Jamie

I step into the bedroom and lock myself in, plopping down with my back against the door.

I pull my knees to my chest and take deep breaths as I listen to the argument outside.

"What the fuck--!?"

"It's none of your business!" Ian says sharply.

"None of my business!? Are you out of your mind!? You were-- and now you're--- of course it's my--"

"I haven't seen you in years! I ended things a long fucking time ago and now you just pop up like it's nothing!? What are you thinking!?" Adrien yells.

Ended things? What fucking things?

"Oh, now I get it. You're lonely---" Destiny replies, her voice lowering to the point where I can no longer distinguish her words.

I silently unlock the door and step out into the hallway to listen and hopefully figure out what the fuck is happening.

"Oh, baby-"

"What the fuck!? What are you talking about!? Don't fucking call me that!" Ian yells, disgusted.

I hear shuffling, followed by her slutty voice.

"You must've forgotten what it's like with a girl, huh? I bet you've missed me. Here, maybe if I remind you, you'll drop this little fantasy of yours."

I freeze, a sob catching in my throat.

I peer around the corner as she straddles my Ian. He leans away from her, not wanting to lay a finger on her skin.

"What!? No! What the fuck!? Get off of me! Get off-" he yells, her cutting him off by pressing her sinful lips against those that I'm so familiar with.

She pulls off her baseball cap and lets her curly hair tumble down.

My blood runs cold.

And all I see is red.

He tries to push her away but she just keeps coming back.

"Oh, baby I forgot how rough you were," Destiny laughs.

I don't even notice the tears when they start, it's when he tries so desperately to get away and knocks the glass vase, sending it tumbling as it shatters against the tile that I realize what's going on.

I gasp at the noise and let out a loud sob before I slap my hands over my lips.

Ian's eyes dart immediately over to where I stand in the hallway.

His gaze fills with guilt and worry.

I stumble back a step, my eyes wide and my hands trembling.

"J- Jamie?" He calls, frozen in worry, afraid that any move he might make will set me off.

I choke on the violent sobs that rip apart my chest and run back into the bedroom.

Ian shoves the girl off of him as she lets out a yelp.

"Jamie!? Jay wait!" He calls, running after me.

I slam the door closed and quickly lock it before he can reach it.

He bangs on the door with all his might, causing the thin wood to bow with each knock.

"Jamie, let me in!" He cries, his voice breaking.

I stumble to the center of the room, bawling like the pathetic freak I am.

You knew this would happen!

You fucking knew and you still let that bitch in!

Why are you crying, you idiot!? This is your fault!

"Jamie!" He yells, his knuckles pounding on the door forcefully, his other hand turning the knob frantically.

He didn't even hurt you, you know?

He didn't cheat, he didn't touch her. He wasn't even attracted to her.

This was all her fault.

But why her?

It could've been anyone, so why her!?

Every nightmare I've ever had comes flooding back.

I shut my eyes and see her flawless, bare body tangled with his, the image permanently glued to my eyelids.

I see them together, having sex, fucking,

Making love...

And I know that nothing will ever be the same.

Red...

Why did it have to be red?

Why red!?

Adrien

"Jamie! Open the fucking door!"

"He doesn't love you," she says quietly from somewhere in the living room.

"Fuck you! What the fuck is wrong with you!?" I scream furiously, sobbing with my head pressed against the door.

Cigarette smoke wafts through the room as she takes a drag from the death trap that we used to smoke together.

"Why!? Why are you so set on ruining my fucking life!?" I cry, desperately.

All I want is Jamie in my arms.

I just want us to be happy again.

"Babe, I hate to break it to you but you aren't gay. I've been in your bed more times than I can't count and I know for a fact that you never were and never will be gay," she says, taking another drag.

"Why!? Why do you fucking care whether I'm gay or not!?"

"Because I love you, Adrien."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I curse under my breath.

"Why would I ever, ever consider being with a whore like you?" I spit.

"Honey, you think I'm the whore here?" She laughs.

I grimace.

"Regardless," she starts, her footsteps approaching.

"You know he could never love you. Not like I can, not like you need. His body has nothing on mine," she says, running a hand under my shirt.

I spin around and smack her across her face, furious.

She stumbles back, staring at me like a kicked stray.

"Get out of here before I fucking kill you," I say, my voice low and rigid, my entire body trembling in fury.

She frowns, bitterly, while I desperately try to refrain from acting on my words.

"God, I can't wait till you break his poor little heart. You always had a way of fucking your own life up, I can't imagine how badly you'll fuck up his," she spits, grabbing her hat and her bag and storming out the suite, making sure to slam the door behind her.

I take deep breaths as I try to calm down, the world seeming to slow in the now quiet hotel room.

"I can't imagine how badly you'll fuck up his."

I sigh heavily.

"Jamie? Sweetheart?" I call, knocking on the door as I internalize every comment, every jab she made.

"Please open the door, Jay."

He doesn't reply.

"Jay?"

The room is still silent.

I instantly think of all the things he might've done.

He's been scared and overwhelmed all night, maybe it got the best of him.

What if he's hurt?

What if he hurt himself?

What if he's dead?

My heart drops as I knock more urgently.

"Jamie? Jamie, please open the door!"

I rattle the knob, desperately trying to unlock the door.

God, what if he's dead!?

I imagine his pale porcelain skin cold, his bright blue eyes dull and murky, his body stiff and his heart silent, and I feel any chance of happiness escape me.

"Jay- !"

The door unlocks beneath my fingers and the door swings open silently.

I see my baby standing in the door way radiating nothing but pure, unadulterated sadness.

A weight lifts off my shoulders as I see him alive and well with nothing but bruises and bite marks peaking out from under his collar and healed scars on his wrist.

He's okay.

He's okay.

"What do you want?" He says quietly.

I immediately burst into tears at the sound of his broken voice.

I know he's disconsolate but for God's sake, I was so worried.

I pull him into my arms and squeeze him so tightly, I feel as though I might pass out.

He pushes me away, his eyes tearful.

"What do you want?" He repeats, forcefully.

"J- Jamie... I love you, I love you so much."

"Liar," he whispers, a tear slipping down his cheek.

"What?"

"Fucking liar!" He screams, shoving me back with all his might.

It doesn't hurt me or do much at all, not physically, at least. But that small action rips my heart in two.

"I'm not lying! I love you, James! Why would you say that?"

"You fucking kissed her! Why did you kiss her!?" He sobs, holding his face in his hands and yanking on his hair.

I know his thoughts have returned, worse than ever and I feel so bad for him, but this wasn't my fault.

This wasn't my fucking fault.

"I didn't kiss her, she kissed me! I didn't do anything wrong, Jamie!"

"Yeah, I- I know... I'm sorry, I- I just," he says between hiccups, he begins sobbing harder than I've ever seen.

My heart breaks and I feel so guilty for raising my voice.

"I'm sorry, Jay, I'm so sorry," I whisper, touching a hand to his cheek.

He instinctively collapses into my arms.

"W- why her? Why did it have to be h- her!?" He cries, clutching my shirt in his small fists.

"You remember her then?" I ask quietly.

He just continues sobbing, desperately.

I lift him gently as he wraps his legs around my waist, and carry him to the bed.

"Jamie, I'm so sorry. If I'd known she would... god, I'm so sorry," I say, enveloping him in my chest and holding him tightly, afraid that if I let go he'll fall apart.

I lean down and kiss his hair as soothingly as I can.

"I love you, Jay. You know that. And you know that I don't love anyone else. I never will."

"I- I... know... b- but--" he can't speak, his sobs shaking his form violently.

"Shush, just calm down, okay? Everything is gonna be fine, Jay. We're gonna be fine."

He rests his head against my collar and cries his heart out.

"Ian... m- make it s- stop," he says weakly against my skin.

"What- ?"

"M- make them go away," he sniffles.

"Make what- ?"

"Please," he cries desperately.

"Please make them stop," he whispers, smacking his palm against his temple.

"Jay, don't," I say, catching his hand.

I then notice his other hand, his nails digging into his palm. If I hadn't caught it now, he would've been bleeding within moments.

I grab his wrist, scared.

Scared that he still might hurt himself.

"Jamie, don't. Sweetheart, please, it's okay."

His eyes are puffy and red from crying and his cheeks are drenched in tears.

"Ian, I- I... I don't wanna d- do this anymore..."

My gut churns as I process his words.

"Jamie, what are you talking about?"

"I- it hurts t- too much, I- I can't..." he sobs, defeated.

A shiver runs up my spine as a cool breeze drifts through the open balcony doors.

Open?

"I- I... I don't wanna d- do this anymore..."

The thoughts click into place.

He was going to jump.

He was going to jump.

He was going to jump.

"Jamie, why are those doors open?" I say, my voice breaking.

He cringes, ducking his head as if he'd been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do.

"Tell me you weren't going to..." I say.

He doesn't respond.

"Tell me!" I yell, suddenly furious.

I push him back, forcing him to look at me. He stares at me, eyes wide and full of tears.

"Tell me you weren't going to jump! Tell me you weren't!"

He looks terrified.

He should be fucking terrified.

"You were going to leave me," I whisper, just as scared.

"Jay... y- you promised."

He stares at his hands, unable to speak.

I can't find any words either, as a tear slips down my cheek.

I stand and furiously slam the balcony doors shut, so furiously that I'm afraid the glass might shatter.

I huff quietly, pacing in an angry circle as I wring my hands and chew on the inside of my cheek.

What the hell am I supposed to do in this situation!?

What even can I do!?

Just don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

Don't-

"Jamie, come here please," I say, desperately trying to calm down, to keep my rage inside.

He doesn't budge.

"Come here, now," I demand, too forcefully.

With a flinch, he slides off the bed, wiping his eyes, and steps in front of me.

I pull off his shirt in one quick motion and he looks up at me, confused and scared.

"Ian, wait, w- what are you- ?"

"Just shut up. How many times do I have to say it? I'm not going to hurt you!" I exclaim, frustrated.

His lip quivers and I know that I was too harsh but I just can't. I can't deal with this right now.

I lean down to strip him of his shorts and underwear and he shies away from me, as if looking at a total stranger.

It stings like a bitch.

"What are you gonna do- ?"

I take a deep breath, his face reminding me of why I'm doing all of this.

I'm doing this because I love him.

"Please, just trust me, okay?"

He sighs and nods, letting me take his clothes off. I'm greeted with all of the scars and bruises and discolorations that I've caused.

"Come on, sweetheart," I say quietly, opening my arms for him.

He hesitates, and I guess I understand why, but it still fucking hurts.

"Jay, it's okay. Just trust me," I whisper.

His eyes shift at the sound of my soft voice, remembering every sweet beautiful moment we've shared, and he jumps into my arms like he's done so many times, trying desperately to keep himself together.

I hug him tightly and lift him up, setting him down in the bathtub. I turn on the faucet and pet his hair, leaving a quick kiss on his temple before turning around and shedding my own shirt.

I step into the bathroom momentarily and return with a bottle of pink liquid.

I just want it to go back to the way it was. Without her, without his fear. No demons, no problems, just us and our love.

I dump a third of the contents of the bottle into the water and bubbles begin forming immediately as the room fills with the scent of passion fruit and flowers.

I take off the rest of my clothes and step into the tub next to him. He climbs onto my lap and into my arms without a word.

I hold him tightly, feeling almost as if I don't know him anymore.

It hurts.

It hurts so fucking badly.

"Don't do that again," I whisper.

"I won't," he says, his voice hoarse from crying.

"Promise me right now. Promise you will never do anything like that again."

He stays quiet.

"Jamie, I swear to god if you don't right now-"

"Okay, okay. I promise," he whispers sadly, nestling his face into the crook of my neck.

I wrap my arms around him tightly and wonder what would've happened had I not made it in time.

I tangle my fingers in his hair and hold him as if letting go would be the death of me.

I almost think it would be.

"I- I love you s- so m- much, Jay," I whisper, my voice trembling pathetically.

"I'm so s- sorry, Ian... I l- love you too," he says, his tears dripping quietly down my neck.

-----------------------------

A/n

Holy shit!!!

First Chapter written post super huge update and DAYUM its dramatic and emotional as fuck.

*passes tissues*

My bad, fam.

Love y'all as always.

C,:

<3 Thanks for reading! <3