[A/N: A happy and sad overthinking chap. Enjoy!😌]

"Hello, everyone, hello!", Dr Noma announced at the beginning of group therapy to get everyone's attention. I was talking to Sepi and Mateo, and we all slowly quieted down.
"I know you're all excited about summer starting but remember, therapy doesn't take breaks", she quick-wittedly remarked and took a sip of her coffee, and everyone laughed a little. I looked down at my hands, and tapped in the pattern I liked, already tired from my session with Dr Noma this morning.
"Okay, so, since we're on the topic of summer, what are you all doing this summer summer?", she began by asking an open question, and that instantly made me feel more comfortable because everything had so suddenly changed.
Mateo instantly put up his hand, never scared to say anything.
"Let's go, Mateo", Dr Noma said, as she nodded towards him.
"I'm staying here to catch up on school so that I can get into college", he said, sounding proud. "And like I want all of you to know that you don't have to do anything special during the summer or to feel productive, like most of the time I'll probably be chillin' with my brother at home or playing soccer at the park", he added with a broad smile on my face. "Well at least when I'm not compulsively cleaning my room", he finished with a smirk on his face.
"Mateo-", Dr Noma cut in.
"I was joking, if you all didn't get that. Because I will also dedicate my summer to not do that as much as I do it now", he happily added.
"Alright, that's what I like to hear. Who's next? Marie?", Dr Noma continued, as she nodded towards Marie.
"I've got an internship at a youth center with Xander twice a week actually", she said, her face bright. "Which is really exciting because I want to work with children when I get older. Plus, I've finally found a good medication which sort of balances me out... but if I get really low they said that it's fine for me to not show up so I can get back on my feet again", she told everyone, clearly excited about it.
"That sounds amazing, Marie! What will you be doing?", Dr Noma asked.
"Well I'll be helping out with the Bushwick Day Camp, hosting everything from sports activities to crafts...", Marie said, giving the word to Xander.
"And I'll be helping out with their social media and work in the background", Xander added, seeming a bit more nervous about it than Marie.
"That sounds great, guys", Dr Noma said, as she turned to me while I was tapping in the pattern I liked. "Rue, what about you?"
I awkwardly straightened up, and swallowed the anxiety I was feeling.
"Um, I'm actually moving at the end of July. But until then I'll probably not do much, hang out with my friends and my boyfriend", I said, putting on a smile, still not having processed the decision about the move.
I didn't like change - I never had - even though this change probably was going to be a good one.
I tapped a little, and as always, I was counting in my head to stay in the moment and not flee off.
Dr Noma calmly nodded at me, not showing that she was surprised even though it was her first time hearing about it, too.
"Where are you moving?", she asked.
"Um, London, actually. My Dad got a job there, and it went through like three days ago. I mean, it's been in the air for a few months so I knew it might happen, but I'm still a little anxious about it I guess", I said, shrugging my shoulders, while it also felt good to lighten my heart about it. Still, I was trying to not seem too affected by it.
"Everybody gets nervous about moving to a new place, Rue. I think everyone in here can agree on that point"

And everyone did.
Which made me feel a little better.
But, in the core of it all, I was still sad to leave because I didn't want to leave this.
I was scared to find new friends.
Because here I had friends I really loved.
And I didn't want to leave Dom.
Because maybe he'd really leave me then?

After group therapy, me, Mateo and Sepi stood by the little table of fruit, coffee, individually packaged cookies and the water fountain.
"Okay you got to FaceTime or Skype us from London at least once a week. We don't want you to lose your New Yorkness, eh?", Mateo joked as he took a bite of his cookie.
I cracked a laugh.
"I can't believe you're leaving us", Sepi dramatically said, her arm around my shoulder. "Who will keep us sane? Who will we have individually packaged cookies with now?", she continued, and I blushed as I looked down at my cookie, still in its plastic wrapping.
"I'm not leaving forever, guys", I said, smiling to the side. "And we'll always be the golden trio with OCD", I laughed as I said it, realising how silly it sounded.
"Aw", they said in unison.
Mateo looked at the clock.
"Guess what? I'm taking the subway today", he said, a mixture of happiness and fright spreading across his face. "With my brother, but still"
I instantly smiled at him.
"Mateo! That's amazing!", I exclaimed, because I really was proud of him. Me and Sepi were jumping up and down with excitement.
"I haven't gotten on it yet", he remarked.
"We know. We're just hyping you up! Take it in!", Sepi told him, her happiness contagious. He laughed as his phone beeped, which made his face drop with anxiety.
"I... I gotta go, that's my brother", he hesitantly said, and I could see myself in him. How he was standing before something so frightening; which we all did every single day.
"Okay, Mateo. You can do it. We know it, you know it. Now let's go!", Sepi told him, trying her best to make up a pep talk. He anxiously smiled as he began to walk away.
"Let's go Mateo! Vamos!", I exclaimed, as I got dragged in by Sepi's contagious excitement. As he finally started walking with pride, me and Sepi cheered until we couldn't see him any longer. She turned to me.
"Have you told Dom? About London?", she curiously but kindly asked me.
I shook my head.
"No, um. I haven't seen him and I didn't want to tell him that his girlfriend is gonna move to the other side of the ocean over the phone?", I hesitantly said.
"Get that", she said, as she threw the plastic packaging of her cookie in the trash can, having finished it. She glanced at my cookie, which was still in its packaging; uneaten. Though, she didn't mention it, knowing how it was to be in my position.
I looked at my phone, seeing the time.
"He's actually waiting out by the entrance, um, do you want to walk together-", I suggested, still not comfortable walking by myself - even if it was in a hospital that I now knew every corner of.
"Sure", she casually replied, knowing why I had asked in the first place as she took my hand. "I'll always walk with you"

And, like he had promised over the phone and then over text, Dom was standing right by the entrance. Still looking as confident and casual as always, not a care about the world around him. He had his camera hanging over his shoulder and a white t-shirt with a dark green shirt over it and jeans.
His face lit up as he saw me.
My face did, too.
"Hey", he said, and leant in to kiss me.
"Hey", I said, as we let go. "You look very summer-y today"
"You look amazing too", he complimented me, referring to the red polka dot summer dress I was wearing.
"And hi Sepi", he instantly told Sepi.
"Long time, no see, Dom", she said, and greeted him by hugging him. "I've got to go, like my bus is only a few minutes away so", she added, and looked at me.
"Go, go, go!", I told her with a smile on my face, seeing how she was a little stressed.
"Yeah, I will-", she said, but then she glanced at me again, and then she looked at Dom. "Take care of her and do me a favour, Dom. Make sure she eats that cookie, alright?", she asked him, looking out for me. To which Dom confusedly replied.
"Sure-", he said, and Sepi turned around.
"Good! See ya!", she told us, and ran off, determined to catch her bus.
Dom looked at me.
"What cookie?", he asked, until he saw the individually packaged cookie I was tightly holding in the palm of my hand. "That one. Alright. Why?"
I shook my head.
"Don't worry, I'll eat it later", I said, brushing it off and putting the cookie in my jacket's pocket. "I promise. Let's go-", I added, as I took his hand and started pulling him in the direction of the Theater.
"No, come on-", he said, standing still.
"Dom, please", I said, trying to keep my defence and avoid eating it; because it was all I could think of.
"Just one bite", he suggested, his face kind.
"I don't want to, alright?", I replied, tired. "Can we just go please?"
"Alright", he said, and we started walking.

I couldn't help but feel like I had hurt him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound angry, I...", I began to say, only a few milliseconds later, and stopped walking. "I didn't want to hurt you"
Dom shook his head.
"I'm not mad", he said, squeezing my hand.
"I just feel like I'm always the one lashing out", I told him.
"It's probably legitimate", he said, putting his arms around me and embracing me in a hug.
As I leant my head against his chest I replied.
"I'm just tired", I said.
"That's alright", he told me, his voice kind. "Can I ask why?", he gently asked, looking at me with genuine curiosity.

I let the question sit for a while, pondering whether to reply to it or not.
Still, I wanted him to know.
I wanted to know everything about him.
I couldn't help it.
And so, he deserved to know why I was like this today.

"I guess", I replied, feeling the anxiety building up within me.
"Okay. Why?", he asked me, leaning in.
I looked away from him, watching the cars drive by and the people rushing from one place to another. We had barely made it fifty meters from the hospital.
"I haven't felt like eating in a while, so... I avoid it. And my therapist presented me with a sandwich from the hospital's café this morning", I quietly said, the sounds of the streets of New York almost drowning my voice.
"And you had to eat it?", Dom calmly asked me.
I nodded, still in his arms.
"I'd get upset if someone forced me to eat something too", he continued, kissing the top of my head.
"And it's not the eating part that's the worst-", I began, thinking as I was talking. "It's that I... that I can't have anything for myself. That as soon as I start doing something new they catch it and try to make me do it less, or at all", I said, coming to a conclusion that I was scared of saying. I still wasn't looking up at him.
"But some things aren't good to have", he said, and it was something comforting in the way that he said it.
"I know", I quietly replied, realising the truth in what he was saying.
"So why don't you want to eat?", he curiously asked, as he let go of me. I shrugged my shoulders, trying to avoid our eyes meeting.
"There's so much else to do", I slowly formed the words together, almost ashamed of myself.
"And?", he asked me, knowing that there was something else to it.
"Something will happen if I do", I said, looking down at my feet. Thank goodness that I wasn't standing on a crack.
He fished the individually packaged cookie out of my pocket.
"Hey...", he said, trying to get my attention. I finally found the courage to look up at him. "We'll split it. Alright?", he asked me, waiting for my approval.
Though everything within me was saying no, I slowly nodded.
He smiled to the side, and broke the cookie in half, and offered one of the halves to me.
"One, two, three-", Dom said, and we simultaneously took a bite.
"Surprisingly good", he commented after he had finished the cookie, which made me crack a laugh.
"I know, right?", I quietly said, slowly eating the rest of it, feeling how the thought of what could happen if I did slowly fade away.

Because, all in all, nothing was happening. Dom was still there.
I was still there.
Like always, the fear and anticipation had only been irrelevant and anticlimactic.

He knowingly grinned at me.
We started walking again.
"I'm gonna bring you something to eat every time I see you from now on", Dom told me out of the blue. I knew I couldn't say no, because he was only looking out for me.
"Like what?", I asked.
"I don't know. Is there something you will always eat or like?", he said, genuinely wondering.
I realised that I didn't know if I liked anything specific. Eating had always been dependent on what situation I was in. I had never taken it for granted. And I had never really figured out why I should have a favourite food, when I never knew whether I was going to eat it again. It didn't seem to matter.
"Don't know", I replied, shrugging my shoulders, feeling overwhelmed to even think about all there was to eat.
I didn't even know what I liked.
"Then we'll find out what you like", he said, smiling so brightly at me.
And I smiled too.

"Hey, we're by the back entry, could you-", I said to Lin on the phone, but he already knew what I was saying.
"Yeah. There in a sec, Niñita!", he happily told me and hung up.

And within a few seconds, he opened the door.
"Hi you two! Come in, come in, it's gonna rain soon", he said, referring to the black cloud that was hanging over the city. In fact, it had already started to rain a little, and me and Dom had been running for the last few yards. "How are you, Dom?"
"I'm good. School's out for summer so I'm afraid you're gonna see me a little more often", Dom casually replied.
"Of course", Lin said, laughing a little. "Well, Rue, there's lunch in the fridge. If you want some, Dom, there's plenty so take whatever you want. We cater food for the cast every Wednesday", Lin continued, but a knot had already formed in my stomach.
"Right, thanks", Dom said.
"But I already ate-", I began to say.
"I know, but if you want some, there is food in the fridge", Lin calmly told me, which indicated that he knew what had happened in therapy this morning. Including the panic attack. "And remember to pick up the jacket from Amanda, since that's why you're actually here. She's very impressed with it", he added, looking at me with pride.
"Yeah", I said, as Anthony and Jazzy came through the door and walked past us.
"Rue, hey!", Jazzy exclaimed at the sight of me, a bright look on her face. "It's so good to see you, kid!"
"Yeah, are you staying for the show?", Anthony asked me.
"Probably not. But break a leg!", I replied, trying to sound casual as I could, though every interaction made my heart jump.
"Alright, alright. See ya!", he said, and they quickly waved and went up the stairs.

From the outside we could now hear the rain fully pouring down outside. I turned to Lin.
"Is it alright if we stay for a little while? Until it stops raining. I mean, I could show Dom around the place", I said, slowly forming the words.
"Yeah, sure. The show starts in one and a half hours so it's gonna get busier", he said, glancing at the clock on his wrist, only to look at me with a worried eye. I tried to avoid it, even though I knew his worry was justified.
Last time I was here I had barely made it.
And I hadn't made it.
I had hid from everyone and gone home early.
"Okay. Um, I- I mean if it's okay with you?", I asked Dom, who just grinned at me.
"It's okay with me, it's not like I have anything better to do than getting a private showing around a Broadway Theater", he jokingly told me.
I rolled my eyes, but smiled back at him.
"Well, you know where to find me, Rue. I've got to figure some stuff out with Amber. And come find me when you're about to leave, okay?", Lin considerately said, with a caring but slightly worried look on his face.
"I will, Lin", I sarcastically replied, and he quickly hugged me.
"Good, good. Just making sure. Gotta go", he quietly told me and ran off, up the stairs.
I turned to Dom.
"Well, this is the back entry", I jokingly told him, as I took a spin and showed him with my hand.
He nodded.
"This was also where I ran from Lin and Vanessa the first time, because I was late for the curfew that my then foster family had set. Seriously, I think I dodged three people on the way out", I said, surprising myself by telling a story I hadn't thought of in a long time.
The anecdote had just fallen out of my mouth.
I looked at him, waiting for him to judge me.
"You should join the track team then", he said, looking at me with a serious face, although he was just about to break character.
"I'll race you", I suggested, following his lead. "I'm serious! First up the stairs wins"
He raised one eyebrow.
"Yeah?", he asked me.
"Yeah"
And before he knew it, I had turned around and started running up the stairs - though he wasn't far behind me.

"Okay, so you're fast-", Dom told me after making it up the stairs, just a few seconds after me. I was catching my breath, and having stopped right by the stairs, Dom crashed right into me. "Sorry, sorry-", he exclaimed, sounding genuinely sorry as he put his arms around my waist so I wouldn't fall.
I started laughing.
He did too.
"Not track team-fast, obviously", I pointed out, looking straight at him.
"But you are faster than you look", he told me with a smirk on his face. I shrugged my shoulders.
"Okay, so this is the top floor. You can go even higher but that's only for stage tech and electricity. And this is also where Nico and Amanda houses at the costume section", I said, and for once, I was the one taking his hand and leading the way. Not the other way around.
I peeked my head into the room.
"Amanda? Nico?", I said, knocking on the doorframe.
"I'm here, I'm here! Nico's called in sick. Just a second, love", Amanda's loving voice said, somewhere in the world of clothes and costumes. We walked in.
She soon appeared, her fiery red curly hair up in a messy bun.
"Rue! I was waiting for you to show up, I've got your jacket here-", she said, fishing it up from a pile on her desk. As she walked towards me to hand me my jacket, she noticed Dom. "Here you go. And who's this?"
Dom held out his hand to shake hers, looking charming as ever.
"I'm Dom. Short for Dominic. Nice to meet you", he said, as they shook hands.
"It's nice to meet you too, Dom. I'm Amanda", she replied, only to look at me with a curious eye - just waiting for me to properly introduce him.
"He's my boyfriend", I said, and I could feel my cheeks turning red - though I didn't know why. "I'm just showing him around"
Amanda smiled, though she tried to hide how excited she was for me. She turned to Dom again.
"Well you better take care of her. She means a whole lot around here", she pointed out, smiling to the side but with a serious look on her face.
Dom nodded.
"I sure will", he told her.
She nodded, happy with the answer as she turned to me.
"Well I fixed the lining for you here, as we talked about. Fantastic job, either way. What are you making next?", she asked me, showing what she had done on the jacket.
"A summer dress, actually. And thank you", I told her. She nodded. "Well I'm gonna continue show Dom around-"
"Sure, sure! I think Thayne's already here", she pointed out, because she knew I always looked forward to seeing him even though I was already really tired,
"Alright, we'll go say hi to him then too"

"It's like a maze back here", Dom said, as he walked behind me.
"You'll get used to it", I replied before I saw Thayne walk into a room. "Wait, Thayne!", I exclaimed, almost confidently, as I was excited to see him.
He walked out of the room backwards with a suspicious look on his face.
"Did I hear what I think I heard?", he loudly asked, only to look at me with a smile on his face, reaching from ear to ear.
"Yeah", I said, walking up to hug him.
"Oh!", he said, surprised by my actions. "My favourite's back at the Rodger's", he exclaimed, sounding all sentimental.
I giggled.
"You're my favourite cast member too. Just don't tell the others", I quietly told him.
"I won't", he said, giggling too.
I let go.
"So what do I owe this pleasure?", Thayne asked, looking at the boy with glasses and curly hair behind me.
"Well, um, Thayne - this is Dom", I said, gesticulating towards Dom.
"Hi!", Dom said, confidently shaking Thayne's hand. "Dominic, Dom, whatever is fine. And you're Thayne, right?"
Thayne nodded.
"Yeah, right. I am. And I think I saw you on Rue's Twitter... you're the photographer friend, I think?", Thayne asked, with a cute smile on his face to cover up his uncertainty.
"I am", Dom said, holding up the small Sony camera that he always carried on his shoulder.
"Though we're not really friends. I mean we are. Obviously. Friends, you know", he started to explain, only to look a little embarrassed to have said that. "Sorry, that came out wrong-"
Thayne looked like he was gonna blow up from excitement, because he had already put the pieces together.
"Rue's gone and gotten herself a boyfriend!", he exclaimed, almost jumping as he said so.
Now I was blushing.
"Thayne! We've got to fix the wig!", somebody shouted from the room he had come from. Thayne quickly looked at the clock.
"Right. Sorry, loves. I've got to go, please tell me you're seeing the show today. I'm on as The King-", he said, the last bit of the sentence in character. "Which is a treat you do not want to miss"
I laughed.
"No, sorry. I was just picking this up", I said, holding up the carefully folded up jacket. "We're actually about to head off to Dom's"
Thayne was still smiling, from ear to ear.
"Alright, alright. It was lovely seeing you", he said. "We've missed you around here"
I smiled at him sadly.
"I've missed this too"

After saying goodbye to Lin, who then packed lunches from the cater food for us, and after walking through the streets of New York, we were in Dom's room. I was sitting on his bed, next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder as we watched Airbuddies because I had never watched it.
"As promised", Dom had said, as he had fished the movie box out of his bookcase, where he kept DVDs and VHSs instead of books. We were laughing at the bad jokes and childish scenarios. He had finished the lunch, and I had eaten some of the food in the takeaway box.
Which was a win, I suppose.

But somewhere along the way I had fallen asleep on his shoulder, because the next time I was awake, Dom was saying something.
"Please Flo, no", he said, almost whispering. "I don't have Ariel's crab toy. Go", he continued, sounding annoyed with his little sister.
"Ugh!", she dramatically replied and stepped out of his room.
I straightened my spine and sat up, and rubbed my face quickly.
"Oh sorry, I-", I began, feeling slightly embarrassed.
"It's cool", he said. "I was gonna let you sleep. You looked like you needed it", he continued, looking at me with long eyes.
"I did", I confessed, even yawning as I said it.
He cracked a laugh.
"So how much of the movie did I miss?", I casually asked, smiling to the side.
"Half, maybe?", he replied with uncertainty, finding it hilarious. "But I paused it!"
"Oh gosh", I exclaimed, covering my face with my hands.
"We'll watch it another day", he assured me, putting his arm around my shoulder. "I mean we could probably get through all the movies this year. One each month", he casually told me with a smile on his face.
I've got to tell him, I thought to tell him.
I sat up straight, again, and felt myself distance myself from him - both physically and mentally as I scooted away from him.
"Okay so, um...", I began, looking down at my now fiddling hands as I tapped in the pattern I liked, just in case.
He looked at me with a wondering look on his face, as he leant in slightly and asked me something with a caring gaze.
"What's up?"
"Lin got a job in London so we're moving in August", I said, swallowing my anxiety as I looked up at Dom.
He gave me a look of surprise, blinked a few times as he processed the information.
"Okay", he calmly said.
"So I get it if you don't want to be with me", I continued, trying to keep myself together though I could feel that my voice was on the verge of breaking.
"Of course I want to be with you!", he objected to my comment.
"Even when I'm halfway across the world?", I asked him, still not really believing him.
He looked at me, and grinned.
"Well, yeah", he said, scooting over to sit next to me. "As long as you bring me tea and scones when you come back", he added, which made me giggle.
"I will"

—————
Hiya!👋
So I've officially come to the point when it's hard to find verbs for the chapter titles. Literally going through verb lists as I write this🥲 Probably a sign that I should end the story soon haha💗

Well, I hope you liked the chapter💗 I honestly love writing about Rue and Dom, mainly because I love writing Rue's progress - how she's slowly opening herself up and letting herself trust another person but Lin and Vanessa😌

Anyways, I wrote this while procrastinating for my last exam which I had this morning. Probably not my best decision, but I didn't have any problem with the exam - and I mean it was a "hemtenta"/"home exam" so I had access to both books and the internet🌷 And I've got a feeling it went well too☀️ So with that I'm also finished with my first proper course at university🎉 Honestly really proud of myself and I feel like I've learned a lot. I mean I didn't think I would be reading about war theory and grassroots communities? In hindsight I probably could've read the content of the course a little more carefully but, hey, it ended up being sorta interesting😅

So now it's officially summer for me! I think I'll try to write a lot more but I'll also be working a lot more so who knows? I usually just end up updating whenever I want to🤷🏼‍♀️

Anyhow - the last time I updated I was about to go to Gothenburg. I did and I had a really good time, and seeing it was the first time I went somewhere on my own I'm really proud of myself😌 We went shopping, did some sightseeing and watched Eurovision the first day and then the day after that we went to the Art Museum and walked around before my train back🍃 I actually really like Gothenburg, however I'm just not a big city person I guess😅

Also watched Stranger Things season 4 and absolutely loved it. Can't wait for the next volume; I really enjoyed the new tone of it as it was more horror focused☺️ Plus, I finally sat down and watched Heartstopper. I really, really, liked and it honestly made me want to read the graphic novel so badly. Hopefully my local library has them🥹 A lot of Dom this chapter is obviously inspired by Nick Nelson... I mean, what can I say except that he just seemed very Dom-like?💗

Q of the Day: Like Dr Noma asked at group therapy, what are you doing this summer?🍋
Me? Just working basically☀️

All in all, if you liked the chapter - please leave a like or a comment. It makes my day💗

Have the loveliest of days,
Sincerely,
H

Published: 31st of May, 2022