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Book name: Forbidden Love
Author: Charmedone22
Chapters read: (30/34)
Genre: Romance/ Fanfiction
Book status: Completed

Title (0.25/5)
There are too many books with this title. It has very few associations to give. How do I know that it's not a plot which I have read already? You are an amazing ranker in this community who has delivered fair rankings. Maybe you could start working on the outlook of this book.

Cover (1/5)
The pictures are too small and unclear. They appear somewhere from the mid. The title is not properly readable. It is unproportional. Maybe you could engage a cover designer for this.

Book description (0.25/5)
What is abnegation? What is dauntless? Why is this love story forbidden? → The first questions someone would get after reading your blurb. And then you mentioned that it's rushed, it's flirty and romance slows down. To be serious, this wasn't attractive at all. It's short and it has no details. I get to know nothing necessary or important to see inside of the story.

Prologue(0.5/5)
This is something for someone who has seen the movie. A random person maybe could not understand what all this is about and would just leave. You should have provided basic information of what the words erudite, dauntless, abnegation, candor, divergent and amity mean. Or at least what the connection of them are. I guess this scene was not that much needed there as much as the basic pieces of information were. Rather this could be in the blurb after making it a bit more interesting and showing something unique in it.

Grammar(4.5/10)
There were different problems, starting from punctuation till the tenses.
"After helping Evelyn in clearing out the table, washing up the dishes, we went home and I felt asleep..." This sounds weird even after reading it five times. The first part and the second part could be written separately. The first two things are connected and the last things are connected. You can't mix up the four things." We helped Evelyn in clearing the table and washing up the dishes. Later on we went home and I fell asleep being tired..." could be an alternative for this sentence.
"I spit at her and she looked like she has seen a ghost, she came closer to me and tried to slap me..." Here again, you have put two sentences together. Other than that the first tense doesn't match up with the others. This is just one example. At other places, you have also mixed up the tenses. You write in the present tense and then you change to past tense and then there comes the present tense again.
Try to experiment a bit with the alternatives of cursive and bold. At a place, you wrote something like "[dialogue]" I "politely" answered. The politely could be in cursive or bold to enhance it rather than using the quotation marks.
Also, I noticed that if you put a dialogue after a narration, then you put a colon. That is unnecessary and you can simply leave it out.
Doubling words are not needed. Leave the words away which are unnecessary and self-explanatory. "I asked them while I was glaring them." could be, "I asked while glaring them."
At times it becomes clear what you want to say but your sentence has no logic. "Zeke and Uriah faking their cries and said at the same time,..."
In general, you need to edit this story. There are many mistakes which lead to irritation while reading your story.

Plot (2.5/10)
You have had many ups and downs in your story but everything revolved around love and mistrust and betrayal and jealousy and love and obsession and mistrust and then children. There was nothing new I could find in here. The sole difference was that you wrote on the base of the Divergent series. That gave the story another base than in the "real" world. It starts with the forbidden love and ends upon that. There were twists which seemed less necessary to me. However, I loved the way you showed the necessary things and didn't make it a 100% cliché story. Overall, this is not one of my preferred plots because I can assure you that I have read stories with similar content but it has slight uniqueness. Therefore, I am giving you really fewer points at this place.

Character(s)/ Development (5/10)
You had the main characters of the book and they had no introduction. I knew some things about the book but a random person would get really confused. Beatrice was portrayed as self-confident in the beginning. I still don't understand the turning point where she became so weak in your story. That's a negative point in my opinion. Christina didn't even give a hint of being well and that was quite a surprising shock. The personality of Tobias also went downhill rather than progressing. The only positive progress I could see was in Evelyn, Christina and Nita. Probably you had too many characters that you couldn't work on any of them as you tried to work on all of them.

Flow of the story (2/5)
You rushed up at the beginning of the story. Their love story was suddenly there and they were fully in love within 3 chapters. Next, you dragged it with unnecessary twists and turns. Your pace got better when Tris came back to Chicago. Afterwards, it was going smoothly.

Creativity (1.5/5)
As I already mentioned, you have chosen a full basic plot. There was nothing new and surprising to it except for some twists which were still acceptable.

Your interest based on the content (0.5/5)
I wouldn't read such a story after some chapters. It got too repetitive. I had read such stories before and moreover, you were repeating the same thing again and again by portraying their POVs. You can show different POVs if they have different thoughts but you often showed the same thoughts as if they have the same personalities.

Overall opinion (3.5/10)
You can work on the grammar and maybe shorten some twists in it. For the next time, option for a unique plot with more creativity in every part of the story. Some things were fine, many need to be worked on.

Total (21.5/75)

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