Two years ago, in September, every grain of sand start filling the glass til the time came. I entered the school gates on the first day a little timidly. I was aware of the pain and ridicule that lay ahead and knew to simply stay in my lane.

The halls filled of students that day didn't help though. But it made me realize the obvious anti-blackness that the school had to offer that they hid behind "professionalism". Which in itself is anti-blackness. Black boys with type four hair had to keep it cut short—no more than an inch—and "properly groomed"—that is, combed—to hide the way the texture develops naturally. Because of the magic of our hair type, the majority of students just wet their hair and pat it down to make it appear shorter than it is. But most would get caught as some teachers would measure your hair length. When wearing a school uniform, including before and after school hours, if you were a Rastafarian or a member of another community where people wore locs, you had to tie up and have your locs covered at all times you were in school uniform. Male students had to wear excessively dark, baggy school pants to match their shoes. Girls were required to wear school shirts that weren't too tight and were tucked in their skirts, as well as skirts that extend past their knees. Additionally, they were prohibited from donning any "stylish" or heeled footwear. Furthermore, they were not allowed to wear any makeup at all, and they were not allowed to have any extensions or overly "grown" hairstyles. Of course, those like me who are skilled at applying natural makeup may slightly game the system. And lastly, no one was allowed to wear jewelry.

The school didn't begin "punishing" (I use the word INCREDIBLY loosely) non-black pupils until they realized it would appear "bias" if they had longer hair or didn't adhere to any of the "professionalism" norms. Which, by the way, it still is. And on my first day of walking to class, I came to terms with all of this seeing as there wasn't much to do because most grownups on the island let the schools get away with making students hate their features. It's like our parents who should not be okay with any of this were robots living in a simulation. Minds warped and they follow senselessly instead of educating themselves.

I was delighted to see Mandy and Beth as I entered my classroom because of their familiar faces. In the second of six columns with rows of five desks, was where I decided to sit close to them. In the class's front of course already separating us from the wild hogs that sat to the back.

A boy who was clearly quite studious sat down next to us. Even earlier than everyone else, he arrived at school and set up his desk. His water bottle was next to his desk on the right, his textbooks and notebooks were orderly placed on top of one another, and his pencils and other stationery were neatly tucked away in the compartment beneath his desk. And he was smiling as he sat perked up waiting attentively for class to begin.

The bell rang and our homeroom teacher, Mrs. Puegene, introduced herself before getting to know us and attempting to get us to get to know one another. She required each of us to stand up and state our names, favorite color, and objective we wanted to complete at the end of the next five years that we would be in secondary school. Every teacher did this throughout the day by the way. ANNOYING.

Carson started first. "Good day everyone! My name is Carson Gustine. My favorite color is aquamarine which is a combination of both blue and green. And at the end of these five years I would like to be Valedictorian!"

Mandy went next. "Hi. My name is Mandy Siggarerah and my favorite color is purple. At the end of these five years I would like to have made some friends and memories for me to take with me to Hollywood to remember my country by"

After her were a few more students then Beth. "Hi everyone. My name is Kendra Rainyman but you can call me Beth. My favorite color is pink and at the end of these five years I would like to graduate as head prefect!"

After her was me and I had never been more nervous in my life. Plus earlier a few boys in the back was making fun of my mannerisms and it deterred my confidence. But I forced words out my mouth. "My name is Tony Jn. Baptiste and my favorite color is red. After these five years I would like to have come out on top of my Literature class" I sat down immediately after and took a couple deep breaths.

After me was the final person next to an empty desk, DeeJay. "Hi. Um... my name is DeeJay Disso Junior and my favorite color is blue. After these five years I would like to be better at art" but before DeeJay could sit back down, the teacher pointed out that me and him sort of look alike that made everyone realize it and laugh. My teacher made me sit next to him and said she would call us her "twins". We were both irritated with the similarities and us complaining to each other about it brewed our friendship.

But before I could finish hauling my stuff over to DeeJay, a knock came to the class door. It was Dustin. He was extra late because he helped his aunt serve a dinner the night before for a party and although he was extremely tardy, he didn't care at all.

"Mate late on the first day of school?!" Someone shouted from the back sending the class into an uproar of laughter.

Dustin sat down and placed his stuff in my ex-seat and then introduced himself after the teacher told him what we were doing shortly before he placed his bag down. "My name is Dustin Cooper. My favorite color is blue. And after these five years I would like to go home" he said causing obnoxious laughter.

And that was basically the last time I remembered laughing with the entire class. After a month everyone began to dislike Dustin, Carson, DeeJay and I for our feminine ways and basically started the teasing. We basically broke off into our own crew but didn't really become friends until we got partnered in a group assignment together. Well, all of us except Beth who chose Gary's group instead. Even then we were still mainly school friends and had no contact out of school unless we had a project together or needed homework from each other.

I had been a newly-teen for three months after that when puberty set in, and everything changed. I used to find the males on the male underwear packaging to be appealing, but now they stimulated me and gave me fantasies. When I discovered this, I made every effort to resist it and bury it, but soon I found myself submerged in hopelessness and depression, and the intelligent youngster I once was withered away as I neglected every part of me because I thought something was entirely wrong with me and that thinking or acting on those thoughts would cause eternal hell. And going to a school which prided itself on being the top school on the island for students which placed immense pressure on students to live up to that perfect student, perfect grades, perfect christian and to be straight and cisgendered didn't help. Everyone had already said I had the "devil of the LGBTQ" in me and that made me start resenting myself more. The teasing from my classmates only heightened as the school year went on and I tried to ignore their comments in class but longed to be the bully in a situation for once to show them what it felt like.

When DeeJay and I began to hang out more frequently something strange happened that made me question the entire facade of masculinity I hung up on the exterior. As a practical joke, DeeJay used his paint brush and stroked some red paint on each of our lips so that we could appear as women as we mimicked feminine traits. But I liked it more than I should've. I buried the feeling but look at me now...

   Dustin. He became aware of his attraction to people of both sexes when he found himself fixated on his male Information Technology teacher's butt. He initially thought everything was chippy when he learned of this because all he did was get off to porn. His realization of how the world handled people like us, though, cast a shadow over him. His grades also suffered as a result of all the stress of continuously trying to pray his attraction away after he nutted.

He went to DeeJay after art class so he could tutor him on a topic that he didn't quite understand when he was seemingly making an effort to try to bring his grades up. One thing led to another and the two found themselves frisking and kissing on each other on the desk. This is how everything set in for their undercover relationship.

A month after school started Carson was seated in the classroom alone at lunch. Lately he had became more tired and wrapped up with a lot more stuff and forgot his Physics homework needed to be done. It wasn't like him to forget homework so he was a bit irritated with himself. Then Gary walked in. He was being nice to Carson and the conversation led back to Carson not being able to keep up with everything because he was tired. So Gary offered a solution. He gave him a pill that would help him stay awake more often and told him anytime he needed any more to come straight to him. Carson was smart enough to not take it for a couple days but then when his Physics exams came up he gave in after the swelling pressure pushed him beyond his limits which started everything for him.

When he ran out of supply he always hit up Gary for refills but what he didn't know was that Gary switched the pills for Oxycodone way before he initially thought he began using...

   On the first day of school, Beth met Gary. She giggled as he made smooth flirtatious comments and gave her flirtatious stares. A little while later, the two were walking along the hallways holding hands. This was like a dream come true to her. Someone of his "status" actually liked her. He told her how beautiful her body and curves were and for the first time in her life she didn't have to worry about her body just being something sexual around men and felt appreciated for it. Only, that was the wrong person to get that validation from.

She didn't quite understand relationships then and made rash decisions such as dumping me for Gary. She didn't quite like him, she just wanted to be liked by him. Plus she was using the faint relationship dynamics she had learnt from her mother's past relationships and was his ride or die even when he was in the wrong.

    One day Beth was running late for school. In a hurry, she grabbed a bra from the clothes line unaware that it was her mother's push-ups. Since both of them had the same size, she didn't realize until it was too late.

   There were more people staring at her physique that day than normal when she entered the school. Additionally, the school's players were yelling obscenities at her and attempting to catch her attention. Eventually, the principal caught on to what was going on and was very upset with her for what she was wearing, despite her attempts to defend herself.

   He summoned her mother to the school and issued strong warnings to all parties to ensure that this never happened again. She was disturbing the class, he claimed, and trying to mature too rapidly. After that, Beth cried nonstop since her parents, who supported the principle, didn't even bother to hear her side of the story. She believed that she needed to keep her body hidden away forever because it was a curse that needed to be locked away.

Mandy finally thought back to where all her confidence stemmed from. Her grandmother. The woman who always cheered her on and instilled greatness in her. Her grandmother grew up dark-skin, already seeing how the world treated women of a darker skin tone, especially black women. She was a beautiful lady who was always punching up. She vowed to pass on her confidence and wise words to her descendants which is exactly what she did with Mandy.

Her grandmother taught her that she needed to work for what she wanted and to never let anyone tear her down. NEVER bow to anyone or let anyone make her feel inferior. This resonated heavy with her especially when a bunch of boys in our class would turn off the lights during class and obnoxiously laugh as they asked "Where is Mandy?". But fuck them. Legit half of them was mad she didn't want to have any romantic entanglements with them. This messed with their head and made them salty especially because she was one of the only girls at school that none of them got a wink of attention from. They lost a chance with her and their soccer game. Double homicide. Triple homicide if we count DeeJay. Sorry... too soon? My bad.

   Everything the school did was a Debbie Downer. From how they policed students for their "grooming" specifically black students to their bias acts of "morality". They can't even get school activities right. But they sure know how to set the mood and unload a full clip of FIREY shots when it came to parent teacher conferences.

Our school held parent-teacher conferences after the first semester of the academic year ended. DeeJay rode the bus to school with his mother, and as they got off, he tucked his phone into his pocket after responding to a message from Dallo. He approached the classroom and glanced inside to find Daren and his father seated for their turn at the teacher's desk. Shery and her mother sat on the benches outside the classroom close to DeeJay and his mother after arriving briefly after. Danny, Rodi, and Carson waited for their turn next to the rails with their parents. Cole backed his car into the school so he could switch lanes to head back to the more rural area of town. The security guard at the school gate hated when he did this as it was a safety hazard but Cole couldn't care any less. He flipped him off as he drove away laughing. Deejay received a reminder from Facebook at precisely this time informing him that it was soon to be Josh's birthday.

After DeeJay and his mother finished with his teachers, his mother struck up a conversation with Gary's parents in the school canteen. The subject immediately returned to their children, where they both smiled and claimed that boys are far simpler to manage and care for, and Gary's mother revealed that she allows him to be furious and do unusual things because "boys will be boys". She said that she didn't have to do all the "emotional stuff" with him and that it was easy to manage with her son as he was like the husband she never had. DeeJay's mother responded, saying she was relieved that despite her financial difficulties, she didn't have another girl to buy makeup and feminine goods for. That's when the two families became off an on friends. Surprisingly, it was during the same conference that Mandy, Beth, and my parents met and became friends with Dustin and Carson's parents.

   DeeJay and I sat in the art room toward the conclusion of the conference when both my mother and DeeJay's mother had to stay back because they forgot to pick up a few exercises from our professors for us to complete during the Christmas break. There, while laughing and chatting, we pulled out our phones and started playing music. It was enjoyable up until the art teacher arrived and escorted us out right after I mentioned a comic book idea I had come up with. We saw the school counselor as we were making our way back to where our parents were and as usual he was uninterested and at distance with everything.

You see how everything is connected? How everything flows into one another? Every road leads to something. Especially in a town like BerkVille. Even dead ends lead to a key factor, you just have to know how to digest and understand it properly. And every little stone that you might've not ruffled through because it was left perfectly standing out to not reveal it's true story is the stone that reveals the answer.