Getting Alejandro out of his imprisonment meant that Beadie got captured and a lot of Shadows died when 141 came for them.

The handcuffs on her wrists were a little too tight and dug into her delicate skin. Whenever she moved it rubbed against her skin, a red mark already forming under it. She was hyper-aware of the way the metal pressed against one specific bone in her wrist. The cuffs were tighter on her right hand.

She let out another breath as she adjusted in her seat, the back of her chair digging uncomfortably into her shoulder blades. The room was dark and moist, the roof leaking and some of the rain from the night before dropping inside with single, rhythmic drops. There was a metal bucket in the corner right under the small hole, the water dropping in it.

In the beginning, the sound soothed her. Now, she just wanted to rip her hair out because of it.

Just as she closed her eyes to rest a few minutes – she hadn't had the chance to sleep in two days and it started to show – just as the only door in the room burst open.

Her head snapped up to look at whoever came to see her, silently hoping that it would be Alejandro since this was his base. She wanted to see him more than anything. He was almost like a drug – and she had to suffer through the worst withdrawal because he hated her now.

I'll never trust you again.

His words still hurt. But the fact that it was only Rodolfo who stepped inside the room and not him somehow hurt more.

He only glanced at her before he turned his attention back to the papers in his hands. Not far behind him followed Ghost, his dark eyes shadowed by his mask. And suddenly, the four walls of the room seemed to close on her.

"Did you bring him to intimidate me?" the words flew out of her, her lack of energy not being able to hold back her words.

She didn't receive an answer as Ghost leaned against the wall next to the door, his arms crossed in front of his chest. It was obvious she couldn't leave, she didn't understand why they decided to bring him and take the non-existent hopes away from her, too.

Even if she was dumb enough to make a run for it, that absolute unit of a man wouldn't hesitate to hunt her down. Slit her throat before asking questions.

Then she remembered his title. Lieutenant. So of course he had to be here, watching the interrogation first-hand.

Beadie was way too tired and had no energy to try and convince another man about the truth, so she just leaned back in her seat with her legs crossed and followed Rudy with her eyes.

With a sigh, he pulled out the chair right across from her and sat down on the other side of the metal table. Rudy placed the papers on the table, his eyes scanning over them for one last time before he looked up at her, meeting her blue eyes.

Is Alejandro okay?, she wanted to ask more than anything. But this wasn't the time and place for it.

"Why am I here, Rodolfo?" she asked, cocking her head to the side. She tried to hide the fact how good it was to see him again – see him being okay. She didn't think she could take another death.

"We need all the information about the Shadow Company, Graves and everything you know about Shepherd," Rudy replied, his tone just as gentle as his warm brown eyes.

They were close to friends once. He was there on the night when she danced for hours with Alejandro. They shared drinks and talked about movies. And now, he was treating her like a prisoner.

Her eyes wandered over to Ghost's looming figure once again before returning to Rudy. She almost wanted to laugh at this: this whole situation was hilarious. They were a team once – she was ready to put her life on the line for them. And she did that more times than they even know. It was second nature for her to risk her life for her team.

"You could've just asked without all this," she raised her hands and rattled the handcuffs holding her hands together before letting her hands fall back on the table, metal clinking against metal. She tried not to flinch at the way the cuffs dug into her flesh.

"You're a Shadow, Belladonna," Rudy stated as he pursed his lips together. A muscle twitched in her jaw at the sound of her full name but she suppressed it with a small smile.

"And you're still a Vaquero," Beadie narrowed her eyes at him, starting to get fed up by the same excuse. She was one of the Shadows, but she didn't carry the narrative most of them did. "I'm not Graves. I'm not Shepherd. I knew nothing about what happened before and I can't do anything about it now. I did everything I could."

"And what was that?"

Her eye twitched. She loved Rodolfo with her whole heart but she was ready to flip the table on him.

Taking in a deep breath to calm her sudden violent urges, she fixed her eyes on her hands as she started to talk.

"I was in charge of one of the search groups hunting down 141," Beadie began, noticing how Ghost shifted his weight on his legs. "I had a guess where they would be. So I followed my intuition and started searching where I would be. That's how I found Soap."

"Did you hurt him?" Rodolfo asked calmly as he started taking notes on one of the papers.

"No, I didn't," the woman answered, her voice starting to show her pent-up frustration. "We made a plan. I would give him my gun and try to play it off like he ambushed me. It worked, nobody asked questions beyond that. Is he okay?"

Is Alejandro okay?

"He is."

Some weight got lifted off her chest. At least she knew that most of them were okay.

After that, she told them everything she knew, which wasn't that much. Graves didn't tell her a lot of things lately; maybe he got a feeling that she wouldn't just agree with everything he said. But she talked them through the defense of Alejandro's base that was still under Shadow territory. She told them which places could be the weak points, when the patrols rotated, and whether Graves would be there.

Everything she knew about her team she spilled it for them, every information and word cutting deeper into her skin. She sat here, betraying her family just so she could save her other family. It hurt more than anything she experienced but she knew there was nothing she could do now.

They're going to take back Alejandro's base with or without her help. Her only choice was whether she would help to lessen the injuries that may occur.

And she had enough damage done already. She had too much blood on her hands; she couldn't bear any more. Especially not the ones she cared about.

As she told Rodolfo everything she knew, even her theories, and drew a map of potential weak points, she kept thinking about Alejandro. She did all of this for him and in hopes that he would forgive her someday. She will keep trying until everything goes back to how it was, even if it will kill her.

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After the interrogation, Rudy and Ghost left her in the room for hours. In those hours, she finally let herself cry – cry for every life that got lost during the war; cry for every civilian that got in the crossfire; and cry for every soul that would get hurt afterward.

After there were no tears left to cry, she just sat there and stared ahead, deep in thought. Her head hurt from all the crying and Soap's hit from before, her hands hurt from the handcuffs and her whole body screamed at her to finally stand up and move around. But she did nothing: didn't even complain, didn't even flinch when the metal cut into her skin for the hundred time.

Beadie didn't know the time. She didn't know whether it was day or night, but the rain finally stopped and the roof didn't leak anymore. Sometimes she heard some footsteps in the halls but she wasn't sure. She might just go crazy.

Just as she finally gave in to tiredness and rested her head on her arms, the door opened. She jumped at the sudden motion, the light squeak of the door being the only noise she heard in hours now. But when her eyes met his, she forgot how to breathe.

The world stopped. There was nothing and nobody else just him.

But he looked away too quickly, looking anywhere but her eyes. Her gaze shifted along his body, noting how he was in full gear and ready for a war. But she was most glad that he was okay.

"Ale..."

"We're taking you with us," he spoke for the first time. The deep tones of his voice made her eyes well up, but she was quick to blink away her emotions. "We need you to navigate us through and speak with the Shadows on the radio if it's needed. Codes and codenames, everything."

Beadie pursed her lips together, her heart beating strongly behind her ribs. For a few seconds, only silence passed between them, her anger boiling.

"At least if you'll treat me like a prisoner, look into my eyes, Colonel."

For a few seconds, Alejandro shut his eyes and took a deep breath while her eyes bore into him. There were very few things that could still hurt her, but this cold side of his broke her like nothing else. And she started to get tired of picking up the broken pieces.

When he opened his eyes and finally looked at her, she could see that something was wrong. The darkness in his eyes swirled with something else; something that caused her facade to fall apart and let her emotions show. She wanted to make his pain go away – solve his problems, bring the stars down for him, or do anything he wanted.

But neither of them was in that position right now.

"So," Beadie licked her dry lips, the motion being followed by his eyes. "Do you want me out there because you're afraid I would just dip? Or what?"

"I need you there," he admitted, some of the warmth that captured her the first time she met him returning for a second.

She wanted to ask further questions. Ask why he did this. Why keep her here like a prisoner? Why act like they were nothing but strangers? But instead, she just nodded her head and stood from her seat, her knees wobbling slightly under her weight.

With her remaining strength, she flashed him a small smile before walking past him, right out the door he left open.

╚⏤⏤⏤╗❀╔⏤⏤⏤╝

Seeing everyone in a skull-printed mask was weird, to say the least. Everyone had one but her.

Just as they got into the maintenance tunnels where Alejandro's team would approach the base, he finally noticed how Beadie kept adjusting her hands.

"Just a moment," he nodded towards Rodolfo, who nodded back in acknowledgment and led the group further down.

Letting his rifle hang from his shoulders, Alejandro stepped closer and took her hands in his. Running a tender finger along her wrists he examined her arms while the blonde tried her best to keep back a pained groan.

The metal handcuffs have rubbed her skin red, the tightness of them already making bruises along her fair skin. Every time she moved it created friction against her wrist and only created more marks.

"Why didn't you say something?" he asked, his voice so low she barely caught it. She watched as he reached into one of the pockets on his vest and pulled out a master key. Judging by the size and shape of it, it belonged to the cuffs.

She didn't reply. She didn't want to say 'I thought I deserved it'. She didn't want to say 'This is for the best'. So she just let the silence speak for her.

His gloved hand touched her arm so lightly and gently that she barely felt it when he opened the handcuffs, finally setting her free. Beadie lifted her face to look up at him only to see how he kept his eyes away from her at all costs.

The anger inside her that she had suppressed for so long now wanted to burst and blow the whole place up.

"Why can't you look at me, Alejandro?"

"Because it hurts."

Her brows furrowed at him, and in the state of her confusion, she barely noticed how he adjusted the handcuffs.

"It hurts to see that look in your eyes whenever you look at me. Like, despite everything that happened, you didn't change."

"I changed," Beadie replied, her voice matching the feather-light touches. "But my feelings for you didn't."

That finally caused him to look up and meet her eyes. They just held each other's gaze for a few seconds, pretending like the world wasn't just falling apart around them. Beadie wanted to reach out and touch him so badly, it hurt to hold herself back. And just like he saw her for the first time, his eyes roamed her face, like he wanted to remember every single detail.

And it was true, her feelings for him hadn't changed one bit. Deep down she hoped his hadn't changed that much, either. But the way he touched her and looked at her said that there was still hope for them.

"Vargas!"

Both of their heads snapped towards the voice, a masked man looking back at them several feet away. She didn't recognize his voice but it was deep and thickened by a British accent, which meant he belonged to 141 as well.

Suddenly too aware of how close they were standing, Alejandro took a step back and clicked the handcuffs back on her hand. She couldn't hide the disappointment and betrayal showing on her face as she looked back down on her hands. The handcuffs were a lot looser than before, the metal now slipping up her forearms when she lifted her hands.

"I'm sorry," Alejandro replied to her silent question, the gentleness of his tone somewhat soothing her. "I would take it off if I could. But Price wants to keep it on until we kill Graves."

She must've heard him wrong.

"What?" she blurted out, her voice suddenly rising. "What do you mean 'kill Graves'?"

"That's the only way," he gripped her upper arms and turned her to follow after the others. The urge to spin around and kick him was big but she resisted. She didn't like being manhandled. "I know your feelings for him-"

"There's no feelings for him, culo," Beadie hissed at him above her shoulder, her anger finally getting the better of her.

Being sleep-deprived and having so much trauma dumped on her head brought out the side of hers that always argued with her mother.

"You two," the man that disturbed their precious moment before called out to them, his dark eyes narrowing as he looked at them. "If you don't want to alert the whole bloody base, keep it down."

"Yes, sir," the woman replied back, venom dripping from her voice. She sent him a sharp look before walking past him, taking the lead just to get away from them as soon as she could.

Sometimes she really hated men.

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i split this chapter in two cuz it would've been too long. so enjoy

there's like two other chapters left of this story, so we're really in the endgame now