[14k. y'all just keep on surprising me] [30th chapter. can you even believe it?]
By breakfast the next day, I was reading the back of the cereal box - giggling by how advertisingly written it was.
"...it's the best and most natural cereal, with its crispy and sweet bite, making it a perfect match-", I read out loud, laughing. "I don't get it, I mean - it's just cereal"
I was going through the usual checklist of a casual morning, trying to distract myself with reading.
Did you step on any cracks on the floor when going here? Tap. Did it take 13 steps to go from your room to the kitchen?
I knew it wasn't necessary - yet, it was.
Lin looked up at me, smiling and chuckling, from the other side of the table.
Blink until it feels perfect. Or else, he will die.
"You do realise it's because they wanna sell, right?", he said, winking at me.
I rolled my eyes.
"Do not apply logic to this!", I said seriously, making Lin laugh. In the corner of my eye I could see him pick up his phone.
Not giving it much of a thought, I ate my cereal, blinking away.

Soon, my phone buzzed. I looked up at Lin, who were currently doing a hair flip as he giggly looked at me. Excited Puerto Rican, once again.
I opened my phone suspiciously, seeing a notification from Twitter. I mentally face palmed on his behalf.

@Lin_Manuel :
Good morning!
Here's an actual conversation I had with my daughter @ruemarkable during this early hour.
Don't apply logic to a thing, 🌎

To that, he attached a picture.

_
[Kitchen. Morning. We are having breakfast. Rue is reading on the back of the cereal.]
Rue: I don't get it. I mean, it's just cereal!
Me: You do realise it's because they wanna sell, right?
[Rue gives me a serious face.]
Rue: Do NOT apply logic to this!
[End of play.]
_

I sighed, looking up at him.
"Nerd", I said sarcastically, and he high-fived me.
I ate my last bite, and stood up.
Reorganise the placement of the flowers - otherwise Vanessa will die.
Lin raised an eyebrow at me, as I gently dropped my things, letting my hands do their job with the flowers.
He knew now. They knew now. The anxiety from the thought of having to hide it, was ignored. Why should I be hiding, when they knew?
"Rue...", he said, bit concerned, taking the vase from me. In that quick movement, I managed to finish the routine one last time.
"Don't worry. I'm already done", I assured him, and took my things as I placed them in the dishwasher. Sebastian rushed past me, and climbed up on his dad's lap - with the help of Lin, of course.
"Morning, Rue-Rue", Vanessa said, smiling, but yawned as she started making a sandwich.
"Mornin'", I said, jumping up on the counter, managing to hit my head on the cupboard. "Ow", I uttered, laughing at my clumsiness a bit. I tapped the counter a few times.
Vanessa petted my head, in an act to make the pain a bit better, this while still making the sandwich. I giggled.
"Just as clumsy as me", she smiled proudly. I looked down, grinning.
"And about yesterday, Niñita", my heart sank a little as Lin spoke. I'd been so worried last night I'd fallen asleep from exhaustion. "We need to be able to trust you, okay?", I nodded.
"From now on, tell us everything. Nothing's bad gonna happen if you do", Vanessa said, placing her hand over my tapping fingers.
"Yeah, yeah - of course", I answered while nodding.
"And we're dropping you off at school. Every single day. No shortcuts", Lin said. I looked up at the clock on the wall, comprehending the time, furrowing my brows.
"Also, you're not going to school today", Lin cut of my thinking, like he could sense my mind cycling. I looked at them with a confused face expression. "You're coming with me, to the theater", he added.
Blink. 57.
"Why?", I asked.
"You couldn't go outside yesterday, did you really think we'd force you to school?"
Vanessa's answer made me confused. That's what usually happened. You sick? You go to school.
You're missing another day of school. The days before were your fault. Now it's even more your fault. Reorganise the utensils in that drawer 4 times.
"Yeah. I thought so. That's usually the solution", I shrugged my shoulders, counting the number of forks.
"Well, this is the end of that", Vanessa said, putting my hair behind my ear, letting it make a little curl at the end. Suddenly Sebastian smashed his spoon onto his porridge, making it splash all over Lin. Both me and Vanessa bursted out laughing, to Sebastian's satisfaction who clapped his hands with joy. Lin sighed, but soon joined in, scraping off the many splashes on his Mario Cart tee.
I did a mini high five with Seb, encouraging him to do it one more time - but now, Lin was out of the potential splash zone, running to get a new t-shirt, which I supposed were to be a musical themed one.
This, I was correct. He came back with a Les Mis one, which read 24601 in big, screaming letters. I sat down on a chair, opposite Vanessa who'd manage to take the little spoon from Seb, doing the airplane. Although, I think that Seb secretly loved the train one more. I smiled at them.
"I'm positive that you own merch from approximately every show-", I said to Lin, letting Tobi jump up on my lap.
"He does. Sometimes he buys two so we can match, or to the whole fam", Vanessa agreed, mocking Lin.
Tap the table 23 times, rhythm.
"Even his own shows?", I excitedly looked up at her, giggling.
"Even his own shows", Vanessa laughed. I put a big grin on my face.
"Yo! I'm still here y'know", Lin protested, sitting down next to me. Vanessa winked at him.
"We know", she assured him. "You know you love me"
Blink.
I'm just sick, I don't have to, I told myself.
Blink.
I picked up my phone to start scroll through my Twitter, trying to walk back to my room to gather my things, blinking like there was no tomorrow.
"Hem hem", Lin sarcastically did a bad cough impression of my principal, who in his turn, sounded just like Professor Umbridge. I stopped for a second, my second step of the 13 steps back to my room, and looked up. "The meds are still on the counter", Lin gently reminded me, narrowing his eyes into mine.
I sighed. Big time.
Secretly, I'd been seemingly trying to forget about the bottle of pills' existence. I blinked a few times.
You don't need them.
Maybe I didn't?
You're not sick.
I am sick. OCD.
I carefully walked over to the counter, seeing the little teeny pill next to a green apple and a glass of water. I shivered. Ii'd tried to avoid this.
Don't take it. It'll make you sick! Your doctor wants you dead! Then you'll give it to Seb and he'll die, and then Vanessa and she'll die, and Lin....
I forcedly pressed the pill down my throat, by swallowing tons of water. Across the waves of anxiety that hit me once every millisecond, I kept my guard up.
I'd actually done it. Casually, I took a bite of the apple - then, raising it in the air, like a fist when someone won a big game. Or, like in the Circle Of Life, when Simba gets held in the air like a trophy. Just, with one hand.
"Did it", I anxiously said, bit quiet. They both cheered. Lin the loudest.
" 'atta girl"

I anxiously tied my shoes. Converse, dark red, something that wasn't quite proper for this time of the year - still, I liked them.
Don't go outside.
My heart, racing as the days before.
I put on my jacket, that somehow always made me look little.
"No, Tobi, you stay here", I mumbled softly in the high-pitch voice. The dog kept on jumping up and down on my knees, like she wondered if I was really doing it. Or, rather, pushing me to step through that door for the first time in two days.
"Alrighty, let's head out!", Lin, all of a sudden, exclaimed. I gulped, blinking like there was no tomorrow, standing up.
Did you really organise your wardrobe the right way?
"What if something happens if I leave?", I said quietly, looking down at my converse-covered feet. My weak voice, naked in front of the world I was afraid of, once again. I just wanted to hit myself in the head - the 'get your shit together'-way.
Because, if you didn't - Lin's dead.
I gripped the wall, standing there, paralysed and frozen by my own thoughts. I am progressing, I told myself. I'm on my way to get better.
Did you take exactly 17 steps when walking here? Are you still blinking? Blink. Blink.
"Niñita...", Lin began to say.
"Sorry", I peaked up, seeing Lin shaking his head.
"Everything in the apartment is the way it's supposed to be", he calmly assured me. Somehow, that made me feel a bit better. Like the puzzle with missing pieces just got that small one back. He laid his arms around my shoulders, leading me out of the apartment. I was, yet again, the fragile box. I could hear him lock the door, as I exhaled the breath I'd been holding for so long.
"Yeah. Let's go!"

The lights dimmed out on the stage after they went through Satisfied for the seventh time. I looked over at Lin, who seemed to be walking over towards me and my maths homework, that I barely understood.
"That's most definitely the maths face", he said, while I nodded.
Twitch your head 7 times.
"You got time to join the Ham4Ham then?", he changed subject, I grinned.
"Sure", happy to leave the endless homework since Lin emailed my teachers, so the pile had just piled up over the time. "But, I'm not joining you. Just watching", I assured him, placing my things in the backpack.
No, you did wrong. Redo. Again.
"From the window", I added.
Lin let out a laugh.
"Thought it was going that way", he said, taking my backpack from me as I panicky would reorganise it for the fourth time. "How's today?"
I stood up, swept off the non-existent dirt from my jeans.
"Not too much. Manageable", I grinned, trying to get over with it as soon as possible. Since the morning, it had been. But - who knows where that rollercoaster was going? "Oh well, gotta get that window", I said, easily grabbing the backpack from him, and placed it on my left shoulders, carefully avoiding my cast. I made a dash for backstage and the many stairs, Lin shrugged his shoulders, smiling. "Smash that Ham4Ham!", I turned my head back at him, shouting.
I skipped my way to almost crash into Thayne, jumping out of my way. He suspiciously started running after me.
"What are we doing, small child?", he asked, stepping right next to me.
"Ignoring homework!", I grinned back. We swooshed past Voltaire's dressing room, who peaked out his head. I ran from side to side, tapping the wall four times each time.
Or someone you know will die.
"Help a small child procrastinate!", Thayne said, and with that, Voltaire joined too. He ran in front of us, suddenly stopping.
"Piggyback", he demanded. I giggled, and jumped on with that nagging anxious thought in the back of my head, worrying about the consequences. The cycling thoughts started, as I mumbled directions in Voltaire's ear, worrying.
What if you put your weight there and you'll make him fall over? And then he'll hurt himself? Just because you didn't tap the walls enough? And what IF he steps on any cracks on the floor?
I closed my eyes. It's just thoughts, I thought. When I opened them again, we were by the window. I panicky jumped off, excitedly looking out of the window - the view of screaming fans in a crowd I'd once been confusedly in.
"Can we open the window?", I asked, all hyped. Almost Lin-Puerto-Rican-style, my eyes glowing. I was never off school to watch these. I hopped up on the window sill, sitting there. "Please say that we can open the window?"
Thayne rolled his eyes, flipping his fringe back.
"Yeah. Just don't fall out", he giggly replied. I threw my fist in the air, exclaiming;
"Yes!", as he opened the window for me. Voltaire took a grip around my arm.
"I've got you covered", he said, as the screaming fans suddenly got a lot louder. I smiled big, looking down at the crowd. Soon, a voice I very much recognised shouted those very much recognisable words.
"Hello, hello, hello!"

-----
'Ello🌊
It's been a while, but hopefully this little chap made up for it!💓 it's a bit of a fluff one, yep. I needed one of those chapters tbh. (so selfish). yet, people like these? I think? AND YES I LOVE THAYNE & VOLTAIRE

Also, I've gotten so many new readers since my last update - let me fangirl for a moment - OH MY GOSH HI PEEPS! 👋

Rue's having a bit of a time adjusting to things, always trying to satisfy herself and her surroundings. Exciting, huh? Oh well. What do you think will happen next, any suspects?👀

I'm going away next week. Gonna try to update before that - since I'll be without my phone. I'm going on a study abroad in Lithuania with students from Europe to speak English & I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED🌻

Question for lé day:
Describe yourself in three words🐝
Me? Fangirl, clumsy & shy.

Oh well, I've gotta go to sleep. Sleep well, if you're gonna sleep too🌬

& P(eggy)lease consider giving this chapter a vote if you liked it - maybe even a comment?💓 It would make my day!💗

Have the greatest of days/nights,
Sincerely,
C

Published: 25th of April, 2017