[A/N: It's written, read through and delivered; the chap! Have a read, and hopefully a good one!💞]

"...so you really knitted that sweater you wore for your Birthday?", Dominics voice echoed in my ears, as I had headphones on, walking frantically around in my room, unpacking and packing my bag; adding or taking away whatever my mind could come up with. When I remembered to, I took a bite of my sandwich that I'd made for lunch. Or, the sandwich that Lin had made for me. I knew that Lin was going to check that I'd actually eaten it, and so I forced myself to take a bite every now and then.
"Well, yeah. Didn't you know I sew?", I asked, surprised by how easily the words slipped out of my mouth.
"Not really. I just thought you looked cute in that sweater", his voice warm, swiftly telling me a compliment as he seemed to be walking somewhere.
My heart fluttered.
He doesn't mean it.
He does not mean it.
Unpack and pack your bag again.
"Oh, thanks", I found myself nervously replying, trying to laugh the comment off as I on the one hand instantly wanted to regret it, and on the other hand I never wanted to let it go. He had remembered what I wore.

It was our second time talking to each other on the phone. We had been texting every day since the day of the nominations; more frequently than before. And then, yesterday, he'd called me out of the blue. It had been a late afternoon, and I had been sitting with the school work I had missed; just trying to make some progress. The ringtone had instantly made me jump - and when I saw who it was, my heart said hi. So, on acting upon something within me, I answered.
Hi Dom?, I'd said, expecting him to have accidentally called me, convinced that he did, in fact, not want to talk to me.
So, what do you need help with?, he said, referring to me complaining about some assignment in chemistry in one of my texts.
What, really?, I asked him in confusion, mainly because he actually had meant to call me.
Really, Ruth, he seemed to laugh, and in the background I could hear him getting on the train. I might be really bad at chem, but so are you, and I have to do this assignment too!, he added, as I heard the doors close behind him, and people chatting next to him.
Okay then, Dominic, I told him, using his full name, just like he had with mine. So, um...

"I only really remember your floppy hair and your glasses all wonky", I found myself saying.
"I was tired!", he defended himself, laughing at the obvious part of him.
"You're always tired", I said, unpacking the things again - only to tap them twice before I put them back. Behind me, Lin knocked on the door, always on ajar, and peaked inside. I took of one of the earphones, listening to what he had to say.
"Rue, we got to leave now", Lin said calmly, smiling a little. I instantly looked at the clock, a little stressed.
You're going to be late.
You forgot to do something.
You-
"You're not going to be late, Rue. We just have to leave now", Lin clarified, as he assured me that what I was afraid of wasn't going to happen. I nodded, a little hesitant, and Lin left towards the door. Dom had been saying something, and I had blocked it out while trying to hear what Lin had said and ignoring the thoughts slamming my head from within.
"Sorry Dom, but I have to go", I told him, cutting him off mid sentence. "I...", I began, only to stop to think about what to say.
You can't tell him you're going to group therapy.
He won't like you if you do.
He-
And so I told a white lie.
"I'm going to see a friend", the statement was true - I was going to come home to Sepi's after the meeting. Which was the reason I was nervous today. And probably why I couldn't stop packing and unpacking my bag.
"Alright, then. Have fun!", he casually replied.
"Thanks! Alright. Bye, Dominic", I said, my voice slightly off, getting less confident by the word. He laughed, saying my whole name too.
"Bye, Ruth", Dom said, and hung up before I could. I felt calm, eased by the easy going conversation. As I looked at my screen, I could see that I had two missed calls from Carson and a text.

>> Well, I guess you're talking to Dom. He rushed home fast, phone to his ear, frantically smiling😉

My heart seemed to pound a little harder when I read it. My mind did not like that; it wasn't controlled. I needed to be in control.

<< Stop it, Cars.
But I won't deny talking to him😅

He instantly started typing.

>> Hah! I knew it🎉

And so, I put the phone in my pocket, put on my bag, and walked out to the door. I was already feeling the routines build up; having thought past them and weirdly ignored them until this very moment.

When we - and by we, I mean I - had finally made it to the car, I was shaking.

That much for distractions.
That much for talking to someone I wanted to talk to.
That much for talking to someone and actually enjoy it.
Why could I never enjoy something without an arrière-pensée I couldn't control.
This is your own damage.

"I... I don't think I'm alright", I tried saying, but it only came out as a whisper.
"What do you mean, niñita?", Lin asked me, concerned, stopping whatever he was doing instantly and giving me a worried look.
In my mind I was picturing everything that could go wrong today. On Tuesday, I tried to meet up with Carson at Tua's. I hadn't even made it inside. As much as I'd wanted it; I hadn't been able to do it. We'd gone to Highbridge Park instead.
The same will happen today with Sepi.
"I...", I began. "I don't think I can do it", I said, having come to the point where I had realised that it was easier to say what was going on inside of me.
"Well, I think you can do it", Lin said, making me look up at him. "And we'll pick you up if it doesn't work out", he continued, reassuring me of the plan that had been made and that we had already gone over many times.
But, I still felt this depth of unsureness.
You can't.
"Both me and V have Sepi's parents' phone numbers. Sepi's Mom is going to pick you up right after therapy. Vanessa will pick you up exactly at 6 pm. And earlier if you want to", he told me, checking all the boxes of the itinerary I needed to hear. Yet, inside, the routines were building up.
You're not going to make it.
You're going to fail.
She's going to hate you.
"But what if-", I began, the scenarios fighting within me as I got another urge to tap, or blink, or twitch.
"I think you can do it", he repeated.
I didn't answer, only got quiet.
I fiddled with my hands, tapping in the pattern I liked; the rhythm hopefully easing my mind.
Tap.
Tap again.
Tap once more.
"Really?", I hesitantly asked.
"Yes, mi niñita", Lin said, taking my hand, so I wouldn't tap.
"And you promise I can call V if I want to go home?", I asked, double checking.
"Promise", Lin told me, checking the box as he reassured me of the fact a second time.
I looked down, sort of coming to terms with the many things in my mind; and so, I found myself nodding.
"Okay", I told them.
"Okay then, Rue-Rue. Ready to go?", he said.
And before I could change my mind, I replied.
"Yeah"

Before I got out of the car, I looked at him.
"Really?", I asked, once more, dreading what was to come.
"Really", he said, nodding.
"Break a leg on The Tonight Show by the way", I tried saying casually, even though I was blinking all the way through; shaking still.
"Ah, thanks", he said laughing, clearly excited. "Now go!", he kindly instructed me, and I opened the door and stepped out on the sidewalk, bag over my shoulder, looking back at him before I entered the massive hospital building.
"Bye!"

The nervous level within me grew higher by the second. I found myself to be quiet, just barely managing the routines. It was as if I was on mute, just so that I wouldn't possibly upset myself. And, like Dr Noma had told me before I went the first time, no one would ask me to talk if I didn't want to. So, I just sat quietly in group therapy, letting the thoughts overflow within.

"Rue?", Sepi asked me as she walked over from her chair, smiling at me, when it was over. "Are you okay? Do you still want to come over?", her kind face reminding me of why I had said yes in the first place.
I looked up from my tapping hands, nodding.
"Because it's okay, i-if you don't", she said.
I realised she was just as nervous as me.
"No, no Sepi, I'm just...", I began, but I instantly trailed off.
"Nervous?", she filled in the blanks, a smirk on her face, as she sat down on the chair next to mine. I nodded. "Me too. I haven't had a friend over in forever!", she exclaimed, a little embarrassed.
"And I barely make it to the park and back", I replied quietly, almost ashamed of myself. Suddenly, Sepi found herself giggling at something. The awkwardness of the two of us, the sudden giggle made me laugh too; seeing us from a third point of view, as Sepi exclaimed what truly summed us up.
"Well, don't we make a great team!"

"Make yourself at home, Rue", Sepi's Mom told me with a smile much like Sepi's, as we entered their apartment. "And you girls tell me if you need anything", she continued, taking off her coat.
"Yes, mom", Sepi exclaimed with an annoyed tone, rolling her eyes, already ready to give me a tour of the place. I was stuck unlacing my shoes, and taking off my jeans jacket four times.
"Thanks, Mrs Amiri", I said, a little shyly.
"Please, call me Elaheh", she said, taking her laptop and walking away. "I'll be in the study"
I finished my routines, trying to be quick as I stood up and turned to Sepi, who was back after she had been to quickly wash her hands.
Start tapping.
"Okay. So this is where I live", she said, a little hesitant, gesturing with her hands. It was a grand apartment with high ceilings and beautiful windows. I couldn't help but look a little stunned; everything inside seemed so perfectly picked for the scene, the whole space giving off a sense of home. She instantly saw my baffled look. "Um, so my Dad's an interior designer. And my Mom's an architect. So they got the place sorta cheap, but it's still New York, and renovated the whole thing from scratch", she quickly told me in parentheses as we walked to her room.
"Still, wow", I managed to say, just following her through the hallway, my eyes wandering over the beautiful apartment.
Tap your thigh.
I did it.
Over.
And over.
Again.
And again.
"So, that's my big sister Esmat's room", and just as she said that, her sister opened the door, walking out.
"Hi?", she said, a little confused, wearing headphones, completely into the music.
"Hi", I compulsively said back, and she walked away. I could almost feel Sepi rolling her eyes behind me.
"Sorry, she's like that with everyone", Sepi said, taking my hand as she pointed her finger at another door. "That's my little brother Elias' room, and this is mine", she continued, and opened the door. The room was cosy; kind of minimalistic and rather organised. "I also have an older brother, Safar, but he's off at college", she casually continued as she sat down on the rug, her smile big.
"And while I know you're a dog person, but I hope you like cats, because this is Bobbi", she said as carefully I sat next to her, as she picked up a fluffy cream coloured cat from the armchair next to her. I couldn't help but get a little hesitant, only to pet Bobbi the next second. I never knew if I could trust cats. But, Bobbi instantly purred, and settled on the pillow next to me.
"She's cute", I stated, fascinated because of how calm she was. "But dogs are better"
Sepi laughed.
"I hoped to convince you otherwise", Sepi told me, putting her hair up in a bun. Then, a quiet formed.
Blink. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...
"So... Do you want to play smash bros?", Sepi tentatively suggested. I nodded, a little nervous as I stopped petting Bobbi.
"I'm not very good", I said, as I began to blink. I had only played it briefly at the theatre with Thayne once.
"Neither am I", she said, starting the TV, and connecting the consoles. "It's my brother's, but he let me be in charge of it when he's off at college..."

Surprisingly, I managed to win a game after a few rounds; in between the tapping, counting and blinking. We were both kind of quiet. No one really knew how to be two friends, or how to socialise. Neither said much, only a few comments every now and when. But, it wasn't uncomfortable.
"So you have a little brother?", she asked as she started a new game.
Blink, blink, blink.
I nodded, even though we were both focused on the screen. I was pressing the buttons in a frenzy; I was still unsure of which did what.
"Yeah, Sebastian. He's like a year and a half", I replied, trying to sound put together.
"Gosh, I wish I had a smaller sibling. All I have is Elias and he's like 12", she complained, envying my situation; whereas I secretly envied hers.
Blink again.
And so, I let something slip out before I thought of it, and how it might come across.
Why aren't you blinking?
"Well, on paper, I didn't really have a family until a few weeks ago", I said. She got quiet, and the silence left me feeling uncomfortable as I realised what I'd said. Instantly, I felt a sense of regret. I stopped playing, and fiddled with my hands instead, as I began to do the only thing I could do; overexplain and overthink.

Look, you messed it up.
You always mess things up.
You always ruin everything.
You're in the way.
Get out of the way.
Get. Out.

"Sorry, I... I didn't mean it like that. I... I always wanted a sibling, and I didn't really know what it was like, but with Lin and V fostering and adopting me I got a little brother. So now I know what I've been missing and honestly, it has its perks and cons", as I finished the rambly explanation, I realised that she'd stopped playing too.
"Oh, I thought you had lived with them for like a few years", she seemed surprised.
Out of the blue, I smiled.
"No, no. I was adopted just recently. And I moved in with them last October", I shook my head, still beaming as I sort of got to remember that I actually had a place where I belonged now. I tapped my fingers against each other, doing it in the pattern I liked.
Get out.
"I'm still getting used to having a family, is what I'm trying to say", still trying to explain my earlier statement, feeling awkward as the anxious void within me grew even larger.
You ruin everything.
"Okay", Sepi said, just accepting my words for what they were. She seemed to get a thought, beginning to say something. "Okay. Don't laugh! But...", but she trailed off.
"What?", I cut in, genuinely curious of what she had to say.
"Don't laugh!", she insisted and I nodded. "Is it like in the movies? Being a foster kid. Like, oh I don't know, Cinderella?"
I instantly burst out laughing; ignoring the words within.
"Cinderella?", I exclaimed, blinking frantically.
"I said don't laugh!", but she was laughing took now. Then she got quiet, as she saw my tapping hands. "Wait, you really don't have to tell me, Rue, it was inconsiderate, sorry-"
And that's when I cut her off.
Don't tell her.
Irrational.
"No, no!", I told her. "We go to therapy together, Sepi. It was going to come out at some point", I told her jokingly, but I was still tapping; faster and faster.
Don't you dare.
"I grew up in a dysfunctional family with addiction and mental illness. Kind of explains why I am the way I am", I said and sort of detached me from myself. Although I had gone over this a few times; it was still difficult. Easier to tell it in few general words. Sweeping the surface. Decided to not go down the rabbit hole.
Don't.
"And yes, some foster homes were worse than others. Some of them probably saw me as Cinderella. So yeah, I guess", I circled back to the start, really feeling my mind restraining me from going further down the rabbit hole, getting away with joking about it.
"Okay then, Cinders", she told me kindly, trying to lighten up my mood, as she picked up the game again; only to beat me once more. Then, my phone got a notification, and I instantly checked it. When the name said Dom, I found myself to be walking on sunshine.

>> Ruth! Broaden my horizons, I need film recommendations!

<< So you can stay up all night and continue your sleep deprived lifestyle? No.

A curious Sepi creeped up behind me, peaking over my shoulder before I could hide the screen from her.
"Who's that?", she excitedly asked me, putting on an innocent face.
"No one", I told her, dismissing her question quickly, with a blank face. I was bad at lying when it didn't come to my mind.
"No, who is it that you're smiling at?", she asked again, and with that the screen lit up again; unveiling my lie.

>> Ruthers! I promise to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Or, you can watch it with me. Please, please, please!

I don't know how, but my smile grew even wider; I couldn't possible hide it.
"Ohhh! Who's Dom?", Sepi exclaimed, teasing me in the kindest of ways.
He doesn't like you. Tap.
"Just a friend from school", I said, quickly typing a reply.

<< Alright, then.

<< Perks of being a wallflower.
I expect a full review tomorrow, and for you to be less tired.

"A friend you like", Sepi insisted, pushing me carefully. "And a friend who seems to like you back!"

>> My dearest, Rue. Thank you. The review will be available for a read through tomorrow.

>> It might arrive at 3 am.

I beamed at the screen. Sepi looked at me, squealing.
"Ask him out!", she said, picking up Bobbi, and held her up as if she was cheering me on. I instantly just shook my head, putting my phone away as the worries within me grew stronger.
Start over. Tap. Tap!
Why aren't you blinking?
Blink!
"I don't think he likes me like that", I immediately stated, fiddling with my hands.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5...
"That's your anxiety talking", Sepi told me bluntly, pointing out the obvious. "I mean 'My dearest, Rue', says it all. Come on, the comma! He clearly likes you too!", her intense, dark eyes, drilling into mine; trying to prove her point.
He'll never like you.
He'll hate you.
He'll forget he ever liked you.
Eventually.
Just you wait.
I laughed it off, clearly dismissing her facts even though some part of me knew that she was telling the truth.
"Let's change the subject", I tried to say it jokingly, but at the core it was serious. Inside, I was frightened; convinced I wasn't worth to be liked, and even less; to be loved.

In the back of my mind, a quote and scene from the movie I'd just recommended emerged. The words, repeating in my mind.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

And you don't deserve this.
You're not worth anything.

"Do you want anything?", Sepi asked me later in the kitchen, after she had carefully washed her hands, and now was carefully washing her apple. I shook my head, even though I knew I was hungry.
Tap the counter.
Don't say yes.
"Not really a fan of apples, to be honest", I told her, almost feeling as if I had to defend myself or prove to her why I had said what I had said. Even though they were my favourite; next to grapes. But I didn't really like eating. I hadn't liked it in a while. It just made me anxious. An anxiety I'd rather do without.
"What? Apples are my favourite!", giggling as she said so. She then put on a blank face, inspecting every inch of the apple; peeling off every indication of irregularities. "Even though I'm still sort of convinced that I'm allergic to them because I'm allergic to nuts and seeds and some people then get allergic to apples-", she rambled, almost in a flow. "Or that the bacteria or discoloured patches will make me sick", she looked restrained, as if she was stiff, holding herself together by a thread as she forced herself to take a bite.
"I get that", I told her considerately; amazed by how she could verbalise her thought process of literally being attacked in her own mind. Something I wasn't even close to. She looked at me with a face that shone with worry. Though, she instantly shone up again, as she heard how my phone got another notification. She gave me a look of anticipation and in a matter of milliseconds, she stood next to me as I opened the text from a certain Dom.

>> Hey, Ruth, would you like to meet up? It feels like we haven't seen each other in ages!

Then, another text popped up.

>> Maybe go for a walk in Highbridge Park tomorrow?👀

I think my heart took a leap or a few, as a grin emerged on my face. Yet, I stayed quiet. And soon, the insecurities emerged. I couldn't go out. I was scared of practically everything. I barely made it here.
You can't.
You're not going to make it.
You're going to break down.
And he's going to see.
And he'll hate you.
"Ihhh! I told you! The comma!", Sepi squealed next to me, doing a little jump as she took another bite of the apple; carefully but carelessly this time. I was still keeping still, confused and puzzled by the message. I didn't seem to be able to believe it.
I looked at it, frozen.
Don't reply.
I then looked up at Sepi, clear excitement in her eyes; clear panic in mine.
"What...", I began, stuttering. "Wh-what do I say?", putting my phone away on the counter, as if I was scared of it.
"I don't know. Maybe say yes?", Sepi told me, a little surprised by my reaction. I looked at her with big eyes. "Maybe say no?", I shook my head, my heart pounding.
Start tapping again. 23, stop, 23, stop.
Count. Count again. Do it again.
Start blinking. Blink, blink, blink.
I looked over at my phone, keeping myself at least 6 feet away from it in case I accidentally replied to it.
Sepi stepped in between, taking the phone, and held it out for me to take it back.
"You already know what to reply. Don't let those thoughts come in the way", she said, placing it in my hand; knowing what I was uncontrollably thinking.

Somehow, I nodded.

I could imagine what Carson would say at this moment. You're being ruemarkable.
And I was.
I swallowed, stood up straight; almost as if I wanted to give myself the illusion that I was stronger than I was. It was time to swallow my worries.

I was just being ruemarkable.

<< Hey, Dominic, I think I'd like that very much😌

"Did it", I said, a little scared, still. A majority of me was happy, but I could feel myself already preventing what could go wrong.
"Look at you go!", Sepi cheered, smiling.
And I couldn't help but worry what I'd done.

As we walked back to her room, we passed the living room, where her mom and sister was watching some TV.
"Jimmy Fallon tonight?", Esmat asked, as she saw Sepi.
"Jimmy Fallon tonight", Sepi replied, repeating the question like an answer, trying to sound annoyed yet she was excited, like it was an inside joke. "We have this weird tradition where the whole family watches The Tonight Show religiously every Friday...", she began to explain, clearly a little embarrassed.
On the one hand, I understood why; bot mostly I found it fascinating and almost archetypal.
To my surprise, Lin was on the screen, in a trailer for tonight's The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Before I knew it, I was mentioning it.
"Oh, yeah, that's Lin, my Dad. He's on tonight", I casually said, yet a little nervous. The word Dad was sounding more and more normal to me: it almost seemed normal.
"Whait, what?", Esmat almost shouted at me, clearly baffled. "Your Dad is on The Tonight Show tonight?", repeating my statement. I nodded, pointed as the trailer was replaying.
"Yeah, well. Um. He writes musicals", I explained, only to focus on my hands, put off by all the eyes on me.
"That's so cool!", Sepi told me, clearly more excited than embarrassed about her family's obsession with The Tonight Show. "Then I definitely have to watch it tonight", she said, as if she had been planning not to, and began to walk away. I followed, glad that we were going back to her room; relieved to not have to talk more. And like always, with Sepi, I never had to worry about her asking more questions. She just listened to what I said, and then let me be. Just like I did.

"Rue, Lin's on!", Vanessa exclaimed, quietly as Sebastian was sound asleep in his room, already in front of the TV. I was rather tired, not used to staying up so late. I sat down next to her, and Tobi quickly curled up next to her.
"Welcome back to the show, Lin-Manuel Miranda!", Jimmy Fallon announced, and a happy Lin danced into the studio and took his seat.
"Hello, hello, hello!", Lin said.
"So, the last time I saw you Hamilton had just premiered on Broadway and now it has 16 Tony nominations!", the audience clapped, and even Vanessa and I cheered quietly, clapping our hands; even though we knew it wasn't live and that Lin probably was on his way home from this evening's show.
"Wow, thank you. A lot has happened, and I'm honestly just excited that we can keep on running", Lin explained, pure joy on his face. "I mean, it would pretty much be a bummer if I spent 7 years writing a show and then it not going anywhere", the audience laughed.
"Gosh, 7 years is a long time", Jimmy said.
"Yeah, you won't hear from me for another seven years", he sarcastically added, only to smirk at the audience. "Well, I always have about a hundred projects in my mind, just waiting to be finished!", and another laugh emerged from the audience.
"So how do you decide on a project? Have you decided? Or maybe you can write one just for me?", Jimmy said, jokingly raising his eyebrows more and more, suggesting whatever came to mind. Lin put on a serious face, and took out his notebook and pen from his pocket.
"Well, what do you want? A story about New York? Present day maybe? Hip hop? Latin?", with the pen ready in his hand, a humorous look on his face. "Alright. I'll call you when the workshop is", breaking down in laughter.
"In 7 years!", Jimmy pointed out.
"In 7 years", Lin repeated.
"Jokes aside, what is the recipe for a good musical?", Jimmy asked.
"Oh god, please don't think I only write good songs! If there's something my wife can attest to, it's how many shitty songs I've written. She's the one who's had to live with me through this process!", something that made Vanessa chuckle.
"True. Just you wait, Rue. You've just gotten the sample so far", she told me, putting her arm around me.
"She's absolutely ruthless & honest when it comes to telling me if it's not right. One of the reasons I love her. But I also know it's a good song if my son, Sebastian, likes it!", Lin pointed out. "I know it's good if he starts dancing"
Jimmy nodded, moving onto the next part. From the hallway, I could hear the door open and Lin walking inside.
"And you also have a daughter, right?", and I instantly got a little nervous. Lin had checked if it was alright with me yesterday, but it still made me feel worried. Lin peaked inside the living room, and greeted us.
"Hey, are you-", but Vanessa cut him off.
"Shh! You're talking about Rue now!", he laughed, and sat next to me.
"Yes! Her name's Rue and she's just amazing", he began. "So if my wife tells me the harsh truth, and my son only dances if he likes it; Rue is a little harder to read. She's like 'yeah, I can do a sing-through'. Only after a while does she politely tell me the verdict. Like 'hey, Lin, are you sure about this?'", and Lin on TV started laughing. I found myself smiling.
"Was that okay?", Lin asked me, double checking.
I nodded, grinning a little.
It hadn't been as nerve wrecking as I'd thought.
I didn't why.
But I couldn't let go of the fact that he'd called me his daughter. It wasn't the first time. But it still made me feel happy.
"So you've pretty much got a full jury at home?", Jimmy asked.
"Pretty much, yeah", Lin said.
"So, last time you were here we established that you not only write musicals but that you also freestyle..."

The rest of the segment was filled with talking about upcoming projects, celebrities seeing Hamilton and a game of Wheel of Freestyle.
Vanessa quickly stood up and hugged Lin.
"You blew us all away", and kissed him briefly. "But now I have to go to bed. I have court early tomorrow", she said, and walked away. Lin turned to me.
"How was it at Sepi's?", he asked kindly, referring to my stressed out self beforehand.
"It was fun!", I said, looking him straight in the eye. "Thanks for telling me to go", and right after I yawned.
"No problem", he replied, standing up. "And you are up way past your bedtime!", he said, but he didn't say it because it was a bad thing; like something I shouldn't have done. Instead, he beamed at me with pride, since he knew that there had been a time where that would have made me so anxious that I couldn't manage. "That's great, but considering the fact that you just yawned-", and with the mention of the word, I did it again. "Let's get some sleep"
I nodded.
"Agreed"
And in that moment, I let myself celebrate the fact that I felt okay. That it wasn't too much. That I had, in fact, enjoyed today. That I wasn't as anxious as I used to be. That I was excited for the days to come; excited to see Carson, talk to Sepi and meet up with Dom. Excited to feel alive again.
And maybe it was because it had been a long day with a majority of ups rather than downs, but that night, I slept until my alarm went off.
I didn't even wake up once in my own sweat and tears, screaming and kicking.
I had just been sleeping.
How I had missed that.
How I had missed enjoying the little things.

—————
Hiya!💐
Another chapter, eh? And a long one! With Rue having fun; and enjoying life. Honestly a blast to write her happy again, bc who doesn't love some character development?😌 Also, are you all excited to hear and read more about Dom?👀

Also, quick question: my chapters are quite long bc I always want to fit so much into a chapter. And I also want the story to make sense and develop realistically. So; are the chapters too long? Are they boring? Because sometimes I feel that they might be👀

Anyways, besides writing this, I just go about my day. Spend some hours doing schoolwork, maybe work a little. Decided I should have a math test next week. Probably should study for that. Also, I've been baking something like every week?😅 It's getting a little ridiculous, because of COVID I literally have no one to give it to. And I might live in Sweden where Fika is deeply rooted in our culture (to have a coffee and something with it, like a cinnamon bun) my family rarely have a fika? So our freezer is filled with everything from flapjacks to lemon drizzle cake and cinnamon bun (made on the day of the cinnamon bun, 4th of October, obvi). And now I need new ideas about what to bake next? Tell me what I should make in the comments!🙈

And you all probably don't care but yesterday I applied to take a course at the local university in my city! It's focused on international social studies and I'm honestly very excited to try out university💁‍♀️ Though I was planning on taking a course about architecture and design buuuut turns out you have to take a specific course before that so😅

Q of the Day: What's a thing that people don't know about you? It doesn't have to be deep or anything, it can be like the silliest of things, just something you consider obvious about yourself!☀️
Me? Probably baking. Every time that I say I made something people have literally no idea? (Why do I seem like the guy in Stick to The Status Quo High School Musical here?)🍰

Anyway; have the loveliest of days and vote for the chapter if you liked it! And, if you feel like it, a comment too?🥰

Sincerely,
H

Published: 15th of October, 2021