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Book name: Stuck in the web of love
Author: Antalin_A
Genre: Mystery/Thriller
Cover: (3/4)
As I like the image and the fonts.
Title: (2/2)
It's unique.
Blurb: (1/4)
Total (cover, blurb and title): 6/10
"Akash, loved Aparna from the day he met her, but he is just a third person for her, but what will happen, when he has to marry her, to save herself?" Firstly, too many unnecessary commas and misplaced commas. Too many questions in the blurb made it weird to get a view. Also, there are some typos. 'Avhive'- it will be 'achieve'. Your blurb should be in minimum sentences without telling people the whole story.
First chapter: 5/10
'shined brightly in that dark velvet sky...his capacity.' Rearrange it as 'the dark velvety sky' and 'it's capacity' as we can not mention a moon's gender. However, I like the first paragraph.
You make a question like 'Why do they become a monster?', 'Why do they hunt each other like animals? -missing verb.
Next chapters: (1-8) 4/10
Chapter 1- you use unnecessary filter words like 'that', 'those'. Just a suggestion - you may use it but to a minimum. Like in your first paragraph of chapter 1 didn't need it. You can simply arrange it as 'The night sky darkened with each passing second and the melody of waves of the sea hitting on the hard rocks swayed in the dead silence.
Try to avoid using passive sentences as well as filter words. To change a filter word you can use descriptions. It works well.ย
Didn't supported him- didn't support him
'Running alone in untime' sounds weird. I don't get it what do you mean by untime?
"Akash, why did you bought her her here?' - well, it will be 'brought her'. Bought is the past tense of buy.
There are so many mistakes which is why I could not point out and write it here. I tried to point out in the chapter.
Grammar: 4/10
โข Unnecessary commas, missing commas, misplaced commas.
โข Missing periods. (I have mentioned a site where you can see the rules of commas. I know it's a bit confusing. But you'll get it)
โข Tense problem as well as you wrote 'You feels'- in the second person you don't need to add 's' with the verb. It's only for third-person singular numbers. Also, your tense is going back and forth from past to present.
โข Preposition errors like you have placed wrong prepositions or hadn't used one at all.
โข Missing determiners.
Sentence structure and syntax: 4/10
There were off-putting sentences where the formation seemed a bit hazy. Like in the prologue, when the child was saying something about the spider. I suggest rearranging the sentences.
Misspelt words that are the same in pronunciation like 'steel' - 'steal'.
Consistency: 4/10
โข She looks desperate to get a job yet, she will be leaving for the US in one and a half months?!
โข Even if Akash is attracted toward her I don't think it's professional to flirt in the office. I don't know why I put that into consistency because I don't think anyone would do that when it comes to your own office or company. It would make his reputation badly damaged. So, this didn't feel real.
โข Prithvi is a girl or a boy? Sometimes you have used 'she' then 'he' so I am getting confused.
โข When Akash came across with Aparna it seems they met after a few years. Then (from meeting to coming home) they enter as a couple. It didn't sit right as we don't know if there was any conversation that they will be entering the house as a couple or they were already a couple. And if they were a couple, why did Akash act like he had seen her after some time?
After reading the fourth chapter, I found out they did do the conversation but it is still uncertain when they entered in that terms.
โข In a criminal investigation, they ask for alibi first. Then ask about the families. As Devraj is only a partner and in a questionable position, they would investigate and interrogate them immediately. Also, before leaving, they instruct not to leave the city without prior informing the police in case of emergency.
Characters: 4/10
You have to develop your character as they didn't feel real. More like some 2D people. Only Akash's emotions were placed.
I think Vikranth and Prithbi's relationship could be developed if you add more situations and descriptions.
Pace and flow: 3/10
As I have mentioned, Akash seemed to be seeing her for the first time then suddenly they seemed to be a couple. Your flow is going back and forth.
Plot: 7/10
There seemed to have a good plot but you have to establish it along with your characters. There were also plot holes.
My view: 5/10
I think it's your first time writing a book. At least you know the difference between POVs as I used to suck at that aspect. However, first, you have to revise it and fill the gaps. Then develop your setting along with your characters. Remember, in crime fiction, you can't let people see your plot holes. You may leave some but be sure to fill that later. The story had many loose ends try to develop the main plot (the crime) along with the sub plot (the romance)
Useful sites:
Comma usage - https://www.grammarly.com/blog/comma/
Plotting crime fiction - https://www.scottishbooktrust.com/articles/five-things-plotting-a-crime-novel
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