Meri rooh ka parinda phadphadae
Liken sukoon ka jazeera mil na paaye

میری رو کا پرندہ پھڑپھڑاۓ
لیکن سکون کا جزیرہ مل نہ پاۓ

The servants pulled the curtain of Dad's office windows to the side and the room filled itself with the nebulous blaze of golden rays. The warm, blue beginnings of afternoon painted the sky and the sun shone brightly. An irksome silence enveloped the room and apart from the gentle tapping of fingers at the keyboard the room was awfully still, all eyes glued to the team of forensics analysts analysing the documents in front of them.

After a long and intense effort, the head of the team rubbed his beard thoughtfully, his features still and ambiguous before he looked up and met the impatient and troubled gaze of my father. Skepticism shone from the precincts of his eyes and he adjusted his glasses carefully, before he spoke in a measured tone, "Are you sure you had the originals with you? You might want to rechec—"

"Of course these are the originals; we had them with us," father stormed at him angrily, his eyebrows raised sharply with irritation and in warning. Mother patted his shoulder softly, and slowly his expression turned benign and calm. He sucked in a resigned sigh before he spoke again, "We are very sure the documents are original. What do you have to say?"

"Abdullah Sahab, we've thoroughly examined these documents, these are duplicates, not the originals. I can say this with 99% surety. If you do not have the originals, perhaps the person who leaked the information about these properties has them." He cleared his throat before pushing the pieces of paper towards my father. "Unfortunately you cannot do anything unless you have the originals with you."

As time sped in the breathing silence of the room the tension grew on our nerves and dad fell back into the couch with a defeated sigh. A diaphanous cloud of chaos had floated eerily over our mansion this past week, throwing everything in a frenzied outburst of madness and confusion. Despite the berserk panic that ensured my grandfather was the only one who had maintained a mask of sanity and some semblance of calm.

The situation took a turn for the worse, when rumours of Ibrahim Taya's arrest warrants being issued began doing rounds and after much thought it was decided, until the situation settled down, he'd leave for the safety of London. He left two days ago, but teams of lawyers, legal experts, advisors, bureaucrats and party members continued to frequent the house.

After the men left the room, I could feel dad's face harden and he pinched the bridge of his nose with a resigned sigh. "Whoever planned this, planned well." His usually dark composed eyes beleaguered with fear and worry. "The files have been stolen." Impassiveness slipped though his tone, but his jaw clenched in irritation. "How do you tamper with evidence, when you do not have the evidence to begin with," he muttered inaudibly, annoyance peeking through in his tired voice.

My lips pressed together in a straight line, worry and turmoil visibly trembling on them. With each passing day of this dreary week, my consternations seemed to be coming true. My brain had been in bedlam and my heart in insurrection. Some part of my heart still ached to believe that Aliyaar wasn't the one behind this bitter deception.

This past week, despite his frequent visits to our house, I had avoided him like the plague, but what concerned me was the trust my father, and surprisingly my Grandfather, seemed to have in him. With Ibrahim Taya gone and Zaroon Bhai occupied with lawyers, my father turned to him for support, sharing every development and detail of the case. All my subtle hints to refrain, had been shrugged off by my father and I felt my gut churn with fear and worry.

"Do you think there is a chance our security might have been compromised?" I scarcely looked at my father as I spoke. "The originals were in Ibrahim Taya's vault and no one has access to it."

"We would have found out had a breach happened. I've checked all the CCTV footage, no one apart from family has accessed the residential wing of the house." Zayan replied, although his voice was a little unsure. "Unless it's someone from within the house, I highly doubt there was a security breach. Do you think a staff member is involved?" He turned towards dad and my eyebrows furrowed together.

I had no evidence, yet every evidence was staked up against him. He had promised revenge, he had the information, he had access to our private quarters, he had done it. I was drowning in an abyss of fear yet the island of solace was no where to be seen.

I tried to swallow the fear lumping in my throat, yet it stuck there hard and painful. I rubbed my arms hoping to rub off the worries leeching off my skin, but all I felt was a bereaving sense of loss and hurt. Taking in my dad's thoughtful expression, I chewed upon my lower lip and then spoke with a solemn resolve, "We can't trust anyone. No one but the people in this room."

"What are you implying?"

In an instant all pairs of eyes in the room were pinned upon me and I shrugged. "We can't trust anyone. You've been too generous with sharing information with outsiders."

My mother, a comely woman with calm confident eyes, looked at me questioningly, her eyes lit with a knowing glint. "He is not an outsider." She spoke with a stern reprimand.

I sighed, "He isn't family either." I paused, eyeing my father's critical gaze. "Not yet, at least."

"He has been very resourceful and helpful this past week. Is something going on between you two?" Zayan piqued in, a little surprised by the emptiness of my tone.

"Is there any reason for your apprehension? Has something happened, Shany?" My father asked. I wanted to tell them the truth, I should have told them the truth, but I stood there silently and then I shook my head.

Somewhere I still couldn't bring myself to share the concerns fleeting within me with my family. "I'm just asking you to be careful." I said trying to hide my emotions behind a mask of indifference. "I'll see you guys for dinner. I have some work to attend to." I said, before turning on my heels and leaving the room with a resigned sigh, fully aware of the questioning stares of my family piercing into my back.

➰➰➰

I silently sipped onto my evening tea, collecting and filing a thick bunch of papers that were haphazardly spread on my desk. Jasmin had, earlier this week, briefed me about the orphanage, sending me all the files and paper work related to it. Despite our strained relationship, this place had suddenly grown very close to my heart and I didn't have it in me to abandon the project.

I rubbed my neck, massaging the tired muscles, my eyes taking in the unearthly stillness of the twilight that bled into the shadowy dimness of the night. A strange feeling of loss enveloped me as I watched the warm sun disappear into the tincture of the chilly dews of the starless night. The night blooming jasmines that draped the window in their tangled flora were piercingly fragrant tonight, filling my room with their lingering sweetness.

I took another sip of the hot beverage before scribbling some pointers on my notepad for my meeting with the contractor at the end of the week. For a moment, I was almost thankful for this welcomed distraction.

"Your bank account has been activated." The silent room stirred awake with a deep, gruff voice and I froze for a second as recognition registered within me. The door shut behind me with a soft creek, but I remained still, frozen and unmoving. "You've been avoiding me." I heard him say, as he walked around the desk and sat in the chair opposite me. I could feel the heated point of his gaze burning into me, but I maintained an impassive face, my eyes glued to the papers on my desk.

"I've been busy. The past week hasn't been very forgiving." I said softly without looking up.

"It's been a difficult week." He said briefly, and my heart clenched at the oddly pleasant sound of his voice.

"Yes. A difficult week indeed. But it has taught me a lot of things. So I shall not complain." I looked up furtively, my lips curling into a mutinous smile at the sight of those golden orbs, that danced with merciless merriment.

"I see. It has also taught you how to lie." He said in a flat drawl, the corners of his lips twisting into a jeering smile.

I hung breathless at his words, and my mind went blank devoid of all the thoughts that surged through it only a few seconds ago. "Perhaps," I gave him a wary smile, trying to maintain a calm exterior. "Or perhaps it's something I've learnt from you."

His eyes hardened hearing my words, but his face was silent, not a single of twitch of the muscle. "I've never lied to you." He spoke after a while, his emotions concealed with the frost in his tone.

"Our whole relationship is a lie." My voice slipped into a whisper as the words tumbled past my lips. His eyes darkened and his jaw hardened, but it was the frostiness of his face that had the blood in my veins running cold.

But then he spoke, with a sudden softening in his tone, "You know well, your words hold no ounce of truth to them." His eyes glistened with unsaid words, mocking the fears floating in mine and my heart broke in an agony of regret. The anguish of his betrayal pierced through me, but my heart bled at the thought of losing him.

A sad smile crept up my face and I repeated the words he had once said to me, "There is no such thing has truth in our world."

"There might not be. But this," he said pointing at the space between us, "is not a lie. And you know that." The finality of his tone had me raising my brows at him.

I snickered sadistically, "It's nothing but a means to an end. And that's a compromise, an arrangement not a relationship."

"My suspicion was correct then." He said a low drawl as a bleak realisation lingered in his voice and I looked up slightly, my eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "It was you behind the window that night. You overheard the conversation." He spoke slowly, as if drawing his words from a store of jumbled thoughts.

I smiled slightly, rolling the pen between my fingers and relaxing back into my chair to face him. "Yes, it was me. But I don't hold your words against you, all you spoke was the truth. You never claimed this was anything more than an arrang—"

"Stop calling it that." He gritted though his teeth.

"What else would you call it? I'm open for suggestions."

There was silence; deep, painful silence that seeped into every pore of my skin. "I thought we trusted each other," he spoke after a while and I felt a shiver of emotion run through my spine at the disappointment underlining his voice. He face was quite but the silent yearning and sadness in his eyes had my gut twisting uncomfortably.

We spoke nothing as our eyes battled an unforgiving war, before a tear teased the corner of my eye and I looked away, draping a plaid shawl over my shoulder and walking up to the window. "I trusted you." I said softly, my voice quivering with hurt. "You broke my trust."

"I was only baiting your grandfather," I heard him say behind me before he clasped my shoulders and turned me around to face him. "I never wanted to hurt you. I don't want to lose you." His palm wrapped around my neck, forcing me to look up into his eyes that imprisoned in them a raw and vulnerable emotion.

"You promised me you would not go public with the information. You've put the lives of my family members in jeopardy. They've issued arrest warrants against my uncle. With all that information that you leaked—," I said jabbing a finger in his chest, "the prosecution now has a stronger case against my family. All of this for what?" I cried out vehemently, jerking away from him. "Just because they did not give into your demands."

His face darkened, his tight jaw clenching visibly, hardly concealing his fury at the impertinence of my action. He took a menacing step forward, but I stood rooted folding my arms and jutting my chin at him in stubborn disposition, "I told you, you have to trust me." He said heatedly, "I will get your family out of this."

"You have to. Otherwise this time it will be me, who calls off this deal. You need me, Aliyaar, I don't need you."

His eyes narrowed threateningly and he stepped forward and I inadvertently stepped back, my back pressed against the cool wall. His breath curled around my face and his scent invaded my senses. My face turned crimson, and I gulped trying to assuage my parched throat at the sudden proximity. He towered over me, and I felt acutely aware of our height difference. "I always said, you're the queen of this game. But you don't mean what you just said." He spoke grimly.

"You're not the only one who can use this relationship as leverage." I was surprised at the bitter acidity of my tone. A cold qualm of guilt flashed in his eyes and a woebegone expression softened the rigid lines of his face.

His eyes snapped shut in defeat before he spoke in an apologetic tone, "I will earn your trust. I promise you I will." His fingers fumbled with my chin, making me look up into his stormy eyes. The gentleness of his voice had me coaxing out of my shell and my heart clenched painfully within my chest.

"I want you to return the documents."

His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, "Which documents?"

"The original documents of the property that were stolen from Ibrahim Taya's room."

An unknown expression flashed in his eyes, but before I could catch it, it was quickly replaced with a cold calculative expression. "I can make no such promises. But I will get your family out of this."

"So, you stole them?" I asked confirming my suspicions.

He ran a frustrated hand though his hair, ruffling them in the process. "Give me a few days. I'm meeting my lawyers in London this week. We will have enough documents to disprove your uncle's involvement in this case."

"You're going to London?"

"Yes." I nodded quietly, "You have to trust me. There is no other way we can make this work." He spoke with a tired sigh, his hand pushing back the stray pieces of hair from my face.

"Why would you do this?"

"Everything will become clear with time. Just give me time." He spoke tenderly. "And trust." He paused and came closer. "Why didn't you tell your family?"

I shrugged unsurely "I don't know why I was protecting you. May be somewhere I wanted to trust you."

A slow knowing smile wrinkled the corner of his face, "Thank you. I know I haven't given you enough reason to trust me, but I promise you, you won't regret giving me this chance."

"When are you leaving for London?"

"Tomorrow."

A weird sadness fell upon me hearing that. "How many days?"

"Two weeks, or longer." I nodded quietly. "I came to say good-bye." I nodded once again and he smiled before he leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on my cheek. "I will miss you. Do I not get a goodbye kiss?" He asked with a mischievous glint in his voice

I shook my head. "Not until you clean this mess."

"You have my word." He said caressing my cheek before he leaned in and kissed my forehead.

And with that he was gone. From deep within my chest, I felt all warmth abandon my soul, and a cold lonely feeling seeped into my heart.

➰➰➰

The week painfully dragged on. The weather abruptly turned cold and bitter. Chilling winds swept over the city, stripping the trees of their green attire and weighing their gnarled arms with a cold sense of bewilderment and impending disaster.

The nascent rays of the morning sun unwrapped the hues of the world, bidding adieu to the starless inky night. A few birds twittered acrimoniously, as I strolled in the garden after my morning jog.

"You're up early today?" I heard Dada Jaan's surprised voice behind me.

"Asalam alikum, Dada Jaan." I smiled at him. "I've started getting up late actually." I walked up to him and sat on the bench besides him. "What are you doing here today, don't you take a walk in the front gardens?"

"I came to see you."

I blinked evidently surprised at his words. "Me? You could have called, I would have come."

"I have noticed a change in you ever since the news of this case got out. Is there something you want to talk about?"

I shook my head, "I've just been worried about all of you. Our family." I could see a small smile grace the corner of dada Jaan's wrinkled lips. "I just hope you're not trusting the wrong people." I said warily.

It has been over a week and things had just worsen. There had been no news from Aliyaar and with each passing day, I felt my heart trapped in the dungeon of fear and hopelessness.

"I've more enemies than the hair on my head. I've played this game long enough to know who can be trusted and who cannot." He gave me a placid smile but I looked at him unsurely.

He patted my hand and looked at me comfortingly. "Sometimes you have to look past the small things to see the bigger picture." I narrowed my eyes with skepticism at his cynical words. "Jab apne hi dhoka dein tou ghairon se kya shiqwa karna."

[we can't complain when it's our own people who betray us.]

"What do you mean?"

He smiled at me ruefully, "In this game you can never trust anyone, but you have to trust someone. You have to choose your battles and you have to choose your soldiers."

I pursed my lips, chewing the corner painfully between my teeth. "I want to go back to university." I said rather abruptly and Dada Jaan turned to me with his undivided attention. "I've submitted my thesis and the final presentation is scheduled for next week."

The smile from his face vanished immediately and he looked at me with a concerned expression. "Can you not delay it?"

"I've already delayed it for months now. I came back for a week for your birthday, but I've not been able to go back ever since."

"My only concern is your security. Everyone knows you now—"

"Just two weeks. I promise I'll take all the security you send with me." I looked at him imploringly, "I've worked very hard for this. Please let me go."

"You're being very accomodating this time." Dada Jaan chuckled and then patted my head. "You will have to take the security with you though and you'll be staying at our house there and not your hostel."

I jumped at him excitedly and engulfed him in a hug. Dada Jaan patted my head and laughed, "It will be a nice change for you. Now go pack your bags, Zaroon will make arrangements for your visit."

I nodded my head, before skipping joyfully back to my room. A rush of adrenaline shot through me, these will be the best two weeks of my life...

Sorry for disappearing without warning, but I got super busy with a wedding and travels.

I want to wish all of you a very happy New Years. Thank you for sticking by me and making 2020 so special with your comments, votes and love. I hope you'll continue to support Bekhudi and me in 2021 as well.

If you've made it past the typos in this chapter, let me know your thoughts on today's update.

If we get to 180+ votes I'll update again this week. 😋

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