Mohabbat karna humare bas Mein nahi hota
محبت کرنا ہمارے بس میں نہیں ہوتا

Smudged light streamed in through the blinds of my office, fractured but dazzling bright. I shut my eyes and sighed, rubbing my temples in deep thought. I moved my hands restlessly, my slender fingers twisting together in knots. An errant handful of breeze blew the duppatta lying on my shoulders onto my face, tousling my neatly tied hair and drawing my brows together in a frown.

"You don't have to concern yourself, it should be sorted in a few days." I heard Aliyaar's gentle voice through the phone, tired yet surprisingly sharp. It had been over two weeks since he left for the first leg of his campaign trail. Most of it had been centred around the smaller cities and constituencies in Punjab, but he had also stayed in the capital Islamabad for two days. Despite his repeated attempts to convince me, I had stayed behind. The new orphanage building was reaching completion and had occupied much of my time.

"In a few days?" I frowned irritatedly. "And you wouldn't be back until then?"

I heard him chuckle at the other end, "Why? Do you miss me?" His tone suddenly shifted and I knew he was smiling.

I shook my head, "Of course I don't." I replied in a biting tone, the blatant lie darkening the skin of my cheeks in deep hues of blush. Every moment away from him had been agonising, yet I was too proud to admit it to him. "I only asked because Safina Aunty has been asking about you. But I understand you have important matters to tend to."

He inhaled heavily at my last sentence, and I heard him type something on his laptop. "I've talked to your father and he is hoping this matter would be resolved soon, but with Ibrahim uncle and Zaroon adding pressure from the top, gathering support from this district is proving harder than I had thought. They've offered the man a ministry."

I gasped in shock. "Surely, Dada Jaan isn't thinking of inducting him in the cabinet. And if I recall correctly the man, excuse my language, is a wretched bastard."

Aliyaar laughed, "You're excused." He joked. "But I couldn't agree more. The man has a questionable character. But considering the funding he is giving your party, such details can easily be overlooked." His voice sounded lazy, almost casual. "I don't think Azar Baloch himself poses a major threat. It's his growing closeness with your uncle and cousin which is concerning."

I stood by the window basking in the light of the sun when my attention was caught by a little girl sitting alone by the stairs. "They are trying to break your voter bank by introducing a new candidate from this area." I said, eyeing the girl carefully. I had been visiting the orphanage daily, but I had noticed this girl always avoided me. I turned around, my attention diverting back to Aliyaar's picture on my phone. I smiled, a pang of yearning churned my gut. I missed him. "While he might not be a threat, it's better to get rid of him. Never take anyone lightly when it's politics."

Aliyaar breathed deeply, "You're right. We're looking into him. I can't let these five districts get away from me." A knock at the door broke our conversation and then I heard Aliyaar dash out some ambiguous instructions to the person at the door. "I have to go to Shan. I'll talk to you later. Allah hafiz." And then without waiting for a response the line went dead.

I held the phone to my heart and sighed. I looked outside the window at the little girl who still sat on the stairs. I decided to meet her. I had just left the room when my phone began to vibrate again and Aliyaar's pictures popped up on the screen. My brows furrowed together in confusion, before I received the call. "Hey, is everything alright?"

"Yeah. I just forgot to tell you, I love you and I miss you."

I smiled brightly, trying to control the rosy hue spilling on my cheeks. "I know." I replied proudly.

Aliyaar chuckled, "Just like I know you miss me too, but you're too proud to admit it. Bye Jaan."

I smiled, praying for his success, and began walking towards the stairs. The new residential building of the orphanage was finally complete and since Aliyaar had allocated a generous fund, I had been able to refurbish the playgrounds as well as the gardens. The children had taken a keen interest in the renovations, pouring in exciting ideas and thoughts. I visited almost everyday but apart from Aliyaar no one knew of my little escapades.

The little girl saw me approaching her and for a moment she almost seemed surprised. But she quickly looked away and began scribbling on her notebook, studiously avoiding my gaze. I bent down and sat beside her on the stairs, dusting away the dust from my hands. The girl lifted her face and looked at me cautiously from the corner of her eyes. "Hi. What are you doing?" I asked, turning towards her.

But she remained silent, continuing to draw patterns on the book. She seemed to be about five, perhaps six. "I don't have friends. Will you be my friend?" I asked her, extending my hand towards her.

She looked at my hand and then me, before shaking her head. "Aliyaar Bhai is your friend."

I smiled at her words. "Well, he isn't exactly my friend. So maybe we can—"

"You're not his friends?" She almost gasped out in shock. "But he told me you're his friend."

"Oh did he?" I was a little surprised at the revelation. "When did he tell you that?"

"When you visited for the first time. That was the last time he came." Her voice saddened and her expressions turned gloomy. "Why doesn't he visit us anymore? He was my best friend." She looked dejected, but then turned to me with round hopeful eyes. "Will you tell him that we miss him?"

I grinned, studying the innocence shining in her eyes, "When I meet him I will. But your Aliyaar Bhai is too busy to meet me. I haven't seen him in weeks." I grumbled, trying to cheer her up. She laughed as she slowly began to warm up to me. "He is too occupied with his work."

"We watch him on television sometimes. Madam said he will one day rule this country, that's why he is so busy. Do you miss him also?" She asked.

I hadn't expected the question and while I knew the answer, I wasn't sure I wanted to admit it. But her question made me wonder what our future held. We had been married for a few months and Aliyaar had spoiled me rotten with his time and attention. But as the elections drew near, I knew we'd have to spend more and more time apart. And if he won, the added responsibilities might take away the little time we got together. The realisation of having to live a rich lonely life was frightening. Would he still love me after he won the elections?

An unsettling fear settled in the pit of my heart.

I could not imagine a life without him. Ever since he entered my life, he had slowly carved his place in my heart. My world, it seemed, was centred around him. He was my whole world. But I was just a small part of his world. He didn't belong to me, he belonged to the people. And it would be selfish of me to keep them away from him. The reality was painful. I alway knew this would be our fate, but every time I was with him, I'd push the thought away, savouring his love and undivided attention.

"I miss him too. I always miss him." I sighed thoughtfully, the pain in my voice not missed by the little girl.

***

A glittering silver moon had risen over the cusp of the horizon and cast a frosty light over the gardens. In the plummy darkness, I sat with Layla sipping onto my cup of tea. A soft murmur of the breeze whispered in my ear. "I'm glad you came to stay. A change in the environment can do you good." The corner of Layla's lips curled into a half smile, a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Since Aliyaar was away, I had asked Layla to come and live at our house for a few days.

The past few weeks had been difficult for her and our mother had become increasingly concerned about Layla's growing detachment with the family. We were both of the opinion that a change of surroundings would do her some good. Layla had reluctantly taken me up on the offer, but ever since she arrived she had been unusually quiet. Even Safina Aunty's attempts to engage her in talks had been futile.

I looked at her and her face was wan in the moonlight, the dark strands of her hair veiled the slender features of her face. Her cheeks sank and jawline cut. It appeared she had lost significant weight, and if the portions on her plate were any indication she hadn't been eating well.

"Do you want to talk, Layla?" I asked quietly.

She turned and looked at me for a fleeting moment. My heart sank seeing her eyes burning with pain and anguish. "Ibrahim Taya wants Zaroon to marry a zamindar's sister. He has promised them funding and assured them he'd break Aliyaar Bhai's voter base in South Punjab." Her voice was deadly, flashing with bouts of anger and hatred. She was staring at the distance, but I knew her eyes were numb with pain.

Shock burnt every bone in my body, drying the blood running through my veins. "And Zaroon Bhai agreed?" A pulse throbbed my temple and I pressed my hand on my forehead, unable to believe what I had just heard.

Her nostrils flared and her eyes darkened with raging fury. She looked heartbreakingly dangerous. "I don't know." Her voice was disturbingly low, dripping with promising vengeance. "But I hope he does. Perhaps that'll make him realise what he just lost."

"Layla, you care for him." I took a long deep breath, trying to reign over my failing emotions. How could life be so cruel to Layla? A song of guilt stabbed my heart. Somewhere she was paying the price of my happiness. "Don't give up so easily."

The veneer of reckless anger began to melt and her face slowly went blank, devoid of any emotions. She inhaled deeply and shook her head with ladylike poise. "I know my worth. A person who commands attention does not need to beg for it." The composed and collected Layla was back. Just like my mother, Layla was quick to conceal her emotions behind a callous facade of indifference.

I studied her for a painful moment before nodding my head in agreement. "Does Dada Jaan know?"

Layla shrugged, "I'm not entirely sure. But if the rumours amongst the servants hold any truth to them, Ibrahim Taya and Dada Jaan haven't been on talking terms ever since he resigned and Dada Jaan invited you back home, especially since Ibrahim Taya had wanted to sever ties with you and Aliyaar Bhai."

"Aliyaar told me Zaroon and Ibrahim Taya haven't been attending meetings either." I laid back into my seat and took a sip of my tea. My eyes were set upon the mushroomed trees lining the walls blossoming with fragrant pink and white flowers. "They have been teaming up with independents from South Punjab to create trouble within constituencies where we have a confirmed win."

"When is Aliyaar Bhai coming back? His campaign trail has been met with an overwhelmingly positive response." Layla asked. I could sense the sudden shift in her mood and her eyes gleamed under the darkness.

"I'm not entirely sure. This new candidate from South Punjab has been creating troubles. Aliyaar said he doesn't want to return before solving this issue. If we let him gain power, there is a good chance he might tip the scale on Election Day."

Layla's eyes narrowed in thought and her face lit up with a strange, inscrutable expression. "Do you happen to know the name of the man?"

Realisation dawned upon me and a heat of anger pulsated through my veins. "Is Zaroon Bhai marrying Azar Baloch's sister?"

Upon hearing the name the embedded lines on Layla's forehead smoothed out and a small smile flitted across her face. There was no pain in her eyes, but a wicked gleam of pride. She eased back into her seat and looked into the far distance. Her chin was held high, her posture steeled with grace and poise. "Now you know why I didn't even try."

"I'm so sorry Layla. I never thought our family would stoop this low. The man is a womanising bastard just like his father. Corrupt and characterless." I scrunched up my nose in disgust. No wonder he was creating problems for Aliyaar. "How can Dada Jaan allow his grandson to marry into such a family!" To say that I was appalled would be an understatement.

"I doubt Dada Jaan has any say in this. Ibrahim Taya and Zaroon are desperate for money and power, they are willing to go to any lengths." Layla shook her head in disappointment. She ran her hand over her skirt, straightening the pleats and then turned to me. "Anyways, how are things going for you? Ever since you got married I never got a chance to ask you."

"I'm good. Happy."

Layla chuckled, "You should be more than just happy." She said sardonically, "The man literally kisses the ground you walk on."

"Well that's stretching it." I chuckled with a shake of my head, "But yes, Aliyaar has been an amazing partner. He is kind, considerate and patient." I smiled inwardly. He was everything I had ever hoped for, and perhaps more. But the more I mulled over our relationship, I felt like something was amiss.

"Given the society we belong to, you surely lucked out. While things didn't go as per your plan, I'm sure you're in a better place now. Aliyaar Bhai really loves you."

In the silence of the night, her words came out strong and clear. And realisation began to seep into every pore of my skin. I looked away, staring into the gardens. The fountain at the other end of the garden sparkled under the moonlight, beautiful but too far away to be heard. Just like my life. Layla's words reminded me of my past dream. The dream of the life I had hoped I'd live one day. It was a beautiful dream, but today as I stood at the threshold of my new house, I can still see that dream, but it's so far away in my past, that I can no longer hear it. Neither do I have any wish of hearing it again.

I leaned towards Layla and whispered in a hushed tone, "He does. But it seems like all my fears are coming true. Now that our life is going back to normal, he barely has time for me. And I don't blame him, because we knew from the beginning that he couldn't give me the life I wanted."

Layla's brows rose at my words and she pulled back to stare at me for a minuscule moment. "Do you regret your decision?"

"What? No. Absolutely not." I shot back, clutching onto my heart. "I just— I don't know Layla. I feel Aliyaar still thinks I'm holding onto my past and perhaps I am. I'm just worried that if I don't move ahead and this distance between us keeps growing, we'd soon be lost."

Layla narrowed my eyes, which glittered with understanding. The corner of her lips rose into a small smile, "You're afraid of losing him." She said wondrously with understanding.

"I'm terrified."

"How are you and Shehryar doing?" A frown perched up on my face at the sudden unexpected question.

"Fine. Not the best of friends, but we have started to hold civil conversations. He has been helpful since Aliyaar hadn't been around these past two weeks."

"Are you still upset with him?" Layla leaned in and cut herself a slice of the lemon pound cake. "Would you want some?"

I shook my head and placed the tea cup back on the table. "About what happened, no. Somewhere I'm almost glad, because I found Aliyaar. As someone once said, it is better to be with a man who loves you, than to be with a man you love."

"Touché." Layla took a bite of her cake and closed her eyes savouring the delightful piece. "But you were never in love with Shehryar. You were merely infatuated with the idea of freedom he could get you." She shrugged dismissively and I paused to ponder over her words.

Was there any truth to them?

"If anything you're in love with Aliyaar Bhai." I stared at her in mild shock. It had been months since Aliyaar and I had been together yet I had never once stopped to assess my feelings. I really really cared for him, but was I in love with him?

Seeing the post expression on my face, Layla threw her hands in the air and shook her head, her dark long tresses flowing with her. "Don't tell me you still haven't realised that. It is pretty obvious Shanzae how much you care for him, how important he is to you. Let him know of your feelings. You both deserve it."

Was she telling me the truth? I couldn't possibly have been so tone deaf to my own feelings. But then again I was never too good with understanding my feelings.

"I don't know how I feel. I know I care immensely about him, but I think until I've fully gotten over my past I can't move forward." I buried my face in my palms and groaned in frustration. "And I don't know how I'd know I've gotten over it."

Layla pursed her lips and passed me a slice of cake. "Too many sacrifices have been made. Don't let these sacrifices go in vain. I hope you realise your feelings before it's too late. Stop crying for the Jack when you've found the King."

***

I looked at myself in the mirror and fastened the red silk nightgown around my waist. I bit my lower lip, scrutinising myself under my watchful stare. This was the first time I was wearing this negligee and while I looked every bit a seductress, with my hair curled and my tanned skin peaking through from underneath the lace, I wasn't really feeling happy. Aliyaar gifted this to me a while back, but I never got a chance to wear it. But tonight since I missed him so dearly I decided to put it on. I sprayed his perfume over myself and walked back into my room.

Just as I settled into bed, my phone lit up with Aliyaar's name. I smiled, picking up the call. "Hi!"

"I thought you would have slept." His voice was low and a little surprised. I gazed at the clock on the wall, it was a little past midnight.

"I had just gotten into bed."

I could hear him smile, "Could you not sleep because you miss me?" He teased playfully.

I pretended to yawn, "I was too busy to miss you." I lied. "Why have you called so late? Do you not have an early meeting tomorrow?"

"Well, I missed you so I thought I'd call you." I don't know why but his words suddenly made me very happy. And Layla's words echoed in my ears, 'you're in love with him.' I gulped uneasily, the words settling in the pit of my stomach. Nervousness crept under my skin and I felt cold and sweaty.

"—Shanzae, are you listening to me?"

His voice brought me back from my riverine of thoughts. "Yes, yes. What were you saying?"

"I asked, what are you wearing?"

My brows raced together at the unusual question and I looked around suspiciously. But the room was closed. He couldn't possibly have guessed I was wearing his gift. "Why?" My voice lowered in skepticism. "Are you watching me?"

He bellowed a laugh, "You make it sound a little creepy. How can I watch you? Just tell me what you're wearing."

I still wasn't convinced and I pursed my lips looking around. "I'm wearing a nightdress."

"Cover yourself and open the door." He chuckled.

"Have you sent a gift?" I asked excitedly, and without waiting for an answer I tore myself off the bed and rushed towards the door. During the days he had been away, he would randomly send me little things and by now I had gotten pretty used to his surprises. But tonight's surprise was something I had never expected.

He stood outside the door, tall and lean. Dressed in a black shirt and waistcoat. The top buttons of his shirt were undone and his sleeves were rolled to his elbow. Despite his tired disheveled state, he looked frighteningly handsome or perhaps I had just missed him too much. His hair had grown longer and a slight scruff shadowed his jawline. When his eyes met mine, the amber of irises glowed and the smirk of his lips widened at my reaction.

I had barely taken in the surprise when he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my waist, lifting me off the ground. I yelped in a mixture of shock and surprise, but held onto him, as he walked us in, closing the door behind him with a push of his foot. "I missed you so much." He squeezed his arms around my waist before lowering me back on the ground.

"Oh my god. I can't believe you came back." I squealed in excitement. My eyes sparkled with unbound happiness and I threw my arms around his neck, wanting to hold onto every bit of him. "You know I was thinking of visiting you, had you stayed any longer."

He chuckled and then buried his face into the crook of my neck, once again lifting me off the ground and pulling me inexorably close to him. "And then you say you didn't miss me." I could feel him smile against my skin and I giggled running my fingers through his hair. "Are you wearing my perfume?" He asked suddenly, pulling his head from the nest of my wild strands.

I sunk my teeth into the plump flesh of my lips, surprised like a child caught in mischief. I looked around, studiously avoiding his gaze, feeling the heat and blush rise up my face. Aliyaar laughed at my reaction and then without warning he pressed my face between his palms and leaned in to claim my lips with his.

Oh how I had missed him.

I could feel his stubble scratch me, but I was too far gone to care. I parted my lips and wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling the silken strands of his hair against my fingers, while his soft lips moved against mine. Gently at first, but with swift graduation of intensity it became hard and deep. He kissed me with a fervent urgency and I clung onto him as my mind spun with giddiness. But tonight, there was no nervousness or thought and I kissed him back with the same fire. Completely unyielding, surrendering myself to him. His fingers grazed my jaw, pulling my face inexorably close to him. Tonight I craved him.

Perhaps Layla was right.

The thought froze me and I stood there mortified at the realisation. Aliyaar pulled back, his eyes roaming over my face with undying concern. "Was I too rough?" He sounded apologetic.

"No. No—" I shook my head, caressing his neck with my thumb. "I— I just realised you must be hungry."

The lines on his forehead edged in relief and he stepped away shaking his head. "No, I had dinner in the jet." He replied as he began to unbutton his waistcoat. I stepped behind him and removed the coat from his shoulders. "Thanks." He smiled down at me.

"How did you come back early?"

"I'm back for two days. And then I go back." My smile died a sudden death, but I pursed my lips and nodded. "And you'd come with me."

"Really?" The sparkle of excitement in my eyes was not missed by him.

"Yes. It's so hard to stay away from you." He took his shirt off and his arms snaked around my waist as he pressed himself into my back, placing his chin on my shoulder. "You have no idea how much I missed you." He said when I turned my head to face him, my brow raised up in disbelief. His eyes turned honeyed fire, swaying between my eyes and my parted lips. "Every night I couldn't wait to have you in my arms and kiss you and—." His voice went chillingly low as his eyes stared at my lips. And then he leaned in and kissed me gently. His lips were so soft that I felt like a porcelain doll that would break at the slightest of touch.

"I missed you too." I admitted when he pulled back. "And today was particularly bad. I just wanted to be near you. So I wore this gown you got me." I stepped away from him, unfastening the gown to reveal the red nightdress I was wearing underneath.

He blinked and for a moment I wasn't even sure if he was breathing. His eyes burnt like a wild dangerous fire, languidly trailing down my frame, halting momentarily at the dip of my décolletage. I stepped forward and the hem grazed my knee riding up my thigh.

"I—I" he stammered incoherently and I smiled. There were very few times, anyone could render Aliyaar speechless and this was one such moment. I enjoyed the power I had over him. He leaned in and grazed the outer rim of my ear. "Babe." His voice was heavy, laden with heat and tension. My eyes rolled shut, drowning in the drunken haze of his desire. "Thank god, I made sure you didn't open the door wearing that."

As understanding rose above the smoke of my madness, my eyes snapped open and I pushed him away from me. "What the heck is wrong with you Aliyaar." I seethed, tying my arms around my chest when he began to laugh, enjoying my reaction. I swatted his forearm and climbed back onto the bed. "Can you for once say something nice about me? Every time I dress up for you, you say something obnoxious that makes me want to break your nose." I pulled the duvet over my head, wrapping it around myself and pretended to sleep.

Aliyaar climbed in beside me, and tugged at the blanket. I could feel his body still shake with a low ramble of laughter. But I held on, hiding myself underneath the bulky layer. "At least give me the blanket." He tried to pull the corner again. I peaked at him through a small opening, like a rabbit looking out of his burrow and then shook my head.

"No. Go get your own. This is mine." I pulled the cover over my face again, hiding myself from his amused eyes.

"Really?"

"Yes. And get out of my bed. Go sleep on the couch." I muttered.

There was silence for a while and I wondered if I had taken the joke too far. He was back after so many days and I had already started fighting with him. Hesitantly, I lifted the cover to steal a look at him. But my annoyance returned with raging vengeance when I saw him staring at me with an amused smile, trying to fight off the laugh threatening to spill from his lips.

"There is no way in hell I'm sleeping anywhere but in my bed." He drawled slowly when he caught me peeking at him. "And with you in it." And with one tug he pulled the blanket from underneath me and rolled on top. "Especially when my wife looks so goddamn breathtaking." He leaned in and kissed my cheek and pressed his forehead against mine.

I inhaled his scent and threw my arms around his neck, bringing him closer. Now that he was here, I realised just how much I had missed him, "You could have said this first. It is always nice to hear your husband tell you how irresistible they find you."

He lifted himself on his elbows and studied my face, before raising his finger and trailing it down the side of my face. "You know I find you irresistible all the time." He lowered his face and his lips brushed against mine in a feather-like caress. "And I feel lucky to be the only man who can see you like this." I was surprised at how possessive and gruff his voice sounded.

"I wore it for you." I murmured, my expressions turning far more seductive than I had intended. "I was about to video call you."

He didn't say anything but his eyes shone with enchanting appreciation. "Really?" He asked, truly surprised. "You wanted to torture me while I was away and miserable?"

To his surprise I started to laugh. "No. Perhaps I wanted to give you reason to come back earlier."

"Oh trust me, I would have flown back that very second." His words melted into me as he leaned in and kissed the hollow of my shoulder, pushing the strap off. "You have no idea how much I missed you." His lips moved against my skin, kissing every inch of it. I squirmed underneath him with exquisite pleasure.

I could hear the fierce pounding of his heart and the roaring rush of his blood, while I writhed and moaned with damning need. He pressed himself against me and grinded his cause with deliberate slowness. I gasped in surprise, my head tossed and my hair lay sprawled over the pillow. His hand slid down and he lifted his head to gauge my reaction. I shivered at the raw intensity of his eyes, his intentions clear as the crystal. I could feel the heat flow through my body, my muscles constructing and my core tightening.

"I love you." He whispered hoarsely. His lips claimed mine while his thighs nudged me apart. But his declaration froze me. I had never reciprocated his feelings and he didn't deserve the sting of unrequited love. He didn't deserve the pain or half a heart. He deserved someone who loved and cherished him. He deserved more.

You love him.

A tear rolled down my eyes and I felt numb, each ounce of me filled with guilt and confusion. "I wan—"

"Perhaps we should sleep. You must be tired." I interrupted him hurriedly. I moved slightly, trying to put some distance between us. He looked up, a little taken aback at the sudden shift in my mood, but nodded slightly before lifting himself off me.

"I'll go get changed." I heard him say with awkward hesitation. I didn't reply, but turned away, unable to meet his gaze.

I pretended to sleep when I felt the bed shift under his weight. Unlike every other night, he didn't hold me tonight, giving me the space I so needed. Perhaps he knew I was awake, but neither of us made any attempt to find out. As the night rode on empty tears continued to stain my pillow.

***

Sleep had deserted me. I shifted carefully and sat up. Aliyaar was asleep with his back facing me. I ran my hand over the empty space between us, and while it was only a sliver it felt vast like an unending ocean. The room felt claustrophobic. Unable to take it any further, I tore myself off the bed, changed my apparel and walked out into the gardens.

The gardens were lit by only a few sconces and the night was dim. I glanced up at the sky and sighed. Clouds came in to blot out the stars like mammoth handfuls; the night was dark. Only a single spear of the ivory moonlight cut through gray darkness. A storm brewed above and it was only a matter of time before the skies let loose its fury and a heated downpour would cool the parched earth.

I stood there for a while. My heart felt heavy and my thoughts were a jumbled mess. I could make no sense of anything. I was about to leave when I heard the rustle of footsteps draw near. And then a low hushed voice echoed in the tranquil silence of the night.

"—I think it's about to rain." Shehryar's muffled voice came through. "—it's pretty cloudy and I think I heard thunder as well." He was talking to someone on the phone. "Oh please don't compare Lahore's weather to London." He chuckled softly and stepped outside in the gardens. "Yes, I'm outside in the middle of the night. If anyone saw me, they'd probably think I'm crazy." I stifled a laugh. Oh how cute young love is. Long distance relationships have their own charm. I decided to leave him alone and walk back to my room, but just as I tiptoed out I heard Shehryar call for me. "Is that you Shanzae?"

I pursed my lips and turned around to face him. "I didn't mean to intrude on your conversation."

"It's —" he shook his head and smiled. "I will talk to you later, Mi."

"Oh please don't hang up. I was just going back."

"No it's alright." He said, slipping the phone into his pocket. "Why are you up so late?"

I shrugged. "I couldn't sleep. I thought I'd come out for a walk. How is Miraal?"

"She is well. She usually gets home late so this is the only time we can talk." I smiled. I was really happy for Yaar. Miraal and her made an excellent pair. "She was asking about you yesterday."

"I'm happy for you Yaar." Shehryar's brows rose at the statement. Almost like he hadn't expected it. "I truly am." I looked at him encouragingly and he gave me a half smile. "I should leave before Aliyaar wakes up and comes looking for me."

"No, Shanzae wait." I turned around to face him, but he remained silent. The lines on his face had deepened and his brows shrivelled together. Unlike other times, tonight his face wasn't tranquil, his thoughts weren't hidden. Despite the darkness, every fleeting, blasphemous emotion shone on his face. I knew what he was about to say, and somehow I felt liberated enough to hear it. I felt ready to hear what he had to say. I could feel his nervousness, his hesitation, but I remained silent, urging him to speak. "I want to apologise to you Shanzae. I had no right to break your heart or play with your life like I did. I wish I could go back and change things—"

"I forgive you."

The words came out. Plain and simple. And I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt free, free from the shackles of my past that seemingly had bound me. I was finally free to move forward in my life. Past can be a nice place to visit, but a horrible place to live. And I would no longer dwell in my past.

"And if anything, I should be thankful to you. Had you not thought of this incredulous scheme," we both chuckled at my choice of words, "I would have never found Aliyaar. And—"

"He really loves you. And in all these years I've never seen him so happy." Shehryar's face lit up with happiness. I knew what his brother meant to him and I knew nothing bought him more joy than to see him truly happy. "He had been living like a robot. Juggling between work and politics, but ever since you've come into his life, he has learnt how to live."

"He has taught me how to live."

"You both were meant to be. And together you both make a perfect pair. I've never seen two people compliment each other more." I smiled as his words sunk in. He was right. Aliyaar was my destiny, we were always meant to be. My face beamed with joy as the clouds of confusion began to ebb away and realisation shone bright like a sun.

"Thank you, Yaar. You have no idea what you've done for me." My eyes glistened with tears of joy, probably filled with a mixture of happiness and gratefulness.

Yaar dismissed my words with a blithe wave of his hand, "I'm just a very good match-maker."

I giggled, but rolled my eyes at him. "Don't you take credit for bringing us together." The clouds thundered above us and a brilliant crack of lightning whipped through the sky. And then tiny droplets began to drizzle. "I have to go. I have to go." I said excitedly, before running towards our room.

It had rained when he first saw me.
It had rained when his fate was sealed with mine.
It had rained when we had accepted our relationship.
And it had rained again tonight.

I hurried back to my room, as fast as my feet could carry me. I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to know. I had to tell him now. Excitement raged through my veins, the thunder resonating deep into my bones.

When I entered the room, there was silence except for the soothing sound of the rain and the sweet scent of petrichor. He was still asleep. His forehead was marked with lines and his posture was rigid. I tiptoed up to him and crouched down beside him. I smiled at his sleeping form and then raised my hand to caress his face. He stirred slightly, before relaxing back into profound sleep.

"Aliyaar," I whispered softly, nudging his shoulder to wake him up. "Aliyaar, wake up!" I tried again. He was a deep sleeper and I knew waking him up would be a task. I thought for a while, debating if I should try again or let him sleep. But then a loud thunder howled through the roof and without a thought I pinched him hard on his arm.

"Ouch!" He groaned. "What's wrong with you Shanzae?" He growled in his sleep. I nudged him again trying again to wake him up. "What?" His voice was still groggy with sleep.

I rounded my eyes at him, fluttering my lashes at him innocently, "it's raining, Aliyaar." I pointed towards the terrace. He looked at the door and then me, his expression turning horrid.

"I'm not dancing with you in the rain in the middle of the night." He pulled the blanket over his head.

But I pulled back and his face turned pained, "How did you know I was about to ask you that?"

"Because I know how crazy you are! Now go to sleep, Shany-Jaan." He tried to convince me sweetly, but I shook my head pulling him out of our bed. "Jaan, no. Please."

"Please. Please just come with me this one time. I promise you won't regret it." He rubbed his eyes and shook his head, before pulling himself out of the bed. "The things I do for you." He muttered under his breath. "Don't be a grumpy baby now." I said pulling him with me into the rain.

I held my hands out, enjoying the feel of the droplets drenching my body and sinking into my soul. Aliyaar merely stood by watching me with an amused gaze. I walked up to him with deliberate slowness and cradled his face in the palm of my hands. His expression changed and his eyes darkened. "Please Shanzae. Don't start something we won't be able to finish." He sounded tormented and I felt guilt lick the inside of my gut. But I shook my head, staring into his piercing eyes. Tonight I was burning for him.

I climbed up on my toes, "I'm home Aliyaar." I whispered against his lips, my mouth brushing against his in a weathering touch. "I'm home." I could feel his body freeze, as the underlying meaning of my words settled in. "I hope I'm not late." My lips touched his again and his arm wrapped around my waist pulling me flush against him.

And before I would melt in his arms, I pressed my lips against his, taking him in for a slow gentle kiss. Telling him what he meant to me. Telling him how much I cared for him. Telling him That I might get lost but I'd always find my way back to him. I was his. Only his. Just like he was mine. Only mine.

Slowly we pulled apart, and I was surprised when I saw him peering down at me. His eyes were full of questions and anticipation flared through his face. But before he could say anything I smiled at him and whispered in his ear.

"I'm in love, Aliyaar. I'm in love with you."

__________

Apologies for ghosting y'all.
Thoughts, comments, suggestion?

Until next time keep me in your prayers.