When the doctor left, Beau lay on the cot and stared at the ceiling. He'd fucked everything. It was all going so well. He had found himself, found Fin and had plans to move forward. Then he'd snapped.

That meant things weren't right in the head with him. He'd hurt Fin so he couldn't trust himself with her again. No matter what Roy Hadley said about making it up to her the risk was too high. What if he snapped again? There was no way he would take that chance. He loved her too much. Beau closed his eyes and fought to make sense of his reaction to Fin looking into the box.

He remembered being angry. Vague memories of thinking she was cursed came to him. Poor Fin didn't have a clue what it was she had done wrong. The fact was, she hadn't done anything wrong.

Opening the box had unlocked the wounds of his past. It's what Doctor Baez said he had to do if he wanted to heal. He had to confront the issues. Instead, he'd run away from them.

In reality, what Fin had done was a good thing. She had opened the scab on his soul and let the pus ooze free. And leach it had until he'd lost it, not remembering half of what he had done. Beau scoffed at his thoughts of her being poisonous when it was, he who was infected.

He wondered how much she had been able to work out with her limited reading ability.

By the time Beau had finished weighing everything in his head, he chose to take Sergeant Hadley's advice and make it up to Fin. To ask her the truth. Even though Doctor Green had given him hope that he hadn't raped her, doubt plagued his mind.

Beau continued to think things through. He also needed to make it up to his family. He touched his bruised and swollen face. Doctor Green was right. Findlay had knocked some sense into him. Each blow had hammered reality inside of Beau's brain and by the time the police had arrived Beau was back on the playing field of realism.

He ran his fingers over his face and felt the four days' growth. Man... he must look like a piece of shit. Was this what Fin meant when she kept saying it wasn't him?

Could she see he hadn't been himself but some crazed replica that was filthy dirty and covered in whiskers? If he was going to see her, he'd need to shower and shave beforehand. Then he'd present himself to her without looking like the reincarnation of Ned Kelly.

"Hawkins."

Beau lifted his head.

"There's a phone call for you." Ben unlocked the cell and indicated Beau should follow him. "It's your father."

"Shit," he cursed. "Not sure I'm ready for this."

"May as well get it over and done with." Ben waved him to a seat. "Sit here and I'll transfer it."

Beau took the chair Ben pointed to and waited.

"Okay, pick it up and press one."

Beau lifted the handset with trepidation. "Hello."

Ben watched Beau Hawkins' face. Different emotions flashed across his features. He listened to the half of the conversation he could hear.

"Yeah. I'm good."

"No, they haven't charged me."

"I was sure I did."

"Not sure. Just lost it and... fuck I don't know, Dad. You know how fucked up I've been."

"She says I didn't."

"I'm hoping I didn't. I'm hoping she loves me."

"Yeah."

Ben watched a smile spread across Beau's face.

"I do. I love her heaps."

"No. Don't put her on. I can't talk right now. The officer wants to put me back in the cell."

"I'll give you a call in a couple of days. Gotta go. Tell her I'm sorry."

"No. No point coming here. I'll be home soon and then we can talk."

"I gotta go, Dad."

"I love you too."

When Beau put the phone on its cradle Ben cocked his head. "Why'd you lie to them?"

"I didn't lie. I told him I raped her."

"Not that. About me wanting to put you back in the cell."

Beau gave Ben a sheepish grin. "He wanted me to talk to my mother. I'd spend the next hour trying to make her understand why I left and why I did what I did to Fin while she bawled her eyes out. I don't think I can handle that at the moment. Besides it's something I need to do face to face."

Ben nodded and jerked his head. "Come on. I'll get you something to eat."

"Do you think I could have a shower and a shave?"

"Sure. I'll try and find you some clean clothes."

"Thanks." Beau focused on Ben's face. "I want to see Fin tomorrow. Do you think that's possible?"

"If she stands by what she's said you're a free man. The trouble is, Findlay won't let you on the property. He's got a restraining order against you."

"Yeah. I heard."

Ben grinned as he shut the cell. "I'll talk to Roy. Maybe we could bring her in here but I can guarantee Findlay won't let her out of his sight."

"Thanks," Beau muttered.

"Look, for what it's worth. You did right, taking her away from Findlay. It's the best thing that could have happened to him and one day, he'll realise it. We haven't seen him drunk for two months and his place looks like it has an owner again."

"Great." Beau ran his hand up the back of his head. "I can go to my grave knowing my soul has been saved because of my good works."

"Don't be too hasty." Ben laughed. "I reckon the devil still has a say in the matter."

"You got that right," Beau agreed.

That night Beau found it hard to go to sleep. Maybe he hadn't raped Fin. He couldn't remember anything other than him standing naked pulling his hair out and her crying in the corner. He had hurt her and needed to see her to apologise and find out the truth of what had happened.

Excitement for his future with Fin kept him awake. If she'd have him. He lay wondering how many kids they'd have. Where would they live? Here or near his family. Findlay came to mind. Beau wondered if it would bother Fin to leave him. As he considered all these things a sudden thought struck him.

There was a huge chance she would reject him.

Do you think Fin will reject Beau?

photo copyright - gettyimages.