26th of November, 2020

It was thanksgiving. And all in all, it was a different thanksgiving. It was only going to be us this year. Usually we'd go to a relative's house and celebrate with every possible family member you could think of, and eat a mix of different cuisines. My Dad usually called it a controlled chaos. I'd always be drained of energy afterwards. But I'd be happy, because I had been surrounded by people I now considered family. And because I'd spent so many years not celebrating it in that way.

That was a big contrast to this year.

My Mom and Dad were in the kitchen, having occupied it while trying to make a smaller thanksgiving dinner. Which was filled with meals that were both traditionally American, but also courses from their respective families.
But they both knew that it wouldn't be small and that we'd have leftovers for days after. I could hear them nagging at each other, and then making up, over and over as they fought over the kitchen counter. In a sense, their safe place with each other made me feel at ease.

During the constant background sound, I had been in charge of my little brothers who were both now utterly bored of me. Instead, I'd put on Paw Patrol and watched how their little faces turned excited and focused again.

After a while, I headed over to the kitchen.
"Are you sure you don't want any help?", I carefully asked them for the second time as I had heard a pan fall to the ground.
Dad smiled in a mischievous way.
"Controlled chaos, mi Niñita", he explained, referring to our usual thanksgivings. "This is how it's supposed to be"
I rolled my eyes, and sighed.
"Frankie and Seb are watching Paw Patrol. Maybe I can take Tobi out?", I asked them, feeling slightly overwhelmed by a situation.
"Sure! Just be back in an hour", Vanessa said, as she walked past me with a pie in her hands. I nodded, and headed to the living room where Tobi was laying curled up in her dog bed by the sofa.
"Tobi?", I said, my voice high pitched as to ask for her attention. She lifted her ear, and looked up at me, a little suspicious. "Tobi...", I repeated, and now she started to wag her tail. "Do you want to go on a walk?", I asked her, sounding excited. She immediately hopped out of her dog bed and started running towards the front door, looking back at me as if to ask are you coming? while her tail wagged.
I tried to put on her leash, as she spun around in a circle.
"Hey, Tobi, calm down-", I quietly said, as her excitement made me laugh. "There we go", I said as I finally got it hooked on her collar.
She patiently sat down and waited by the door, hopefully looking at me and then at the door knob, while I carefully put on my rusty red coat. It had gotten rather cold lately, and therefore I also added a wooly scarf and matching hat that I had knitted a couple of years back.

I took these moments as a way to distinctly challenge myself as to not do certain routines, like the urge to put on the coat two more times and put my boots on and off when it didn't feel quite right. Instead, I tried to do my best to not do these things and convince myself that it would be alright. Especially after March this year.

Though, when we headed out the door, I locked it four times. It was a routine I couldn't quite get away from, and it gave me some sort of relief before I had to go outside.

For the past couple of weeks, or since I had gone to Benny's Coffee, I had tried to get myself outside at least a couple of times a week. Usually that meant taking Tobi for a walk, because it was an easy task for me to do. If I wanted to challenge myself further, I'd try to go and buy something or walk somewhere new.
But I was already feeling quite overwhelmed from the constant noises at home, that I took my well-known route to the park near our apartment, to then turn back around and take the same way home.
Tobi knew where to go, and led the way for most of the walk.
Sometimes I could feel her pulling on the leash, as she got frustrated with me when my routines were holding me up. But usually she just waited patiently. She knew that this was the way I was, more or less.

About half way on our small walk, having just entered the park, my phone rang.
It rarely did, and I furrowed my eyebrows in slight confusion.
I took it out of my pocket, and took a quick glance at the screen to see who it was.
Dominic Moureau-Fletcher, it said.

He hadn't called before.
He always used to call.
Before.
But this was the first time he had called after we saw each other again last month.

I didn't really want to admit it, but I smiled as I answered the call and put it up to my ear.
"Calling now, are we?", I asked him while trying to mask the nervousness, as I was referring to how we'd only really talked on the phone about a month ago to catch up. Then we had only exchanged a few texts here and there about our days. And slowly the texts had gone from once every couple of days, to several texts back and forth a day.
I could hear him crack a laugh at my blunt question, which made me smile a little bigger.
"Well, I just wanted to wish you a happy thanksgiving, and I thought that it would be a little dull to text you that", he explained, sounding happy to talk to me - as if he had been longing to talk to me.
"Alright then. I accept that", I told him, replying just as happily.
As he spoke to to me, I realised that part of me had missed his voice. It was a surprising thought, that I hadn't prepared for. I hesitantly pushed it aside.
"Plus, you know I prefer talking over texting", he continued to say.
I did know that, I thought to myself.
"So, happy thanksgiving", he kindly said.
"Happy thanksgiving", I replied. "Do you also find it weird that you don't get to celebrate it with everyone as usual?", I blurted out, a little surprised at myself for taking it so easy.
Seeing his name on the screen had inevitably made my heart go faster.
"Not really. We celebrate like we usually do. My mom doesn't really celebrate it, because well, she's french, and my Dad doesn't really care because usually works at the hotel during thanksgiving so... The weird thing is that we are actually properly celebrating this year because of covid. Turkey and everything", he said, his voice easy-going and never dull.
"How come I didn't know you didn't celebrate thanksgiving?", I told him, shocked at his sudden statement.
"It's not a big deal. We usually just make a day of it and watch films. My mom always takes the day off. And we have a big family lunch before Dad has to go to work. Like a roasted chicken with potatoes and veggies. So it's not that far off", he continued to tell me, and I could hear that he hadn't even thought about it being different.
"Still. This is a thing you tell people! Don't just sit quiet when everyone is discussing their thanksgiving plans-", I said, almost laughing a little because it was such a Dom thing to do.
"Nah, I'll let them have it. My plans don't really matter in the discussion, and I don't want to bring them down", he earnestly said, and I could practically see him shrugging his shoulders at my statement.
"Alright", I said, accepting his kind approach, while Tobi had suddenly started pulling on the leash out of nowhere. "Hey, Tobi, I'm coming-", I softly said, and began walking again.
"Oh, are you out?", Dom asked me.
"On a walk, yes", I replied.
"And you're talking on the phone simultaneously?", he asked me, sounding excited.
I hadn't actually thought about it, but I was.
I hadn't done that up until this very moment.
Not since March.
"Yeah", I hesitantly responded, almost a little embarrassed over how he had noticed such a small achievement. I could feel my cheeks turning red.
"That's great, Rue", he complimented me.
I didn't say anything for a couple of seconds.

When we had last talked on the phone, while catching up for the first time in over two years, I'd explained why I'd been so hurried and short spoken in person.
Sometimes I had to remind myself that people actually cared.
And he surely did.

"Thanks", I managed to say. "You know that you're far too kind, right?", I told him.
He cracked a laugh.
"I have a slight memory of you telling me that, yes", he replied, and I knew that he was smiling. His voice sounded in a special way when he did.
"You're the kindest person I know", I continued to tell him.
He continued to laugh it off.
"Really, Dom. I mean it. Anyone who gets to have you in their life is lucky", I said, trying to make my point clear. "So thank you for not making it weird, or a big deal, when you saw me. Because I've really enjoyed being friends again"
Dom cleared his throat.
"Me too", he replied, and I realized that he must've been a little surprised by my sudden honesty.
By now, I was almost back home. I could see our building in the distance.
"I'm almost home now, so I should probably go and prepare myself for the chaos", I explained, feeling that Tobi was pulling more and more as she knew she'd get a treat when we'd come in through the door.
"Yeah. And I should probably help my Mom. She's not really a great cook, to be honest, and she's banned Dad from the kitchen because she wants to do it on her own-", Dom said. In the background, I could hear his Mom say a French swear word that Dom had taught me a couple of years back. It made me giggle, because I had seen his Agnès in the kitchen and it was not her strong suit.
"Sounds like you're needed. And I know you are a great cook. Good luck", I added.
"Thanks. I probably need it", he told me, laughing quietly.
"Well then, happy thanksgiving", I told him, and I was smiling because I knew I had made him laugh. "Or whatever you call it"
I could hear him take a deep breath.
It was as if he had wanted to say something, but then decided not to.
"Happy thanksgiving", he said, and like always, I could hear that he was smiling.

We said our goodbyes and hung up, and as I walked the last block to my building, I felt content.
Tobi pretty much ran up the stairs to our door, and scratched on it while I tried to unlock it once but failed at it.
My Mom came and met me by the front door when I was taking off my boots.
"That was quick", she noted with a positive undertone, as she was greeting Tobi with a snack.
"I've been getting better at distracting myself", I replied, which wasn't entirely true.
"Lin's watching the boys, so if you want, you could help me in the kitchen?", she asked me.
And even though I knew there were piles of routines in my mind, I replied with a smile on my face.
The successful walk had somehow filled me with a newfound confidence.
"Sure!", I said. "What do you need help with?"

Later that evening, when all of us were curled up on the sofa watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, full of all kinds of food, I got a text from Dom.

>> Did we do thanksgiving right?

Attached to it was a picture of a beautifully set table with orange napkins, dried flowers, pumpkins and lighted candles. I could see that his Mom had brought out their fancy silverware for the occasion. To it, the table was filled with every possible dish one could associate with thanksgiving, and in the middle there was, what looked to be, a perfectly cooked turkey. Our table faded in comparison to theirs.

<< Umm, yes, you definitely did.

<< I can sense that you did most of the cooking, and your Mom mostly did the decorating. Sorry Agnès.

I smiled as I sent the text.

>> She actually did the potatoes. And started the pies. But yes, I did most of the work.

Which made me smile even more, as I cracked a laugh.

>> We have so many leftovers though. Is that normal?

I let my mind wander and pictured our fridge, which was filled to the brim with leftovers.

<< Pretty much, yeah.

"What are you smiling at over there?", my Dad asked me from his seat in the armchair. With him saying that, Mom, who sat on the other edge of the sofa with a half-asleep Frankie on her, looked at me too.
"Just the group chat, Emily's promising to host thanksgiving at college next year-", I replied, not even thinking about it. The lie had come so easily that it even surprised me. And it wasn't entirely untrue, as Emily, my former roommate from my dorm at NYU, had texted that to our friend group earlier today.
"So you wanna get away from us then?", Vanessa joked.
"After this year, I think we all want that", I pointed out.
"True, very true, niñita", Lin said, nodding towards me before he turned his head towards the TV again.
"Anyways, that's very nice of Emily. She's a great friend", Vanessa continued to tell me. I knew that there was more behind that statement, because I also knew that one of the reasons why they had come and brought me home from college was because Emily had called them. And, while I was really bad and trying to get back on my feet, I had lost contact with her. But in the summer, I'd written and apologised for my silence, and explained the situation. She had just written back and told me to not feel sorry, and from then on it was back to how it had been. Once again, I had been surprised by how people cared. And that they somehow didn't leave my side.

Dom texted me again.

>> So, after today, can I start calling you more, besides texting?

I thought for a second.
Part of me was scared to do this again.
To let him into my life a little more.
All in all, I was the one who had ended it.
Not because I didn't want him in my life.
Because I did. I really did.
But because part of me felt like he was meant for more, and wanted more, than what I could give him.

Last time I had let someone come close to me, someone who had made me felt less lonely, it hadn't gone too well.

On the other hand, this was Dom.
He was the one asking me this.
And he wouldn't be asking me if he didn't want to.
Even if part of me would never believe that.

I gathered myself, and wrote a reply.

<< Yeah, just give me a heads up in advance.

His reply made me smile. Again.

>> Such a Rue reply.

>> And I didn't get a chance to say it earlier, but anyone who gets to have you in their life is lucky. Including me.

Before I could make up an answer, he texted me again.

>> Don't reply, because I know you'll only try to decline the compliment. Let's just end it there for today. Just take the compliment, Ruthers. Goodnight.

I defied his request of not replying, and did it anyway.

<< Thank you, Dom. Goodnight.

—————
Hello hello!👋
Finally, a new chapter! I've actually had this in my back pocket for a while, just to have something to post while I'm working on other chapters🌱

Still, I find this to be a very important chapter. It describes how Rue and Dom's life slowly starts intertwining again, in the peak of the pandemic🌷

I'm currently on a small trip which means I've been able to take my mind off of school for a couple of days (even though it means I've been missing a couple of days of uni, which I've been doing a lot of work to not be stressed on this trip). But it's been so worth it! I'll write more about it in my next chapter😌

With that said, I hope you liked the chapter. Leave a like and maybe a comment if you'd like, it really does make my day!❤️

Have the loveliest of days,
Sincerely,
H

Published: 24th of September, 2023