Chapter 18

Chaeyoung doesn't realize that she's been holding her breath the moment Chanyeol reads his vows to the love of his life. Maybe because it reminds her of those times in the past, the times when she was less wise than today, the times when she thinks her goal to get married at her parents' church could be accomplished with Chanyeol as the groom. It reminds her the nights she spent imagining how his vows would sound like, and what hers would be.

Park Chanyeol who's standing in front of the beautiful bride is exactly nothing like the Park Chanyeol that she knew, that she remembers. Physically, nothing much changed. The whole vibe about him, though, is totally different.

During the early days of her being thrown into the world of single ladies again, she didn't believe in the idea that Chanyeol could love another woman more than he did her, even though in actuality, he was never in love with her in the first place.

When she stares at Chanyeol's shaking hand that's holding the mic, his other hand that's holding a paper containing his long vows -also shaking, how he takes the deepest breath after smiling nervously at his bride, Chaeyoung acknowledges everything.

As Chanyeol and his bride exchange their kiss, Chaeyoung feels a hand sliding into hers. Jungkook gently holds her, silently intertwining their fingers and Chaeyoung feels the breath that she's been holding the whole time leaves her calmly, her chest feeling light. She squeezes Jungkook's hand in return and as she stares at the side of Jungkook's face, she feels a fresh determination being born within her.

This time, she's determined. This time, she will really let Chanyeol go.

*

"So..." Jungkook begins, lifting his phone, showing her the messages she's sent him. "Should we talk about this?"

They have both picked a spot at the corner during the reception, a little private for them to sort out whatever unspoken things that's been happening between them two.

Chaeyoung stares at his phone and inhales deeply, nodding her head. There's no way she's backing out now. She lifts the glass to her mouth, sipping on the beverage for a moment. "I..." she begins softly. "I want to say I'm sorry... for ignoring your texts."

Jungkook juts out his bottom lip, nodding his head before taking a sip of his drink. "My texts?"

She bites her lips and sighs, every regret birthed during the times she was ignoring him is now hanging off her face. "I'm really sorry for ignoring your texts and calls," she corrects herself, and Jungkook nods, approving it.

"After the night I spent at your place... I realized a few things. A lot of things actually," she clenches her fist briefly before she looks up and stares straight into his eyes. "I've never been able to really move on from Chanyeol."

She notices the change in Jungkook's expression. His face falls and Chaeyoung feels panicked that she won't be able to say everything that she wants to say. Nevertheless, she needs to let out.

"I dated a few people after him. But I just couldn't do it, the relationships never lasted because of him."

Jungkook's frown becomes more evident, his eyes downcast.

"And then, you happened," she says breathily, the air leaving her lungs in a rush and Jungkook's eyes flick back towards her. "I don't know if you realized it, but..." she pauses, looking away as she feels embarrassment cupping her cheeks.

"But maybe-" she pauses, shaking her head at the word 'maybe'. "I've been..." she stammers, doesn't really know how to properly say it. She groans to herself. "I've been attracted to you since day one," she says everything quickly, squeezing her eyes shut for a second before she awkwardly adds, "I guess."

Jungkook doesn't say anything, only drawing in the longest breath before he continues sipping silently. She appreciates it, because she hasn't finished.

"And... and... and you're such a big flirt!" she says accusingly at him, and Jungkook raises a brow. "You got me flustered all the time and you got me confused because this thing- the thing between us- we're only supposed to be fake dating. But you're so into the whole agenda of making it natural and I just- that made me confuse whether it's all about acting naturally so people will fall for it or you're actually not pretending at all."

Jungkook exhales. "Chaeyoung-"

"I know! You told me that you're pretending to be fine with the fake relationship," she cuts him off and finishes the sentence quickly. "After you told me that, I didn't feel confuse anymore. And I thought that everything is going to be just fine and we kissed and I felt happy about it and I realized I am actually moving on from Chanyeol."

His eyes spark. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and he seems as though he has something to say when he opens his mouth but Chaeyoung shakes her head instantly, holding up a hand.

"Please let me finish first or else I don't think I'll be able to do it." When Jungkook closes his mouth, Chaeyoung continues, "But I got scared. I have a lot of questions in my mind. Like, a hell lot. I'm not kidding. We started as an act... what if it's gonna end up the same like what happened with Chanyeol? I kept questioning that to myself."

Jungkook's face softens at her and Chaeyoung feels her heart twisting at another question that she has in her mind. "And I'm... I'm falling fast too, Jungkook. That makes me scared of the possibility of me treating you like a rebound. I don't want to treat you like a rebound. But what if I am treating you like one, but I don't realize it? My friends told me that I'm not. That it's different. With you, it's different and they realize it too. And then, when I felt like that concern has been crossed off the list of things I should be concerned of, I remembered our deal."

She feels a lump growing in her throat. She drinks up everything in her glass with hope that the lump will leave. Chaeyoung draws in her breath. "After the wedding is over, this relationship will also be over," she says with a low voice, her lips subconsciously pout. "I kept thinking, what if you want this to be over?"

When she finally dares herself to look at Jungkook, she feels slightly uneasy at how he's lightly scratching the back of his head. "Well..." he begins after a while. "You're right about that one, though."

She feels a violent stab at her heart. "What-" she swallows hard. "What do you mean?"

"Uh... that's exactly what my plan is."

It feels like the embarrassment is crawling up her skin, wrapping its burning fingers around her throat and she thinks she wants to cry as she holds her breath for a few seconds. "To...to–" She can't bring herself to say it.

Jungkook places his glass at the table nearest them before he comes back towards her and pushes one hand into the pocket. "To end it. I want to end it. Anyway, the wedding's considered over anyway. They got married. So, things should end now. If you don't mind."

Chaeyoung feels her throat tightens even more. She immediately looks away when she feels like her eyes are beginning to shake. She blinks back the tears and forces a chuckle out.

"What are you saying?"

Jungkook sighs. "I'm saying exactly what you heard I said. I want this thing to be over now."

"Like... like a breakup?" she says, her voice breaking at the word 'breakup'. That cursed word.

A beat of silence. "Yeah," Jungkook confirms, "Like a breakup." And it breaks her heart even more that his tone sounds a lot like finality.

She bites her lips hard, nods her head slowly as the reality sinks in. She doesn't want to look at him because she thinks she's going to cry hard. She doesn't know what else to say after wasting her saliva, explaining what has been circling her thoughts just to get herself into another breakup from the man who has saved her from the confines of Chanyeol.

"Right," she nods again, her eyes wild around the space, trying to find the fastest exist. "Okay. A breakup," she mutters. "Okay."

"I was waiting for this day to come, you know," Jungkook says.

She wants to scoff.

Not to him, but to herself. She wants to scoff to herself for misinterpreting what he told her about 'pretend'. Maybe this is what he actually meant when he's only pretending to be fine with the fake relationship. Because he cannot wait for it to finally end. She takes a deep breath. She will not cry this time. Don't cry, she chants in her head as she tries to walk away from him.

"You're leaving already?" Jungkook asks, but she pretends she doesn't hear him as she walks past the people.

She wants to get out of there as quickly as possible. She doesn't even want to go to where her friends are, even though she saw the look of concern on their faces, even though she wants so much to jump into their arms and cry and sob and wail and curse together with them. She deftly walks fast while avoiding contact, ignores her friends waving to her, only to be stopped by a tall figure in a tux standing right in front of her.

Chanyeol forms a smile on his lips as he stares down at her. "Chaeyoung. It's been awhile."

She only nods and forces a small smile at him.

"You came," he says.

She furrows her brows and gulps. "Well, you invited. So."

It feels weird, awkward and uncomfortable. It has been so long since they last talked to each other. She remembered how he used to lighten up her mood and she was truly eloquent whenever he was around. Now, it feels so different.

"Oh, well..." Chanyeol chuckles. "Actually, I didn't." He turns towards where his wife is, busily talking to some other guests. He grins wide. "She did. She insisted to invite everyone from my circle of friends, you know. I thought you wouldn't come after... well.... But, hey, here you are."

Chaeyoung nods once. "Here I am."

"So... how's life? How's it going?" he asks, suddenly trying to be friendly and Chaeyoung isn't sure what to make out of it.

"Fine," she briefly says before she adds, "Life's been...good."

"Oh," he says and Chaeyoung's brows knit because something tells her that it's not the answer that he expected to come out of her.

"Why?" she asks.

"Oh, nothing," he chuckles and waves a hand. "Just that I heard a few things. Anyway, did you come alone?"

"What are those things?" she asks, sounding robotic as she wonders what he meant by that. What did he hear about her?

"Sorry?"

"You said you heard a few things about me. What are they?"

He seems hesitant for a second before he smiles. "Some of our friends thought that things have been quite tough for you. I hope that's not the case?" He lifts a brow and chuckles. When she doesn't give a respond, his chuckle subsides slowly.

"Look, Chaeyoung. I understand that I may have... played around a bit last time, but it was like, what," he lightly chuckles, "two? Three years ago?"

She feels her chest burn. Two, she says in her mind. He doesn't even remember the time he'd dropped her from his life. He most probably doesn't keep it in his mind of how long he played her. She wants to laugh because Jungkook was right when he said that Chanyeol is a natural at being an asshole. She can't believe she still had nice things to say about him last time.

Right now, he's standing in front of her, talking about what he did to her as if it's something to be made fun of. The way he speaks of it makes it sound like no emotion should be affected. And if her emotion is involved and deeply affected, that just makes her stupid. Because he only played around a bit.

"It's time to, you know, move on?" he says with a smile and Chaeyoung feels as though her heart is taken out forcefully just to be trampled on the ground. "I'm sure you'll find someone who can make you happy."

It sounds nice, like a piece of advice that she should take and engrave to her heart and mind. But it doesn't sound anything like that. Maybe she's overthinking. But if anything, this so-called piece of advice sounds a lot like a mock to her face. Does he really think that he's all that? That she's incapable of finding her own happiness?

"Anyway, if you actually came here alone, I'd really like you to meet my friend. He's been as lonely," he grins and Chaeyoung bites her tongue, feeling pain coursing through her veins. "Come on, I want to introduce you-"

Then, Chanyeol is cut off when there's a voice speaking in a rush coming from her side.

"Hey, babe, sorry I was late. You will not believe what happened at the restroom. Guess who I met?"

Chaeyoung blinks at Jungkook who's standing on her side, animatedly talking to her, telling her about him meeting Seokjin, his chef friend who's actually in charged of the food for the reception.

"And you know what? He said he's going to open a restaurant near your place. Isn't that cool? I told him that we should be his special guest during the opening and he agreed," Jungkook says with that wide grin on his face and Chaeyoung doesn't remember to breathe for a moment.

"I'm sorry," Chanyeol interrupts. "You are...?"

Jungkook turns to Chanyeol. "Oh, hi. Congratulations on the wedding. I'm Jungkook."

Chanyeol tilts his head. "Thanks... Jungkook." He says Jungkook's name with uncertainty in his voice. "And you are?"

Jungkook turns towards her and Chaeyoung gulps when he smiles softly at her. "Chaeyoung never mentioned me?" he asks before slowly, he turns back towards Chanyeol.

"Well, we're together," Jungkook says, putting his hand on the small of her back before he brings his arm up, curling around her shoulder.

Chanyeol raises his brow before he looks at her. "Oh, you brought a date?"

"Ah, well, I'm not just a date," Jungkook chuckles. "I'm her boyfriend."

Chaeyoung's guts twist and turn. She inhales sharply through her nose.

Chanyeol's face creases and Chaeyoung understands what that confusion on his countenance meant.

"Really?" he tilts his head again and eyes Jungkook for a moment. "But I don't think I know you," Chanyeol says with an unsure smile.

"Oh?" Jungkook's head jerks backward. "Um. I'm sorry for asking but..." he lets out a little laughter. "Do you have to?"

The smile on Chanyeol's face disappears in an instant and despite what happened earlier, she feels so relieved with Jungkook on her side, especially when he managed to wipe off the permanent arrogant smirk the taller man has on his face. Her own lips are twitching, almost smiling at how Jungkook responded to Chanyeol.

"Sorry, what?"

"Do you have to know me?"

Chanyeol laughs uneasily. "Oh, well... Of course not."

"Do I have to get your permission or something if I want to date her?" Jungkook asks, making it sound more like a curiosity rather than a sarcastic remark when in fact, it's definitely the latter. "Like, introduce myself beforehand?"

"Oh, no. That's not what I meant," Chanyeol says, smiling wide as he shakes his head. "I usually know who she associates herself with. We're in the same social circle. So it's kind of surprising to know that she's dating someone from outside of our circle of friends."

Jungkook stares at Chanyeol before a light scoff escapes him, and Chaeyoung wonders what does he have in his mind to reply to that.

"Chanheol, is it?" Jungkook asks, and Chanyeol opens his mouth to correct it, but Jungkook doesn't wait. "Oh, that kinda rhymes with 'asshole'," he mutters like it's a casual thing and Chanyeol's brows furrow deeply. "Just kidding. So, Chanheol-"

Chaeyoung is almost smiling.

Chanyeol stares in disbelief before he scoffs. "It's Chanyeol. And this is my wedding. I think it's common sense to know the names of the bride and groom."

"Oh, sorry. I'm usually bad with names and I don't have common sense anyway," Jungkook shrugs.

Chaeyoung bites the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to suppress the smile at Jungkook's lie. He has a lot of common sense.

"Anyway, Charcoal."

"Chanyeol," Chanyeol once again corrects Jungkook, and Chaeyoung looks away, knowing so well that Jungkook does know how to pronounce Chanyeol's name but he's just making that up.

"Chan what?" Jungkook leans his head forward as if he has hearing problem. "Wall? Oh, Chanweol?"

"For God's sake-"

"Do you know Venn diagram?" Jungkook asks.

"What?" Chanyeol scrunches his face.

Chaeyoung lets the corners of her lips curve slightly upward. It's one of Jungkook's charm, she thinks. Swerving and changing lanes without warning, but he'll still reach the destination. She's curious now of what he has to say about Venn diagram.

"Venn diagram," Jungkook repeats. "I'm no math genius but here's the thing. You see, her circle of friends is not a subset of yours."

"What?" Chanyeol questions, brows raising in confusion.

"The circle of friends that you are talking about is actually only, like, the intersection part, you know?"

Chanyeol's forehead creases even more as he stares at Jungkook as if the latter has three heads supported by his two shoulders.

Jungkook smiles. "What I'm trying to say is, I think her life is bigger than you think. Her circle can expand and it's nobody's goddamn business of who is in that circle."

For the first time in Chaeyoung's life, she's witnessing Chanyeol frowning. Well, she has seen him frown before, but not exactly at her. When she was with Chanyeol, it was like how she described it to Jisoo, like she was in utopia. Nothing ever went wrong. Right now, right after he frowns heavily at Jungkook, his frown stays on his face when he averts his attention towards her.

"Where did you even meet this guy?" he mutters at her as if Jungkook is not there. She can't tell if it's disgust or annoyance sitting on Chanyeol's face as he glances briefly at Jungkook.

Chaeyoung nibbles at her lip for a moment, leaning into Jungkook when his hand drops to her waist, tugging her close to his side. She's reminded of the time they were discussing what story they should tell people if they got asked. Jungkook was right when he predicted that someone would ask something like this. With a small smile, Chaeyoung begins, "We met at the bar..."

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