As I was awoken by the bright sunlight that shone through the curtains' little openings the next morning, I could barely care to open my eyes.
The pounding headache hit me, and I forced my eyes to open - only to close them once again.
Feeling the extreme tiredness running through my body like the Hogwarts Express coming in at platform 9 3/4, I reminded myself that I had to get up. Pacificus Totalus.
I'd slept through my alarm.
The instant regret entered my brain.
Touch the bedding 256 times to make it up for that.
My right arm forcibly moving so I could do that, feeling how it strangely hurt to even move.
I sighed as my finger kept tapping, my head being forced to be in the clouds - counting.
Was I sick?
I couldn't be.
Maybe I'd caught Seb's?
Maybe.
Yes.
I can't tell them.
What if you'll make Vanessa sick? Or Lin?
Suck it up.
And they'll die?
Sucking it up, I decided to lift my head from the comfy pillow and sit, breathing heavily. Everything went by so slowly, so loudly and yet rather exhaustingly.
Blink until it feels just right and they won't die.

Plastering a smile on my face, determined to prove my wellbeing to myself, I walked into the kitchen where I already could hear Lin humming Good Morning, from Singin' in the rain, greeting me with the opening line.
"Mornin' to you too, Lin-", I said, cutting myself off by coughing, my throat totally disagreeing with my decision to talk.
He looked over at me, sipping from his morning cup of of coffee.
I took a glass of water, hoping it would make the awkward situation better.
"You quite alright there, Niñita?", Lin asked, masking the rather worried tone by smiling.
I nodded, just a few extra times, to make sure that he got my message. Lin seemed to accept that.
He looked at me, scanning me from head to toe.
Tap the table. Keep going until it's enough.
"Tho, Rue-Rue, I do have to disagree with your pyjama tee-", he said, completely changing the subject, to my surprise.
I glanced down, reading the text upside down, ignoring my headache that was over the moon, as it said 'I am not a morning person'. I giggled, as he began to speak again.
"You are a morning person", Lin pointed out. I blushed, looking down at my tapping hand as I counted in the back of my head.
I nodded, finishing the routine, fighting my eyes to stay awake and open.
He placed his eyes on the clock, smiling in surprise.
"8 am, Rue? That's a new record, Niñita!", he exclaimed happily, like it was some great achievement - which, it wasn't, not the way he thought. I'd slept through my alarm. I hadn't done it, I couldn't do it on purpose. I wanted to do it on purpose.
Play along.
I shrugged my shoulders, like it wasn't a big deal. Better to make them think that I was making progress.
Blink.
The weak me couldn't even debate a single logic 'why?' at this point, so as everything hurt I added another thing to be aware of.
"High-five!", Lin suddenly popped my bubble of thinking by excitedly saying that.
I grinned, and standing up a bit too quickly as he was on the other side of the kitchen.
The wibbly wobbly world flickering in front of my eyes, turning completely lights out milliseconds at a time, as I tried to contain myself for that high-five that was so normal, I had to do it.
Feeling down as ever, the extreme exhaustion of doing nothing as to stand up - an arm caught me with such ease, holding me close to his chest - like he was afraid to let me go.
Lin. Lin.
With no assumption of time, he held me, making sure I was balanced enough to stand on my own when letting me go.
"Gosh, you're like a million degrees...", he said oh-so-quietly, after putting his hand on my forehead.
"It's alright, Lin, it's just a touch of-", I tried to save the failed and only mission I had for today, in my creaky almost not working voice.
"No. Niñita, please, don't. You're sick", he said, still holding my arm, as if I was a porcelain figure to fall down from the shelf at any moment. He started to lead the way.
"Sorry", I mumbled under my breath, quiet enough for him to hear.
Everything around me went by so slowly, yet so fast that everything would become a blur.
"But, really, I'll be fine, just fine", the words just falling out of my mouth. Word vomit.
"Shhh...", Lin calmly said, as he made me sit down on the sofa.
I was frantically blinking.
He squatted down in front of me, so his eyes were the same level as my green & slytherin eyes.
"You're not going be fine if you go 100% today, and I know you know that. Just lay down. Sleep a little, alright?", his smooth words making its way to my semi-automatic ears.
I closed my eyes. Opened them again.
Again. Just one more time.
And one more after that.
I took a deep breath, realising that I wasn't going to get out of this situation.
"Where's your phone?", he asked bluntly.
I blinked, while I handed it to him.
Lin nodded, observing me, quite satisfied with his succeeding in fatherhood.
Letting my head rest against a pillow, I felt the instant urge to get up.
Look over there. The books. The books are in the wrong order. Go fix it. Do it 7 times, Rue, or Lin will die.
My eyes getting bigger by the moment, I tried to force my weak body up.
"No, not today, I'm not having this conversation again, Niñita. Just sleep. I'll sit here & I will watch everything while you sleep. Alright?", he said - it wasn't a question, neither was it a request, it was a statement - a demand.
He placed his hand on my shoulder, not allowing me to get up.

Easy for you to say, I thought. You're not the one with the illness that tells you that everything is going to fall apart if you don't do that particular thing.

I'd never been this tired.
I'd never been tired enough to sleep my worries away.
Today, was the day.
But, before my head fully went to sleepy land, I asked Lin something.
"...where's V?", Lin looked up with a worried grin from the armchair, just right next to me.
I could feel a little animal jump up on me, placing herself next to my face. Tobi. I smiled, letting my head rest on her soft back, so eternally happy to have a dog at the moment I really needed one.
"In bed. She's sick too", I gave him a nod after burying my head in Tobi's fur, letting my head begin the full cycle over again as I slowly drifted into a bad sleep.
Your fault.
It probably was.

Lin's POV
I carefully watched as Rue fell asleep on the couch, making sure that she wouldn't try another excuse.

Suddenly, my very tired wife, yet still rather beautiful, face peaked into the living room. Standing in the doorway, in a morning gown with a cup of tea in her hand.
I, almost directly, smiled the biggest grin ever.
"Which one did you watch?", I questioned, remarking the red eyes from crying. There was only one thing that could mean. Sad romances where nobody gets nobody. Or Star Wars.
"The Fault In Our Stars. It f*cked me up", she sighed, then began to cough like there was no tomorrow.
I cracked a laugh.
"You look pretty f*cked up right now", I added when she finished. She rolled her eyes, sticking out her tounge.
"I'mma go to bed. Star Wars it is", Vanessa shrugged her shoulders, pretty happy with her decision. "Rue sick too?"
I nodded.
"The whole fam. Except me. I'm destined to look after y'all"

"You really didn't have to stay, y'know", Rue suddenly said approximately two hours later. Knowing that she probably was half asleep, I let my eyes off my computer - to her.
"Haha, very funny. I'm not leaving", I said, nodding towards her as I took my headphones out. "Although, I do have to go get Homeboy. He's been up all night", I acknowledged, stretching my arms up in the air to shake the slight tiredness off me.
Her head fell onto the pillow, and snuggled into Toni's fur again.
I cracked a laugh. It was like I had another version of Rue next to me, at least this time.

"High five, little guy!", I said, holding up my hand only to my son giving his all to smash his small hand onto mine. I giggled, happy to see him a bit better than yesterday. "What do you say, shall we get you ready for the day?"
My son would clung onto my shoulders as I held him, he yawned.
"Apparently, sleeping during the day is your thing. Not during the night", I remarked, rolling my eyes as I giggled. Looking back on the past night, when I'd been up every other hour or so. I fiddled with his hair, handing him a train as I added something in a childish tone. "But I forgive ya"

Humming the Chuggington theme, much to Seb's satisfaction, sprinting into the living room like a train, while giving him a piggyback ride.
I quickly noticed that Rue was up, arranging the things on the tv table. Sliding Seb off my back in a matter of seconds, and sat him down on the armchair.
"Rue... please, sit down", I said quite quietly, as I noticed how quickly she did all of it when I walked up to her, seeing the panicky face expression of eyes flickering from side to side.
"I just have to f-finish this", she immediately replied.
I sighed.
"You were about to pass out the last time you were up, I'm not letting you finish, not today", I rambled, hoping that she'd take her mind off the things in front of her.
Like something that was taken from a movie, in a movie where anyone could figure out the final moments, this didn't happen.
As I seemingly started to really worry, I figured out that there wasn't much of a choice here.
I left her alone for 10 minutes. Ten. Nothing less, nothing more.
All the damage that could do. All the damage I'd made possible.

What's your damage, Lin?
This.

I couldn't let Rue get hurt.
"Okay - if I take over, will you be alright?", I asked, as gentle as I could.
After a few seconds of doubt, she nodded so slowly as I'd ever seen.

Trust.
The key to everything.

Quickly, I took my arm around her, and lead her back to the couch. Her breathing was going at 525600, barely taking a break as she shakily sat down.
As I turned around to order up the things in some way, that I supposed would be the usual way since I barely could focus on anything except my kids, Rue cut me off.
"Don't. I've gotta make it at some point", she told me.
Facing away from her, I smiled.
She's a fighter. She really wanted it all to get better.
"Okay, Niñita", I confirmed & sat down after taking Seb up & onto my lap.
"I'm a mess, it's all a mess. Up in my mind", Rue began, cross legged on the couch and petting Tobi again. I raised an eyebrow at her, wondering if she really wanted to talk about it - if she knew what she was doing.
I scanned her body language, and decided that maybe Rue was sick, maybe she was tired, but she seemed pretty awake.
"I don't want you two to worry about someone if you barely know what's going on", she acknowledged, and I nodded, keeping Seb very amused by opening up the laptop to let him listen to the songs for Moana that I needed his acceptance for handing them to the producers.
A dancing one-anda-a-half-year-old just couldn't be wrong about the Disney-factor.
I'd just let Rue talk today. She needed to ramble.
"I'd describe my mind as the rush hour in New York"
That caught my attention.
"Taxi cabs being stopped all of a sudden, heading to a new place as two cars crash when the rest are stuck in traffic and everyone is honking at each other", Rue kept talking. Now, laying down after she'd put the blanket over herself again. "People stressing through the streets"
She paused for a moment.
"It's not that I want to tap that thing. It's because my life depends on it. If I don't, there'll be consequences. A car crash, it stops the traffic, everyone has to wait, another car crashes, and another. It never f*cking stops"
Now, I was definitely positive that this was another side of Rue.
She never spoke much. When she did, it was never like this. Rue avoided conversations like this. Now, she'd chosen to have it.
I noticed her eyes filling up with tears, her hand fumbling to a certain spot on the couch and tapped remotely in that specific rhythm she occasionally did it in.
"Hey-", I tried to begin a directly cut off attempt at comforting her as moved over to the sofa, next to her.
"And some days the traffic is worse-", she too a deep breath. "And today it is. I am stuck here, I can't go up to flick the lights seven times which I didn't do when I you lead me here because I just couldn't because I'm sick", she spat, the tears officially pouring down.
"Shhh... it's alright, Niñita. It's alright"

-----
Hiya peeps 🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑
A flippin long chapter, bc a certain someone requested a gr8 something *cough* I can't remember your acc name... please comment if you wanted a chapter when Rue was panicking and Lin kinda freaked too bc overprotectiveness💐 *cough*

okay - it's been a while🐝
but; I dooo have a great excuse!💕
I was on a road trip in Europe, so my last update was from when I was in Italy😌
I visited Switzerland 🇨🇭, Italy 🇮🇹, Austria 🇦🇹 & Germany 🇩🇪... so been speaking a bit of German & English🎉
(And I fell down some stone stairs. My legs are so bruised and scratched, and they hurt so bad. I AM SO CLUMSY)

ALSO CAN WE ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT THE NEW DOCTOR IS A WOMAN AND IT'S GREAT AND YES YES YAAAAS BBC YOU GO YOU GO AHH I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL SERIES 11 ANYONE HERE WHO WANTS TO FANGIRL WITH ME?💐🌷💓

So, I wrote you a long chapter to make up for the time I missed - y'all happy?🌷

Also, I did a reference to a certain Lin one-act play... did you see it?🌚
(and a ton of other references. which ones did ya catch?)

oKAY:
Requests? What do you want to happen to Rue?🍂

Question for lé day;
Favourite Hamilton OBC member?🌈
Me? Oh gosh Ant, Daveed... LIN. Jazz... OKAY ALL OF THOSE PURE HUMAN BEANS.

If you like this chapter - please leave a vote or a comment, it makes my day so much brighter💓

Sincerely,
C

Published: 20th of July, 2017