Dil se faisla karo
Dimagh tarkeeb nikal lega

دل سے فیصلہ کرو
دماغ ترکیب نکال لے گا۔

The burning furnace of the sun hung over the horizon, the redness of the day seeping into the wending darkness of the night. The leaves rustled in hushed whispers, secretly enjoying the dilemma agonising my soul. Tonight even their sweet lingering scent couldn't provide me with any solace, rather they were but a source of utter torment.

Against my better judgement, I looked up and caught his burning eyes watching me with a searing intensity, tearing into my soul and watching me combust with the flames of my untrammelled emotions. And then began yet another sinful crusade, yet another vainly battle, yet another struggle for power.

Fire and ice.
Longing and lust.
Desire and ire.

I did not look away, my eyes narrowed and undeterred. The myriad colours in those honeyed eyes glimmered with a raw determination and a silent resolution lay mysteriously hidden behind those enchanting orbs. But tonight I would not let his fire burn me. The ice in me was enough to thwart even the fiercest of infernos.

"Stop it, Shanzae. Your father and grandfather are watching." My mother chided behind me, her rebuke wrapped in a low whisper, only for me to hear. "You're glaring at him like you're ready to skin him alive."

I threw a look over my shoulders to see my mother standing behind me with a tense, reproachful expression, the greys of her eyes doing a poor job of concealing her disapproval of my actions. I felt her nudge my shoulder slightly, urging me to turn my attention back to where my grandfather sat besides my father.

I blinked hard, my mind refocusing at the predicament at hand, but not before serving him a dangerously cold stare. A spark of something flashed across his face, but it disappeared as quickly as it appeared, failing to offer anything of significance. With an irritated sigh, I turned around to face Dada Jaan.

"Beta, I am awaiting your answer. Do you give your consent to having your nikkah be held this weekend?" Dada Jaan spoke with an enviable calm in his voice. For a split second his eyes darted in Aliyaar's direction, before he turned back to me, his curled, white eyebrows furrowed with impatience.

"N—" I pursed my lips shut, swallowing my nerve-riddling fury. The sky outside had darkened and the night had arrived undeceived. The last remnants of the day had hidden behind the night's unfurling wings that had sprawled themselves against the sky. Just like the night had no choice but to arrive, I too was once again left without a choice.

"Shany." My dad urged softly.

"What choice do I have?" I asked, my tone edged in ice.

Dada Jaan opened his mouth to say something, when Aliyaar's low voice rang through the otherwise silent room. "The choice will be yours, and yours alone." I threw him a fleeting glance, the mock in my eyes not missed by his observant ones, before turning back to face Dada Jaan, whose old and weathered features seemed to mirror the sentiments. My eyebrows popped up at the sudden softening of his demeanour.

"What's the urgency?"

"Aliyaar seems to be of the opinion that he can do a better job at protecting our daughter." A hint of callous amusement lingered in his tone for a while, before it was quickly replaced with a pressing seriousness. "Whoever attacked you sent a clear message to both our families. They do not want this union. It is highly plausible they will attack again. But your wedding sets the record straight, the Malik family will not give into the threats of their enemy."

"It's all a game." I scoffed bitterly. "What guarantee do all of you have that such attacks will not repeat themselves after the wedding."

"We have no guarantee, but it will surely throw them off guard. This is not what they would have anticipated. This buys us time to find out who is behind this." Pure wrath seethed beneath the surface of his wrinkled cheeks, his eyes glowing with an unforgiving vengefulness. "And once I find out who is behind this, I promise they will repent dragging my daughter into this."

"Dada Jaan!" My voice fell to a mere whisper, my throat clogging up seeing the naked fury in my grandfather's eyes. "You mustn't be so angry." I slipped on the floor besides his armchair and kept my head against his knees. Dada Jaan was quick to comfort me, placing his hand over my head and stroking my hair softly.

"You've done a lot for me, my child." He muttered almost to himself, but when I looked up, he was watching me with furrowed brows and a drawn mouth. "Tell me what you want. The wedding will only take place when you want it to."

I nodded, shifting uncomfortably in my position while Dada Jaan continued to pat my head. My eyes caught Aliyaar's, who was watching me with a keen interest. "Can I talk to Aliyaar for a few minutes before I tell you my answer?"

There was silence for a few seconds, before the room stirred awake with Dada Jaan's deep voice. "Go."

➰➰➰

Strange that it had come to this again. Every time I trusted him, I felt him toying with my life, controlling it like the universe controlled the rising and setting of the sun.

Every time I give a little of myself to him, I would end up feeling like it was the most terrible of mistakes. I was angry. But this angry night did not behoove the beautiful dawn I had with him this morning. I walked out to the balcony lit up with the pearlescent white moonlight with Aliyaar following closely behind me.

The sky was clear and the moon glowed in all its glory, across the vast spread of sparkling stars. The air was soft, but my irritation spiralled through the frigidity of the night.

"Explain." I said, folding my arms across my chest and lifting my gaze up to meet his.

He stared at me under the small sea of glittering stars. Under the spell of care and trust, that all seemed seemingly lost in this moment. His eyes were quiet, his face drawn and guarded.

"I think your grandfather did a good job of it inside." He replied with a small hint of amusement underlining his voice.

My eyes narrowed and my shoulders squared, if I was angry moments ago, I was furious now. "Stop trying to control my life." I gritted out, my jaw ticking as each word made its way past my lips. "I'm not a toy for you to play with."

"I'm not playing with you." His face hardened and he took a step towards me, his gait unfaltering. "I'm done playing games. I done having our relationship being dragged into these games and negotiations." His voice rose a whisker above mine and his eyes glowered down at me with a fierce expression.

"You were the one to propose it and you were the one to use it to your advantage." I seethed, taking a slow step forward. The air around us suddenly turned electric, warm and buzzing; the tension slicing through the air like a dagger.

"I made a mistake. How long do you plan to continue to remind me of it?"

My shoulders sagged in annoyance and I glanced at him with slitted eyes, studying his face to understand the turmoil raging his face. "Till the time you don't stop playing with my life."

"I am not playing with your life." His voice was raw in its torment and with one swift move his arm was around my waist, pulling me straight against his hardened chest. His eyes trailed my face, glittering with unspoken words that seemed to clog his throat. "Don't you understand, I want you. Only you." His hand came cup to my face, his fingers weaving through the thick locks of my hair.

Breathe. Just breathe.

His hot breath washed across my flushed face, his long fingers gripped me by the nape bringing me close to him. I shivered under his touch, which sent a riot of emotions shooting within me. "Meri Jaan." His voice rasped in a low whisper and I felt myself melt against him.

A lonely tear pricked my eye and I took in a rugged breath, trying miserably to control the emotions pooling within me. "I came into this relationship for all the wrong reasons, but I want to stay in it for the right ones. I want you."

His face was warm, his features ablaze with a certain sincerity. Something moved deep within his eyes that convinced me of his truth. Our truth. Yet my misgivings refused to believe him.

"How do I know you're not doing this to pressure my family." I felt the supple skin of my cheek shine through wetness of the few lone tears that had rolled down my face. "My grandfather has still not agreed to your demands."

"I don't care about losing that seat." I blinked hard and fast, unable to believe the words that left his mouth. "But I'm scared of losing you. I don't want to."

My head bowed down against him. And my chest suddenly became heavy with all the feelings building up within me. Why did he have to make it so difficult for me?

"Shany, look at me." His thumbs brushed against my jaw, urging me to look up into his eyes. "Your family is involved in a lot under the table dealings. This is not the first time they've exchanged properties and cash in exchange for favours and illegal deals. The opposition are after your uncle. This case is just a facade to oust him out of power. Whoever is blackmailing your family, definitely wants me out of the picture."

"I'm not justifying them, nor do I wish to protect their wrongdoings, but this isn't the first time they've been blackmailed for their involvement in such cases. They always find a way out."

"They do." He paused, "And they will again. But what if it comes at the price of our relationship. I had promised to finance the election, yet it has been bought to my information that Zaroon is still trying to procure funds—"

"And if they are able to manage their finances, they would want you out." I finished for him. My eyebrows furrowed together in cold bewilderment. I thought for a while before I spoke again, "But our marriage still doesn't guarantee, my family would give you what you want. They might offer you a ministry, but—"

"Shanzae. Shhh." His finger rested against my lip, his eye burning into mine, his hot breath piercing my forehead. "I don't care." His tone was simple, plain and honest. "I can deal with it, but what I can't deal with is the constant fear of losing you." He smiled at me warmly while his eyes sparkled in their nakedness. For once the written words written in his eyes lay bare for me to read.

Every word that left his mouth settled into my heart and I felt an unsettling feeling settle within me. "Why didn't you come to me first?"

"I wanted to, but I felt it was important for me to take your parents and grandfather's permission. The decision still lies with you. I won't force you into anything you don't want."

I felt my indecisiveness fog my mind, but unlike the fog on a cold day, it bought no tranquility and calm. My mind was scattered in a mindless jumbled thoughts, my soul torn in the battle between my heart and my mind. My heart wanted to trust him, but my mind refused to support me. "I'm scared to trust you. I want to but I can't." I mumbled while knotting my fingers together in agitated knots.

"I don't blame you. We've grown up in a world where we've only been taught never to trust anyone. But is there anything I can do to reassure you that I meant every word I just said." His face was warm and reassuring.

"Are you really willing to listen to my demands?"

He shrugged, "You have every right to try to protect yourself." And then he smiled reassuringly. "Tell me what you want. I'm ready to give you whatever security you want. Property, cash, shares. You name it."

The savage vehemence of his confidence, had me writhing in his arms in disbelief. Did he really think he could buy my trust? "I don't want your wealth. Material things give me no satisfaction. I want the respect of an equal, I do not wish to be owned. I wish to be cherished." I seethed and his eyes wavered before settling squarely back on me.

"How can I assure you of that, except that you have my word for it." He said doubtfully, before his eyes caught the determination shining in my eyes. "What do you want?" He said quietly.

"I'm my own person, I do not wish to change my name after I get married." I took a step back, putting some much needed physical distance between us. A cold shiver ran down my spine at the loss of warmth but I looked away, staring at the gardens beneath the balcony.

There was silence for a few seconds and for the first time since we came out, I could smell the crisp scent of the salty ocean. He came to stand besides me, his hands resting against the railing of the balcony. His brown eyes sparkled with a amusement, before he spoke in a soft tone. "You weren't joking this morning when you said you only belong to yourself." My eyes arched up in challenge and his eyes gleaned with amusement. "You don't have to change your name if you don't want to. Anything else?"

"You will not take another wife."

At my words, he looked at me and a ghost of a smile appeared on the corner of his lips. "That's not happening in this lifetime. You can rest assured. Mein tou sirf apka hoon."

The smile on his face morphed into a teasing glint and he edged closer, his nose nudging my temple. "I'm serious Aliyaar, you cannot remarry."

At the severity of my tone, he sobered up and turned around to hold my hands. "I won't marry anyone else. What else do you want?"

I nodded, "I want financial freedom, which means you will not stop me seeking employment opportunities or making investments or taking any financial decisions that ensures my safety and well-being."

All amusement that danced in his eyes moments ago, suddenly evaporated and he seemed lost in thought. A sardonic chuckle escaped my lips and i wanted to laugh at his predicament. Financial independence was all it took to bruise his ego?

"What? So you can't give me that? You seemed confident minutes ago—" I said in mock agitation.

"It's not that." He said still lost in deep thought, "I would want you to be financial independent, but I don't think it's a wise idea for you to take up a job. It's not safe." He paused again, his forehead creased with thoughts. "You can start your own business or work with me. Can we compromise on this?"

I thought for a while before I nodded in agreement. "I won't stop you from doing anything, till the time it doesn't compromise your safety. I won't interfere in your decisions either, but if you ever want any advise from me, I'll be there for you." He smiled at me and I returned him a faint one. "What else?"

"In case of a divorce, any assets that we acquire as a couple will be split between the two of us equally. I will also retain the right to all my individual assets and alimony."

His face hardened and I could sense his body becoming rigid. He didn't speak for a few seconds but then nodded his head in agreement. "What else?"

"We will not have children—"

"You've got to be joking." He interjected in disbelief. I opened my mouth to finish what I was saying, but snapped shut waiting for his reaction. Was it this where he'd draw a line.

Children.

He shook his head moving away from me, a frustrated groan filled the silent air and I stood motionless by the railing watching his retreating back. So, this was it.

I felt a sudden urge to finish what I had started, but I stood speechless, words caught in my throat unable to push pass my lips. I knew children were important to him, but were they more important than the relationship we had. Would he have left me if we had failed to have children.

Unbidden tears sat on the corner of my eyes, but I blinked hard trying to control the hurt searing my soul. I knew I had crossed a line, I knew I had deliberately tried to provoke him to see how far he was willing to sacrifice for your relationship. I wanted to test him and I had gotten my answer. Yet the pain in my heart burnt and stung me like a wretched bee. 

A hallow empty feeling settled in pit of my stomach and I felt the sudden need to throw up and rid myself of all the emotions panting up within me. The sweet lingering smell of the jasmines suddenly felt rancid and poisonous, filling me with bitter agony.

I don't know know how long I stood there, before I felt the soft thud of footsteps edge close. "Can we have no compromise on this?" His voice was laden with quiet anguish.

He was back.

I shook my head, my back still facing him. I didn't want to face him, not now. My heart was not strong to face his rejection. "Adoption. Is that an option?" He asked.

I shook my head, blinking the tears burning my eyes. "Is there anything else that you want?" His voice was low and tense as he waited for my answer. I shook my head, wiping the tears that ran down my face in rivulets.

Silence seeped into the air like a vicious draught, laying bare all the fears mongering my mistrusting heart. Silence has replaced the truth and now silence was a lie.

"Is there nothing I can do to convince you?" I shook my head again, my words failing me again. A harrowing pain of loss gripped my heart. Just as I was getting used to the silence settling around me he spoke again. "You have to promise me you won't tell anyone about this conversation. Our parents would not be very happy if they found out we've decided not to have children."

I stilled hearing his words. He couldn't possibly have agreed to this. "Aliyaar" I turned around to face him. His face was tired and his shoulders sagged in defeat, but a soft smile played on his lips.

"So is that a yes?" He smiled, moving closer.

"Aliyaar," my whisper was drowned into nothingness, when he pulled me into him, his hand tangling through my hair. The soft beat of his heartbeat rang through my ears and I breathed in the scent of him. His fingers traced the skin of my neck and his lips descended upon the crown of my head.

"Meri Jaan."

I pulled back and looked up to meet his softened gaze. "You didn't let me finish what I wanted to say." His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "I wanted to say, we won't have children until I feel ready to have them."

A flash of surprise washed over his face before he let out a sigh and chuckled. A sudden sense of relief washed over his features and I found myself smothering a cheeky grin. "You'll plague me for the rest of my life." He chuckled, placing his forehead against mine.

"Shany." He breathed out like a prayer.

"Aliyaar." I smiled back at him. "I will go and tell my parents that we'll have our nikkah next month."

"Next month?" He pulled back in shock.

"Yes. Next month. This weekend is too early. Where will I get a dress for in a week?"

He rolled his eyes, looking up at the stars. "Any designer in the world would be happy to dress you. Give me another reason to delay the wedding."

I tore my eyes off him, scavenging my mind for another reason. "I don't know how to cook too well."

He began to laugh and tightened his hold around my waist. "You do a fine job, but we have an army of chefs to run the kitchen. Quick give me another reason." He teased.

I thought for a while, gnawing at my lower lip. He was watching me with an unbridled amusement and I narrowed my eyes at him in annoyance, "You promised me you'd have the room next to yours redone. It's not finished yet, where will I keep my clothes." I argued like a child.

This time he pretended to think hard, before he spoke with a pained expression. "I'll empty my closet. You can use that. Next."

"How will all the arrangements take place—"

"Event planners do a mighty fine job. C'mon Shanzae come up with better excuses."

"I'm not used to sharing a bed." I joked.

"You won't in a month's time either." He chuckled. "Since you haven't given me one good reason to delay, we will have our wedding this weekend."

"Okay." A faint blush worked its way on my cheeks and a coy smile adorned my face. But it was quickly replaced with a sudden squeal when his arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me off the ground. "Put me down." I giggled as he twirled us around.

"You've no idea how happy I'm." He said, as he lowered me back to the ground.

"I'll make a battered and blue bride." I gave him an apologetic smile, and I couldn't help but notice the flash of anger in his eyes.

It too him a while to recompose himself before he spoke with a wild tenderness, "Mujhe phir bhi bohat pyari lago gi."

"You flatter me," I said nudging his chest. "Aliyaar, can I asked you something?" I asked softy, my fingers weaving through hair on his nape.

"Anything." His voice sounded innocent and I felt my heart sore at the feeling.

"Why did you agree to all my demands?"

"Shany— I," I looked at him confusion, the conflict and terror in his eyes were dancing like cursed hellions, wreaking chaos and destruction. "I—" Aliyaar was never one to be at a loss of words, but tonight the turmoil ransacking his face and mind was evident as day. It took him a while to collect his thought and I stood besides him patiently. And in that moment all confusion ebbed away from his face. He sighed hard and deep, before his hands cradled my face and he lowered his face and smiled at me.

"Because I'm in love with you, Shany."

I'm not very happy with this chapter but I hope you all liked it. It's a little rushed but I really wanted to update on Friday.

Thoughts on today's chapter. Was Shanzae fair in her demands?

I really hope you all liked the chapter. 💕

Once again, lot of love! Take care!

Twitter and Instagram: @sssaltynothings