Jamie

I wake in his arms, my head buzzing from the sweetness of my dreams.

I drown myself in the gentle touch of his skin, and in the deep rumble of his soft snores as they reverberate through his broad chest, and in the slow but steady beat of his enormous heart.

I nestle my face into the crook of his neck and sigh, breathing in the comforting scent that I've always loved.

His arms tighten around me and he yawns as he stretches, his eyes flickering open.

He rests his arm underneath his head as his gaze falls upon my face.

My eyes lock on his and I find every emotion I've ever experienced because of him, just rushing back at me all at once and causing me to fall so deeply and madly in love again.

It all hurts so much, but I guess that's what makes us human.

"I love you," I whisper, not giving a shit about formalities, or 'good morning's, or anything at all except how much I love him.

And he needs to know how much I love him.

He smiles through his half shut eyes, his lips uttering a tired, gravelly response.

"I love you, too."

I let out a breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding, and rest my head on his chest.

His heart beats against my ear as I leave a small kiss on his skin.

He tucks a stray lock of my hair behind my ear and rubs my cheek with an absentminded thumb.

We just watch each other in silence for a bit before he speaks up.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks quietly.

I swallow, averting my eyes as the guilt grabs hold once again.

"I guess we should, huh?"

"Hey," he says, tilting my chin up with a finger.

I reluctantly meet his gaze.

"Don't worry so much, sweetheart. You won't ever lose me to anyone or anything. And I will never lose you, okay? I refuse to."

I sigh as his strong gaze emphasizes his words.

"You're safe with me and I know that you love me just as much as I love you, so neither of us have anything to worry about."

He slides his fingers into my hair and presses his palm gently to my cheek.

I smile weakly, finding myself grateful for his patience.

Okay, just... rip it off like a bandaid.

Like a bandaid.

Like a-

"Okay," he says, taking a breath as if reading my mind.

"Just to get it all out there and out of the way; yes, I did sleep with her, and yes I've regretted it every minute of every day; I have since the day it happened."

I swallow the lump in my throat as he continues quietly.

"She was my first, yes, but you are more than just my first, Jay, you are my only."

My heart throbs at his words and I look into his eyes, wondering desperately how true those words may be.

His emerald eyes shine, unwavering as he speaks clearly.

"You will forever be my only and you will be my last. I'm completely devoted to you. I will never let you down, so you don't have to worry about me ever disappearing or cheating or giving up on you, okay?"

A silent tear slips down my cheek as my racing heart threatens to burst.

"I love you," he whispers, drying my cheek with his thumb and kissing my forehead gently.

"I love you, too."

"And I'm sorry," I choke.

Sorry for reacting the way I did, sorry for being this way, sorry for crying so much.

I'm sorry for everything.

"You're okay, Jamie. We're okay," he whispers, rubbing my back soothingly.

"Okay," I whisper shakily.

We stay in bed as morning fades into afternoon and grumbling tummies force us out of bed.

I make a move to stand but he gently pushes me back into the mountain of expensive pillows and silk sheets.

"Just wait here. I'll be back in a bit," he says, kissing my forehead before turning toward the door.

The ghosts of his fingers linger on my skin as I sigh and let my thoughts roam.

What happened to us?

Images of the past few years flash in my head, each memory lasting no longer than a millisecond but all leaving a lasting impression.

It feels like it's been ages since we've had any sort of issues like this, and I guess it has been a while. All of our problems have seemed so lasting and permanent and irreversible, but everything turned out okay after all.

This time won't be any different.

A warm, familiar smell pulls me out of my head as my stomach growls once again.

After a bit of noise coming from the other side of the wall, the door swings open as Ian walks in with a tray in hand, balancing two full bowls of macaroni.

Suddenly I'm sent back to that night in Ian's bedroom, covered in bruises and cuts and feeling hellishly pained. I remember the feeling of his bed, much stiffer than this memory foam mattress, and the smell of his fresh sheets, even more comforting than the lavender detergent used on the hotel linens.

Just like that night, Ian hands me a bowl of my favorite Mac-n-Cheese and expects me to eat all of it. And I do.

He turns on American Horror Story and I blush at all the obscene parts as usual, and he makes fun of me every time.

And everything feels strangely normal again.

I love him and he loves me, just as it's always been. And just as it always will be.

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A/n

Yoooooooo

I'm backkk.

Been a billion years but ya bitch is doin shit again.

Crazy, right?

We in a hotel room, I'm taking a bath, my phones on 5%, everything's great.

Ima see if I can start updating regularly again, or at least a bit more often than once every year lmao.

Sorry again for the wait 😅

Love ya!

(Also, I've got some old stories I've written or started writing that either never took off or I kinda gave up on, but let me know if you'd be interested in reading them at all or if I should pick them back up or whatever.)

<3 Thanks for reading! <3