[A/N: I know it's been a while, but here it is. The next chapter. Enjoy!💗]

I was in a therapy session with Dr Noma. It was only a few minutes left, and I won't lie, I was quite distant and had been since the events of Wednesday evening. In addition to that, the trial was coming much closer. Closer than I would've liked it to, and closer than I had realised. And I still didn't know what to say; only that I had to say something. In all honesty, I just wanted to do anything that didn't involve therapy and the trial.
"So you told me you're going to prom? Are you excited?", she asked me, her eyes curious and kind.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"I guess", I said. "I think it'll be fun", I continued and put on a small smile, looking at the clock; just wishing that the minutes would go faster.
At the same time, I began to tap in the pattern I liked.
I just wanted to get out of here.
It was too easy to talk here; too easy to slip into the topic of the trial.
And I did not want that.
"Why do you say it like that, do you think?", she asked, trying to find my eyes.
"I don't know. I guess it just gives me the benefit of doubt. Like I always know I might break down and fail. So... so I suppose it's easier to assume I will", I answered, my explanation longer than I'd originally thought. It was too easy to talk in here.
I fidgeted with my hands and tapped harder, the routine trying to replace my nervousness.
"I understand that you think that if you think it won't go well, you're prepared for it to not go well. But that's exactly what your mind wants you to think", Dr Noma began.
"But then it'll be a nice surprise if it actually goes well?", I countered her argument, mischievously smiling a little, knowing that we've been through this before.
She smiled back at me.
"We've talked about this before, Rue. Manifesting works", she told me.
I shrugged my shoulders. She looked up at me, putting her pen down.
"Is that how you think about the trial? That it won't go well?", she asked me.
This was exactly what I didn't want.
"Obviously it won't go well", I said back, a little too quickly. Dr Noma nodded slowly, and replied before I could explain myself.
"Okay... but why do you think that it won't go well?", she asked me, still not taking any notes and looking right into my eyes, while I awkwardly tried to look somewhere else.
"Firstly, I don't know what to say and secondly, I think my mind's impeccable well-being says it all", I said, the tone bitter and sarcastic. "Because it's absolutely non-existent"
And I hadn't written anything.
She scribbled something down swiftly.
"Well, I think you are doing much better than the first time I saw you. Remember how you didn't want to speak to me?", she started to explain, but I looked at her with a confused expression. "And now you're here, having a full on conversation with me. That's what I call improvement", and I don't know why, but that resonated with me. It made me feel warm inside, as if I was proud of myself.
"I was convinced you were going to hurt me", I whispered, scared to admit it because right now it felt silly to think about. "Because I wasn't sick. So why would you do this if you didn't want to hurt me?", I continued, tracing my way back to those first few sessions.

In those, she had been the enemy; the one who was going to interfere with my thoughts and make me less me.

I continued to tap. Dr Noma calmly looked at me, letting me take a moment, as I stared into thin air.
"But I just didn't know", I finally said, coming to a conclusion. I tapped in the pattern I liked, not being able to get away from my thoughts.
"Exactly, Rue. You didn't know. And you don't know how tonight's gonna go, or how the trials gonna go. Because it can always go well", she said, her eyes kind and deep. "So, later today, before you leave for prom, I want you to stand in front of your mirror and tell yourself that it will be okay and that it will go well. Good even, and fantastic too. Manifest it, okay?", she suggested, waiting for me to process it.
I thought it over for a moment.
"Okay", I said after a little while, still tapping, but much slower. "I can do that"
She smiled at me.
"Good. Let yourself have fun tonight, okay?", she said, and I nodded. "Alright, time's up"

Later that day, I was looking at myself in the mirror. Once again, I hesitantly thought to myself that I looked quite pretty. The dress was the perfect shade of yellow, the 60's silhouette playful yet elegant and the white converse a fun addition to the look.
I had never really dressed up for anything in my life. And here I was, with a white hair band in my hair, the ends of my brown hair slightly curled, looking like some of the other kids I had always wanted to be when I was younger. I took a deep breath and smiled at myself, my makeup simple but elegant, taking it all in.
"You can do this. It will go well. You will be okay. I will be okay", I told myself, pushing aside the many thoughts of my mind. "I can do this"
I stared at myself in the mirror, letting the words sink in, and thinking to myself that maybe it really will go well tonight.

Quickly, I grabbed my last few things and put them in my white little crossbody bag, afraid I might change my mind.
I flicked the light switch 4 times, just in case, before walking out of my room and into the living room, where Vanessa and Lin were waiting.
"You look so pretty!", Vanessa exclaimed at the sight of me, her excitement through the roof as she quickly hugged me. "You always do", her face softened, looking as proud as ever. Lin was smiling so brightly at me, his eyes kind and adoring; even prouder than Vanessa.
"You really do, Niñita. I'll get the camera", he announced, running off into his office, and quickly coming back, camera in hand.
"Say cheese!", he said, and quickly snapped a picture of me, while Vanessa squeezed me tightly. She let go and I instantly looked down, and checked that I had everything in my little white bag. I then looked up, and Lin gave me an uplifting smile, and Vanessa was just waiting for me to do something. I wasn't sure what.
"Huh?", I asked, giving them a wondering look.
"Well, come on, Rue-Rue, we have to take a few more pictures of you! For the family photo album", Vanessa explained, while giggling.
"Really?", I asked, already feeling slightly done with photos. Vanessa laughed.
"It might just be junior prom, but you're going to get the whole prom experience, and so you're going to get the proud parents", she said, almost jumping up and down. I let a small smile spread on my face and slowly nodded. She and Lin lit up. "Well then, take a seat in the window nook!"

They were so happy to take pictures of me and with me; and I was just happy to see them happy. And maybe it was the other way around, too.

Slowly, I felt myself getting more and more confident. After a while, I had an idea.
"Can you take a picture of me on the fire escape?", I asked, all smiley. "I want my Nina moment", to which Lin laughed and grinned.
"Sure, Niñita", he replied, and I skipped over to the window and climbed out on the classic New York Fire escape, letting the sun touch my face. I kept close to the brick wall, but let myself enjoy the moment; continuously thinking that maybe tonight really would go well.
After a few snaps I looked down on the street and saw Dom looking up at us, or more specifically at me. I blushed.
"Hey!", he exclaimed, waving his arm.
"Hey!", I called back. "I'll be down in a sec-", I began to say, but I got cut off by Lin.
"No, Dom, come up! We've got to take a picture of you both!", smiling down at Dom, who confidently shouted back.
"Alright!"

I hugged him quickly as I let him into the apartment, excited to see him.
"You look pretty dreamy", he quietly said as he had his arms around me. I blushed, but before I could say anything back he had already moved on. "How are you?", he asked me, as we let go.
"I'm okay", I said, realising that I actually was. I looked at him. He was wearing a black suit with a classic white shirt underneath, and he had the pocket square that I had made for him. It matched my dress; just like we were matching shoes. He was wearing black converse, and I white ones. I don't know why, but matching clothes made me happy. "You look pretty great, too. How are you?", I asked him, my eyes pinned on him.
"Thanks! I'm good! Also, here you go", Dom confidently said, holding out a corsage with yellow roses and daisies. He looked at me confidently, and almost smugly. He knew I hadn't even thought about the corsages.
"Oh, it's beautiful! Thank you", I breathlessly said, and let him put it on my wrist. "But I didn't get you anything", I said, feeling slightly dumb.
"You did", he pointed out, while pointing at the pocket square. "So I made myself in charge of flowers. And here you have my boutonnière", he said, holding it out for me so I could pin it onto his suit jacket. It matched mine. I smiled, and put it on quickly.
"It's alright for me to go in with my shoes right?", he carefully asked me, a little cautious of doing something wrong. I giggled.
"Yeah. I don't know if a prom picture with you in your socks would look that great", I jokingly remarked.
"Right. Plus, I've got smelly feet", he replied, slightly amused at the image.
"Gosh", I replied as we entered the living room, where Vanessa was holding Tobi in her collar; so she wouldn't jump up and down on Dom the second he stepped through the door.
"Hey Dom! Tobi, stay. Stay", Vanessa greeted him, and let go of Tobi who did as she had been told. "Oh look at you two, all dressed up", Vanessa said as she adoringly looked at us.
I looked down at my fiddling hands, blushing, feeling slightly out of place.
"Hi again! Sorry, I had to clean the lens. So, how are you doing, Dom? Done with finals?", Lin asked, coming from his office. His tone was warm, inviting. Much friendlier than the last time that Dom had been here. I slowly felt more comfortable.
"Pretty much, yeah. I know it's only my junior year, and that it'll be even harder next year, but it'll be nice to go on summer break soon", he easily replied, as always. He always knew what he was going to say. I absolutely adored him for that.
"That's good. Y'know in a few years, you'll be working 9-5. Take time off while you can", Lin kindly told him. "I bet your parents would like some pictures for the photo book, right? I'll email them to you", to which Dom nodded, and replied quickly.
"Sounds great. You're a Nikon guy?", Dom casually asked, always finding something to talk about.
"Yeah", Lin replied, putting on a grin.
"Me too. I mean, it's not like I've tried a bunch of Canon cameras, but still", he explained.
"I suppose you stick with the first brand you try", Lin replied. Dom nodded.
"Let's take some photos on the fire escape, then", Vanessa suggested, all excited.
I nodded, slowly letting myself get more excited about prom.
I even got my Benny and Nina moment.

We walked the route of fifteen minutes to school, where the event was being held in the gym. There was to be a fancy buffet, so therefore we had decided to not go for a bite beforehand. We talked the whole way there, and I never felt my chest tighten until we actually stood outside the school building. The significance of Dom holding my hand grew bigger. Because, if he hadn't, I would've only made it a few meters from my place.
There were cars and sometimes limousines pulling up, people arriving one after the other. I had my eyes pinned on the spot in the schoolyard where I had broken down in front of Via, scared that it might happen again.
No, tonight will go well, I thought to myself.
Dom quickly spotted Carson who was standing by the entrance. He waved us over, his happy face contagious.
"Hey guys!", he said. "So, everyone's already inside, but I was a gentleman who waited for you two. Shall we?", he asked suggestively, to which Dom quickly replied and we followed Carson inside. I held Dom's hand, and walked closely next to him, afraid to lose him in the crowd.
It was clear that it was an old but grand school gym, however the place was nicely decorated for the occasion. There was music playing, people dancing and groups talking.
A little too loudly for me to handle.
I began to blink.
It's going to go well, I thought to myself, trying to stick to dr Noma's advice.
I blinked a little further and started tapping.
Just to be sure that it would go well.

We soon found the rest of the group, all munching on some popcorn, drinking punch and chatting excitedly to each other.
"The fashionably late are here!", Carson exclaimed to get their attention, as everyone greeted us. Dom started talking to Parker about something, and I tried to listen and look interested, but it was almost too much already.
Haley approached me, holding a new cup with punch.
"Hi!", she said, overriding the loudness of it all. "I love your dress!"
That made me beam at her, almost instantly.
"Thank you! And you look really pretty too!", I managed to say, and as I did I got surprised by myself. She grinned at me, but her face soon softened.
"Are you okay today?", she asked me, referring to Wednesday's breakdown in front of everybody.
"Yeah", I instantly replied, scared to not seem okay. I awkwardly looked down, and tapped a little. The loudness got even louder and my routines increased in line with it. Though, soon Dom nudged me in the side, trying to get my attention.
"Wanna dance?", his face bright and excited.
It wasn't really a question in that moment, because of course I wanted to.
I just wasn't sure if I'd manage.
But, I replied anyway.
"Sure", though he could see through my façade of unsureness. He grinned at me, transferring his confidence over to me.
"C'mon, I've got you", he said, and led me onto the dance floor - through the crowd and to a small space where no one was, though we were surrounded by people in a small circle. Somehow, the tight space didn't matter.
I awkwardly mirrored his dance moves; afraid that someone would look at me, and see how terrible I was. This, whereas Dom danced terribly like nobody was watching and, at the same time, like the rest of the world was in there, making me giggle.
He took my hand and spun me around playfully, and somehow, after a while, I was dancing on my own.

I actually don't know how I managed to be as social as I was that evening; or how the world didn't fall in on me for the first few hours.

It was only when I went to the bathroom that the exhaustion hit me. Maybe it was because I hadn't eaten that much, or that all the millions of impressions that night had finally taken their toll on me.
Haley and I had gone to the girls' restroom together, her in a desperate need to pee, and I in a desperate need for quiet.
Only when I was standing before the faucet and the mirror, did I feel my shoulders drop. I looked at myself; I still looked pretty, and I felt pretty.
And I was happy.
And I was having fun.
I hadn't had this much fun in ages. Still, when I looked down at my washing hands, I realised I couldn't stop washing them.
Then, when I looked up, I could see that I had started to blink harder than I had done the entire night.
"Ready?", Haley asked, standing by the door.
I didn't even have the strength to glance at her. Through the walls, you could hear the music pounding. And the people talking and singing. Still, this was quieter.
"Yeah, um, you can go, I just have to wash my hands for a bit", I said, trying to distance myself from the fact that I was doing the exact thing I had done a few months earlier in this very bathroom. Compulsively washing my hands. A routine that I rarely - almost never - did. Why it came out now was a mystery.
"I'll stay", she said. I didn't know how to react to this, but it somehow made me feel better. How come this girl, that I had only met two days ago, was choosing to stay with me rather than go back and have fun.
"Really, it'll take a while-", I told her, feeling slightly embarrassed of myself as I continued to wash and wash and wash.
The reason why I did it was the same as always.
It was the feeling or fear that someone near me would die; or get hurt if I didn't do the very thing I just had to do.
"I'll wait", she kindly said, and walked towards the mirrors to fix her hair. After that, she jumped up on the sink's counter top and relaxed her stance, her face bright and smiley. "I just think... no, scratch that. It's corny"
I washed my hands harder, because I felt like I had to do it.
"No, what?", I asked her, even managing to face away from my desperate washing to look at her.
"I just think that these are the days of high school, or well my life, that I'm gonna look back at and remember with such joy", she said. "Like, you and me in the school's bathroom at prom, taking a break from all the music and talking and dancing. Definitely a core memory", which made me giggle.
She did, too.
"I'm not kidding! I know prom's this thing that's very superficial and traditional, but hey, I like it. I love thinking that this is what dreams are made of. I love just romanticising my life and finding every bit of casual magic I can find. And most of all, I love not wondering about the road not taken", she concluded, sounding content.
The last sentence stayed with me.
"I like that. The thing about not wondering about the road not taken", I told her, and simultaneously I put a stop to the washing, somehow finding the strength to not go down that rabbit hole.
I'm not going to wonder about the road not taken, I told myself, though the routines were already piling up.
"It's Robert Frost. 'Two roads diverged into a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference'", she recited a verse, her bright blue eyes looking as if they were in the wood it was talking about. "It's my favourite poem"
I slowly dried my hands on a couple of paper towels, making sure that they'd get dry enough.
"I like it too", I said, agreeing with her.
And I was going to make the difference and take my road less traveled by. And, it was going to go well.
"Okay. Let's go"

We walked through the crowd, and took my place next to Dom again. The plates of eaten food and dessert were just being cleared away, and the actual dance was taking off.
"Hey", I said, as I sat down on my chair.
"Hey", he said back, instantly looking at me, and took a quick picture of me on his phone. He had been documenting the entire evening, from the buffet food to our matching shoes to when Carson accidentally made everyone there join a conga line. Which, somehow, he had deliberately started again - him leading the way round the tables and onto the dance floor.
"Oh my god, Cars", I exclaimed when I saw Carson's excited face as he dragged everyone up from their tables.
"We can't take him anywhere", Dom concluded, with an amused look on his face. I nodded in agreement. Carson came closer to our table with the conga line, truly into the song they were playing.
"Come on, Rue, Dom- let's dance!", he exclaimed, all excited. We were the last of our group left, and I hadn't joined the last time because I had been too worried. But now I just smiled and followed Dom's lead. And soon literally everyone in that room was in the conga line except the DJ.

After some more dancing and talking and laughing and joking and dancing, the time seemed to move really fast. They crowned the prom queen and prom queen, and there was some more awkward dancing on top of that. Somehow, I didn't have a care in the world. Maybe Dom's confidence was contagious. I just danced and talked and danced.

Dom and I was dancing to some crappy music that never of us knew, when Stella tapped Dom on his shoulder.
"Hey guys, me and Sherri, and Parker and Haley are gonna go to IHOP, do you wanna tag along?", Stella asked us.
"Sure-", Dom said, and looked at me to okay it too. I nodded. "Definitely. We'll just have one more dance, alright?"
"Great! Where's Carson by the way?", she replied, looking around the room full of people.
"Don't know, we were just talking-", I said, and started looking around the room with a confused look too, until I spotted him at the DJ's booth.
"There he is!", I exclaimed, only to realise that he probably was up to no good.
"1, 2, 3... test... test. Y'all can hear me right?", his voice said through the speakers, to which everyone that was still left cheered.
"Fantastic. This is for you, Rue", he concluded with a smirk on his face. Then, he pressed a button and Come on Eileen started playing at full blast.
My jaw dropped, literally.
"Living room routine!", he mouthed at me as he started walking towards us like Charlie awkwardly walkes towards his friends in the movie.
"Living room routine", Dominic said, looking at me with a playful face, as he elbowed me in my side. I gasped.
"You!", I exclaimed in surprise, realising he was the mastermind behind it all.
He quickly kissed me on the lips, but then started dancing, not caring that he wasn't the best dancer and invited me in.
I began to laugh, the whole situation sort of absurd.
I was here, where I would've never thought I'd be a few months ago.
I was in a crowded room, full of people with loud voices and music; and I had stayed here for hours.
Just because I was having fun.
Or, I was letting myself have fun.
So many things had kept me from this, but I was here.
I really was here.
And I was fine.
And most of all I was alive.
And I felt alive.
How I'd missed that feeling.
As Dom awkwardly spun me around, I felt a tear run down my cheek, and then another.
Still, I was smiling as brightly as ever before and continuing to laugh.
"Hey, what's going on-"; Dom worriedly said, stopping to hold me tightly, seeing the tears on my face. I shook my head, quickly drying them with my hands.
"Nothing, I'm just happy", I replied awkwardly, as I even started to laugh at myself, feeling kind of silly to react like this. "Really happy"
He started laughing, too.
And with that, our awkward dancing turned into slow dancing to a song that really wasn't made to be slow danced to, but that was okay.
Because I was there with the people I adored.
I had made it.
Suddenly, he kissed me.
And I kissed him back.
Life wasn't too bad, eh?

All of us got pancakes at IHOP. Me and Dom shared a stack of blueberry pancakes. It was a lovely time. We even got the waiter to take a picture of us enjoying the food. One with all smiley faces, and one with our funniest ones. It was just a lovely time.

I was home on time, this time.
Lin was very content with that.
Vanessa hugged me tightly.
They both asked us a lot of questions of did you have fun and how was it.
Mainly because they were proud of me, I think.
I hugged Dom goodbye at the door.
And then I went to sleep.
Absolutely exhausted.

Though, I couldn't sleep.
Something had stuck with me.
There was always something that made me take my normal route, and not the road less traveled.
And something was nagging me.
Because he had kept me from it.

Somehow I found myself at my desk, in front of my computer, writing what I should've started a long time ago.
My statement.

—————
Hiya!👋
I'm back with a 4500 word chapter. Not too bad, eh? And a happy one, too. I love writing happy Rue. It just makes me happy. And obviously, I had to get some Perks of Being a Wallflower in there. It's Rue's favourite movie for a reason - because it is my favourite too.

If you want a sort of visual on Rue's dress, here you go:

Only that hers has got slightly longer sleeves and is light yellow instead☀️ Also, I don't know what a prom is like because I haven't been to one, so I hope my depiction is somehow alright😅

Okay, so I'm gonna address the elephant in the room. I've been gone for a month. And I haven't got an exciting reason but that university got a little much combined with work. But, I've had the exam on my last course, which was boring and stressful. I also had a horrible group presentation. Thankfully this current course is much more interesting. It's called moral, meaning and extreme circumstances and basically looks at how people react under extreme circumstances. For example, it handles totalitarian regimes and Nazi Germany such as the Soviet Union, and the camps from both the people in the camps, the onlookers and the guards from aspects like love and evil. And the professor is actually really good. So that's great!😌

I didn't get into the design program I applied to, though I was prepared for it😂 I applied to HDK Valand at Gothenburg University, and it's really competitive because you only get in based on your design sample and your portfolio, and they only admit a few people every year. So I was expecting it🙈 Though, it made it sort of easier, because now I probably know where I'm going to go. The admission process is really different here than, let's say, the US. There's usually no college interviews or portfolios or essays to be written (except for like certain schools and unis, like an art school), and they only really look at your grades and earlier academic performance. So, for the one I'm aiming to apply to, I know I'll get in. Which is nice to know. And for you who are interested, I'm planning to get a bachelor's degree in graphic design and communication🎉 (I've completely left the idea of architecture now, haha. I just miss media and design too much)

Anyways, this story is slowly coming to an end. Though, all in all, I really don't want to leave Rue behind. But it has to be finished sometime, I guess🥲

I also turned 20! Wooo! And had my first ever birthday in two years with the extended family. Me and my sister made a classic Swedish strawberry cake, which was delish🎂. And I mean, nothing really happens when you turn 20 except that I can go and buy alcohol at Systembolaget (which is the only place you can buy alcohol in Sweden that isn't at restaurants and bars). And since I rarely drink, it doesn't really matter. But hey, I'm a year older!💐🌼🌷

Q of the Day: When's your Birthday?👀
Me? 19th of March🎉

With this sort of messy A/N I'll finish with that I hope you'll have a lovely day, and that if you liked the chapter - please leave a vote or a comment. They make my day!🥰

Sincerely,
H

Published: 2nd of April, 2022