Rue's POV
"Do I look presentable?", I asked as I stepped into the living room about 5 days later.
Lin chuckled.
"You're sick. You're not supposed to look presentable", he pointed out, after eyeing me up and down.
Wearing an oversized knitted & grey jumper that was so overwhelmingly comfy, a pair of jeans that I so gladly had added some fluffy rainbow socks to.
The jeans were the presentable part of it.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Fair enough", I said, collecting my phone that Lin had successfully hidden from me. Parenthood, he called it.
Tap your thigh 23 times.
"You ready to go to the Theater?", Lin asked me, and I replied in 4 nods. "Let's go!"

The fact that I was still sick after five days really bothered me. I wasn't even that sick anymore - just a decent cough and a cold with headaches. Nothing more, nothing less.
When I said I could go back to normal life of not being forced to stay in bed, both Vanessa & Lin had cut me off - telling me no.
Maybe I did have a little fever; but I can suck it up.

Vanessa was back at work.
Sebastian was at daycare again.
Since Vanessa couldn't be home because of a client, I came with Lin to the Theater.
It was unspoken, but we all knew why. I couldn't be home alone.

I checked the door 7 times before we left the apartment.

My eyes, heavy as stone, were unbelievable hard to keep open as the headache hit me like someone boxing me in the face every time I took a step.
I took a deep breath, taking in all of the oxygen I could get.
"You good?", Lin asked, as we made our way to the subway.
I smiled, watching my feet and precisely avoiding every crack on the sidewalk.
"Yeah", I told him.
Lin awed, putting his arm around me.
"Sorry about this. You can sleep all day at the Rodger's", he indicated, as we started to walk down to the subway full of people.
"I'd usually suck it up", I quietly mumbled, loud enough for him to acknowledge.
"Not anymore, Niñita. We won't let you", he said as we tried to get through the crowd, my head plastered on his back as I quickly followed him. Every second or so, his head would look back to see if I was there. Which I was, determined to stay.
It being the rush hour in the morning, the subway got crowded in a couple of seconds.
I tapped its outside seven times before walking inside.
How could doing such a normal everyday activity suddenly get so exhausting?
"Does everyone stay home when their kid is sick? Or at least take care of them?", I questioned, looking at the advertisements on the walls - one for some new toothpaste, another one for a new shop on a certain street, and then one with Advil and someone taking care of a family member.
Lin raised his eyebrows at me.
"Yeah. Like, I don't speak for everyone, but I'd that's pretty common. Why?", he looked at me, properly wondering.
Why?
"Well, no one's ever done it for me. Thought it was better to ask than to wonder", I brightly smiled, shrugging my shoulders.
It wasn't something that bothered me - it was usual. Routines. Like it's always been.
"No one's ever been checking up on you, made you soup and given you lemon and honey tea when you were sick?", Lin said completely bluntly, yet caring, more of a statement than a question. I shrugged my shoulders.
"Not really. Like the system cares, anyway", I replied easily, tapping the pole I was holding onto as some stranger a few metres away from us was staring at my unusual behaviour.
An American Idiot.
I suddenly remembered something.
"Well, they cared one time. Long story short, my biological Dad had actually had a decent day - if you look away from the workaholic and alcoholic he was. I thought", I paused, blinked 7 times.
"He was all happy-happy, and then before I knew it - I had to eat the undercooked chicken for dinner even though I thought it tasted funny, I just couldn't tell him - because I knew he'd be mad at me. Which would lead to consequences. He fell asleep on the sofa after that, half drunk. The next day I got sent to school even though I was puking like all over the place - so my school contacted the system & I got hospitalised", I told him, while I finished my tapping session.
It wasn't something that bothered me.
"I just can't eat chicken anymore", I briefly laughed, not really wanting to look at Lin.
In some way, he managed to find my eyes. Like always.
"Me & V'll never leaving you out of our sight when you're sick, not ever, Niñita"

Being rather early at the Theater, it was quite empty. Lin had to rush off to a meeting almost immediately, telling me to follow with. Keeping his promise.
As we walk through the corridors behind the big scene, I noticed someone turning their head and beginning to smile.
"Rue!", Thayne shouted, running towards me with open arms. I laughed, making my hamster cheeks appear once again.
"I wouldn't hug me - I'm still sick", I laughed, putting my arms in front of me so he'd stop.
"I don't care!", hugging me either way. Taking a deep breath, I stopped breathing for a second - like my breath would be contagious.
Blink 7 times and he won't get sick.
"Missed ya", he added, when letting go a brief second later.
"Niñita? You coming?", Lin said, grinning, 5 meters from me & Thayne. I nodded. I began to walk, waving my hand goodbye at Thayne.
"You headin' to the LackatyLin-Look-Over?", he asked Lin, meaning the meeting that basically consisted of Lin & Lac speaking about any changes that had to be done, or issues from the past week that had to be fixed. The LackatyLin Look Over.
Lin nodded, laughing at the nickname.
"Can't Rue stay with me?", Thayne suddenly begged, putting on some puppy eyes.
I put on some too.
Lin seemed to look from each of us, to soon land on me with a hesitant face - to check if I was fine with it. I nodded.
Lin gave up.
"Alright then, but don't let her out of your sight!", he finally said.
"You have my word, sir", Thayne said, saluting him to then take my hand and head to Lin & Jon's dressing room.
With a wondering look, I watched him search for some sort of thing.
"Well - this dressing room?", I asked, pointing out that he could've taken me to all the hidden corners of the Theatre - but took me to the room where I spent most of my time.
My still rather dry throat deciding to make the situation of talking a bit harder by making me start a cough attack.
Thayne waited it out, smiling.
"This room. Because Lin has a PlayStation and that needs to be recognised", my eyes grew bigger than the planet of Earth.
"Wait - he does?", I exclaimed.
He began to giggle, turning on the TV that I'd never ever seen Lin use.
Flick the lights 7 times. Again. Did you really do it seven times? Maybe you didn't. Check again. Redo.
After a few changes and clicks on the TV remote, the PlayStation logo shown.
Completely overwhelmed by surprise, or the exhaustion of standing up - I sat down on the couch.
"I'm pretty sure he doesn't want you to get addicted to video games, you extraordinary girl in an ordinary world"
I put some effort into rolling my eyes, cracking a laugh and grinning.
Which wouldn't have bee much of an effort if my body wasn't knackered from doing nothing.
To be honest, we had one at home - and I only really played when Lin or Vanessa decided to have a family tournament.
I was way far from even getting addicted.
Typical Lin.

As I put my arms up in the air from winning a game of Portal for the first time ever, shrieking from happiness - Thayne gasped.
I turned to look at him.
It didn't sound like a surprised gasp - a happy gasp.
That was a worried gasp.
Did I do something wrong?
Count your blinks. Do it until you come to 256. Rhythm. Or Lin'll die.
I looked at him, completely clueless.
His eyes were plastered on my wrists.
As a matter of fact I realised what he was looking at, and I did all in my power to take my arms down and pull the sleeves of the knitted jumper over my wrists again.
Frantically blinking, as my breath went panicky.
He couldn't know.
"What the heck, Rue? What have you done? Does Lin know?!", Thayne exclaimed, taking a firm grip around my wrist - pulling the sleeve up.
The scratch marks.
The new scratch marks, still hurting me.
The result of seven breakdowns in 5 days.
I pulled it down again, stubborn as I was.
"He doesn't, of course he doesn't", Thayne mumbled, standing up in an aroused way. Looking around, like he was trying to find a solution in this.
My mind went into panic mode.
Lie, Rue. Lie, I told myself.
"Thayne, p-please, I can explain-", I quietly protested as my mind added a routine for every millisecond that passed.
"No, Rue, I'm getting Lin", he announced, spitting out the words in such a worried way that I couldn't help but freak out a little more. He ran out of the dressing room.
I could feel the tears banging on the door that was my eyelid, but I really didn't want to lose another moment for a breakdown.

It was the only thing I'd kept them from knowing.
Check everything. Rearrange the order of that. Did you tap that lamp? Blink.
The only routine I never wanted them to find out about.
Tap the glass. 72. Twitch. 4. Count. 256.
Yet, here I were, with a shaky breath and tears streaming down my face with thoughts taking over me - slowly, routine by routine.

I needed to get out of there.
Now.
But my legs were frozen in place, glued to the floor.
I couldn't leave until I was done.

Vanessa would know, Lin would know...
How could everything change in less than a minute?

I could hear two pair of legs running towards this dressing room. My breathing got heavier.

I started tapping my thigh.
More, and more.
A war in my head.
I couldn't force it to stop.

Lin dashed into the room in hyper speed, but calming down as soon as he stepped inside the doorway.
He walked up to me in such a fast pace - his face in such worry I'd never seen before. Like his life depended on it.
"Niñita...", Lin said, so kind - so caring.
I hadn't even noticed that I'd forced my body up against the corner of the room, the furthest I could get from the door.
Gasping for air as I must've forgotten how to breath at some point of the way.
He'd already taken his first glance on the day old scratches that in a matter of a moment turned into wounds, when he folded up the sweater.
He took a deep breath.
"How old?", he simply asked, drying the tears off of my cheeks.
I gulped, looking down.
"I-it's not what you think it is, I-", but he cut me off.
"Then what the f*ck is it?", he said, so furious - the frustration had taken over.
I was shaking.
"You know, I-I... What else is wrong with me? What's always the answer, Lin?", I began to anxiously shout. It wasn't quiet, nor was it loud.
Blink.
Lin's face was so quiet, so worried.
Penny in the air.
"I scratch my wrist until it bleeds", I mumbled so quietly, blinking as panicky as ever.
"It's a thing, okay?", I weeped, forcing myself to inhale the needed oxygen between the exhaustion that was crying, making my head pound like the it had been a few days earlier. "It's a thing I have to do because you, or V, or Seb...", I took a deep breath.
I'd never told anyone the reason before.
But there was no going back now.
"...might die", I breathed, just as loud so he'd hear the few words.
'Cause what if everyone saw?
What if everyone knew?
Would they like what they saw?
Or would they hate it too, like I do?
Lin didn't say a thing, he just let his safe arms embraced me. I really needed that hug.
I felt so small.
"Shhh. It's okay. It's gonna be alright"
His frustration had been replaced with his calming kindness.
And so, 7 breakdowns in 5 days became 8.
I closed my eyes, leaning against him.

That's when I realised that someone else had heard the conversation.

Thayne.

-----
Hiya 👋
A new chapter has headed your way.
Yes, it's a sad one.
Sorry.
But everyone likes drama, amirite?
ALSO HAH CLIFFHANGER😏
Sorry not sorry.
But, you're getting to know Rue's past life more... how do you feel about that?

MOST EXCITING THAT HAS HAPPENED THIS PAST WEEK;
I WENT AND SAW AMERICAN IDIOT AND IT WAS AMAZING🎉
sure, it was an amateur production - but a great one. the translation to Swedish was good & all🍃
yes, references are now in this chapter.
I love punk music, so it was a greatttt experience and now all I can do is sing the songs...🍋

Okay; if you know me, you know that I love to edit🌈
So, being me - I edited Rue.
I've always pictured her as 14 year old Chloë Grace Moretz, which you might recall🐝
I just edited it a bit to a pic that was Rue for me >>

It's not my best work (head over to @chilnava on Instagram to see what I really do) - but it looks like Rue to me, and it was the best I could do on my phone under a bumpy car ride...🚗🌻

Also - I sell stuff on redbubble btw. I've got a recent design with Hamilton>> https://www.redbubble.com/people/chilnava/works/26914116-hamilton-digital-tea-quote-art?asc=t&p=iphone-c

I drew this btw with like no sketches and one marker aND I'M ACTUALLY SO SURPRISED BY MYSELF🎠

Question for lé day;
Early bird or night owl?🦉
Me? Early bird🍋

If you liked the chapter - please consider  to leave a vote & comment💓

Have the best of days,
Sincerely,
C

Published: 28th of July, 2017