But I wait for you, all this time astray from you
You can count on me now to lay right next to you now

-Love Somebody by Justin Caruso

°°°°°

ELIANA

"Are you sure you want to stay here by yourself?" Ezra asked me for the hundredth time.

"Don't worry," I smiled. "You go to the firm. I can handle being with Novass for the rest of the day."

After much insistance, Ezra finally left. He'd been the one in charge of things in the firm while Damian took a few days off after Margie passed. Caroline had left to visit family and now, for the first time in a week I would be alone with Damian.

He'd spent most of the time locked in his office. Damian was being sucked in by a dark hole of depression from which no one would be able to drag him out if he didn't allow it.

"Alright," I mumbled. "Here goes nothing."

I would be trying to have a conversation -a meaningful one- with him. I wasn't sure how that would go. He wasn't the best conversationalist, that much was certain. I knocked on the door to his office (surprise, I know) and walked in.

"Hey... You have a minute, Mr. Novass?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I thought I told you to leave, I don't know, a week ago? What are you still doing here?"

"I'm following Margie's orders," I replied with a smile. "Plus, someone needs to talk you into showering because God, you stink."

No laugh at my joke.

AWKWARD.

"Ah, come on Damian. You need to shower, comb your hair. Brush your teeth for God's sa-"

Damian groaned, running his hand over his face. "Dammit, Eliana. Would you just leave?"

"I've only been in this office for three minutes and thirty four seconds, Damian."

"I mean the house. Leave the fucking house. I don't need you here."

"Oh, but I beg to differ." I stood up with a smile, feeling more confident than ever. I was on a mission and I loved missions. "Your drowning in self pity. In all the ways your life has gone wrong and the why's and how's. I won't allow that."

"It is none of your damn business, Eliana."

"It is when you're dragging down all the people who care about you," I said calmly.

He didn't reply. He couldn't. Why would he when he couldn't deny my words?

"Okay, Mr. Novax. Let's make a deal... You will shut up and listen while I talk. Story time begins now."

"I don't want to listen."

"And I don't care." I replied with another smile. "Lay back and relax. It'll be a long one."

I cleared my throat as I began. It would be the first time I told him everything about my parents and it made me anxious.

"My parents and I were very, very close. I loved them, do love them and-"

"I do not want to hear about your life story, Eliana."

"Damian... For the last time. Shut the fuck up. I know where the duck tape is and am not afraid to use it to tape your mouth shut. Do you understand?"

Damian glared at me but did shut up.

"Anyways... We had the best relationship. I loved the both of them, still do, but I was a daddy's girl." The distant memories warmed my heart. "Everything was perfect, until my sixteenth birthday."

As much as Damian pretended not to care, I could see his forehead creased in concentration. He was listening. "On my sixteenth birthday, my dad allowed me to have my friends over for a small party. Despite what you may think, I'm not a big party girl but that day I wanted to spend with my friends."

"I remember it clearly. I followed my dad inside the house. He was getting a glass of water and well, I was annoying him about something. I don't know how it happened, I just remember him cutting himself pretty deep. I tried to help but he freaked out, telling me to get away like he was a wounded animal. My mom came along and rushed to his side to clean up the blood. I didn't get it, didn't understand why he refused my help but not my moms."

"Needless to say, the party was over pretty soon. My mom and dad sat me down to talk and... I wasn't ready for the conversation."

My dad looked at me. Shame splattered all over his face as if he'd committed the worse crime in the world. I didn't understand.

"Dad, it's really not a big deal," I said, reaching for his hand.

"It is, Eli. Just listen for a minute. I've got a couple of things I need to tell you."

I nodded but silence spread through the house. It seemed my dad was coming to terms with what he needed to say. Finally, he stood up and began talking.

"When you were four your mother and I were having a lot of problems. They were stupid, really. But I was immature, I didn't know how to handle it. One night I was so angry that I left and went to a bar and... I slept with some random woman."

I was sure the color had drained from my face. How was it possible that he did that? My dad, the man that I looked up to had betrayed my mom.

"I came home and though I didn't tell your mother anything, she had suspicions." My dad looked deep in thought once again and shook his head, scoffing. "One mistake Eli, that's all it took. Fast forward a year. I got sick, a cold, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. I went to the doctor, they said that something was weakening my immune system."

"Several tests later they suggested running one for autoimmune deficiencies, among them, HIV/AIDS. I thought nothing of it, until I got the results. Positive."

"What?" I whispered. My dad nodded, taking my mother's hand in his.

No.

No, this couldn't be happening.

"Your mom was diagnosed a few months later too. It was my fault, Eli. I'm so sorry. And when I saw you get near me while I bled... I didn't want you getting near my blood. I didn't want to seal your fate with this disease."

I gave Damian a sad smile as I came back from the memory.

"A few months before my graduation my mom fell ill. Pneumonia. That's what kills most AIDS patients. Her body was too weak and she couldn't fight it. She passed away soon after."

I closed my eyes as I remembered my last moments with her. No one knew it was AIDS. My parents didn't want anyone to know because they didn't want me to deal with the judgement that came with that condition. The topic is still so taboo and despite the knowledge we now possessed about the condition, people still judge easily.

"After my mom passed, my dad's will power to stay alive left him. He was full of guilt, remorse that he had done this to her. One mistake, Damian and it changed everything. He died a week after my graduation."

We sat in silence for a long time, contemplating my words, the whole situation. We'd lived through similar circumstances but the difference was that I let myself feel the pain. Damian had yet to learn how to do that.

I felt like breaking down in front of him with the hopes that perhaps he would hold me and provide the comfort that I needed but, I knew better than that. I knew better than to expect warmth from a man who didn't know how to provide it.

"So, Damian," I said, clearing my throat. "Do you get what I'm trying to say here?"

I saw him swallow and shake his head.

"What I'm saying is: we all go through hard situations. Some of us in high school, some of us when we are running a successful firm. Some of us when we have no one to talk to and some of us while surrounded by friends. But for all of us, the goal should be the same."

He remained quiet and I raised an eyebrow. "Right now is when you ask me what that goal is," I said.

"What is that goal?" He mumbled.

"To live." I thought back to the plentiful life that my parents had, that Margie had. Despite their illnesses and their heartache, they had enjoyed life to the fullest. I wanted to be like them.

"You are alive. You are breathing. The pain you feel? Embrace it. It's a sign that you do have feelings, that your soul aches. But if you don't let yourself feel that pain, the heartache you will never be able to feel true happiness, Damian. Allow yourself to live, to feel all these powerful emotions because at the end of the day that's what makes you human. You want to be angry? Fine. Be angry, but don't let that anger consume you."

"Life is too precious to let it slip away. You have people in war zones struggling to leave their houses. People so sick they can barely move and all they want to do is bathe in the warm sunlight. There's children in this world who don't live past ten years old because they don't have basic items like food and water. You have all that. You have no reason not to live."

"The pain you feel is real, I know that. But it'll go away eventually if you let it. It shouldn't define you or your life."

Damian seemed to ponder my words. I hoped that they would make a difference. That they would somehow open his eyes and show him that life does go on. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark that tunnel may seem.

"Did you get around to opening the safe?" I asked him, changing the subject.

"I did," he said.

"Good," I smiled.

I took the bottle of whiskey from his desk as well as the glass as I stood up. He wouldnt be too happy but step number one to feeling the pain was to quit numbing it.

"What do you think you're doing?" Damian asked with a hint of anger in his voice.

"Same thing I've been trying to do for the past few months, Novass. I'm trying to help you."

"I'm not asking for help," he said.

"I know. I'm giving it to you anyways."

"I don't want it, Eliana."

"Well, you're getting it."

I searched for the different alcohol bottles and removed them from the office and dumped their content one by one in the sink. He wasn't an alcoholic, but I sure as hell wasn't going to risk it.

When I returned to his office, Damian paced back and forth. He scratched the back of his neck. He was frustrated.

"Go shower, it'll help you relax."

Damian's gray eyes met mine. At his stormy expression I decided that if I could have any superpower it would be to read minds. At that moment, there was nothing more that I wanted than to know what he needed, what he was thinking. I wanted to be there for him but it was impossible if he wouldn't let me.

"I need you to take your things and go," he said with a firm voice.

I sighed, shaking my head. "Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Eliana, you keep making things so fucking difficult. I don't get it. I've done everything, everything to try and get you to leave. And still, here you are trying to help me. I don't understand."

"God," I said closing my eyes. "Damian, you really are an idiot."

Now or never.

Flight or fight.

Truth or lie.

Tired of the games, I grew my woman balls once again. "Ask me why I'm still here, Damian. If you want to know, go ahead, ask me. But don't run away when I tell you."

I saw his Adam's apple move as he swallowed. His gaze was hesitant, nervous even. I didn't think he'd ask, but he did.

"Why are you still here, Eliana?"

And with the same unwavering gaze, I gave him the most honest answer I could.

"Because despite all your issues, despite your flaws, I love you Damian. That's why I'm here. And because even with all that, I think you love me too."

*****

A/N: After this chapter I've fallen even more in love with Eliana's character.
So brave. So damn strong.
And the three words are out.
What will his reaction be?

The end is near. Two chapters and an epilogue, though I am still debating on the end.

As always, thanks for reading. We've reached over 11K!

Have an awesome weekend!:)

-Luz❤