Hello! I'm not dead! I'm alive and still writing! >:D

Some parts may appear rushed (they are) but I'm trying to keep the word limit at 8k words!

I also took the time to proofread the whole thing uwu

*

Tubbo really doesn't know what to think nor how to feel about the situation. First, his shirt is ripped because of The Blade's trident. If Stress buys the excuse he has to come up with, it'll all be okay; his shirt will be fixed and his life will continue to be... Well, to be. Problem is... how do you explain three unrelated rips to a furious Stress without matching scratches underneath? Oh, I ran into a very sharp tree! Because that's believable. It conveniently only caught my shirt, I swear! Oh, and it only gets worse. Ugh.

Second, the moment he wants to give The Blade the cold shoulder for instantaneously making his life harder, the guy brings down The Watcher with a power slam. One handed. With a cool war cry. Just like in those cool wrestling matches on TV. 

How is he supposed to hate the guy when he can do that? Who does he even cheer on at that point?

That question was answered shortly, thankfully, since the hero very much left The Watcher unattended when everyone knows very well that this particular villain probably has a card up his sleeve even when he is sitting on the toilet bowl for a #2. He isn't infamous for nothing, is he? And on top of that, Tubbo can hate The Blade for scaring them all and being the cause of Tommy's literal fall.

Honestly, the moment he saw his friend fall off the roof and heard the ripping sound of flesh and the cracking of bone you'd hear in the butcher's has left him mentally scarred. In some way. He is pretty sure he'll be thinking about it for a long time. You don't just witness your friend fall to his death and an avian cut open his own wings just to escape and actually be able to fly after that. Especially with the extra cargo that was Tommy.

(As light as his best friend is, Tubbo has personal experience of how bothersome and distracting he can be)

And on top of that, he saved Tommy from his inevitable demise rather than let him splat on the street. A villain saving a civilian is unheard of but if it allows Tommy to live, then it's fine by Tubbo.

(He only hopes that the guy doesn't drop him mid-flight as the two disappear behind a building)

Now, the problem of Tommy falling is thankfully solved, though Tubbo will hold a grudge towards Ranboo for a day or two- yes, despite the fact that he could've pretty much died as well had The Watcher decided to stick around the hero a second longer. Trying to save people even with the threat of death is what they are supposed to do! (When they aren't trying to blow up and steal shit). Plus, they have to take on The Blade now. In a 2v1. Gulp.

Fighting this particular hero is pretty much suicide but they have no choice since Ranboo needs another minute or two to use his power and Tubbo is not leaving his friend's side for shit. What kind of friend would he be if he just left him all alone with his very deadly idol? Who is more likely to kill Endwalker because the newly-acquired Ranboo card won't work?

"Well, that was pretty anticlimactic", he carelessly comments. The devastated hero beside the two of them almost seems to sulk as he slowly realizes the many mistakes he made in just under a few seconds.

Ranboo nudges him in the side, as if he's trying to tell him "no, what are you doing?! You'll anger him!" , blah blah, blah, shut up Ranboo! The guy has got to hear it!

"It was a very poorly executed plan-"

"Tubbee!", Ranboo warns. The Blade side eyes him- that's his best guess with the stupid hog mask on the man's stupid face. Maybe he should listen to his friend. Hm, okay, he'll stop trying to start up drama.

"How much time?.."

"Any second no-"

"Oh, no, you don't"

Before Ranboo can finish his sentence, Tubbo is yanked back by a firm hand. He screeches and his wings buzz like crazy, trying to escape the pink-haired man's steel grip. Same goes for Ranboo, whom the hero grabs by the collar of his shirt and tags him away from Tubbo. Fuck, they've been compromised! Apprehended! Whatever the right word is!

"Let go, man, or I'll sting you!", Tubbo shouts at the hero. His fingernails sharpen just enough to pierce skin with ease; they become what he calls "stingers". Said stingers can paralyze a normal human within a matter of seconds but at the same time, they can also kill your average elephant.  Probably. They haven't found an elephant to test that theory on yet. (They only know what Cleo has told them).

They don't die because of some allergy, though, no, no -even if that's a very likely scenario. His venom is just like a baby cobra's: he doesn't know how it works, what it is made of nor can he control how much he injects into his victims so most of them just spasm on the floor. May as well do the same to the hero holding them hostage-

The Blade seems to notice this, however and he somehow maneuvers him to have both of his wrists in one hand. Maybe he shouldn't have warned him. Yeah, that was a noob move. Tubbo instinctively thrashes whilst Ranboo is... Well, he's doing Ranboo things. Fanboying silently over being this close to his idol and endangering both Tubbo and himself. Y'know, the usual.

It's not like he can teleport and save the day, anyway. The timer will go up no matter where he teleports to and Tubbo can't be arsed waiting another twenty minutes to escape this rooftop. If the hero doesn't get bored and takes him to the police before then. Or kills him before then. Honestly, you can never be too sure with heroes. If only he knew where this guy lived, he would've blown up his house a loooong time ago. God, they didn't prepare well enough for tonight.

"The less you struggle, the easier it will be for all of us", the hero urges. Yeah, like he'll listen to this walking, talking flesh bag of big, girthy muscles.

"I'll struggle all I want! Let go!"

Before Ranboo can start protesting as well, a fireball flies their way. A ball of literal fire; not some ignited tinder. The Blade is alert enough to dodge it, quickly stepping to the side and dragging the two of them along like ragdolls.

Tubbo yells in surprise when the fireball hits the roof with a loud crackle and erupts into a fire show, trapping them inside a ring of fire. It turns the concrete black. He yells again, this time joined by Ranboo who is flinching left and right trying to not be burnt. That's when he realizes that the hero is holding his friend off the ground. Oh God, please don't rip his shirt- that'll be another nightmare to explain to Stress and Grian.

"What the Hell, man!", he screams as the hero drags him about, trying to not get scorched himself. The light sound of someone landing gracefully on the rooftop barely makes it to Tubbo's ears over the volume of their combined screaming.

"I am super sorry about that, guys! Are the two of you alright?", a strange, digital sort of voice with a vaguely familiar accent asks. The Blade turns to see who the crazy person is and Tubbo can't exactly comprehend what he sees himself. Like, they just got a visit from a villain, why is there another one? Is there a nest nearby and they spring up from there?

That is the villain Pearlescent Moon, who robbed the local bank and got away with it a few days ago. The same villain who The Watcher saved from the Dream Team with probably the strongest connections in the underground. And that giant demon perched on the edge beside her is BBH... A hero. He looks like... a big kitten with horns in all honesty, sitting on his hunches with a weird aura about him. Huh. Tubbo was not expecting to ever see a hero act like that. The villain even scratches him under the chin and he purrs. Purrs. What.

Tubbo and Ranboo have the absolute right to gawk and judge. What in the fuck is going on here? This is their first time witnessing a villain-hero team-up.

The Blade takes a deep breath which easily hitches in his throat. Something seems awfully off about the demon. He seems super out of character, especially when he is acting like a cat... or a dog -it's pretty hard to tell. I mean, he looks like he's about to roll over for a belly rub. His attire is slightly different from what Tubbo remembers as well. If he remembers correctly, because the only time he's seen the hero, it's been on the TV screen of a small, traditional Cafe at the side of the street he and Tommy work at.

The guy used to wear a red trimmed hoodie and pants and some straps around his upper body to carry extra weapons, like the staff he has strapped on his back right now. Now the trims are white like his glowing, completely white eyes, contrasting perfectly against the black fabric of his clothes and the darkness that is his body beneath. And his eyes seem hazy -way too hazy, even for their glowing nature. Like he's been tampered with. How in Hell can a demon be tampered with? (Ha, pun).

"What...", Ranboo breathes out. Yeah, Tubbo can agree. This is weiiird. Absolute bonkers.

"BBH, what are you doing with her?", the hero asks calmly. The dangerous kind of "calmly". The demon doesn't pay him any mind, though, happy to just sit there on the ledge, wag his long, graceful spade tail and observe like a drunkard, unlike the villain.

"That's no way to greet an old lady, young man", Pearlescent Moon says, feigning offense, though Tubbo notes that up close, she definitely does not strike him as an old, creepy lady.

Who knows, though? The kitsune mask on her face might be hiding all the wise wrinkles. So Tubbo scrunches up his face, squints his eyes under the orange tinted goggles but alas, his goggles don't provide Superman's X-ray. So, the only clue he has to her age is her voice!

...which has a voice changer. Damn.

Nevermind then. Onto the more critical matter at hand: the ring of fire which has successfully scorched his friend's tail fluff and almost his own shoes. This is BBH's famous fire magic, he can't help but be amazed by the flames. For some reason. It's probably the adrenaline that has put him in such an accepting, in-awe state. Then again chaos does call to him quite a lot-

"Dear Bad is helping me, isn't that right?", the villain turns to BBH, whose name is apparently Bad -literally, and The Blade gapes at them. The demon slurs his words with a giggle and it almost sounds like he said yes.

Way to cut off Tubbo mid-thought.

"What have you done to him?", The Blade demands with a growl. Tubbo guesses that the hero has been personally attacked.

Well, if Tommy was under some sort of... mind control? Is that even what it is? It certainly looks like it. Tubbo would've been incredibly angry and trigger-happy if that were to happen. No one messes with his squad unless it's him leading the assault! (Assault as in pillow fights and feet tickling, nothing like a huge ass fight).

"I haven't done anything that will hurt him if that is what you want to know", Pearlescent says, "He's just helping me out for the night", and she sounds happy saying that and the hero beside her lets out a happy sound like a kitty nyah.

...Let's not comment on that one.

What is she even planning? Didn't she have an accomplice last time? And out of all heroes, she chooses The Blade to fight with. Oh, ho, ho, Tubbo isn't missing out on this. Isn't she new to the scene? She and... What was the other's name? Gemini? The two of them got cornered so easily by the Dream Team, what could she possibly be thinking going up against a greater opponent?

"Hand me the kids", she orders; demands. BBH looks curiously at her with wide eyes and childlike wonder.

Wait. Wait a fucking second. Tubbo suddenly realizes that this is an actual team-up and that they are about to be human trafficked. And that there really is no way out of this situation.

Even in this peculiar position, The Blade is keeping him perfectly separated from Ranboo and the villain is really an obstacle in human clothing. Not to mention the whole ass demon that seems to respond to each and every word she says like he's been put under a love spell or something. Are the love potions on Craigslist actually effective?

Ranboo seems to realize it too and he thrashes in the hero's hold. The grip around his wrists tightens as the hero tags him back almost gently.

"I'm taking these two rascals to the responsible adults, so no", he tells the villain with a perfectly emotionless voice.

Pearlescent's mask almost seems to frown. BBH scowls beside her. Oh, fuck.

"Bad, dear, can you retrieve those two for me?"

*

A villain and a raccoon outside of a McDonald's, what will they do? Tommy has found that this particular question is for highly intelligent individuals and that he is an intelligent individual in-training. He hasn't exactly found a logical answer to it and his growling stomach hasn't really left him any time to think either.

They flew here, Tommy hanging on The Watcher with claws and teeth, fearing that he'd be dropped at any second. He dared to look down once and- he immediately looked back up. They were so high up, damn. He only lost one of his bandanas to the wind, leaving his mouth and chin uncovered. At least his eyes were still covered.

Thankfully, he was not dropped but neither was he given any money to buy food when they landed. Wasn't The Watcher going to treat him to a nice, (un)healthy McDonald's meal? Oh.

Oh, wait.

"Are we going through the Drive Thru?", Tommy asks, rightfully skeptical about all of this.

The Watcher raises an eyebrow, looking at him like he asked the most idiotic question to have ever existed in 2022. Like he's the manager talking to a registered Karen.

"No, we're going inside"

Tommy, in turn, gawks. Blinks a couple of times. His eye twitches a bit.

"Are you out of your damn mind?!"

The villain simply waves him off, like going into a McDonald's in his villain attire is nothing dangerous. Nothing anyone should be concerned about. Nah, just the most infamous villain chillin' in a McDonald's with a random vigilante. Because that's a normal thing for a villain to do. Like the po-po isn't going to be called. This guy must frankly be crazy.

"It's fine, no hero works part-time here"-since when did heroes work part-time in a fast food restaurant in the first place??- "I suppose it'll be mildly inconvenient if someone calls the heroes but it won't be that much of an issue"

Is this guy just... so sure of himself? Or plain stupid? He was pinned by The Blade in a matter of seconds just a few minutes ago, his wings are still cut open and bleeding- scratch that last one, they aren't bleeding anymore- and he looks tired; exhausted. His eyes look tired anyway. Tommy can just see the beginning of an eye bag under the scarf.

"Are you this arrogant all the time?", he asks and turns his head to glance at the restaurant entrance. Just because the guy said they'd be a-okay, doesn't mean that they will be. 

The Watcher leans forward just a little, looking at his face. Wait, no. He isn't looking at his face but rather... he's looking at his lips? This is... weird. Weirdo. This isn't some dating sim- oh, God, now he can't get the thought out of his head. Darn teenage hormones!

I mean, you could call this a dating sim. Tommy has heard a lot from Gem and she showed him a rather peculiar KFC fangame not so long ago. This is like the typical victim-villain scenario in a romance novel in Stress' bookshelf of books. Alone, (somewhat) cornered by the most infamous and (by internet standards) most fabulous villain in a dark alley... Ew, blegh- he'd appreciate a bucket to vomit into with that last one, thanks.

Said villain chuckles, awkwardly rubbing at his nape. This is such a novel cliché, Jesus. 

"Looking at the graphs, I'd say I have that right"

And his self-confidence is through the fucking roof. Great. Awesome. Another aspect to either attack or simp for. Sheesh.

"Touché"

The man walks into the restaurant then, Tommy reluctantly walking behind him. The first thing he notices is the lack of eyes staring at them, which is weird and pretty foreboding considering who just walked in. So, he looks around and finds that there isn't a single customer sitting at any of the tables. Huh. This is strangely convenient. There weren't many people outside either.

"Innit, what would you like? You can order for the others too", The Watcher asks him and pushes him to the counter with a wing.

Speaking of wings, how can he even move? They are ginormous! Is he just that strong? And doesn't it hurt now that there's bone sticking out of the fluff? He looks at the other wing- oh. Turns out it does hurt. How did the wise Tommy Innit figure that one out? The limb is limp and dragging on the ground like a trash brush. Honestly, how did he not notice this outside?

He is handed a twenty and left to order as the other goes to find a place to sit. Tommy grimaces as if he is the one having to haul tons of feathers across the dirty floor.

Hm, alright. What does he get? He looks at the picture board over the counter, ogles the many available options and- he can't decide. For fuck's sake. Why is everything so delicious looking?! Why do humans make food look tasty?! Ugh! The curse of pretty food.

Alright, change of tactic-

Before he can fall into Tactic-B, the cashier pssts at him. Once, twice. The final time, Tommy can't help his curious ears and turns his attention to the cashier. A young woman, around twenty, lean, black hair, worried face. Uh oh.

"Are you okay, kid?", she asks him.

His tail bristles just slightly in annoyance at the comment. Kid? Seriously? He is taller than The Watcher, does his hair betray his age that much? Okay, out of all the things he's been through tonight, this one really shouldn't be passing him off so much but come on!

"Yeah, I'm fine", he answers, just a tiny bit begrudgingly.

What else is he supposed to answer? He's never been part of an interrogation before. He came here out of his own volition for food; for his hungry, growling stomach. Well, I guess this isn't an interrogation like in the movies but it's close enough.

"He hasn't hurt you or anything, right?", he shakes his head, tries his best to stay poker faced. "Alright, just hang on tight, the heroes will be here any moment now"

Oh, this poor woman. Tommy wants to laugh and cry at the same time. This is so awkward; she has misunderstood this completely, oh God. But it's fine. Possibly. Maybe. What will he say to the heroes when they eventually show up? No matter the explanation, he'll be thrown in the tiny cell of the police station until Grian comes to pick him up.

If the avian decides to go and not let him suffer an hour more than he should.

"I'd like two cheeseburgers and a double burger, um, please?" -Please just let poor, lil' ol' Tommy order. He can feel his stomach twisting in on itself and hears his gut make this weird, cockroach-ie, chattering sound. 

He feels like his own organs will begin a protest march if he doesn't eat soon!

The cashier nods and types in his order. Hopefully no one will pee in it -he has heard many horror stories of that happening from Impulse (the man used to work as a part-time cook in a McDonald's during his teens; he's witnessed many questionable things).

He gives her the twenty and she hands him a five and a couple pennies below the just amount. Tommy shrugs and pockets them without a second thought, not planning on giving any of the change back. Not his money, not his problem. The Watcher can just rob a bank if he wants an extra penny in his pocket.

Quickly, he scouts the empty tables and booths for the man, who is waiting for him at a table beside a window. A window. Great. Convenient. Let all people see RaccoonInnit hanging out with The Watcher. This will be a great debut for villain RaccoonInnit. Fucking awesome.

Can you hear the sarcasm? See the irony? Mhm. This will age well.

"Did you pocket the change?", The Watcher asks, not even bothering to look at him, fiddling with a paper towel crane instead.

This just keeps getting better! This villain is a fan of art! Add that one to the cliché romance novel list! Fuck. When did he have the time to fold a paper towel into a crane, anyway?

"I didn't-"

"You can keep it. You smell like you need it"

His eyebrow twitches.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

As if sensing his ire and anger, the blond turns his head and stares him in the eye. Tommy, like any sane human being, takes a step back. His eyes are piercing like Ranboo's and they pierce straight through his body and soul. He gulps.

The man just laughs it off. Asshole.

"That you need a bath. Were you digging through a trash can before I found you?", he asks, more like teases.

Well, mister Watcher, he'll have you know that, yes, he did dig through a trashcan and he found a pair of earrings Ranboo could pawn later! The dude doesn't seem at all impressed.

Tommy huffs.

"That's a shitty crane", he comments. The other falters for a second, as if he's trying to hold something back.

"It's a paper towel, of course it will come out bad and uneven", he says with a quiet, maybe even tired, sigh.

Hmm. Okay. Point accepted. With a shrug, Tommy decides to take a seat opposite of the villain. He adjusts his bandana to make sure his identity is well protected and throws a look at the cashier. The woman seems to have disappeared. 

"I think she's calling the heroes", he notes.

"She pressed the emergency button under the counter", is the simple response he receives.

Why does a McDonald's have an emergency button? Only Ranboo would be willing to rob a McDonald's- and he would take the cheeseburgers, not the cash.

"How- How did you even see that?", honestly. Like. How? Half that woman's body was hidden behind the counter! Tommy didn't even notice her move, let alone press a hidden button!

"She wasn't subtle about it", The Watcher tells him, his eyes piercing through his once again.

Tommy notes the vibrant glow that almost freezes him in place. If he wasn't used to Ranboo's eyes, he might've just fled.

"You should be more observant, uh... RaccoonInnit, was it?"

Oh, great. This is the second bastard who's told him that. First, The Blade and now The Watcher. Fantastic. But, hey, at least this guy got his name right. Tommy is only slightly impressed and surprised by that. Only his neighborhood knows the great RaccoonInnit!

To hear the best villain speak it? It's a pretty big accomplishment! Wait, does that mean he's known in the villain world? Is that even a good accomplishment?

"You actually know my name?"

The other shrugs, trying to act indifferent. Or maybe he's blushing. The latter is far more amusing.

"I do"

"That doesn't sound creepy at all"

So, he is known in the villain world! Okay. Wow. What does he do with that information? Maybe he can rub it in Tubbo and Ranboo's faces. Hmm. Alright. Sounds like a solid plan.

He kicks his feet beneath the table, looks at The Watcher. The silence that befalls them is awkward to say the least.

The villain just stares off into space and Tommy rests his chin in his palms, trying to analyze the enemy. Such a weird, crazy dude. Is the guy even an enemy to him? He saved him from both doom and juvie and now he's paying for his food. If he wanted Tommy dead, Tommy is sure he would be a grated mess of a human being on the street now. So, maybe, he isn't his enemy. Just... an acquaintance? Can a villain even have civilian and vigilante acquaintances?

And now that they are together in a McDonald's, alone and undisturbed, what can he do with him? Other than exploiting his wallet? Could he talk him into giving out his address? Or the location of his secret villain lair? He's never been an interrogator except for the times he's asked either of his BFFs where the TV remote is.

The man's eyes flicker. Tommy raises an eyebrow, thinking that it was a simple trick of the light. Only, it isn't. What the... They flicker again. Oh. Is he using his powers right now? In front of him? What even are his powers? Perhaps he can start with that.

He analyzes the flickers in silence, notes how the man's eyebrows are slightly furrowed and how he is staring off into space. What could his superpower be? It is somehow connected to his eyes, checked that one. He is well known for dodging shit and being a slippery bastard in general. Can he foresee his enemy's punches? His eyes widened. Yes, that's probably it! So, if he throws a punch at him, the guy should -in theory- be able to dodge.

He is about to test his little theory, as stupid as making an attempt to punch a villain sounds, but The Watcher's eyes stop flickering then. They return to that vibrant, piercing glow of theirs and they flick from Tommy's slightly pulled arm to his face.

"Seriously?"

Tommy might as well throw this punch out of spite.

Okay, time for a distraction, Tommy! You can't let him figure out what you were trying to do! Although that instantaneous reaction might be proof of his powers, you can't let him think you've found out! They were secret for a reason, after all! Play dumb, play dumb!

"So, do you like watches?"

The man's eyes widened in bewilderment. Nice save! The perfect distraction! He flicks his lil' ears, trying to act curious.

"Huh? Where did that one come from?"

"Watch? Watcher? Kind of makes sense, innit?"

And The Watcher full-on laughs. Wheezes. Like this is the funniest shit he has heard in years. Tommy almost wants to join in himself, though for him it would be out of relief that his distraction actually worked. He hasn't had this pleasure with anyone other than Grian when he'd need to steal sugar cubes (they are tasty, shut up) or dig through the trash (there are some tasty treats in there, he recommends trash-diving) and he'd need a quick distraction to escape the man's chiding.

He is glad that all avians are so easily amused.

Tommy really dislikes that voice changer the guy has, though. It didn't really bother him before -he didn't even have the time to register how horrible his voice sounded- but God is it an abomination. One moment, his tone is high pitched and then the next, it is low and barely audible. Almost like a parrot trying out new words to say. He cringes with no hesitation.

When the man calms down, he lets out a sigh of lightheaded-ness.

"I'll tell you this", The Watcher says, ominously leaning towards him. "My name is more of a... how should I put it? It's like a title"

Huh. That's a weird fun fact.

"A title?", a nod with crinkled eyes. The dude is smiling. That's... probably good. "I guess you were being all creepy, watching us from the top of that building"

Wait. He was watching them. His theory is slowly but surely being proven right! The dude watches people! He is observant, that's why he can dodge and slip away like that! He probably knows the streets of the city like the back of his hand! Is that why he was given that name/title? Hm. He'll need the council for this one (Tubbo and Ranboo and maybe the wisdom of Cleo).

For now, he would prefer to torture this poor man. The Watcher looks embarrassed. Like he's been caught red-handed and Tommy wants to exploit this sign of weakness for the fun of it. Didn't he wave at them anyway? Where was that shyness and embarrassment back then?

"Speaking of, did you want to be friends? Are you lonely, bigman?"

Yet the question seems to take the villain by surprise, which is low key hilarious to witness.

"I- No, I think you've misunderstood, Rac-"

Tommy shakes his head before the guy can regret anything he's done in the past half hour.

"Because I'm looking to fight you, bitch!"

And yet, The Watcher bursts out laughing. He is mocking him; the fucking nerve of this bitch! Once Tommy is done with him, he'll make him into his personal butler! That'll knock his ego down a peg. Hmph.

"You? Fight me? You'll need some upper body strength for that, pal"

"You won't be saying that when you'll be eating. My. A-"

Tommy is interrupted by the waitress, who looks like she'd rather be anywhere else but here. He immediately shuts up and crosses his legs on his seat, sinking into the back until he feels his own back crump. The Watcher looks like he's smirking at his embarrassment. He scowls at him. Bitch.

"Um, here is your food", she says and serves the many food items they ordered in record speed. She is gone as fast as the wind, like she was never there.

Tommy looks at the front counter and finds no cashier. Did all of them just... flee the building? I mean, that's smart but... Now he's alone with The Watcher! This might end up bad for him. What's he supposed to do if the villain suddenly finds him more appetizing than fast food? Transform into a raccoon and scurry away?

Actually, that's not a bad idea.

"They're gone if that's what you're wondering", okay, that's not creepy nor overpowered at all. Does he have eyes at the back of his head now too?

Tommy shrugs it off as a villain thing and proceeds to chomp on his burger. He can't help but notice that out of all the items on the menu, the man ordered chicken nuggets. Two plates worth of chicken nuggets. What kind of stomach does this man have?! Or- oh.

His friend will come over as well, huh? His friends wouldn't just be dropped off at the entrance, would they? No, of course not; that would've been too simple.

"Who is that friend of yours again?"

"Pearl. Pearlescent Moon. Have you heard of her?"

"The one who almost got caught by the Dream Team in that bank robbery?", a nod, a slight twinge of fear and doubt from Tommy, "Are you sure that my teammates are safe?"

A scowl. He swallows. Maybe, he shouldn't have said that.

"Back at the bank, she and Gemini were outnumbered. Now it's a 1v1 and she only needs to retrieve your friends, not fight The Blade"

Right. Okay. Point taken. Tommy will never doubt another one of The Watcher's friends ever again. He shuts his mouth with food.

Right then, the little bell of the front door rings. Tommy is surprised (almost chokes on a piece of burger) as he hadn't noticed the bell when they walked in because of his nerves and anxiety of being escorted in a McDonald's by a villain.

In steps a woman with a fox mask and two very familiar human beings. Ranboo looks about ready to fall over and Tubbo is surprisingly wide awake despite the time and the fact that it is night. But there is another... dude? That is ominously slouching behind them. Wait. Wait a fucking minute.

"Isn't that-"

"Hey, guys! We've arrived!", Pearlescent Moon waves at them and wastes no time shoving The Watcher to the other chair so she can steal his seat.

Well. That's bizarre. They must be friends if he just allows her to shove him around. Speaking of friends, Tubbo shoves him out of his own chair and -darn his muscle superiority- succeeds in stealing his seat. Ranboo simply passes them, sits on the one remaining seat by the window and proceeds to fall face first into his burger and stay there. Tommy grimaces just a bit. All that teleporting must've taken a lot out of him.

But back to the more critical matter at hand-

"Why is there a hero with you?"

That slouching guy is a demon. BBH to be exact and the guy is a hero. Previously worked with the Dream Team before cutting off to do more private work or whatever. Did he decide to join the dark side all of a sudden? And what's up with the white trim? Tommy thought BBH's signature color was red.

The guy simply stares at him as he stands guard next to the two villains. He looks... How should he put it? Lost? Out of place? His eyes are kind of... hazy? Is that a good word for it? He blinks and it is the most unnatural thing ever.

"Oh! Pearlescent can hypnotize demons!", Tubbo answers him with a sort of energy Tommy has only ever witnessed when his friend is on a sugar rush, "Isn't that cool?!"

So that's why the hero looks so lost!

"Yo, that's so cool!" -He completely disregards how unethical this is.

Tommy catches the worried gaze of The Watcher out of the corner of his eye. His raccoon ears also catch his whisper to his friend? Colleague? That voice changer really isn't doing him any favors in the whispering department.

"You told them?"

"It'll be world wide news soon after I release him, so it may as well not come as a surprise to them", Pearlescent nodded at the three of them. BBH looked at her curiously with a small tail flick.

Tubbo makes a small noise of interest.

"Where did you find him, by the way?", the brunet asks.

"The Dream Team decided to call in reinforcements-"

"Dream thought it would be easier if someone hunted the lesser villains so they could focus on The Watcher", BBH cuts in. Pearlescent's mask almost seems to frown. Tommy raises an eyebrow at that.

Pearlescent clicks her tongue, unhappy. Is that a bad thing? Tommy looks at Tubbo who merely shrugs. No red alert, then.

"He's already regaining his senses, I don't like that"

Nevermind, there is a red alert. Though, she doesn't look all that alert.

Tommy raises an eyebrow. Does her hypnosis have a time limit? Or is the hero's subconscious battling against it like in the movies?

The Watcher drums his fingers against the table. His nails -correction, talons (holy shit, they look sharp)- scratch at the plastic surface. Tommy is so glad he isn't on the dude's bad side right now.

"That's not good. The Crowfather is en route too", he says and Tommy can almost imagine his frown. The villain eyes them. "Eat up before he arrives. Should be a couple of minutes"

With that, they happily dig in, though Tommy has to wake Ranboob up so he can stop getting grease all over his hair and costume. Boob-boy is not at all pleased with that development but he eats his food anyway.

"Pearlescent said that there is this villain newbie called Jumbo", Tubbo whispers to him. Tommy, with a mouthful of bun, looks at him.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full. Anyway, she said the guy excels in bomb making! And she told me that she can try to nab some for me to try out!"

Tommy ignores the nervous and worried glances Tubbo receives from The Watcher. Oops.

"She also said that you'll only be trying them under strict supervision", Ranboo adds. He looks about ready to fall asleep again.

Tubbo's wings buzz in annoyance. Tommy laughs at his friend's misery. Putting a limit to Tubbo's destruction and chaos is like teasing a 5 year old with holding a jar of Nutella over its head. It does not end well but the process is funny af.

"What did you do to The Blade?", Tommy hears The Watcher ask his colleague. The guy doesn't even attempt to whisper that one.

Speaking of The Blade, yeah, Tommy would really like to know what happened to him. There is no way he just let Tubbo and Ranboo go without punting the villain to the moon first!

"Bad took care of him", Pearlescent replies, popping a chicken nugget in her mouth.

How does one do that over a mask- oh, wait. She's moved the mask up just enough for her mouth to be accessible. Can she see like that or is she blind until she flips it back down again? Questions, questions... all of them irrelevant!

"Bad?"

Tubbo nudges him.

"That's BBH's name"

"That's a weird ass name"

"I know, right?"

They both shout a distinct exclamation of pain each when a boot hits their shins.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

He locks eyes with BBH -Bad- and he swallows back all the curse words he wants to yell at Pearlescent Moon. The hero is scowling at him and the horns that poke out of his hood only add to the tall man's intimidation factor. Tommy thought BBH was supposed to be the nicest hero of all heroes; not this intimidating dude in front of them!

"Don't be jerks. He may be hypnotized but he still has a mind of his own", Pearlescent tells them in a strict tone. "Especially now that he's waking up"

Tommy tuts and finishes his burger. He looks at Tubbo and finds that he has scarfed down his. Ranboo is still nomming away and the two villains continue their idle conversation.

This is an awfully bizarre scene. The two supervillains in front of him look nothing like the press and the heroes have made them out to be. The Watcher looks like your standard guy, awfully chatty and chipper like he isn't a bad guy on the run. Pearlescent, too, looks relaxed and if it wasn't for the mask, maybe she'd pass as a normal person. 

It's weird to witness this. The way they are all sitting at a McDonald's, having a nice, (un)healthy meal and idle conversation is just too normal for the characters involved in this scenario. It feels like a Monday when they're having lunch at Stress' with some of the other residents. Tommy's gut twists just enough to make its doubt aware.

Ranboo finally finishes his burger and just in time, actually. The Watcher raises his head and looks outside of the window -Tommy catches a flicker of his eyes- and announces that the Crowfather has arrived.

"Bad, sit with the kids, please", Bad does as he's told and stands right behind them. Looms over them. He's like Slenderman but sized down to more appropriate proportions and without the necessity of eating kids' souls.

Tommy only bristles at the way Pearlescent addressed them.

"Don't speak unless we say so, okay?", The Watcher instructs. Tommy nods; it just now strikes him that his idol is about to crash the party.

He can barely keep his surprise and excitement from showing in his tail wagging. Stop that, tail! But tails don't listen to anyone, not even the person they're attached to. Oh well.

The two villains whisper to one another. They're planning an awesome, flashy and stunning escape, no doubt. As long as they take the lot of them along, then Tommy will allow them to execute the flashiest escape ever!

So they wait. They wait for a few minutes. Anxiety and nerves get the best of Tommy but no, his hands are not trembling, thank you very much. You're just imagining things! Tubbo is hunched in on himself, already feeling cornered and Ranboo looks a tiny bit more alert, though he might fall asleep any second now.

Bad just... stands there. Like a statue. He only provides a very small feeling of safety seeing as he is a professional.

They don't see the Hero when he arrives. The only indication that he is here is the hardly noticeable flinch of The Watcher after his eyes flicker again. Tommy notices Pearlescent stick a hand in her jacket and pull out a gun. She hands it to her partner-in-crime and takes out a dagger for herself, which she hides under her thigh.

Oh shit. Tommy is starting to feel only slightly threatened. Shit is about to get real, reeeeal quick.

The bell rings.

And Tommy really wants to shout and yell at The Crowfather to run away when he sees him but he might just end up getting shot instead. The Great RacconInnit is not getting shot after he survived a whole ass fall, though! So he stays silent, if only a tad restless.

He notices how Pearlescent is tapping the table silently, seemingly speaking in Morse code. Fuck, he should've taken Grian's offer to learn Morse when the man had suggested it! He can only take a wild guess and say the obvious thing. They're planning.

"May I ask what the two of you are doing here?", The Crowfather asks, his eyes boring holes in the backs of the villains before he acknowledges the rest of them. "You three? BBH?"

The hero looks high-key bewildered. Honestly, Tommy can relate. This isn't exactly what you'd imagine if you were told that there's a villain in a McDonald's with a raccoon as a hostage.

"What does it look like?", Pearlescent sassily responds.

"Would you like a chicken nugget?", The Watcher asks. Tommy's eyes widen as he sees him move his arm, no doubt holding the gun in his hand.

The Crowfather's widen as well but it's probably because of the villain's weird, trick question. It's impossible to see the gun from where the hero is standing and Tommy really wants to shout at The Crowfather that The Watcher has a gun but a stern look from Pearlescent shuts that idea down.

Okay, Tommy, think, think, think! What could be a good distraction right now?

"No, thank you. I'd prefer if you let go of your hostages instead. BBH? What are you doing just sending there? Get them out of here!"

BBH just stares.

Pearlescent chuckles.

Hmmmmm.

"BBH listens to me now", she says, letting the hero misunderstand the whole thing.

"Are the two of you related, by the way?", both The Watcher and The Crowfather's heads turn to Tommy, surprise and confusion clear on their faces. "Y'know. Blond hair, black wings, both on the short side?"

"Hey!"

Tubbo loses it. And so does Tommy when the two avians squawk in unison! Pffft. Oh, it couldn't have been any more perfect!

Pearlescent shakes her head. Party pooper. 

The Crowfather shakes his head, his eyes hardening. Guess joke time is over -for fuck's sake.

"Release them, now", he demands. Tommy shuts up, followed by Tubbo.

"Or what? You'll call for backup?", Pearlescent hits with her sass, dealing a good amount of mental damage. Oof. "Ghostbur is far away, The Blade is stuck on a trident. I think you're outnumbered here"

Wait. The Blade is what now? Is that what she meant when she said that Bad dealt with him? Did the demon actually... Holy shit...

"He was pestering them up on a rooftop. We had to intervene"

Even The Crowfather catches the little innuendo. He staggers back, looks like he's about to faint but regains his senses before his old knees can crumble.

"You can either rush to save him, I don't know how much blood he's lost", The Watcher speaks up as he stands. He holds the gun in a steady hand, swift in the way he raises it to be in line with the hero's forehead. "Or die here. Regardless, we'll have a nice meal"

The choice appears easy to make. The Crowfather is flying out of the establishment with gritted teeth faster than you could say "bone-apple-teeth".

"Well", Tommy starts and stands up, "That was anticlimactic"

Thelot of them are the first to get out of the McDonald's, leaving the three adults to plot murder. It's not their problem what they'll do for the rest of the night! Their problem is at home and they can only pray that Stress doesn't hear them going into their humble attic.

*

Dream was not expecting to see Bad for at least a couple of days.

The Dream Team hired him yesterday, seeing as BBH had decided to become a mercenary for hire after he left their small hero group in search of something to do solo. Dream suggested having someone hunt down Pearlescent Moon and Gemini and bring them in for questioning, which would also make the team's life easier regarding The Watcher's arrest.

Sapnap, being Bad's only son, immediately offered to contact his father, saying that their case would be prioritized without bribes -plus, Bad wasn't busy these days. Dream didn't see a reason not to hire the man, especially since he's a close contact and someone whom he could rely on.

It would've taken him only a couple of days, he told them -no, promised them. Not a day.

"Dad?"

So you can imagine how surprised the three of them were when Bad appeared at the doorstep of their shared apartment. He was holding his head with a bloody hand, his white eyes crinkled in an expression of pain, back hunched and tail tucked between his legs. It was a sight that made them all worry and Sapnap even more so.

"W- Where am I? Sapnap?"

"What are you saying, dad? You're at my house! Hell, what happened to you?"

"My head hurts so bad..."

And the demon collapsed in Sapnap's arms, almost sending both of them to the ground but only succeeding in making his son panic. George and Dream helped carry the unconscious man to the living room couch.

That was when Phil called. The man did not have any good news for them which added to the stress of the household. He told them what he witnessed at a McDonald's: how he saw Bad at the enemy's side, motionless, holding some vigilantes hostage. Dream listened carefully, trying not to let shock cloud his judgment as the avian hero went over what had occured an hour ago.

Bad had impaled Technoblade to the wall of an apartment building with his own sword and trident. It was a miracle that he was still alive and kicking when Phill called.

So, now, they are harboring a traitor in their house. Sure, Bad is a mercenary for hire but he'd never go after his friends no matter how much the client pays. But he had gone after Techno, one of Dream's best frIends and sole rival on the hero leaderboards. That's something that Dream can't forgive. His gut twists each time he glances at Bad on the comfy pillows, long legs hanging off one arm of the couch. Something in him calls for blood, for revenge.

However, Sapnap pleaded with both him and George to ask questions first and act upon the answers. Dream's reaction was emotional after the phone call, he'll admit but he has to cool down; they have to let logic take over for this situation.

"What do you think happened to him?", Sapnap asks after the three of them take shelter in the kitchen. George hands him a warm cup of herbal tea and pats him comfortingly on the back.

"My guess is... some form of mind control"

Dream ducks just in time to dodge the stream of herbal tea that shoots out of Sapnap's mouth. He has half the mind to glare at him but his interest has been piqued by George's words.

"Woah, there, George"-Sapnap coughs, no doubt having had tea go down the wrong pipe-"calm down with your theories, man!"

"I know that it sounds far-fetched, such powers are incredibly rare but-"

"It adds up", Dream not-so-rudely interrupts with wide eyes. "That adds up with what Phil told us, remember? And temporary memory loss and paranoia are both well-known symptoms of mind control"

Sapnap shakes his head disappointedly.

"The Watcher's power isn't of that sort and Pearlescent Moon's power is telekinesis"

Humming, Dream recalls the events that unfolded at the bank robbery a few days ago. He can remember clearly how both of the villains acted and the fact that there was only one power present rather than two. In the heat of battle, they pinned it on Pearlescent Moon, seeing as she was more active and performing heavy attacks while Gemini was more in the background. Thinking about it now, though, with a clear mind...

A chomping noise that comes from the counter scares the living daylights out of him and almost makes Sapnap spit out his tea again. George is just casually leaning on the table, already used to the sudden "house noises".

Honestly, Dream should've got used to this by now.

There, hunched over an open box of macarons from Niki's Bakery, is a white blob. An animated cone with a spherical head and no other limbs whatsoever -and would you like to know a fun fact? That glutton of a blob is a literal god from a different dimension. He's going ham on the macarons, gulfing down all the sugar despite the physical lack of hands and mouth. No one has bothered to ask how he can lift things without hands.

George had found him living in a wet and moldy cardboard box at the side of the road a few months ago. No one would have guessed that such a small, alien creature could be a god living in those conditions nor that a God could catch a cold. He was sneezing for a week straight after they bathed and wrapped him in a ball of blankets.

Maybe asking him about this is a good idea -for assurance. Sure, he isn't the god of this dimension (the Overworld, as he calls it) but he is still a god -an immortal being that has lived for millions upon billions of years! He must have some wisdom!

"XD, what do you think?", Dream asks the blob.

Said blob turns around, a big 'XD' chiseled to his face with small, pink bits of macaron stuck around it. The remaining macaron is hovering in front of where his mouth should be. It's not at all disturbing. 

"I think that you're all idiots", XD says, taking a bite out of the sweet. "Except for George"

George laughs and Dream loses all faith in every god that exists.

Yeah, XD is a 404 simp. That's nothing new in general mythology, seeing as many gods simped for many humans (Techno's words, not his) but with this particular blob of chaos and mischief? It's not exactly convenient. 

"George, just ask already", Sapnap demands and he crosses his arms with a huff.

"Whatever", George waves him off with a shit-eating grin but asks anyway. "XD, tell us who the one with the mind control is"

XD hums in fake contemplation -the little bastard.

"For you it's free. For those two" -he waves the remaining macaron in Dream and Sapnap's faces- "Double or nothin' "

"You're literally eating the last one, asshole!", Sapnap whisper-yells, stealing the words straight from Dream's mouth.

XD finishes the macaron out of pure spite. He huffs amusedly.

"Suffer".

=====
Wattpad apparently hates Google docs formatting -,-

Anyway! Did you like it? I've wanted to introduce XD as a lil sugar-addicted muffin ever since watching How to keep a Mummy xD