[A/N: This chapter has a few trigger warnings, and one of them is mentions of OCD, but also a lot of mentions of being sick and throwing up. If that is something that makes you feel uneasy, I urge you to not read this💛]

August 2nd, 2027

It was early morning on a Monday, and the August sun was peering through the curtains by the window in our bedroom. It was already hot out, as the summer sun stood high and warmed the city. My alarm was ringing. I turned around, looking to see whether Dom was still asleep. I worked from home most of the time, while he commuted to work most days. That meant that we often woke up at different times. His side was already made, with pillows and blankets in their exact place.
Yet, I could hear him in the kitchen.
The familiar sound made me smile. It also made me relieved, because it meant that he was here. And that he was fine.
He was always up before me on weekdays, but still, he rarely managed to wake me up. I believed I never woke because I felt safe around him. I had told him that once, and he had smiled and pointed out that he always tried to be extra quiet. And if, if, I woke up, he always gave me a kiss on my forehead and told me to go back to sleep.

I turned over to my alarm clock, and pressed the off button. As I did that, I reached for my phone that was charging next to it.
The sudden reaching movement left me with a flush of nausea.
I stopped, and so did everything else around me.
No, was all I could think. It echoed in my mind.
No, no, no, no, no.
As I kept absolutely still, I squinted my eyes closed, and tried to swallow in order to suppress the nausea.
But it only came back stronger.
The sense of calm of familiarity that I had just felt was completely gone.
Hundreds of thoughts and pictures flickered before me. Of last night, and how we might have been out a little too late, and whether the chicken I had eaten had been bad, or if I had a late allergic reaction to something, or maybe if I had caught something at the restaurant. What if someone in the staff had had the flu? Or if maybe the party we had sat next to at the bar had a stomach bug? I hadn't drank anything alcoholic, I rarely did. But I had felt slightly off yesterday. I had felt off a lot lately. Maybe it had creeped up on me.
I blinked several times. Over and over and over, desperately hoping that it would fix the nausea.
I felt a weight grow heavier on top of me, bringing me down.
Maybe I had gone there, and I had caught something earlier on. Maybe I had made everyone else sick. What if I had made Sepi sick?

I hated being sick. I hated it.
There had been so many times where I probably should've thrown up, but I had done everything and kept it down.
That's how much I hated it.

The nausea grew even stronger.
There was no turning back.
Shit.
I jumped out of bed, and darted for the bathroom.
Dom had left the toilet seat up, which was a habit of him that I despised, but at that moment I was thankful.
I literally spilled my guts out. It was horrifying and exhausting and felt never ending.
"Rue?", I could hear Dom say my name, as he quickly walked towards the bathroom.
I didn't answer.
There was more left, but I pulled up my head and leaned against the cold wall next to the toilet.
I was shaking. And I was warm and cold at the same time. I skipped for air.
He carefully opened the door, which I somehow in the midst of everything had closed behind me.
I squeezed my eyes together again, over and over, as I felt another wave coming in.
"Oh, darling-", he let out, as he saw me sitting helplessly on the floor.
I whimpered, feeling the tears rolling down my cheeks. He instantly sat down next to me.
"I... I don't want to make you sick", I managed to quietly say, as I tried to push him away.
I could feel him shaking his head, and taking my hand that I only then realized was tapping.
"It's alright", Dom said in the way that only he could say it. "I don't mind", and for some reason, that was true. He didn't actually mind being sick, he just hated seeing people around him sick because he just wanted to make everyone better. Even if that meant that he, too, would get sick.
"No, it's not-", I protested, but as I said it, I couldn't keep it down any longer. I hunched over the toilet and threw up again.
It felt like forever, but it was probably over in a few seconds.
Dom kept a hand on my back, stroking me in order to remind me that he was still there.
It felt as if my stomach had turned inside out, but it seemed as if there was nothing left.
"I hate this", I whimpered, as I sat up and leaned against the cold wall again, exhausted.
Dom put his arm around me, and pulled me in so that my head would rest on his shoulder.
"I know", he replied, stroking my arm.
I was cold sweating, and the shaking didn't seem to want to stop anytime soon.

We sat like that for a while.
After some time, I could feel the nausea slowly wearing off.
Yet I, like always, kept tapping.
"What time is it?", I asked Dom, suspecting that he probably should've gone off to work a while ago.
He ducked away from my question.
"Are you feeling better?", he asked me, giving me a good look. "Your face isn't looking as gray anymore. But you're still gray. You were practically green when I came in", he caringly pointed out, in his kind way of noticing things.
I tiredly nodded, still keeping my head on his shoulder, afraid that I'd be too weak to keep my own head up. I nuzzled into his linen shirt, and then looked up on him.
"You have to go to work", I bluntly said.
Dom let out a laugh.
"I know that. I just don't want to leave you", he told me. He tried to sound funny, but I could see that he was worried. He was always worried when I was sick. I think it brought back memories of Flo, or I knew that that was the case.
I also knew that he tried to not think about it, but it was still close in time. And it was close for me too.
"Dom, I'll be fine. It's probably just something I ate", I told him. "Or the heat"
He nodded hesitantly, still looking at me, his eyes unsure.

Flo had died at the end of last year.
It hadn't been sudden.
She had decided to stop treatment.
We'd all tried to talk her out of it, but she had been clear.
She was done with it.
Which wasn't surprising.
She had been sick on and off her entire life.
Still I had never encountered anyone as lively as Flo.
But, when she turned 18 she announced it.
She was done with treatment.
And we all knew that it was partly because she wasn't going to get any better.
With her latest relapse, the doctors had told her that there was nothing they could do.
It was too far spread.
"It's like a Christmas tree", she had jokingly said one time when she'd been over at our place. "I'm serious, if I'd enter a Christmas tree decorating contest I'd win"
And we had all laughed. Because that's the way she was. She was so full of life. And she knew much before anyone one else that it wasn't going to get better. That she wasn't going to become a normal Christmas tree in the woods, that no one had cut down or decorated yet.
Because they could only slow it down.
So instead, she wanted to live her last few months however she wanted to live it.
No treatment, no hospital rooms.
It had been peaceful, when the time came.
She had been at home, in her own bed.
Her parents had been holding her hand.
Ariel had been sleeping right next to Flo, with her head laid upon her stomach.
Dom had sat next to me, holding my hand tightly. And with his other hand, he had been holding Flo's.
Still, it hurt. It hurt to see someone go.
But it had been the way that she had wanted it to be.
And that made it bearable to think about.

Dom looked me straight in the eye.
"Promise you'll call me if you'll start feeling worse?", he asked me, trying to sound calm but I could hear a tremble on his voice.
"You know I will", I told him, but we both know it wasn't entirely true. I was quite good at keeping up a facade. And he was talking from experience.
"Ruthers...", he said, sternly looking straight at me. Our eyes met, as our foreheads leant against each other.
"I will. I promise. And I love you", I quietly said, feeling tired.
"Good", he replied, kissing me on the forehead. "I love you", he said, his voice warm as ever. "Now please go back to bed. I can put a bucket next to it before I go"
"I'mma sit here for a while, I think", I honestly told him, cracking a laugh despite how horrible I was feeling. I felt literally defeated by my own body. But by then my thoughts had begun to spiral. "And I have to call Sepi...", I said as I realized it. "Gosh, I hope she and Elton are alright"
Dom squeezed my hand.
"Darling, you're overthinking. I bet they're fine. I am", Dom told me, pointing towards himself and shrugging his shoulders.
I nodded, trying to process everything as I felt the nausea building up again.
No, no, no-
"Go to work", I strictly told him. "I feel better", I added, a statement that was both a lie and a truth.
I had felt better a couple of seconds ago.
But it was already back, haunting me.
He smiled at me.
"Okay, okay", he said, standing up, and picking up his blue Kånken backpack, that he had gotten from me on his birthday last year, from off the floor. I figured that he had been on his way out when he'd heard me. And, with that, I got a feeling that I knew too well.
I felt that I had been in the way.
I tapped harder, even though I knew that it was okay.
"Love you", he mouthed at me, as he was about to walk away. I mouthed it back, smiling at him. He then continued to unwillingly walk away, and after a few minutes I could hear him lock the door behind him.

I sat in the bathroom for a while, trying to decide whether or not to move from there. I could still feel the nausea, yet I knew I had to call Sepi quite soon. She was supposed to come here to work at mine on our project. I slowly stood up on my unsteady legs and dragged myself to the bedroom, where my phone still laid on the bedside table, untouched. I noticed that Dom had brought out our cleaning bucket, which also doubled as the throwing up bucket, and put it neatly next to my side of the bed.
I weakly sat down on the bed and dialled Sepi.
She instantly picked up.
"Hey Rue, I'm just about to leave, I'll be at yours in like 30 minutes, I have to swing by my parents'...", Sepi said as she answered the call. A weight shifted off of me. At least she seemed to be fine.
"No, no, Sepi don't come", I said in pure exhaustion, not really knowing how to put the words. I anxiously ran my fingers through my hair. As I said it, I could hear Sepi stop whatever she was doing.
"What's going on?", she asked me quietly, and I could instantly hear the worry in her voice.
"I don't want to worry you, but I also don't want you to get sick. I threw up the second I woke up. Dom was here, but I convinced him to go to work. So don't come, alright?", I explained, trying to manage my breaths in between the waves of nausea.
"Oh. Okay. Thank you", I could hear Sepi say, her voice instantly changed. She sounded small. She was already spiraling. "I think I'm fine", she quietly said. "I feel fine", she added.
"And you probably will be", I assured her, feeling bad for having to tell her this. "I mean, I ate something totally different from you guys last night"
"I guess", Sepi said, trying to make sense of it.
We stayed quiet on the phone for a while.
We both needed a bit of time.
I was tapping.
"Please call me if you get worse, because I'll be with you on the phone. Just call me", Sepi finally said, and her words were as always the kindest.
She couldn't be with me, but she still wanted to.
Which was brave of her.
But we both knew I wouldn't call, because I didn't want to worry her.
"I love you", I told her, because I did. I sounded little as I said it.
"I love you", she told me.
We said that to each other sometimes.
Maybe that was what it meant to have been friends for nearly a decade.
"I'm going back to sleep now", I quietly said.
"Yeah. Do so. Bye", Sepi replied, her answer shortened by the anxiety that I had cause her.
"Bye", I told her, and we both hung up.
I put my phone back on my nightstand, and pulled up the covers over me.
I closed my eyes, and hoped that the next time I would wake up, the nausea would be gone. The idea of throwing up on my own terrified me. Until I woke up again could only try to ignore it.

Dom got home around 6 pm later that day. By then I had moved to the couch with my duvet, in order to watch something that I knew and would soothe my anxiety. As I had woken up at noon, the nausea was still there but not as prominent. And so I had tried to be productive, but soon I had somehow managed to convince myself that I had to listen to my body and lie down. But only after I had cleaned the bathroom and desperately gone through our fridge, and throwing out everything that could possibly had gone bad. The activity had left me shaky, and cold sweating. I could barely hold my weight up at the end. And only then, had I lied down on the sofa, with my bucket next to me as I desperately fought the nausea. Just halfway through Mamma Mia, I had fallen asleep again.
Dom kneeled down next to the sofa, and carefully moved my locks of hair out of my face.
And when I opened my eyes, he smiled at me.
"Hello sleepyhead", he said. I squeezed my eyes closed, and rubbed them with my hands as I stretched out my legs.
Behind him I could see that the movie had ended.
"Hi", I replied, my voice cracking as I said my first word since speaking to Sepi that morning.
"How are you feeling?", he asked me.
"Weird", I replied.
"Weird?", Dom asked me, with a little sad smile on his face. I nodded, slowly sitting up. "Have you eaten anything?"
I shook my head, still somehow exhausted after a whole day of taking it easy and sleeping.
"I feel nauseous just thinking about it", I whispered, somehow managing to put the words together. Saying it aloud made it worse.
"Have you drunk anything?", he continued to ask me, his caring eyes drilling into mine.
"No", I weakly replied, as I tried to sit up. My arms were shaking from the effort.
I knew he wanted to sigh, but Dom rarely showed those emotions when it came to me. He knew how I worked. He only showed them when he knew it would do me good. But usually, he just wanted to be there, and show that he cared. So instead, he just looked at me a little sadly, smiled to the side and took a deep breath.
"You have to drink, darling", he said, telling me the obvious because I needed to be reminded, while he helped me to sit upright. "I'll get you a glass of water"
And with that he went off to our small kitchen, and came back with a glass of water with ice. In it, I could see that he had put a fluid replacement tablet. On the side, he had brought out those flavourless wafers that were nothing but flour and water. He knew that those were the only things I would dare to eat when I was sick.
"Just in case", he added, as he put them down in front of me. He didn't mention anything about the suddenly empty fridge.
I looked at him, trying to breathe deeply but I was already starting to panic. It was only now, when he was here, that I let myself go and the panic took over.
Dom must've recognised the fear in my eyes and the panic on my face. He quickly sat down next to me, taking my hand and pulling me in to embrace me.
"I just don't want to throw up again", I helplessly told him, even though I wasn't as nauseous as I had been for most of the day. I was just scared to death that I was going to have to do it again. "It's like I'm fine one second and then I'm not. It feels like something is off with me-", I desperately tried to explain how I'd been feeling all day, but failed, as I began to cry. "I'm sorry", I added, excusing myself and my tears.
He put his arm around me, and squeezed me tightly.
"It's alright. It's alright to not feel good all the time", he said, kissing the top of my head a second later. "I'll stay home with you tomorrow"

And he did. And the day after. And the day after that. But somehow the feeling that something had changed within me, that something was off, didn't budge. I continued to feel horribly nauseous. It came in waves. Up and down through the day. But he stayed home with me, and I knew I was lucky that he was able to work from home. Because, in hindsight, I don't think I could've managed those days without him.

The second day Dominic force fed me the flavourless wafers by watching me closely as I put them in my mouth, as I had barely eaten anything the days before. And the day after that he got me unripe, green, bananas because I had mentioned that it probably wouldn't make me feel sick. And then he had been sitting next to me, stroking my back, when I threw it all back up again.

On the fifth day of me feeling off, I had once again urged Dom to go to work. I'd told him that I was feeling a little better; and maybe I was. Or maybe I had gotten used to the constant level and recurring waves of nausea.
On top of that, I had started to feel unproductive and the feeling that I was keeping him from whatever he actually wanted to do had grown.
And, I hadn't actually been sick first thing in the morning, like I had all the days before. But, that had been because I had practically held it down. Because I didn't want to be in the way anymore.
He had unwillingly left the house that morning, not quite happy with how my persuasion campaign had turned out.
So, I had decided to work a little.
Me and Sepi had been working together for a little over two years to launch a website with a forum for kids with mental health issues in the foster system. And I could feel that we were getting close.
At 11 am I hopped on a call with Sepi.
"Heya", she said, smiling. I looked at her. She looked well.
"Hi-", I began to say, but my voice cracked. "Hi", I continued, smiling a little.
"Are you sure you want to work? You look terrible, Rue", Sepi worriedly asked me. She was safely several metro stations away, and she hadn't started feeling sick yet either. Both of these facts made us feel slightly okay with the situation. So okay that she had essentially been okay with a video call even.
"Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't have a fever. Dom's been checking it like every morning and night. I just feel really nauseous all the time", I explained to her. I closed my eyes, squeezing them tightly together, as I felt a wave come in over me. "But I haven't been sick today"
I did not want to throw up again.
Not alone.
Especially not in front of her, because I knew that it would affect her badly.
"Alright-", Sepi said. We hadn't really spoken since this Monday. I think that we had both become a little scared about the situation. "Have you gone to see a doctor?", she asked me, her voice kind.
I shook my head.
"You know I don't like hospitals, Sepi. A-and I really don't think it's that bad. It'll go away sooner or later", I continued, trying to talk it down, despite the fact that I could hear how Dom had been urging me to let him take me to the hospital in my head.
Sepi sighed.
"What does Dom think about it?", she asked me, because she knew he was the only sensible one out of us about these sort of things.
I looked away from my laptop screen, not really wanting to admit it.
"He's forcing me to the doctor's on Monday morning if I still feel sick then. I know he probably would've wanted to go today, but-", I told her quietly.
"But?", she suggestively asked me.
"But I told him I felt a bit better. And I think I might-", I continued on, feeling slightly vulnerable in front of Sepi. "I mean it's probably just some sort of food poisoning-"
"Food poisoning doesn't last five days, Ruth", Sepi said, stating the facts. And I knew it was true, because one thing that kept her sane was to read up on things that possibly could hurt her. It had probably made her feel better when I had called on Monday. She sounded strict as she spoke to me, because she knew she had to be able to get through to me.
"A stomach bug then", I told her, shrugging my shoulders, as I tried to avoid the reality of having to go to the doctor's.
"Which would've made me or Elton sick. And definitely Dom by now", Sepi replied, sounding worried for me. I could hear that she had done research. "And he seems fine", she pointed out. I felt a slight annoyance with her.
"Please, Sep. I just feel off, can't you just leave it? It's like something's not the way it used to be, and when I woke up on Monday it was like a hundred times worse. My anxiety's been like really bad and haven't eaten a lot as of late, and I've felt really bad about it because Dom noticed, he always f*cking notices, and then we went out with you and Elton on Sunday and I felt fine for a second and then everything literally just came back up, and I know it's my fault because I haven't eaten and my period's stopped again-", I ran out of breath, as I told her off.

And it all made sense. My anxiety levels had gone up really, really, high lately. The thoughts had also gone really loud. My period had stopped coming once before because I had been undereating, that time in college. It had been during Covid, and I hadn't noticed how bad I had gotten until my parents had come and checked on me because I had stopped replying to calls and texts.

"Sorry. I just want to work", I told her, rather quietly in order to exclude my outburst.
"I understand, Rue, but-", Sepi began to say again. She sounded worried, but also concerned for me. "But can I please ask you something? It might sound silly, and I don't want you to feel silly"
I nodded slowly.
She took a deep breath.
"Have you checked if you're pregnant?", she asked me. She looked at me with caring eyes, as she waited for me to answer.
I stayed quiet as I thought about the possibility.
It hadn't even crossed my mind that it could be a possibility.
As I thought more of it, my heart rate went up. I'd tried so hard to find a reason behind why I felt so unwell, but that hadn't even been on my list of possibilities. And now that it was, it scared me.
"N-no-", I began to say, hesitant as my mind began to spiral. I started tapping, and counted every single one. "But I shouldn't be. We- we use protection, I-I mean I had to quit the pill, because it made me feel really bad, but still, we use protection-", I concluded, trying to sound convincing, but anyone could hear how scared I was. "Do you think I could be?"
I suddenly started piecing the puzzle back together.
The fact that I had been missing my period, and how tired I'd felt for the last month. And now this.
My breath got heavier.
I started blinking.
"Okay. That's okay, Rue. It's okay", Sepi said over the call. "You don't have to be. But we'll check, just in case, okay?"
I nodded hesitantly.
"I'll go get some tests and you'll stay right where you are. I'll be at yours in like 20. I promise", she continued to tell me, and I nodded at her. "Rue?", she said, trying to get my attention.
I looked straight at her.
"You'll be okay. And I'll be at yours in a while. Just hold on. I love you", she told me, her voice quiet and reassuring.
I nodded, still desperately trying to comprehend the situation.
With that she hung up.
And I was left alone with my thoughts.

—————
Hiya!👋
This was actually the first chapter I wrote when I got back into writing this story. However, it turned out so long that it needed a bit of tweaking and reviewing before I felt like I could publish it. But here we are, with one part of it down. One to go! Obviously I'm not leaving you hanging for a long while, the next part is already written and I'll probably take a day or two before I publish it too🌻

I hope this chapter gave you some more insight into how Rue works when she's a bit older, and how she tries to manage her OCD in situations that she can't really control or is prepared for - and how Dom plays a big part in those situations. And I also know that main characters getting pregnant is a little bit of an ick for some, while others love this trope. I am sorry to admit that I am in the second group, this is one of my favourite tropes to read myself for some reason so whether you like it or not - you're getting it👌

Anyways, I hope you've had a good two weeks since my last publish. Mine's been filled with all the emotions that come when you're trying to get back into the mindset of studying, and also trying to not get too stressed. Though I really do have some great courses this semester, so I'm actually really excited too. Right now I've got one very theoretical course on branding, and two more practical courses, one on image production and one on information design. It's a lot of work, but it's also very fulfilling when you realise you've managed to do everything😌

As I'm writing this, I just came back from choir practice. Last spring we did a musical theme - which I think I mentioned in my last back. The concert went really well, and it was such fun to sing songs that I adore, like Seasons of Love, Story of Tonight, Phantom of the Opera, From Now On... All in all, I had a great time. This semester we're doing Mozart's Requiem. So quite the U-turn, and I feel a bit out of my comfort zone as I've only sung in a choir for the past year. However, it is really interesting to do something really advanced and do a bit more of sheet music reading, because I originally played flute in an orchestra when I was younger. Today we actually made it through Kyrie which is quite the achievement. And, we made it through. I did not say it sounded good🫡 If you want some fun in your life, listen to Kyrie and try to imagine someone singing the soprano part without hearing it before. That was me the day before the first rehearsal after summer🙃

Well then, that was what I had to say this time. So let me ask you - how has your week been?🪻

Before you go - please leave a vote or a comment. Even though I'm writing this story for myself whenever I want to, it's also really lovely to hear your thoughts and comments💛

With that I'll say goodnight, and I hope you've had the loveliest of days,
Sincerely,
H

Published: 12th of September, 2023