[11k. awesome. wow]

I looked up at the clock, for the approximately 51st time in the last fourty minutes of English.
Via leant onto my side, whispering so the teacher wouldn't hear.
"I swear, if she starts rambling about her cat's terrible destiny again I will leave", she said, giggling. I was tapping, per usual.
Reorganise your things.
A little teeny sticky note got pressed onto my desk, with Via's scribbly handwriting on it.

Starbucks later? c:

I smiled, whispering the answer.
"Can't, Hammie's Birthday", which I was, remarkably, excited for. She didn't seem to be annoyed or disappointed, just comprahending the fact.

Wooo! c:

From the week of knowing her, it felt like we'd been friends since forever.
It was me and her, against the world. Well, against high school.
It was nice, having a change, a friend, for once.
Finally, the bell rang and I, in my own speed, put my things back in the folder. Via would patiently wait for me, acknowledged every movement I made.
Everything was a blur today, each little bit of this day stressed me out. Too worried about everything.
We chatted, per usual - with breaks that I made. Tap, touch, blink or snap. An endless list of opportunities, just so bad things wouldn't happen. It all made sense, right? Right?

As a matter of fact, I could see Ansel and Warren hurrying towards me, everyone they passed seemed to look away. If not the anxiety I already had was on top - this made me go on edge.
I almost froze in my place, unable to head forward or backwards.

Soon, Ansel was right in front of me, whispering in my ear - making me shiver by fright.
"Ruthleigh. Go back to your corner, and stay there. You've destroyed our family. We can't foster anymore-", Ansel said, Warren clenching his fist in my stomach, making me let out a sigh of pain.
With that, they were done. Numb, quiet, I stood there, watching them swoosh past me.
Via came running towards me, now with her maths folder in her arms.
She furiously stared at them, opening her mouth.
"No, Via, it ain't worth it. They'll hit you too. Then I'd be responsible and-", but she cut me off.
"Okay. But then you'll tell Lin", which she'd met by chance as he picked me up from school two days ago. "Or V"
Did you close your locker seven times?
Rearrange your folder.
Touch every fourth locker.
I took a deep breath, nodding.

The rain was pouring down, my raincoat pulled over my head as the little curls would find their way out - becoming wet.
In my headphones the Glee soundtrack, on a low volume, so the surroundings wouldn't be as scary, was playing, something that Jon probably would love to know. Especially since Bohemian Rhapsody was going wild at the moment. Only in one ear, what was the point of putting a headphone in my left one?
I instantly regretted not taking my umbrella this morning, as the rain got heavier - now mixed with snow.
I counted the road stones on the sidewalk, making sure that I didn't step on any cracks between them.
"Ey! Small one!", Daveed's voice echoed from behind.
I spun around, smiling, as I picked out the in ear headphone.
"Small one?", I questioned.
"Yep. You're small, small one. I'm picking up the cake, wanna join?", he said, taking his arm around me. I giggled. "It feels like I'm back delivering burritos again"
I let out a laugh.
"Burr. Oh well, I'll join", Daveed threw his fist in the air.
"Let's go!"

Later on, Daveed carrying the big cake in his arms, me holding his umbrella over him and the box, we were entering the theatre.
"DO NOT BE ALARMED BUT THE CAKE IS HERE", Daveed shouted as soon as he got to the big room, with massive posters with a 'happy b-day hammie' sign on them. I soon could hear everyone there skipping to the room, some of them half covered in decorations. "AND RUE TOO!", he added, this leading to Lin peaking in his head.
"Where have you been, Niñita?", he quietly, yet strictly, asked.
"I picked the small one as I was getting the cake-", Lin turned to the talking Daveed. Lin raised his left eyebrow, looking at me.
"and I was on my way to here", I added, making sure my backpack was organised the right way, per usual, placing it on a chair.
"I needed help with delivering cake!", Daveed exclaimed while explaining.
Reorganise, Rue. Or someone will die.
"I trust you taking care of my kid, Daveed", Lin said, chuckling. "Text me next time", he added, glancing at me, winking.
I did a thumbs up, still not looking up from the depth of my backpack.
It doesn't feel right. Not yet. Rearrange.
Outside my bubble, the cast was chatting, some giving the massive cake a glance, then hurrying back to decorate or rehearse.
"Rue?", Lin's voice said from behind.
"Mhm?"
Folder, folder, folder. Notebook. Pencilcase. Keys.
"I'll help", he gave in, reaching for my rucksack. He took it out of my hands, who easily let go of the many folders, looked through it and placed it on the ground, next to the chair.
He's looked through it, everything's there. Just one more time, just to make sure. You wouldn't want to see him dead, right?
"Just, just one more time", I said, almost like I was asking for permission. I quickly let my hands run through the things, making sure that it felt perfect. As I walked away from the backpack, I gave Lin a little smile. He gave me a hopeful one, an almost sad one.
I still hadn't taken my medicine.
But they didn't know that. They didn't have to know that.
Because, I don't need it. You're perfectly well.
But, lying straight to their faces?
Maybe I needed it.
Maybe I am sick.
You're not.
"So what can I help with?"

The Let's party like it's 1776 tee slipped over my head, over my blue smock dress with tiny stars. I'd waited to wear it until I got to the theatre, so I wouldn't get too much attention at school. Unwanted attention, like Georgia and the other girls jumping on me, trying to lure information out of me. Or, the annoying guys joking about me and my quiet self - Warren on the front line.
I skipped down the stairs, high-fiving Anthony.
"Go get 'em, Kid!", he shouted, putting his hair up in the Laurens ponytail.
"Will!", I replied, already down the next staircase.

After a few more, I was by the merchandise table. I glanced over at Andy, who was walking towards me - pressing an A. Ham cap on my head.
"Look at our mascot, Jenna!", he said, pointing at me. "All dressed up for the Ham Day!"
Jenna laughed, approving on the over the top outfit.
"Let's get sellin'!", she said as we heard the loud talking outside, realising that the doors soon would open.
I jumped up on the table, sat down.
Tap 56 times. And then seven times that.
In all of my mind palace, two queues build up to the two tables.
"Rue, a schuyler tee! Medium!", first command of the long night ahead came from Jenna.
"Will!", I said, quickly grabbing it. I hadn't looked up at the costumer yet, but smiled a professional seller smile. "Would you like a bag?", now, I placed my eyes on him, blinking stressfully, receiving the money. Once you get some practice at it, you do rapid mathematics automatically. And I'd been working here for a while now.
"Yeah. Are you Ruth?", he asked. Isn't that a bit rude, stranger?
Although, I did recognise him. I'd seen him at the café the other day, and at the bakery with Daveed earlier. Each and every other day, I'd seen him. But, he was just a stranger to me.

Still, I smiled, and replied rather professionally while putting his merch in a plastic bag.
Reorganise the pile in front of you 4 times.
"Yes, that's me. Here ya go", he acknowledged that. He grabbed the bag.
"Could I ask you a few questions?", he asked, keeping up the rude style. I suddenly recognised the big camera hanging around his neck.
"Um... I'm not sure if you can take that inside, sir", nodding towards the camera, my unsteady voice decided to say.
"Hey, answer me! Could I ask you a few questions?", his voice took a turn, from polite to quite strict. I took a few steps back, my legs shaking.
Blink your eyes 256 times.
Jenna gave me a glance, but then narrowed her eyes to the middle aged man with the harsh face.
"Yo, we've got more costumers! Sir, you'll have to move, I'm afraid", she rambled, every bit of it a usual line that occurred every night. "Enjoy the show!", she waved him away.
He didn't seem too happy.
But, I, I could finally breath.
"This is why I don't like talking to people", I said, under my breath, quietly behind Jenna.
She nodded, giving me a slight smile, but soon grinning brightly at another excited fan. She winked at me.
"A poster, mascot"

I stood backstage, watching everyone's final bow of the dark night, listening carefully to the much ordinary cheer coming from the audience. This moment, every night, was lovely. It filled my heart with pride, with hope.
Suddenly Lin ran walked over to me with a big grin on his face, like he was about to do something exciting.
There I was, tapping against my leg, when he grabbed my hand.
"What?", I questionably said.
"Jump on, Niñita! Piggyback!", in the hyped Puerto Rican mode, which he, to be honest, was in 96% of the time.
I confusedly jumped on, clinging onto his shoulders.
"Gosh, you're so small", he made a dash for the stage as he exclaimed that.
"Wait what no, I'm not going onstage!", I protested, and to my surprise, I was giggling too.
"Yes you are, Niñita!", as we raced onto the stage, he high-gives Chris, while the cheer grew louder and louder.
"It's a special night, and we're taking a cast picture-", Anthony joined in.
I nervously laughed, not giving the audience a glance - I was way too nervous and scared for that. Snervous.
Blink. 7. Seven times that. Or they'll die.
"-and you're part of this cast, no way we're leaving you out", Lin added, with me still on his back.
I melted onto his shoulder, smiling brightly.
Still, I avoided looking at the people in the seats, who kept on shouting with joy.
Jenna stood with the cast camera, which always was backstage when needed, like taking pictures when the girl's jammed backstage, or when Andrew dressed up and stroke a silly pose.
"ONE. TWO. THREE!", she counted, everyone getting ready.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAMMIE!"
Everyone smiling, as the camera flash made the light better - me, clinging onto Lin's shoulders, grinning bigger than ever before in the mid of the mob. People I loved, all here.
Just, a normal, great day.
With cake.

I politely handed the last costumer of the night her bag of, tons, of merchandise. The lady had been rather nice, chatting about how her granddaughter loved the show and missed it because she'd gotten sick.
"Well, tell her a 'get well soon' from me!", I added, leaving the lady to a happy face expression.
"Lovely! Nice chat, but I've gotta go. Bye!", she waved, walking out of the lobby - when I, as a matter of fact, noticed the rude man with the professional camera.
I took a deep breath, yet, ignored him and packed together all the things.

I grabbed a box, put my phone in my pocket and helped Andy and Jenna to fix everything after a wild night of selling.

I carried the last one and placed it in the storing space, like every other night, and headed up to Lin and Jon's dressing room, feeling like someone was following me.
I stepped on the staircase in my own way, blinked, tapped - which I couldn't stop.
I couldn't stop, never in my life.
I was weak, too weak. I'd let everyone down.

I opened the door, and got met by an empty room - which wasn't very nice, still it was nice. No one to worry about, yet no one to stop me.
I sat down on the couch, pulled up my phone - patiently waiting with the door open.
Most of the cast members had already left, so the corridors wasn't as lively as they were before the show.
Footsteps close to me, and believing it was Lin, I scrolled through twitter.
My heart skipped a beat, like a butterfly, as the strange man walked inside. I gasped for air, pressing my back against the wall.
"What- What do you want?", I shakily, scared, yet politely asked.
He just smiled, taking out a notebook and pen.
"I'm from a magazine. I thought that you'd answer those questions I was talking about before-", straight to the point - journalist style. Still, nicely spoken, politely.
Blink. Blink.
"So, fans have spotted you and your foster dad outside a clinic with therapy?"
No. No.
Tap 56 times. Nothing's wrong with you.
I gulped, keeping shut.
"Answer my question!", the conversation took a turn. I pressed me more and more against the wall, wishing that somehow I'd end up outside the room.
I blinked more frantically, panicking more by each second that passed.
"N-n...", I managed to say, tapping on the wall.
"Can't you speak or what?", he started to sound rude.
"No comment", I mumbled, looking down, now physically shaking. I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes, forcing their way out.
"Okay, if I've followed, you've been visiting your family, real family, on the holidays?", he questioned. Now, my tears were practically falling down like a waterfall, so afraid I was almost numb. Scared - I nodded.
He acknowledged that happily with scribbling something down.
Reorganise the cushions.
"So how come you can't live there? Do they abuse you? Are they the reason to why you've got a cast on your right arm?", question after question.
I pulled my legs up, like that would protect me.
"Please- please leave", the nicely-mouthed me said.
"Why do you have a cast? Is your arm broken?", overwhelmed by questions, and panic from a stranger trying to lure information out of me, I tapped and organise as my tears would make streams on my face, dropping onto the couch.
Unsuccessful in trying to get me talking, the man asked more and more.
"Did your parents abuse you, was that why they left you?", quickly, professionally, rambling on - pushing me to answer.
Neither could I control myself, or stop my mind from beaming out commands.
My sight was blurry, got blurrier by each second - and all he did was keep on going.
My breathing got heavier, in the end I didn't know how the hell I managed to get air to my lungs - skipping after each breath, and in front of me I was tapping and arranging. Non-stop.
"Hey, ANSWER ME!", he completely screamed, approaching me.
My breath got even worse, my mind freaking out as tears covered my eyes to a lake of people throwing stones in it, making it unable for them to see the bottom.
"Get out", Lin's voice bombarded in, shouting at him with a gruelling undertone - I'd never heard him that cross.
Like a magician, he made the journalist stop shouting.
Knock on the wall until it feels perfect.
Still crying, up against the wall on the couch.
"I'm just asking her a few questions, she didn't mind at all, I asked her-"
"Are you blind? She's crying, you idiot!", Lin cut off his whitewashing, standing in front of me like a superhero protecting the world.
Tap 76 times.
"But-", the man protested.
"Didn't you hear me?! Get out! Or I'll call the guards!", Lin said strictly, pointing at the doorway. Firstly now, the man collected his things and stumbled his way out.
Lin narrowed his eyes, watched him running down the corridor until he was out of bounds - nodding towards Chris who'd watched the whole scene, in an act as to look out for the journalist.
Lin quickly spun around towards me, holding me in place as I reached to rearrange my bag and tap on the glass.
"Shh, Niñita, calm down... shhh", my breathing settled down a bit, getting enough air to my brain. "You're safe now"
I kept on blinking, my heart racing faster than ever.
"I-I...", gulping, snuffling - unable to stop the tears.
Lin's arms embraced me tightly, making me feel safe.
"Shhhh. Just, shhhh. Everything's gonna be alright"

------
Well, 'ello!💐
Sorry about the late update, been trying to figure out how to make this chapter seem interesting. Which lead to this, something that just ain't original at all and I'm so sorry - sometimes my writing really does suck.

Anyways, around 2800 words and an update, which unfortunately is a filler - sorry(again)👀
and yeah, um, Rue's got a stalker. woops.

School's been a bit stressful, but on Friday - EASTER BREAK 🐣
So excited cuz I'm going to a convention and I made a HamTee (just got some embroidery left) and I'm going with my bestie so🎉

Oh well, hopefully your weekend's been lovely and everything - mine has, although, there was a terror attack in Stockholm. I don't live there, yet my parents were there for the weekend. They're are well and alive. Thankfully. My heart goes out to the people who lost a loving one - #PrayForStockholm ❤

Question for today:
Do you write yourself, or do you mostly read?🌺
Me: Both! (anyone writing hamfics?? please comment if so, and I'll go and read them💓)

OKAY ACTUAL QUESTION BECAUSE THIS HAS HAUNTED MY MIND FOR AGES. Is is "theatre" or "theater"?? (cuz lè name is The Richard Rogers Theater right??)

oh and um could someone explain the American school system to me bc I don't get it... like wut freshman junior iM CONFUSED OKOK

Have the loveliest of days - and if you liked this chapter, please consider giving it a vote or a comment🌈💕

Sincerely,
C

Published: 9th of April, 2017