When I got home that evening, I immediately threw off my clothes and collapsed onto my bed. I spent an hour watching a TV program on my phone that I had been meaning to catch up on while munching on snacks I grabbed from the cupboard. I was about to drift off whilst the television show served as the background noise I always needed to fall asleep when I suddenly recalled the voice recordings.

    I quickly looked for my wired headset, plugged it in, and started listening to the story that DeeJay was about to share. As DeeJay introduced himself on the tape I admired the artwork on behind it. It was painted gold with an enormous red heart with an arrow lodged into the front of it.

    Two years ago.

    For the past couple of months DeeJay had been struggling with his sexuality. He for one didn't know exactly what his sexuality was and was torn between trying to accept himself and trying to find a way to make himself straight. He knew how negative the backlash would be if he came out but he was someone who strongly believed in being your true self no matter the circumstance, but this was different.

    He also experienced treatment similar to what Dustin and I did especially at school so he had firsthand knowledge of how people of diverse sexual orientations are perceived in society. He attempted to indirectly seek assistance because he wanted someone or something to help him. It was either that or he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

    His grandmother was a devout person. She had a large stomach, dark gray hair, and a strong sense of opinion. All the necessities a Christian would require, like a cross and candles, were present in her home. Prior to him coming to his realization, he had little interest in religion.

    Whenever his grandmother would force him to go to church or to sing a hymn with her he would be annoyed or try to get out of it. But that Friday night he needed the wisdom many of his family members had bragged about that the lord bestowed upon her. If you ask me, she's dumb as hell.

    He went to her house and while she was reading her Bible, he sat on his phone for a bit, occasionally gazing up at her and then back down. He was tense, moving about a lot, and he had to force the words out of his mouth. But afterward, he regretted that he ever did.

    When he questioned his grandmother about whether gay people should accept who they are and if she would welcome a gay family member, she erupted and went on a tirade. He was not at all calmed by the hateful words she uttered. She asserted that she would not speak to or accept a homosexual family member until they changed their "lifestyle" and that gay people needed to pray and ask God for forgiveness and to "put them onto the right path".

    This was the cause of his first failure. He struggled with self-confidence for weeks. He developed depression, and whenever he was taking a shower, he would start crying and vigorously attempt to scrub "the gay" out of him using his loofa. Even during supper and other random times of the day, he would lose focus, and it would take someone shaking him or snapping in-front of his face to bring him back to reality.

    He was also enraged by it all. This is what caused the outburst he had at me while we were working on the comic. I wouldn't have ceased talking to him if I had known what had upset him. If I'm being honest, it was stupid. His emotions were obviously out of his control and he was on a downward spiral.

    It also made him go down a dark path. He desperately needed to prove to himself that he wasn't gay or whatever and spent weeks trying to get at Mandy and Beth until they started avoiding him because of how uncomfortable he made the environment whenever he was around. This sent him into deeper sadness because he had lost most of his friends over his attraction and him beginning puberty then didn't help.

    His rebellious period began at this point. He
started to distance himself from his grandmother and finally started to make friends at school with some of the older students. Even though we frequently passed them in the hallways and
thought their relationship was cool, we still made jokes about it.

    We were unaware that the "straight" guys he was hanging out with were all using him as a means of sexual experimentation. Each of them secretly started a conversation with him, flattering him, engaged in some form of sexual activity with him, and then abandoned him after getting what they desired.

After that they soon stopped talking to him and told kids in their form that he was trying to get at them. From that point on he didn't have much of a spirit and shut himself off. He only came to school for coming to school sake and going home just to fall asleep to escape from reality.

Yet he was cheered up by an unexpected individual who entered his life. Daren. My archenemy from earlier. One day during French class, he randomly struck up conversation with him. Although stunned at them interacting, DeeJay also experienced comfort.

    The two essentially became best buddies after that day. Together, they would go to lunch, stay up late to play various mobile games, and Daren would frequently invite him over to his place so they could sip beer. But, he didn't make it a habit in his life because he didn't much enjoy it. Too bitter. He was however obnoxious about it and surely let his social media know that he drank beer. I remember his friendship with Daren, it was what made me drive a wedge in between us further because I thought DeeJay was a hypocrite for being friends with someone who was so against human rights.

Then, DeeJay turned ghost once more after the passing of his father. DeeJay's father was not only his rock, but also a lifeline for him. He was broken by his untimely death caused by a drunk motorist who was never caught.

    The night his father died was no different than any other night for them. They ate dinner and then watched a movie as a family. However, his father received a phone call from one of his coworkers asking him to come pick him up because he was drunk and out of it. His father was a good man who always helped others. Even if he only had enough money to pay his rent and was about to be evicted, he would give it to any homeless person he saw. That's why he was adored by many homeless people who always had his back.

    Delia had warned him not to go because she was superstitious. She believed that once you're at home, you must stay there, and that calling from outside is the Devil's temptation. Nonetheless, he swatted her efforts and fled the house beneath the starry sky.

    He started driving to the guy's house as soon as he picked him up. He took it easy because the streets were clear, and he was actually enjoying the scenery and refreshing air. That is, until a motorcycle appeared out of nowhere and collided with the car at full speed.

   The accident allowed the driver's motorcycle to enter through his windscreen, killing him instantly on impact. The drunk guy who was recycled back into the passenger seat survived with minor injuries and has felt terrible about it ever since. He always stopped by to give them baskets and apologize to Delia, despite the fact that she has told him numerous times that she does not blame him. And to make it worse the insurance company didn't pay them and Delia couldn't give him a proper funeral and had to turn him into ashes.

   DeeJay then experienced a sense of estrangement from his father and the outside world. He cried and mourned his father for months while also attempting to be strong for his mother, who was undoubtedly suffering more than he was. He then abruptly ceased speaking to Daren going forward. Not because he had done him anything but because he couldn't handle human interaction at the moment.

Daren became aware of this and decided to visit him one day. He wasn't sure what he was going to say to someone who had just lost a parent, but he figured he'd figure it out as he spoke. He heard a noise as he approached the backyard. He discovered the noise was being created by DeeJay who was hitting a tree with a sledgehammer. Weird.

Daren approached him nervously and noticed the sadness and distress in his eyes. He started talking, but it just made the scene tense and awkward, and they stood there for a minute just staring at each other and then at the ground. He didn't know what to say after that to lighten the mood but luckily DeeJay suggested that they go inside to play a game.

Relieved, he did as he said and went inside. They spent over two hours on the game and it was the most enjoyable time both of them had in a while. They laughed, teased each other, won or lost and had a bunch of snacks. Deejay even taught him how to reload a gun with his father's gun. And once their phones died they put them on the charger and just laid on the bed next to each other staring up at the ceiling.

That's when DeeJay started talking about how sad his father's death had made him. Daren sat up and just listened to him, cradling him when he started crying. Daren's heart was broken for him, and he even shed a tear.

Then, something happened.

    The scene was almost like a scene from a movie. They just looked into each other's eyes and felt intense passion for a brief moment. Daren then leaped in for a kiss. And from there, everything took off. Daren had never done anything like this before, but DeeJay's experience allowed him to take the lead. And Daren let it happen for the next ten minutes. Until he began to regret it and convinced himself that he was "straight" and the act he was engaging in was "blasphemous".

  DeeJay was thrown off of him, and he started speedily getting dressed. DeeJay, who was perplexed, attempted to comfort him and find out what was wrong, but he was having none of it. Daren sprinted from the room and for the exit. Daren was still confused and pissed when DeeJay caught up to him, still naked. His rage was starting to spill out at this point.

    Daren's face went as red as a tomato as he became furious. He slammed DeeJay against the wall while holding onto his clothing. He wasn't finished, though. He picked DeeJay up and threw him onto the lawn in the backyard after hauling him outside.

    Daren had the upper hand in terms of strength, so Deejay became enraged and confused and began yelling at him. He tackled DeeJay and repeatedly punched him in the face. DeeJay began wailing in a doggy position on the ground.

"I'll fucking kill you if you ever mention any of this to anyone!" he said as he picked up the sledgehammer and slammed it into the ground next to DeeJay's face, barely missing the back of his head.

DeeJay was startled and collapsed onto his back.

"I'm not going to miss the next time!" And with that, Daren walked away.

I stood up. I was so shocked that I removed my headphones and spent a short time just staring at the words on recorder's screen, which read "replay." One recording had so much happening on it, and I still had three more to listen to. I texted in our group-chat to inform them of everything that was on the tape and that we now had a strong suspect. Did Deejay tell someone what had happened between the two that led Daren to killing him?

I also felt terrified, sorrowful, and guilty. DeeJay might've still be living today if we hadn't erased him so quickly and instead remained committed and tried helping him. I yearned to travel back in time to undo everything and counsel my former self to make contact. But at this point, I was powerless to make any changes and have to accept this.

To urinate, I walked to the restroom. A tear started to fall from my eye as I was peering into my bathroom mirror while sitting on the commode. After finishing, I washed my hands, went to the kitchen to get some water, and then I sat back down on my bed to continue listening to the recordings. I just knew it was going to be horrifying to listen to them. But I already failed DeeJay once and if finding his killer could bring some kind of justice, then so be it.