"...Bob...Bob...Bob! Patrick!"

Bob's eyes flew open, instantly seeing concerned e/c ones over him. "Huh?"

"Are we dead?" he heard next to him. Patrick had also just awaken.

Bob sat up, Y/n backing away. "I don't think so." He stood up, trying to walk around. "I don't know where we are -" He collided with something in front of him. "What is this?"

Patrick knocked on it, trying to decipher. "It's some kind of wall of psychic energy."

Y/n looked around her, seeing that they were in a perfect cube of it. "No, Pat, it's a giant glass dome."

Bob pointed at the figures around them. "There's some people. Hey, over here!" he called.

"Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys!"

"You guys, hey!"

"Hey!"

"Help!"

"A little help here!"

"We're stuck in this..."

Y/n stopped, her eyes growing wide. "Wait a second..."

The figures were slumped or pinned to the wall, a few hanging. Blood spilled out of a few onto the floor, some with a black liquid. One of them had their eyes wide open, their irises rolled in the back of their head.

"Th - those people are...dead."

They grabbed onto each other, whimpering quietly until the door creaked open, showing the singular glowing eye, which is when they started freaking out again, running around and slamming into the glass, the cyclops laughing like a maniac.

"What's he gonna do with us?!"

He took one of the corpses and shoved it inside of a giant clam, then zipped up where the mouth was. After, he took out a can and a jar and put it next to the clam.

"Glue? Google eyes?" Bob held info Y/n, whimpering in panic. "He's making a humorous diagrama of..."

He put a top hat on the clam and put his telephone on front of it, along with a card, which Bob read aloud.

"ALEXANDER CLAMBELL?!"

"Oh my gosh, he's killing people and making them into smelly knickknacks!" Y/n screamed. "Is the black market even black enough for this?!" [Don't be racist, Y/n.]

"I think we're next," Bob said, hugging onto her tighter.

"You think so?" The cyclops had a rope around Patrick and was slowly pulling him up. Bob let go of Y/n to reach out for him.

"Patrick! No!"

"Ahhh! Get your damn hands off of me, I'm a woman!" Y/n cried, struggling against her own rope.

"Y/n!" Bob grasped onto her hand, trying to pull her back. "Let go of her!"

"Gah! I'm too pretty to die!" she screamed, although not as a joke.

The cyclops threw her to the other side of the room and tied her up, then grabbed a screaming Bob and tied him to a wooden bored next to Patrick, there only being room for two people. Once he was out of the way, he blasted a giant light on them.

"The heat is so intense from this lamp, that I can't...move." Bob tried to stretch out, but his arms were already starting to dry out.

"Tell me about it."

The cyclops let it a maniacal laugh before heading to the bathroom.

"Bob? Patrick?" Y/n tried to lift her head. "Damnit, guys! Tell me you're okay!"

Honestly speaking, Bob admitted, "This doesn't look too good for us..."

"You mean we're not gonna...get the crown, save the town, and Mr. Kraaaabs?" Patrick sang.

"I don't think we're gonna be able to save ourselves...buddy..." He tried to shield his eyes, but his arm fell on his face. Weakly, Patrick reached over and moved it back to his side. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

"Guys? Guys! Bob!" Y/n struggled against her restraints. "Keep talking to me! Tell me you're okay!"

"I'm okay, but...it looks like what everybody said about us was true..." Bob groaned.

"Y...you mean that you're attractive?" she sniffled, trying to force out a laugh as the two boys steamed.

"No. That we're just...kids. A couple of kids in way over their heads...we were doomed from the start...I mean, look at us...we didn't even come close to the crown...we let everybody down...we failed...and we got you involved..."

She tried to say something else, but choked on her tears. Defeated, her head slumped down.

"Shell City..." Patrick mumbled.

"Yeah. We never made it to Shell City..."

"Shell City..."

"Exactly, buddy...yeah...the place we never got to..."

"Shell City..."

"Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick."

"No...! Look at the sign...!" He struggled to reach up and point at a sign just outside the window. "Shell City: Beach Community Center."

"Shell City is a beach complex?" Bob asked in disbelief. "But if this is Shell City...then where's the...?" His blue eyes scanned the room as he lifted his head weakly and landed on the counter in front of him. Patrick and Y/n looked in the same area.

"Crown..."

"Neptune's crown...! This is Shell City!" His head feel back, a huge smile on his and Patrick's faces, their skin now completely wrinkled and eyes sunken in. "Pat...N/n...we did make it..."

"Of course you did..." Y/n whimpered, her voice breaking. "You...you big dummy, I always knew you could! Kid or not!"

"Yeah...kid...a kid who loves you..." He and Patrick both sniffled as tears rolled down there cheeks.

Bob:
I'M A GOOFY GOOBER, YEAH...

Patrick watched him as he screamed, then, smiling along, joined in.

Bob, Patrick:
YOU'RE A GOOFY GOOBER, YEAH...

Y/n:
You're my Goofy Goobers, yeah...

A tear fell out of her eye and onto a wire on the floor beside her.

Bob, Patrick:
GOOFY...GOOFY...GOOBER...GOOBER...yeah...

Dried and pale, their eyes shut and bodies fell limp. [I'm actually almost crying even though I've seen this a million times bc it feels like I'm killing them.]

"No...NO!" Y/n screamed, more tears falling. "Guys, please! Don't leave me all alone! I...I love you guys! Bob, I love you!"

-

The pirates all watched, crying as the two died.

"That's the end of Bob..." Patchy whimpered before breaking into sobs, pulling another pirate closer to him in a hug. "Come here, you!"

Polly landed on his shoulder with an eye roll. "Wrah! Shut up and look at the screen."

He obeyed, the crying ceasing. "Arr! The bird's right! Look! It be the tears of the Goofy Goober's girl!"

-

The tears continued to fall from Y/n's eyes onto the wire, eventually short-circuiting it. A small explosion came from the power cord and smoke ran up to the sky. The sprinklers turned on, nothing able to keep them off now, spraying onto them. Y/n looked down, the water running and dripping from her face and matting her hair.

"Hey, we're alive!" she heard that same cheerful voice call.

"Bob!" Y/n raised her head quickly, new tears coming into her eyes as she began to cry again.

"Oh! Right." He ran over and tugged at her ropes, freeing her and pulling her into a hug. Patrick came over to join in the group hug, pulling them both in close and squeezing the life out of them.

-

The pirates rejoiced, throwing popcorn up into the air.

-

Once they pulled away, Bob looked at them with that same cute determination. "Let's get that crown."

They rushed over to the counter, both of Bob's hands on it. "On three. One...two...three - hey, it's lighter than I thought." But he looked up and saw that horrifying eye in front of him. He screamed, followed by Y/n and Patrick, but kept trying to pull at the crown. The cyclops flung him off across the room, Y/n running over to him. Are crotched down, hand on his shoulder.

A few of the bodies suddenly began to move, stirring into sitting in an upright position.

"What's happening?" Y/n whimpered, pulling herself closer to her boyfriend.

"I don't know!" But then he pointed. "Look!"

One stood up and pointed a can of glue at him. Eyes burning, be squirted it in his face, the rest of those who could tackling him to the ground.

One of the guys looked over at Bob, then at the crown. With a small smirk, he rolled it over to him. He took it, then brushed himself off and got up. "Come on, guys! Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom!"

They ran outside, revealing that that had been in a beach house. Running out onto the sand, Bob asked, "Who has the bag of winds?"

"I do." Patrick turned and showed them his butt, something inside of his pants. He and Bob laughed while Y/n rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, just hand it over."

"Okay." He reached into his pocket and pulled it out. "Here you go."

Bob stopped laughing and looked wide-eyed. Y/n looked away, trying not to throw up all over the sand.

"What?"

"Nothing! Nothing..." He took the instructions, Patrick turning back around. "Okay. Let's go over the instructions. Step one: Point bag away from home."

"Okay." Patrick pointed it at the beach city.

"Step two: Plant feet firmly on ground."

"Right." He put down his feet; one, two.

"Step three: Remove string from bag, releasing winds."

"Check." Patrick pulled off the string and the bag flew out from under his arm. Startled, he looked around as Y/n's eyes grew wide.

"Well, that seems simple enough. 'Point bag away from home, feet firmly on ground, pull string, releasing the winds.' " He put down the directions. "All right, let's do it for real!"

"Uh...Bob?" Patrick pointed to the wind, which was blowing towards the ocean.

Gasping, Bob and the others ran after it.

"No, no, stop!"

"Goddamnit, Patrick, why'd you have to let go of the stupid bag?!"

"I was bad, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I just thought...it was a mistake!"

Bob fell on his face in the ocean, then looked up, watching depressingly as the bad flew into the water. "Oh, no...how will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now...?"

"I can take you there."

A man came running up to them, stopping in front with a big grin.

"Who are you?" Bob asked, having to look up as him.

"I'm David Hasselhoff."

After a moment, they all cheered, "Hooray!"

Another moment and Bob asked, "So, uh, where's your car?"

"Car?" He laughed at is it were a silly question.

-

In a full-sized school bus, David drove the three down the road recklessly, hunched over the steering wheel.

"Go, Hasselhoff!" Bob cheered from right behind him.

"Next stop, Bikini Bottom!" Y/n cried as they jumped up in the air, flying over a car, then back on the road, bumping along.