"Shanzae has been incredibly quiet these past two days. Almost unreadable." I heard my mother's muffled voice through the door of my father's study. I peeped in though the slight crack in the door way.

It has been two days since the engagement and my mind had been a surging perplexity. My thoughts were splotched with discordant emotions, pulling me in different directions, slowly wrenching my soul. Yet I could not abandon them.

In this conflict between my heart and my head, no matter who won, I would still lose.

These past two days, I had enough time to mull over my life, and I came to the conclusion I could not let my impulsiveness and irrationality override logical thought. There was no point living in denial, my family had signed off my future, but I still had to try one last time.

Yaar's words kept ringing, my brother doesn't deserve this. But did I deserve this? Did he deserve this? I could not let my silence destroy three lives.

I might fail, I can accept that. We all fail, but I cannot accept not trying. The guilt of not trying would forever haunt me.

I had to try. I had to fight for my love. For my life.

But as soon as I reached my father's study, my mother's anguished tone stopped me, and I couldn't help, but pry upon their hushed conversation.

"She had a soft corner for Shehryar. I'm sure she feels betrayed. We've wronged our daughter, Mehreen." Dad said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "But Abu has made the right decision. Aliyaar is a better choice for our daughter."

Mum shook her head in agreement, "I hope so. It's just.. everything has been so sudden. Abu Jaan should have at least informed us about his change of plan. Until three days ago, even we didn't know our daughter would have to marry Aliyaar."

I fist my hands, trying to control my anger.

"Shanzae is a mature girl. I'm sure she'll settle in well. We don't always get what we want. I'm sure she understands." I wasn't surprised at dad's words. He has always been too accepting of Dada Jaan's decisions.

My mother nodded. "She'll get over it. I just hope she will not hold this against us. We've only done what's best for her, best for us."

I sighed, squeezing my eyes shut. I needed to be strong. A sinking feeling settled in the pit of my stomach, I knew my chances were slim, but I had to try. My parents were my last hope. Gathering every ounce of courage, I finally knocked at the door and stepped in.

Surprise washed over my parent's face. They certainly didn't expect me. However, dad recovered quickly and smiled warmly gesturing me to take a seat. "It's good you're out of your room. We were worried for you. I understand you haven't taken the news lightly, but.."

"I'm here to talk." I said, cutting him short. Mum's worried eyes darted between the two of us, but dad remained phlegmatic like he expected this.

He confirmed my suspicions, "I expected that. Continue."

I gulped, all words seemingly stuck in my throat. "I... you.. you all betrayed me. You knew I liked Yaar, then why would you do this to me? I had given my consent to this marriage thinking this proposal was from Yaar and not his brother. You've cheated me."

A haunting silence permeated the room.

"Do you love the boy?" Dad's voice was laced with worry.

Did I love him?

Suddenly, I wasn't too sure, but if I've ever felt anything for anyone in this life it was for him. He was perfect, he was everything I ever wanted.

"I don't know." I replied honestly. "But I do like him, I feel comfortable around him. That was the only reason I said yes to this arrangement. And you both knew about this. Why would you manipulate me like that?"

Dad took a deep breath, rubbing his temples, "The whole situation is right in front of you. You think it pleases me to see you like this? But you have to trust us."

"Trust you?!" I screamed, anger raging through my veins. "I trusted you. All of you. I trusted you enough to not even ask who the proposal was for. And what did you do? Got me engaged to Yaar's brother. You want me to live under the same roof as him, but as his brother's wife, knowing full well that I like him. How can you all be so cruel."

Dad's face stilled with a solemn expression, "I asked you before, I'll ask you again, are you in love with Shehryar?"

"Maybe. I can't say for certain. But I do have a deep affection for him. And his feelings are mutual. He has everything I've ever wanted in a life partner. Why would you destroy three lives just for your personal gain?"

My parents looked relieved. "Well thank god you're not involved with him. You're a Malik, Shanzae. Remember that. You wouldn't want to tarnish your family's honour." Dad said.

"If you're not in love with him, I don't see any problem here. You need to get these romantic notions out of your mind. They'll only mess with your brain." My mother said, lightly patting my hand.

"You want to push me into a loveless marriage and expect me to be alright with it, just so that you can bail yourself out. You want me to be you, Mum."

Mother grasped at my words, her face ajar in resignation. My parent, too, had an arrange marriage for the mutual benefit of their families. And like many such unions, this one too, was anchored on compromise, silence and compliance. My mother had mastered the art of hiding her feelings, fooling everyone with the veneer of a perfect marriage.

She looked away, too mortified at the realisation that I pitied her. She was too proud to accept any sympathies, even if they were from her own blood. I knew my words had pained her, but the arrow had already left the bow. There was no going back.

Dad's eyes momentarily widen at my words, but slowly narrowed, his hands clasped together in front of him, the ridges on his forehead deepening. "Is this the way you'll talk to your parents now," he said gravely, "I wonder how you'll address your husband. He wouldn't appreciate this behaviour."

I scowled, "I could care less about what he appreciates and what he doesn't. You have to understand, this marriage will do the two of us no good. You are my parents you have to stop this lunacy." I bang my hands against the table, causing the lamp to jolt besides me. I closed my eyes, trying to collect myself, before finally looking up to meet dad's hardened gaze. "Since when did our relationship become so apathetic, Dad, so distant, so aloof?" My voice tampered into oblivion, the pain in my voice evident.

Dad's eyes filled with an unknown expression and his face softened. "I have tried Shanzae. I really have." I heard a soft whimper escape my mother, but she quickly looked away, hiding the lone tear resting at the corner of her eye. I had never seen my mother cry. Dad bent forward, taking her hand in a comforting grasp, before once again turning his attention to me. "We don't want you harbouring hard feelings for your grandfather. He did what he did to secure your future."

I urged the sudden desire to roll my eyes. "My future? You wanted me to marry into the family. I've agreed, but then why bring Aliyaar into this mess? Yaar is also Ahmed uncle's son, is that not security enough for you all? Why can't I have what I want, when I'm ready to give you what you want?"

Dad shook his head, "You're being too emotional about this. You're not an ordinary girl, Shanzae. You can't just marry anyone. Your marriage will have consequences. Far reaching consequences. You can't let frivolous notions of love and romanticism destroy..."

"So, you want me to get married to a man, I know nothing about, just because I'm not an ordinary girl; just because my marriage will decide the future trajectory of Pakistani politics? Give me a solid reason, father."

Dad flinched at my words, his temple twitching with irritation. "We don't marry for love, Shanzae. We don't have the privilege of marrying someone for love."

Mother cleared her throat breaking the tension, "You are our daughter. We need someone who will make a dependable husband to you and a good father to your children."

A good father to your children.

I gulped at the thought, quickly pushing it to the back of my mind.

"What makes you think Yaar won't make a reliable husband?"

"Shehryar has no stake in this. He is doing it for his family. Last we heard he has plans of moving to England. We have no leverage against him, if he ever hurts you or divorces you in the future. Aliyaar can give you a secure future, he has too much at stake to let you go or call off this marriage." Dad explained his reasoning.

"We know you have a liking for him, but we can't risk your future. Love is a sweet feeling, albeit a fleeting one. It comes and goes. You'll grow to like Aliyaar. And all of this will be irrelevant then."

I wanted to laugh. No matter how much I loved my parents and how much they actually cared for me, right now I realised we were, but mere strangers to each other.

"I'm not you mum. We might belong to the same family, but we are different. Think of it like this, you're a domestic cat that raised a lion's cub. I belong in the jungle, not a four walled house. The wilderness that scares you, excites me. For unlike you, I yearn for freedom. And freedom I will get." I said getting up to leave.

My parents stilled at the impregnable promise.

➰➰➰

I stood by the window, my eyes fixated at the scenery ahead, the dead air around me lulled my senses. The weariness and apprehension from the past few days slowly catching up, my head began to ache. The past few days had been mentally exhausting, the siege of my family had debilitated me completely. My parents were the last straw of hope, but with that gone, I felt myself sinking.

Drowning and there was no hope of surviving.

I clasp my hands on my ears, trying to clog off the darkened thoughts piercing through me like an arrow, laughing at me, mocking me. I wanted them gone, but they just screamed louder and louder.

Just when I felt I couldn't take it, I heard a voice calling my name, guiding me back to reality. I turn around to see Huda standing by the bed, her face itched with worry.

"Are you alright?" She asked softly. I nodded looking away. "I came to give this to you." She said turning to pick up a bouquet of pink roses. I glanced at the carefully wrapped flowers, looking breathtakingly beautiful. I smiled.

"Who sent these?" I asked, picking up the flowers.

Huda returned my smile, relieved at the sudden change in my mood. "Chaudhry Sahab ke ghar se ae hain."

[They've come from the Chaudhry household.]

I sight a piece of paper carefully tucked between the flowers. I thread my fingers between the leaves, slowly pulling out the letter. "Keep these by the table."

My heart skipped a beat. This was the first time someone ever sent me flowers along with a note. An unexpected warmth enveloped me, flushing my cheeks. It might be a trifling action, but for once I felt cared for. I turned around, slowly unfolding the piece of paper.

Dearest Shanzae, 

I hope you liked the flowers. When I saw them, they reminded me of you and I couldn't help, but think about you.

I know the events of the past few days have been unexpected and, in some sense, startling. You were not prepared for them, neither was I, nor my family. But like they say, man proposes, God disposes. May be this is how it was always meant to be.

I know you're deeply hurt and upset, and trust me, my heart will undoubtedly forever be scarred for putting you in this position. But my hands are tied.

You're a beautiful person, who deserves all the happiness in the world. I know this marriage does not bring you joy, but I assure you I will make sure you are loved and welcomed in our family. I can't promise you your happiness, but I can assure you won't regret your decision.

You'll always have a special place in my heart.

Your truely,
Yaar

I lone tear ran down my face, dropping on the piece of paper. I held the paper to my heart and in that moment I made my decision.

I wasn't giving up.

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What will Shanzae do now? 🤭😯
Thoughts on today's chapter and Shanzae.