[A/N: Long time, no see! But I have reasons. So, stay for the author's note at the end to read about my last few weeks of summer, going to New York and seeing Hamilton, and then moving and starting a new life, in a new city, at a new University!☀️
TW: mentions of self h*rm]

It was Tuesday, and time was going too fast.
Lin was doing his last performance on Saturday.
The days were literally slipping between my fingers, and I was soon going to leave this city for another across the sea.

I was standing in Dom's room, as he were going through his closet with an unsure look on his face.
"I feel like I should dress up", Dom said, standing behind me. "I mean, aren't you supposed to be all dressed up at a Broadway show? I've never been to one"
He looked at me.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"I don't think there's a dress code, Dom. Sure, people tend to dress up slightly...", I said. "It's not like in the movies, really-"
He laughed.
"Well, I at least want to match with you", he said, making me blush as he referred to the blue dress that I was wearing. I had seen it in a shop the other day when I had been out with Vanessa and Sebastian, but I hadn't had the courage or energy to walk in and try it. The next day Vanessa had bought it for me.
The only thing about it was that it had short sleeves.
"I think I have a blue suit jacket here somewhere-", he said, pulling it out. "Here", he said, holding it out to see that it matched the blue on my dress; which it did. "Good, I'll just put this over my white t-shirt. Are jeans okay to wear?"
I smiled, nodding.
"I think so, Dom", I said, smiling to the side and physically pointing to the fact that I was wearing a jean jacket over a cardigan and over my dress, despite the fact that it was a really hot summer's day out.
"Oh, you can take off your jean jacket if you want, isn't it like really hot?", Dom asked me as he put on the suit jacket.
"Oh, um, a little-", I replied, taking it off and putting it on his armchair.
"Hey, you guys, dinner's ready", Dom's mom announced as she walked past his room, holding a sleeping Ariel in her arms.
I had needed to cancel on Sunday dinner because of obvious reasons, but instead it had been moved to Tuesday before the show.

Lin and Vanessa weren't thrilled with it, but I had convinced them I could do it.
But now, I was here.
And, to be honest, my mind wasn't too happy about it either.
I think Dom had sensed that, because for the little time it had been since I had walked into the apartment, I had been blinking and tapping.
He walked up to me, and put his arms around me.
"Hey...", he said. "You'll be okay. You'll just eat a little"
As I nuzzled into his shoulder, I replied.
"A little"

As we sat down at the table in the kitchen, I smiled at Dom's mom, Agnés.
"Thanks for inviting me to dinner, Agnés", I said, as she put down the salad. I knew I would have to put up a façade if I wanted to get away with eating just a little, and so I thought talking might do the trick.
"Oh, love, it was nothing. We're just excited to have you", she said, as Dom's dad, David, put down the lasagna.
"And I'm the one cooking, so it's a great deal for her", he said, with a smirk on his face. She laughed.
"Well then, bon appétit", she replied, and I hesitantly took a small piece, hoping that they wouldn't notice.
"So, um, you met in New York?", I said, trying to start a conversation as Agnés plated a portion for Flo.
"Yeah. I was here for work, and David here was working the desk of the hotel where I was staying", Agnés happily told me, her French accent strongly shining through. Dom looked at me with a face that said told you so.
"And I'm still working there. Though thankfully not at the desk", David pointed out, and continued to say, "Plus, she's still here. So there must be something about New York"
I took a first bite and forced it down.
Agnés smiled at me.
"Are your parents from NYC too?", she asked me.
"Um, yeah. They met in high school, but only got together later. I think", I said, taking another bite. Though the food was delicious, every bite made the next one harder.
"Right, Dom said you used to be a foster kid. You just got adopted if I remember correctly?", David asked me, genuinely interested in knowing.
"Yeah, in May", I replied.
"What's a foster kid?", Flo asked at the end of the table. The question caught the other people off guard. So, I replied before anyone else could.
"My Dad couldn't take care of me, so I was put in a system where other people could take care of me, which is called fostering", I said, trying to sound casual, even though it was hard to talk about.
Dom took my hand under the table and squeezed because he knew that I didn't like to talk about it.
"Why couldn't he take care of you?", she asked me.
"Flo-", Dom said, seemingly a little annoyed with his younger sister. I replied.
"He wasn't feeling very well", I kindly said, sugar-coating the reality so that the explanation would be child friendly.
"What about your mom?", she asked, her curiosity shining brightly at me.
Far away, in the back of my mind, I could head a thought pop up.
Yeah, what about your mom?
"Florence, that's enough", Agnés told her off, giving her a look that made Flo look down on her food.
"It's fine", I said, looking at Dom's parents' apologetic faces. I turned to Flo again, who's face lit up. "She just couldn't take care of me"
"So you were an orphan? Like Cinderella? Or or... or Anne of Green Gables?", she asked me, with big eyes.
"Yeah, I guess", I replied, realising that I had started to blink a little faster than normal in response to the trauma that was flashing by in my memories.
"Cool", she said, and went back to her food.
I went back to mine too, and forced down another bite.
Dom looked at me, looking worried.
I smiled at him, though Flo's questions had shaken me up.
Agnés switched the topic.
"So, we heard you're moving to London?"

After a dinner that had been as nice as it could have been, Dom and I were helping with cleaning up afterwards. In all honesty, I was trying to make up for not having finished my plate.
"It was delicious, David", I said politely, putting the plates on the counter where he was washing up.
"Thanks", he said, looking at me with a kind face.
"And we're sorry about Flo, she just really likes to know things-", Agnés said, as she put the rest of the lasagna into Tupperware boxes.
"We've sort of been joking about her becoming a journalist one day, because she's also unafraid to ask questions", David pointed out, laughing a little about it.
I couldn't help it, but the word journalist put me off. I could feel my body get all tense, as I stopped to hold my breath.
"It's fine", I said, sounding smaller than I was as I said that. Dom came up behind me, putting the glasses next to the plates.
He recognised the way I had literally stopped.
So he stood next to me, taking my hand yet again.
I forced myself to seem normal and continue the conversation.
"I just think it's easier if people know", I said, feeling my heart beating fast. "So, um. My Dad was an alcoholic and my Mom a drug addict", I told them. They both stopped what they were doing for a second, and then continued, seemingly a little unprepared for what I had said. Agnés looked at me.
"Well, we're very happy to hear that you have a forever family now, Rue. Everyone deserves a home", she said calmly, really meaning what she was saying.
I smiled at her.
"Thanks", I told them.
"Um, so the show starts at 7 so we're just gonna get ready and head off soon", Dom said, looking at the clock on his wrist.
"Yeah, have fun you guys", Agnés told us, smiling in the way that Dom smiled.
"And you'll have to tell us if the show was any good, Dom", David sarcastically pointed out with a smug grin on his face.
"Ha-ha, Dad", Dom said, and walked away, taking my hand.

"Sorry about them", he said, after closing the door to his room behind us.
"They're great, Dom", I said, genuinely meaning it.
"They said stuff that made you uncomfortable, I should've told them to not bring that up-", he told me, knowing it was true.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"It's fine. Isn't meet the parents supposed to be uncomfortable?", I joked, trying to derive from the subject.
"Oh, shut up, darling", Dom said as he rolled his eyes and leant in to kiss me, still holding one of my hands. I kissed him back, taking my other hand up to his face and then around his neck.
He put his arms around my waist, only to hesitate before he actually did it.
"Is that okay?", he asked me, and I nodded.
"It's okay", I replied, only to kiss him again, our noses touching.
"Have I told you that I like you?", he asked me, smiling in between the kisses.
"Yeah. And I like you too. Like, a lot", I said, and he kissed my forehead, and then my nose, and then on the mouth.

Seconds later we were sitting on his bed, still kissing, and then full on making out.

I suddenly felt myself stop, and pull away.
"Did I do something wrong?", Dom asked, worriedly looking at me.
I shook my head.
Because he hadn't.
He always asked if something was okay.
And he never went past the line.
I didn't know why I had froze.
"No, um-", I said, looking down, feeling a little embarrassed to have acted the way I did.
"Because we don't have to do anything", Dom said, still holding my hand. "Like, it's totally fine. I'm not ready to do anything but kiss", he told me, calmly looking at me.
"I'm not ready either", I told him.
In a way, this could've been embarrassing.
Instead, the room was filled with honesty.
He smiled to the side, blushing.
"We'll stick to kissing for a while", he concluded, taking my hand.
"Yeah", I said, looking down and seeing that my cardigan had pulled up on my arm, exposing my irregular scars that made me feel broken. I instantly pulled it down again, and pulled my hand away from him.
Something inside me told me that was what had been wrong; that was why I had pulled away.
"You don't have to hide them from me", Dom earnestly said, sitting across from me.
"You shouldn't have to see them. They're not pretty", I said, feeling the weight on my shoulders get heavier.
"Don't say that", he told me, leaning his head to the side to make eye contact and then taking my hand again.
I anxiously swallowed.

Truth was, I didn't want to see them.
They reminded me of things I didn't want to be reminded of.
They made me nauseous.
They made me feel ashamed.
And I didn't want anyone to see them, because they might feel the same.
Especially not him.

I pulled my hand away again, and looked away from him as I held tightly on to my cardigan, scared that it might pull up again.
"Sorry", I whispered.
"Hey, no s-word", Dom said. "I like all of you. And I like you a lot, remember? I like you so much that I miss you when I haven't seen you or talked to you in a day. I like you so much that I even showed you my, let's face it, kind of embarrassing lego collection", he said.
That made me laugh.
"See?", he said, beaming at me. "You like me too"
"I do", I told him. "I just don't like my scars", I continued, slightly wistfully.
He took my hand.
Again.
"You don't have to, but- Can I see them?", he carefully asked me.
To my own surprise, I found myself pulling my cardigan up my arm, exposing the currently healed scars. After taking a quick look, as if to respect my space, Dom looked up at me, with a calm and understanding look on his face.
He noticed that I barely wanted to look at them myself.
"What is it about them?", he asked me.
"They remind me of how bad things can get", I replied, looking away. Maybe from him, maybe from the scars in question. "And how ugly it was"
Or how ugly they made me.
"Can I?", he tentatively asked, as he was about to put his hand around my wrist.
"Yeah", I told him, and he traced a scar with his finger. At first I wanted to pull away, but then I didn't. He touched me and the scars with such respect, not even coming so close that it made me uncomfortable.
"I don't think they're ugly, Ruth. Or that they make you less pretty. I just think they're part of who you are", he said, looking up at me. "And I like you"
I looked at him.
He looked like he always did.
Determined.
Stubborn.
Kind.
Curious.
Always ready to take on the world.
But there was something behind his eyes.
"I like you too. Sorry for being such a mess-"
"I'm messier", he said, kissing me on my nose. "C'mon, let's go", he continued, standing up and holding out his hand for me to take it.
I took it.
Without hesitation, this time.

"Hey-", Dom said as we approached our friends at the subway station. I was holding his hand tightly, scared to lose him in the crowd.
Everyone was there already.
"There you are!", Haley exclaimed, turning around to see us, hugging me. At first I tensed up, only to calm down a millisecond later.
"Now it's just Sepi-", Dom said, looking around. Haley let go of me.
That reminded me of the text I'd gotten a few minutes earlier.

>> Sorry, a bit of chaos. I'll meet you guys there.

"Oh, she just texted me, she's meeting us at the Theater", I said, trying to sound calm even though my heart was racing and had been since we had gotten on the subway.
The mix of endless noise and chatter, people all over the place and the possibility of doing something wrong had all piled up inside of me.
I tapped, hoping no one would notice.

We all started walking, and Haley took me away from Dom, holding my hand instead.
"Rue, you don't even know how excited I am", she exclaimed, her eyes shining as she smiled at me.
"I'm just happy to make people happy", I told her, looking down so that I would step on a crack in the ground.
"Plus, you're leaving us", Stella said from behind before she and Sherri had caught up to us. "And we missed your big goodbye day so we're just happy that you're doing this"
I smiled at them.
For the little time that I had known all of them, these people had really made an impact on me.
It was going to hurt, leaving them.
I didn't really want to think about that.
That I was, indeed, leaving.

As we approached the Rodger's, Sepi was standing right outside, looking slightly lost.
We were there early, in order to go inside before the crowd would get here. Roderick, one of the ushers, was standing right outside the entry, having been given directions to let us inside the theater.
He instantly noticed me as we came closer, and nodded towards me to say hi.
Sepi's face lit up when she saw us.
Mine did too.
"Hi!", I said, waving at Sepi.
"Okay everybody, follow me!", Roderick announced as he opened the door behind him, letting us come inside.
"Thank you, Roderick", I told him as I walked in.
He just smiled, so brightly.
"No problem. It's just great to have you back around", and so, I smiled back at him.
I glanced at Sepi, who looked out of it.
"You okay?", I asked her, after she had greeted everyone else.
"Sort of had a breakdown over something, it was stupid-", she said, looking down. "But I'm okay now"
I could see that she wasn't.
"What happened?", I worriedly asked her, letting the others go ahead, as we stayed in the lobby.
In all honesty, there wasn't really anyone here yet. Everything was still being set up before the doors opened for real.
"My mom caught me disinfecting the kitchen for the third time this week and then I just... c... couldn't stop", she began to say. "We had just gotten food delivery, a-and Safar's back from college and I'm afraid he'll get sick, because he was sick the last time he came home and-", she ran out of air, trying to hold back tears.
"That's alright", I told her. "Can I hug you?", I asked her, and she nodded.
I hugged her tightly.
"I'm sorry", I told her. "I know it's hard"
As we let go, she dried the few tears that had run down her cheeks.
"What will I do without you when I'll need a shoulder to cry on?", Sepi asked me, laughing slightly as she tried to make things less serious.
"Mateo's shoulder?", I suggested, going along with the joke.
"I guess. He doesn't smell as good as you do though", Sepi remarked, smiling at me to push her stress and sadness away.
I giggled.
"I'll miss you", I said, knowing that I wouldn't see her before leaving for London. "I hate that you're going upstate for the rest of the summer"
She looked at me, her eyes sad.
"I'll miss you too", she said. "You'll call me, right? I think I might go insane if I'll only talk to my family for like a month", she looked at me, slightly worried.
"Of course. You'll call me too, right?", I asked her the same question, just in case.
"Of course"

We caught up to Dom, who was waiting for us where he could see me and where I could see him so I wouldn't get worried, and then to the others, who were waiting for us up a flight of stairs with Roderick.

We chatted while Haley and Carson walked around the empty theater, making Parker take pictures of them as they hugged their playbills tightly. Eventually they made all of us take a group photo, which Roderick gladly helped us with.

After a little while, we could hear that the doors had officially opened as the sound of people talking came closer.
We took our seats.
I sat next to Dom on the right.
He handed me a bottle of water that he had bought in the lobby, only to hand out three more bottles to the others.
"Oh, thanks", I said, taking it.
"Not needed", he said, smiling at me.
Sepi sat to my left.
She still seemed to be on edge, but she seemed better than before.

We watched as the theater filled up with people, and the sound of people talking became one single noise.

I felt surprisingly calm, as I talked to my friends in anticipation.
Maybe because this space was known to me.
Or maybe because everyone had gathered here to watch something, together.
But most of all, I think it was because I was surrounded by people I knew and trusted.
And only a few minutes later, it started.

Of course, I enjoyed every bit of the show.
But mostly I loved seeing the look on my friends' faces when they watched it.

It was just something about it.
About seeing people so filled with joy and excitement about the same thing.

I couldn't help but glance at Dom every now and then. Just to see his reaction.

And at certain points, I could feel him looking over at me. To see mine.

Our eyes only met at the end, during the standing ovation.

We couldn't help but laugh.

"Rue!", I could hear a voice saying as we started to exit our row to follow everyone out. It was Amanda, her red fiery hair making her stand out from the crowd. "Rue and her friends! I'm Amanda and I'll take you backstage. So come on, come with me", she said, louder this time, and we followed her like little kids on a school trip.
"I can't believe it's Lin's last week. When will I see my best student and favourite 15 year old again?", she told me, as I walked next to her up the many backstage stairs.
"On Saturday?", I carefully joked, it being the only way I could manage to talk about leaving the place I had thought of as home for the last few months; and before that. I had barely lived anywhere else but New York. For a while, I had been in a foster home in New Jearsey, but that was about it.
Thankfully she laughed at my boring joke.

As we made it to the main corridor, Amanda stopped and turned around.
"Okay, everybody. You're the special guests this evening. If you want an autograph, this is your moment. We're all really friendly here at the Rodgers", she said. Haley and Carson were literally bouncing up and down now, as Parker was giggling at their excited behaviour. Stella was looking around with big eyes, and Sherri was just like Haley, bouncing with excitement. Sepi looked around with a slight distance in her eyes, and I took her hand. Dom was standing right next to me, our arms touching. He looked so fascinated by everything, as if he just wanted to know everything.
Like he always did.

A little further down the corridor, I could see Lin peak his head out from the doorway to his and Jon's changing room.
"Hey, Rue and gang! This way!", he called. He had already changed into his normal clothes, having changed back from Alexander to the Lin I knew.
"Hey Rue", he said, quickly hugging me. "And thank you so much, Amanda", he added, as he let go. Amanda just nodded as she went off to the costume department.
"Can I just say, the show was absolutely amazing", Haley said, trying to contain her excitement. Carson nodded along.
"Like, I knew it would be good, but holy sh*t", he added, which made Parker and Stella burst out laughing.
"Well, thank you. I did tell everyone Rue and her friends would be in the audience", Lin said, smiling. "And if you want to, go around and have a look backstage. Get some autographs if you want to"
"Can we maybe get yours first?", Haley asked, trying to look calm.
Lin laughed and signed everyone's playbills, and a second later most ran off to get a few more signatures.
Dom and Sepi stayed with me.
"Was it your first time seeing a Broadway show, Dom?", Lin asked Dom, as we followed into his and Jonathan's changing room.
"Yeah. Probably a good show to start with", Dom pointed out jokingly. Lin laughed. On the sofa, Jon was chatting with a woman, of whom I could only see the back of.
"Sorry to keep you waiting, Emma, my daughter saw the show with her friends tonight, so I had some fatherly duties", Lin said, and the woman named Emma turned around. I instantly recognised her. "Anyway, Emma, I don't know if you remember, this is my daughter-"
It was Emma Watson.
"Rue!", she exclaimed, walking up to me with a bright smile on her face. "Of course I remember you"
"H-hi", I said, feeling unprepared for this encounter.
"How are you?", she asked me.
"I... I'm good. You?", I replied and asked back, all while trying to function.
"Oh, I'm fine, thank you", she said.
"Um, this is my friend Sepi and this is my boyfriend Dom", I said, slowly trying to piece the words together. As I looked at Dom, I realised that he was speechless.
"Right, you're the boy who takes pictures!", she exclaimed.
"You've seen my photos?", Dom asked her, slightly confused.
"Yeah, I follow Rue on Twitter", she quickly explained. "You're really talented"
"Wow, um, thanks. Sorry for my surprised behaviour, but like Harry Potter is the reason I love movies", he said, somehow getting his confidence back.
"Yeah, Harry Potter holds a special place in my heart too. Even though I was Hermione in the movies, it was still one of those book series that defined my childhood", she told him. "I mean, I am such a Hermione"
"Me too", Sepi told her, smiling. Emma smiled, too. Her phone beeped.
"Oh, my cab's here, I've got to go-", she said, after glancing at her screen.
"Wait! Could we maybe get a picture with you? My little sister is just at the age where she's starting the Harry Potter movies and she will never believe me if I don't have proof", Dom exclaimed, having come back to his determined and selfless self.
"Of course, of course..."

Lin's POV
I watched Rue as she spoke with her friends, and took her place in the group. She was quiet, yet outspoken, and even cracked a joke.
Her friends left a few at a time, but Sepi and Dom were still there until I was about to head home with Rue. Sepi's parents where just a few blocks away in their car, and Dom was going to take the train back with us.
She stood next to Sepi, whom I had only met a few times when I'd picked Rue up from therapy. Sepi didn't seem to have a good day, and so when I saw Rue take her hand and squeeze it, my heart filled with pride.

But mostly, I watched how Rue looked at Dom. How she looked so fascinated by him. How she seemed to know that he was kind. How she looked at him, to remind herself of whom she had chosen. And whether it was right. As if to remind herself that he was still there.

I also noticed how Dom looked at Rue, both when she was and wasn't looking.
How his eyes seemed to adore her.
How he wanted to remind her that he wasn't going anywhere.
And I know I'm supposed to be against anyone who's dating my daughter.
Don't get me wrong, I will always be.
But this boy hasn't done much wrong.

Later that evening, as we passed Dom's house and waved him off, I turned to Rue.
Possibly smiling a little too much.
"What?", she asked me, genuinely curious.
"Nothing, Niñita", I said, putting my arm around her shoulders. "I'm just proud"

—————
Sooo, hi! 👋
I'm officially back writing after two months of not writing. Well, I've had this chapter half made since July and I just got the time to finish it🙈

Well, since you last heard from me I quit my job for the summer and I went and saw my favourite artist, Veronica Maggio. It was just the perfect Swedish summer evening and the vibes at the venue were immaculate. Obviously I screamed and sang until my vocal chords were straining🥹 Here's a picture:

(So, for some context on Veronica Maggio - she is one of Sweden's biggest artist who only sings in Swedish. She had her breakthrough in 2011 with her album S*tan I Gatan and the song Jag Kommer is one of the most played songs during the 2010s. If you want an English version of it, Tove Lo(!!!) made a translated version of it called I'm Coming which is also top tier)

Anyways. Then I moved, but only halfway. Like, I moved the heavy stuff and then went back to my hometown, all in one day.

And then I went to New York!🎉
Like I can't really comprehend it still, but it was absolutely amazing. I could've done it without that 36 C heat but it was still surreal and fantastic. I actually brought my Sony A5100 for the whole trip which resulted in many, many, great photos.

Me on Cornelia Street, obviously.

Honestly, a big thank you to past me who thought 'oh maybe I should buy and bring a small camera'. Fantastic idea, if I do say so myself🥹

And, I also went and saw Hamilton.
It was obviously fantastic.
I loved every part of it❤️
(Except from the two women next to us who kept talking even when they had been told off like three times 😒)
I mean, obviously I would love it.
My dimples were hurting afterwards from smiling so much.
It still feels very surreal.

Do you see how smiley I am?
And now I'm about to embarrass myself with my next photo, but here's a very smiley and happy me after getting my playbill signed at stagedoor haha:

So, yeah. I had an amazing time❤️

And then I went back home, moved away for Uni and started Uni😌 It all starts with two weeks of being a "Nolla/zero" (since you haven't actually started taking any classes, so you're not a first year yet). These two weeks are called nollning or zeroing/hazing. But it hasn't really been as nollning is portrayed in movies, and more about welcoming new students and getting to know your classmates while having lots of fun☺️ So I've been basically walking around with a green cap with my name on it for two weeks being super social🙈 It all ended with a big and fancy dinner (called a sittning or seating) to make us into first years. And now I've been going properly to Uni for two weeks in my new city three hours away from home🥹

And um, I auditioned for the student choir? And got accepted? Having never sung in a choir before? Like what? I honestly was so scared and nervous since I have almost never sung in front of people but hey, they wanted me🎉 And apparently I'm a soprano? Anyways, I am very excited💐

So, it's been a lot. But, I love my apartment and the city, as well as the people in my class and the classes. I feel like I've chosen to study exactly what I want to do in my life. So, I think I'm going to like it here😌

I also voted for the first time🎉 Honestly, it is so important so if you are Swedish this is the last day to vote, so please gå och rösta! I'm honestly kind of scared of how the election will go bc of how a certain party have risen in all surveys and I will cry if they will get a majority. I've put my vote in the ballot and that's all I can do, so I'll have to see how it goes😶

Enough about me, let's talk about Rue for a second. I absolutely adore writing her get better and change and become the person she wishes to be. And how the people around her just support her?💗

And obviously, the switch in roles between Rue and Sepi was just so lovely to write🙈

Q of the Day: How has your last two months been?👀 🐝
Me? -

With that said, I hope you liked the chapter - and if you did, please leave a like and a comment💗
I'll try and update as soon as I can but I sort of have to get a feel for uni first😌

Have the loveliest of days,
Sincerely,
H

Published: 11th of September, 2022