pair of black shoes. But when he bent over, they fell around his ankles, exposing his underwear. Embarrassed, he pulled them back up and clipped a belt around them. The last thing he did was his teeth and hair. "Cleanliness is next to managerliness," he said cheerfully to himself as he looked at himself in the mirror. Boyish, but quite handsome.

Bob ran out the door and around his yard, repeating, "I'm ready! Promotion! And Y/n!"

-

In the house next to Bob's, Squidward took his time in the shower, calmly singing to himself as he scrubbed. "La da dee, la da doo, la da dum...la da dee, la da doo, la da dum..."

Another voice joined him, the owner scrubbing the taller man's back with a loofah. "La da dee, la da doo, la da dum...la da d -"

"Huh?" Squidward stopped suddenly and turned, noticing Bob scrubbing his back.

"...ee, la da doo, la da dum, bum bum bum, da da da..."

Pulling the curtain over to cover his privates, Squidward yelled, "Bob! What are you doing in here?!"

Without batting an eye, he answered, "I have to tell you something, Squidward."

"Wherever it is, can't it wait until we get to work?!"

"There's no shower at work. And it's kind of private."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

With a confident, yet sly smile, he let the other know, "I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you and Y/n in my managerial acceptance speech today before asking her out."

"GET OUT!" Squidward threw him out the window, but secretly hoped she would accept his feelings. Partly because it was annoying how he would always go on about her on the rare occurrences they walked home together from work or how he would sigh sadly all day when she was out, not even the aroma of fresh beef and potatoes soaked in grease able to pull him out of his funk, but mostly because he knew they could both be very happy together.

On the ground, he called up just as cheerfully, "Okay! I'll see you at the ceremony!"

In the brown house next to Squidward's, the door opened, showing Bob's best friend, Patrick, without any pants. "Sounds like the new manager of the Krusty Krab 2 and Y/n's future husband." Noticing he was pantsless, he murmured, "Oops. Hold on." The door closed, then opened again relatively quickly, Patrick now fully dressed. "Congratulations, buddy."

"Aww, thanks, buddy. And tonight, after the ceremony and confession, I'm gonna take Y/n out and we're gonna party 'till we're purple!"

Excitedly, he yelled, "SHE'LL LOVE BEING PURPLE!"

"We're going to the place where all the action is!"

His eyes widened, unable to believe. Bob must have been serious about her. "You don't mean..."

"Oh, I mean."

"GOOFY GOOBERS ICE CREAM PARTY BOAT!" they both cheered. Patrick quickly brought out his record player and Goofy Gobber hats. They put them on and started the record, singing and dancing along.

Bob, Patrick:
Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah
You're a Goofy Goober, yeah
We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah
GOOFY, GOOFY GOOBER, GOOBER, YEAH!

Bob took a look at his watch, startled. "I'd better get going!" He ran off, still chanting, "I'm ready! Promotion! And Y/n! I'm ready! Promotion! And Y/n!"

Still bouncing around, Patrick called out, "Good luck, Bob! Hey, look for me at the ceremony! I got a little surprise for you!" Bouncing off, he kept singing the song under his breath.

-

A news reporter stood outside the Krusty Krab, his shiny black hair full of product that kept it slicked back. The cameras started rolling and he said into the microphone, "Hello, Bikini Bottom. Perch Perkins here, coming at you live from in front of the Krusty Krab, for years, the only place to get a delicious and mouthwatering Krabby Patty. Until today, that is." A middle-aged man with red hair walked over with a huge grin on his face. "That's right, folks. Longtime owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new reasturant called the Krusty Krab 2!" A curtain then unveiled a similar looking reasturant, except with a giant 2 with lights all around it. "First of all, congratulations, Mr. Krabs."

Leaning closer to the microphone, Mr. Krabs greeted, "Hello. I like money."

"What inspired you to build a second Krusty Krab right nextdoor to the original?"

"Money."

Everyone laughed, nobody suspecting that the reasturant just across the street had its head - and only - man watching from a telescope. He was rather short, practically a midget, and an eyepatch.

"Curses!" he yelled, taking his eye away. "It's not fair! Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins and I've never even had ONE SINGLE CUSTOMER!" His voice echoed throughout the vacant reasturant. Enraged, he began to groan, sweating up a storm, until a robot scooted her way over, carrying a bucket.

"Don't get worked up again, Plankton. I just mopped the floors."

He stopped groaning, but sighed. "Oh, Karen, my robotic wife. If only I could have managed to steal the secrete to Krab's success: the formula for the Krabby Patty." Imagining it, he began to drool. Snapping out of it, he grumbled some more. "Then people would line up to eat at my reasturant! Lord knows I've tried." He hopped off of the stool that had helped him up to the window and made his way over to the file cabinets. "I've exhausted every evil plan on my filing cabinet..." He opened it up. "...from A to Y."

"A to Y?" Karen asked skeptically.

"Yeah, A to Y. You know the alphabet."

"What about Z?"

He perked up, suddenly remembering. "Z?"

"Z. The letter after Y."

He leaned over, looking through the different alphabet letters. "W, X, Y, Z!" He pulled out a manila folder with a Z labeling it. "Plan Z! Here it is! Just like you said!"

Karen made eyes appear on her monitor so she could roll them. "Oh, boy..."

Not noticing, Plankton opened up the folder, his eye growing. "Oh...oh...oh! It's...evil. It's diabolical." He brought it to his nose and sniffed. "It's lemon scented! This Plan Z can't possibly fail!"

He stepped outside of his door, watching the crowd around the two Krusty Krabs. "So enjoy today, Krabs. Because by tomorrow, I'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. ALL HAIL PLANK - OW! OW! OW!"

He got run into by Bob, who was still running excitedly to work, not realizing he had crashed into Plankton and was kicking him along. "I'm ready! Promotion! And Y/n! I'm ready! Promotion! And Y/n!"

"GET OFF OF ME!"

Looking down, he realized he was running over Plankton. "Oh. Sorry, Plankton." He reached over and helped him up. "Are you on your way to the grand opening ceremony?"

Still annoyed, he snapped back, "No, I am not on my way over to the grand opening ceremony." The last part he said with a mocking voice. Jumping excitedly, he announced, "I'm busy planning to rule the world!" He finished with an evil laugh, only to get a still smiling Bob.

"Well, good luck with that." He went back on his merry way - "I'm ready! Promotion! And Y/n! I'm ready! Promotion! And Y/n!' - leaving Plankton dumbfounded.

Shrugging it off, he walked away. "Stupid kid..."

-

"Welcome, welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of the Krusty Krab 2!" Mr. Krabs announced to the crowd on top of his podium. They clapped, but looked annoyed.

"We paid nine dollars for this?" his girlfriend, Mrs. Puff, asked, annoyed, not realizing she had gotten a discount.

"I paid ten!" Sandy exclaimed, annoyed.

Mr. Krabs went on. "Now, before we begin with the ribbon cuttin', I'd like to announce the name of our new manager."

More claps, especially coming from Bob, with Squidward on his right and Y/n on his left. Even after the noise had died down, Bob kept shouting. "Yay! Yeah! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yeah, now we're talkin'! Yeah! Ow!" He leaned towards Squidward and shushed him. "Sh!" Y/n raised an eyebrow, but then turned back to listen to her boss make the announcement.

"Yes, well...anyway..." Mr. Krabs cleared his throat before continuing. "The new manager is a loyal, hardworkin' employee."

Bob leaned forward, waiting for it, his mouth in a straight line. 'Yes...'

"The obvious choice for the job."

'He's right...'

"A name you all know, as he's practically the face of the reasturant."

'That's me...!'

"Please welcome our new manager...Squidward Tentacles!" A banner dropped with Squidward's work picture on it.

Everyone got ready to cheer again, until Bob let out a loud, "YES! YEEEAAAHHH! WHOOOOO!" He sprung up from his seat and danced around, then took Squidward's hand and shook it, not noticing how confused he looked. "Aw, better luck next time, buddy! WHOOOO! WHOOOOHOOOOHOOOO! YEAH, ALRIGHT! WHOOOOOO!" He ran around excitedly, eventually finding himself on the stage at the microphone, beginning his speech. "PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM. AS THE MANAGER OF -"

"Uh, Bob?" Mr. Krabs whispered, having leaned in.

"Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an important news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K."

Trying to be as quiet as possible, he whispered into his ear, trying to spare him of more embarrassment.

"I'm making a complete what of myself?"

More whispering.

"The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen?"

More whispering.

"And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone and Y/n's there and you know how big of a crush I have on her?"

Squidward facepalmed while Y/n's mouth fell open.

Finally, Mr. Krabs yelled at him, "Oh, for cryin' out loud, Bob! You didn't get the job!"

He finally understood, deflating. "What...?"

"You. Did not. Get. The job."

"But..." Bob felt his throat close up as the information sunk in. "But why...?" He slowly made his way away from the microphone as Mr. Krabs tried to explain.

"Oh, Bob, you're a great fry cook, but...I gave the job to Squidward because bein' manager is a big responsibility. Well...let's face it. He's more...mature than you."

Offended, but mostly upset that the truth was out, he asked quietly, "I'm not...mature...?"

Mr. Krabs sighed, shaking his head slightly. "Aw, lad. I mean this in the nicest of ways. But there's a word for what you are and that word is...now, let's see..."

"Dork?" a man named Lenny yelled out.

"No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork."

Mr. Krab's teenage daughter, Pearl, stood and suggested, "A goofball?"

"Closer, but no."

"A ding-a-ling!"

"Wingnut!"

"A KNUCKLEHEAD MCSAPAZATRON!"

Y/n stood, turned around, and yelled, "SHUT UP!"

"OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Mr. Krabs yelled at them before turning back to Bob, his arm around his shoulders. "Look. What I'm tryin' to say is...you're just a kid. And to be a manager, ya hafta be a man. Otherwise, they'd call it...kidager. Do ya understandager? I mean...ya understand?"

Bob looked up at him, then in the crowd, his eyes landing on Y/n. Embarrassment heated his cheeks as he answered, "I guess so, Mr. Krabs..."

Y/n bit her lip as she looked at him and watched him walk away. "Bob...?" she called softly, but he kept walking.

"I'm ready...depression...I'm ready...depression..."

"Bob, wait!" Getting up, she ran after him, only to continuously get ignored.

Mr. Krabs watched them go, sighing to himself. "Poor kid..."

"HOORAY FOR BOB!" Patrick, naked, glided through the air above the crowd, a flag between his butt reading, 'Bob x Y/n'. He laughed hysterically as he flew towards the stage, everybody else diving to get away as he crashed, setting fire to the curtains. Ripping it as he got up, he yelled out, "LET'S HEAR IT FOR BOB AND Y/N!" But he was surprised to find that everyone else had left. "Hello? Where'd everybody go?

"Did I miss something?

"Did you see my butt?"