Each day Cody thought about Fin. He invented scenes where he had reason to speak to her. He envisaged himself smashing his fists into Findlay and the Gallo's faces. She'd thank him, kiss him on the cheek and say, "I wish someone had done that long ago."

He knew these fantasies made him feel worse and each day he told himself to forget it. Cody kept busy but, thoughts of her would slip back into his mind, much like his lungs continued to breathe without thinking. He'd realise she was there and then swear or kick the dog and force her out again.

Every night he dreamt about her. Sometimes the Gallos were raping her and Cody couldn't do anything to stop them. At other times it was him doing the raping. No matter which way his dream went he always woke in a lather of sweat and a need he couldn't satisfy. Shame scorched him for being turned on by the scenes his unconscious mind created.

He woke one morning, out of breath, semen spread over his sheets and body. Cody swore and rolled on his back. He ran his hands over his face and into his hair. Fuck. He wished he'd stayed away and hadn't looked at her face because she haunted him. He wiped his penis and stomach with the sheet. Now she had him cuming all over himself.

The rape and erotic dreams had aroused him but, he hadn't cum. This was a first. The dream hadn't been sexual. This time she looked at him with anxious eyes. They'd been shiny with moisture. Her full lips were parted as if to say something but, before she could speak, he'd woken ejaculating all over the bed.

Cody went for a shower. He stripped the bed of its sheets and remade it with clean ones. All day he kept busy doing one job and then another until he found himself in the shed dragging an old metal toolbox from its hiding place. Cody didn't want to admit it but, the urge to see her was too strong. He had to go back into town.

He inserted the key into the rusty lock and counted the money hidden under the false bottom. Five thousand, two hundred and fifty dollars. He put fifty into his pocket and put the rest of the money back in the box. Cody hesitated before replacing the false bottom. He thought about a TV and DVD player and pulled another five hundred from the bundle. He replaced the money, locked the box, patted the lid and thought how lucky he was to have taken this item. He shoved it back in its hiding place.

He sat on the drum of chicken feed and yelled at the ceiling, "What the fuck am I doing?"

"Nothing," he muttered. "You're not doing anything other than going into town to buy some stuff."

Cody shook his head and asked, "What stuff?"

He answered, "A TV and DVD player."

Max whimpered and cocked his head.

Cody laughed and pressed the palms of his hands against his eye sockets. He looked at Max. "I know. I swore I wasn't going into town more than once a month but I'm going fucking crazy. There's this girl, you see. She's in my head. I can't get her out."

Max whined again so Cody sat on the dirt floor and pulled Max onto his lap.

"She's the reason I've been so shitty this week. I don't expect things to change by going in there. The truth is it'll make me worse. I can't control it, mate." Cody rubbed the spot behind Max's ears. The Labrador grumbled with pleasure. He looked into Max's eyes and said, "No matter what I tell myself I know I'm going into town."

The dog licked his face.

"You're a good mate." Cody laughed. "I knew you'd understand. Who knows, maybe Chastity will be there. I'll get to fuck again and the other one will disappear from my head. What are the chances do you think?"

Max cocked his head again.

Cody grinned. "Pretty, fucking, unlikely, hey? You're right, but a man can try." He gave the dog one last pat and stood.

He went to the pawnbrokers and chose a newish-looking TV that had a large scratch on the side panel.

"Good choice." Karl nodded his approval and ran his hand over the unit. "It's brand new. When they come in damaged the electrical store gives me a first offer. No one will buy seconds from them."

"You got any DVD players that'll go with it?"

Karl jerked his head toward one of the units. "That Sanyo's the better buy."

Cody grabbed it and a handful of movies. He put them into the front of his truck.

When he got to Snakes neither Fin nor Findlay were there. Snake grabbed a bottle of Hahn Light and put it in front of him before he had time to ask.

Cody handed him a fifty-dollar bill and jerked his head at the vacant seat. "Where are they?"

Snake shrugged. "Home, I guess."

"How come?"

"How the fuck would I know. They don't live here. You do realise that don't you?"

Cody grinned. "I thought Findlay came in every day."

"No. He don't."

"So, he doesn't get drunk every day?"

"You don't have to be in a bar to get drunk, Cody. Fuck. Where are you from?"

"I thought he was that kind of drunk." Cody laughed and took a mouthful of the Hahn. A surge of disappointment sat heavy in the base of his stomach. He asked himself again, what the hell was he doing?

"She's got at you that much, hey?" Snake said as he put Cody's change on the counter.

"What?" Cody eyed Snake.

"That's why you're here, right? To see the girl."

"Piss off. Just needed to come into town so thought I'd stop by and have a beer."

"Why were the first words to come out of your mouth something about her? Askin' where they were," Snaked said.

"Well, they've always been here. Anyone would have asked."

"Yeah... right, Cody." Snake tapped the bar. "I think you're playing a dangerous game, mate."

Cody laughed at him. "I think you're screwed in the head, Snake. You make shit up."

Snake grinned and walked away.

An hour went by. Cody itched to leave. If he did Snake would know for sure he'd come in because of Fin. He studied the TV on the wall though he couldn't concentrate on the show, a soap opera and too complicated for him. Someone had an affair with someone they shouldn't have. Cody didn't know one character from the other.

The anxiety he'd carried disappeared. It was good that Findlay and his daughter hadn't been in the bar.

He wondered if it had all been of his own making, a way to make up for past sins. If he helped this girl he would somehow be redeemed.

One good deed to cancel out a lot of bad.

Life didn't work like that and Cody knew it.  

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