I eyed myself in the mirror, from top to toe. The dress was this lively blue colour, neither navy, neither like the sky - just in between. A strapped top, with the skirt being in two layers - the outer was sheer and blue, striped. I loved it, to be more on point.
Since I basically never went outside, I'd just figured I'd wear an old dress that was too fancy to wear on a daily basis, so I'd packed the one from New Year's.
It took me ages to pack, but on Monday - the day before leaving for the White House - I'd caught Vanessa as she got home, panicking, begging for her to check my bag.
Just so I didn't have to do it again.
She'd just smiled, and nodded.
I stood in the door opening, looking at her - looking through my bag.
"It's fine, Ruthie", she assured me.
"Fine enough?", I tentatively asked, literally shaking from the thought of forgetting anything that could be needed.
"Yeah. Totally fine-", Vanessa concluded, but in that moment her face turned bright, just as if she'd gotten the most wonderful idea of all. "Wait! Right here. Stay", speaking in almost detached phrases, unable to understand.
My, to be frank, mind that was incompatible of making its mind up, decided it was time to freak.
Something was definitely up with your packing. Redo redo redo redo.
On repeat.
But she sounded happy, maybe it's not so bad?
I was frozen, not even shaking anymore.
Redo redo redo redo.
Before I knew it, she was handing me a shopping bag, beaming at me.
"Oh, don't you worry. Nothing too major, Niñita", she, again, assured me that it was fine - this, because of the look on my face. I hesitantly accepted the bag, trusting her. Taking out the indescribable blue dress, just smiling. "It's an impulse buy", Vanessa said, sounding a tad nervous. "It's okay if you don't like it, but I thought, even though every one tells me not to buy clothes to my teenage daughter, screw it. Couldn't leave it on the hanger; alone in that big old store"
It wasn't something bad. It was something good.
"Thank you. It's lovely, V", breathing the words.
And we both laughed, probably because we didn't quite know what we were afraid of before.

"You ready to go, Niñita?", Lin asked me.
"Yeah", I jumped up from the bed, grabbing my phone. "Oh my god. There's pockets!", I let out an exclamation of happiness, trying to comprehend the fact of pockets.
Lin laughed.
"What's all the fuss about pockets?", he genuinely wondered, giving me a confused face. My jaw dropped.
"This is a rare thing, Lin. Dresses never have pockets. Let alone fancy dresses. And trousers, especially jeans, may not have them too, y'know? They're just there for decoration. Like. Why?", I rambled.
"No pockets?", he sounded absolutely devastated, looking at me in with traumatised puppy eyes.
"No pockets!", I shouted in frustration. "When I grow up I'm going to design a whole clothing line and every piece of clothing will have pockets", sounding like a very firm and determined 5-year old, which made Lin laugh.
"Hold on to your dreams, Niñita, hold on to your dreams"

I took my seat next to Luis, feeling almost uncomfortable by the fact that we were near the front row - I didn't want them to notice me just being someone in the crowd, the one they all knew, if I did something stupid.
Tap.
Or what?
Tap or you'll do something stupid in front of everyone; and they'll think you're a freak.
Lin took the mic and started introducing himself & the cast, so I stiffened up, sitting perfectly straight, smiling at Luis, tapping in secrecy.

"You did great!", or something in that style; that's what I told everyone as I walked past them, trying to get to Lin as the room was wrapping up before the workshops. I liked seeing how people shined up from the compliment; which, secondly, made me happy. A great circle.
"Niñita, here!", I heard Lin call, so my head turned around, looking from corner to corner - until I saw him.
"Hey!", I said, a bit out of breath.
Crowds were always going to be my weak point.
"And this is my daughter, Ruth", he said, gesturing towards me. No big deal. I confusedly looked past him, where the Obamas stood, looking like they were having the time of their life.
"Ah, hi, Ruth! Or, hold on, do you prefer Rue?", Michelle said out of the blue, holding out her hand to greet me.
Of pure bluntness and confusion, I laughed a little - trying to lighten up the situation for myself. All sorts of manner were thrown out the window.
"Hi, and Rue if I get the chance to choose", I responded, my hand shaking a bit.
"Rue it is then, hello!", Barack stated, shaking my hand too. Or if I shakes his, who knows.
"Hello", I said quietly, to then take my place next to Lin.
"So, I suppose you're partaking in the workshops later?", Barack asked me. In my head, an echo of, you're not on first name-basis yet, tap kept going - over and over and over again.
"Um, I haven't actually decided yet, I usually don't", I replied, smiling, trying to sound a bit clear.
"I think you should, nevertheless", Lin said, beaming towards me.

And so, I stood there, through the conversation, nodding and humming and agreeing, as my stiffness became softer - until they moved on, saying a few goodbyes and going to talk to someone else.
I stared at Lin, while he put on his best poker face.
"Lin. Please warn me before you pull me into a conversation with the First Lady and the President of the United States?"
"I didn't have the time, Niñita!", he replied, laughing. I giggled a little, then looking around the room.
Lin knew that I would've gotten too panicky if he'd warned me. And in the back of my mind, I did too.

I walked around the room for a bit, trying to catch every cast member I knew. By the time when some of the people had made their way out and the massive meet and greet was over, I was back with Lin, walking out of the room.
"Here, H2O", he said, handing me a bottle of water. "You look tired, Niñita. I'm not letting you get dehydrated too", Lin commented lightly, getting into the parent spirit.
"Thanks?", I said, a bit confused. "It's just tiring to be around people, really", I explained, tapping the bottle. "I think that Vanessa's love for science is making it's way to you too, Aquaman"
He laughed along with me as we made our way through the corridor, while being surrounded by a lot of people.
"Everyone just needs a little agua break, Niñita", he stated, hinting towards Sebastian's shout for water every night.
Suddenly we faced sunlight, and a poof of cold wind. The weather was still making its way towards spring.
"Is it okay if I skip the workshop?"
The tentative question was fumbler than I thought it was going to be, but as it had been in my head since this morning, and for some part wanted his expectation to be the reality, I was nervous.
"Yeah, yeah", he said, quickly giving me a careless, humble, look. I was letting him down, in this rightful moment.
"I'll go back to the hotel, I've got the key and all, so I should be fine", I rambled on, assuring and reassuring. Always.
"I'll walk with you, still got a few minutes before I've got to be here again", he said, already with his feet on their way to the hotel.
"Huh?", I don't know why I sounded so confused - his reply was clear. Maybe I wanted to do something on my own, for once.
"I'll take you", he cleared, nodding towards me.
"I'll take myself. It's just a few blocks, Lin", I said, putting on a smile. "I would just like to do something something myself"
He still didn't look completely convinced.
"I'll text you when I'm there, please?", I added.
He rose his eyebrows, to then wrinkle his forehead; a person who wanted something more than this.
"Okay, okay, okay. I'll call you right know, and have you on the phone til I'm there"
"Sure", Lin gave in, smiling towards me. "But don't you hang up on me", he pointed out, literally pointing at me.
Then, he took his phone to his ear, dramatically, as if we were in a movie.
I rolled my eyes, answering his call.
"Hi Lin"

Being back at the hotel, I was, as promised still on the phone to Lin.
"...and the key's working, and I'm locking the door...", updating as if I was having a driving lesson where as the driving teacher wanted me to tell and explain what I did. "Here"
"How many times?", and as this had become a quite a usual question, I instantly connected it to the door.
"Oh, not too many. Four? My top score's 128. Dr Noma made me write everything down one week, so got nothing to compare to though", explaining my careless answer, had a bit of a laugh to steer away from the serious topic.
"You're surely closing the door more times than me, Niñita", Lin told me, jokingly. "You goin' to be okay now?"
"Yeah, promise", I replied, reassuring - like always. It was my type of goodbye, promising things that were uncertain. I yawned, rather loudly, and as I did my ears cut off what ever Lin was saying, and as I snapped back into reality he was laughing.
"Rue, get yourself some sleep", he said.
It was strange, having someone be that overprotective of you. Yet I didn't want to hold him up no longer, he had work to do.
"Byeee, Lin", I told him, in the 'I'm a teen, you're annoying'-way.
"Bye, Niñita", he said, hanging up on the phone.
If there was something that Lin just isn't, it's being able to have a quick conversation on the phone. I mean, him chatting to Vanessa on his way to work, at the Theater, and only hanging up right before it's actually needed or when Vanessa goes 'oh Lin, please, I've got work to do', laughing.

So now, I was left in a lonely hotel room, in a town I'd never been to before, with a head numbed with medications.
Numb. And tired. I did things without even thinking about it. It was lesser things than before. Like closing a door. It's good, I suppose.
I wanted them gone. So that Lin & Vanessa wouldn't have to worry anymore.
Popping out just another pill for the day, hoping for it to magically make it disappear.
Took a sip from the water bottle Lin had given me. Maybe I was dehydrated, like he'd said?
Yes, maybe I am?
I downed the bottle.
This; to later fall asleep in a mountain of pillows and blankets, in some fancy hotel in Washington DC.

"Rue?"
Blink. See. Take in.
"Yeah?", quite newly awoken, flapping the hair out of my face.
"Good day's sleep? Sorry about waking you up, though", Lin said jokingly, tousling my hair back over my eyes again.
"What time is it?", I said - straight to the point.
"Like, 10 pm? When did you become such a sleepyhead?", probably questioning how I'd gone from this to that in a month or two.
"Dunno", still mumbling, which other families had hated; so just by routine, I spoke up & with that, I also straightened my back.
"Don't know", like as if I was trying to piece the mirror I'd dropped to the floor back together again.
"I got you some food, a sandwich? No pickles. Checked with Vanessa, and now I'm pretty sure you hate pickles", I smiled, putting my hair up in what could, and probably was to be, a messy bun.
"Oh, thanks!", and for some reason I was surprised. "And yes, pickles are overrated. And disgusting", I implied, dramatically shivering from the thought of it. He cracked up a bit, to only let me giggle as I took the first bite of the massive sandwich.
I quickly checked my phone.
A few texts, one from Carson.

>> so guess who's getting out of snob school and transferring to yours?✌️💁‍♀️

"Lin? I wanna go back to school"
No, you don't.
I'm not an impulsive person. Usually not.
"You sure?"
No, you're not.
"Yeah. I don't want to be that one who's not in school"
So do you wanna get back to the school where everyone hates you, and Via, whom you haven't spoken to since you broke down?
"We'll talk about it at home, 'kay? We want you in school too, but you're not doing that well at the moment", Lin said, shrugging his shoulders, giving me a sad look.
"Mkay", answering the question to more or less just agree, like you do when talking.
I stared at the wall, to later say something that I didn't think about; something that would break any parent's heart.
"I just don't want to be known as 'the girl who went nuts'"

———
Hiya!
Maybe the hot weather in Sweden made me have the worst writing block ever; I've just sat, with my phone, wattpad opened and ready to go, but not being able to pour my head out.
But it's here now, signed, sealed, delivered!💛

The summer holidays have been great, though! Been seeing my friends a lot, swimming in the sea and just being around family for the most part - which is really nice!
I've also been taking lots of pictures;

I also went to see Ed Sheeran in Gothenburg, it was absolutely brilliant and left me smiling for days👌

And here you get a big hello hello hello from the author me self🔝

So, as I go back to school on Monday, and will once again be the youngest in school, I'm both excited and terrified. New friends and new surroundings - hopefully it'll go alright?👀😅
I'm taking the social studies program with focus on media, which, I think, fits me😌 So I'll be taking photos, drawing and all that jazz without actually taking an aesthetic program - such as art or media, since I'm such a humanities person.

I'm actually pretty happy to go back to school. Get some routines, y'know. Stationary shopping. Seeing friends again!🎉👌

Well then, have you missed hearing from Rue? Did you like the chapter, filled with White House, pockets and time with Lin?💁‍♀️
I love writing this. I've said that before, but I really do. It's my own little story outlet and people can read them, so that's just quite nice💓

I also put this story into the Wattys? Mainly just to see how it all works, and if it'll go well or not - I mean, it's rather easy to enter and it may be fun? Who knows😂🎉

Please keep on sharing the story to people, it's just really nice if you do💓

Sincerely,
H