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1 0 : a  f r a c t u r e d  p a s t

i can buy myself flowers, write my name in the sand
talk to myself for hours, say things you don't understand

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IT HAD BECOME clear to me very early on in life, relationships were nothing but a mirage, a facade hiding a world of agony and self-destruction. And I had learnt to see through this beautiful illusion of relationships. The facade of relationships was like a mirage in the desert - shimmering and alluring from a distance, but upon closer inspection, it revealed itself to be a cruel trick of the mind. The idea of finding someone to share a life with seemed enchanting, with visions of candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach, and happily ever afters. But the truth was far from it.

The reality was harsh and unrelenting. It was a constant battle of compromise and sacrifice, where one had to give up a part of themselves to make the other happy. It was a never-ending cycle of compromise that slowly chipped away at one's sense of self until they were left with nothing. The fights, the disagreements, the small misunderstandings, and the larger ones that led to days of silent treatment - they all made relationships seem like a daunting task.

But the worst part of it all was the pain. The pain of loving someone with all your heart and watching them walk away. The pain of trying to hold on to something that was slipping through your fingers. The pain of feeling lonely even when you were with someone. The pain of pretending that everything was okay when it was not.

The facade was indeed enticing and beautiful, but it was a trap. A trap that ensnared one's heart and soul, leaving them to wonder if it was worth it. And for some, like myself, the answer was a resounding no.

A society thriving on social matches and unhappy marriages had only served to deepen my disillusionment with the institution of love. There was no room for a man in my life. It was not worth the heartache or the trouble. Over the past few years, I had drifted so far away from the idea of having someone in my life that even the irresistible pull of a certain man could not bring me back.

There was no chance. It was not happening.

Ever since Zaroon and I had broken up, I had always maintained an emotional distance from romantic entanglements, never allowing anyone to breach the walls I had erected around my heart. Sure I had friends, plenty of them. But no one had even dared to step a toe outside of the line I had drawn around myself. I discovered that by keeping myself emotionally detached, I'd been able to shield myself from the hurt and sorrow that I'd seen other people go through in their own relationships. It gave me a sort of power and independence I no longer wish to relinquish.

I had always been one for the wild side of life; drawn to the excitement of city life, the vibrant energy of people moving and living in close quarters. Whether it was losing myself in the pulsing beat of a crowded club in Monaco, indulging in the thrill of flirting with strangers in a dimly lit bar in Corsica, or dancing the night away under the neon lights of New York, I was never one to shy away from a good time. The rush of adrenaline, the thrill of the unknown, it all made me feel alive. I was addicted.

But for the first time in a very very long time, l truly felt alive.

There was nothing wild about last night. The night was a tranquil canvas, with no thudding music to rouse the heartbeats, no mingling of inebriated souls drenched in sweat and no foul odour of intoxication to shatter the sanity of the mind. Instead, the sky was a peaceful shade of velvet adorned with glittering stars that seemed to whisper secrets to each other. Yet, amidst this serene atmosphere, an inexplicable sensation of exhilaration surged through me, quickening my pulse and setting my heart alight

Time stopped the moment our eyes locked in a fierce gaze, as if the universe itself had held its breath in anticipation. The dying seconds melted away into oblivion under the heated brush of our skin, igniting a flame that burned with a fiery intensity. Our bodies became entangled in a dance of passion and desire, lost in the euphoria of the moment.

A quick banter, some innocent flirtation, a farewell kiss and a lingering restlessness.

There was something very calm and soothing about Azaan's presence.His aura was like a force of nature, powerful and magnetic, pulling me in with a hypnotic ease. It wasn't the first time a man had tried to flirt with me, but he was different, unique, and utterly captivating. I felt as though I was falling into a deep and tranquil pool, a sense of calm and serenity washing over me. It was as if he had cast a spell on me, and I was powerless to resist the allure of his charm.

At times, it seemed as though he possessed the power to slow time itself, coaxing the seconds into taking long, deep breaths while his eyes engaged in a perilous game of seduction, luring me in with their languid sweetness.. And it was during such moments, he'd make me forget the darkness I had enshroud myself in and all that really mattered was the warm embrace of his gaze, a gentle yet firm hold that made me feel safe and vulnerable all at once. His voice, low and melodic, was like a lullaby that pulled me in deeper and deeper, making me lose myself in the moment. With every word he spoke, I could feel the weight of the world slipping away, leaving me with nothing but him and the unbridled passion that flowed between us.

The feeling that washed over me was like a gentle, warm breeze on a cool autumn day. It enveloped me, wrapping me up in its comforting embrace, and filled me with a sense of joy and contentment that I had never experienced before. It was the kind of feeling that lingered long after the moment had passed, etching its memory into my heart and soul. An unforgettable sensation.

And yesterday, in a moment of beautifully reckless abandon, my lips found his skin, pressing against it with an urgency that bordered on madness. The taste of him lingered on my lips, still fresh and unforgettable. Every time I closed my eyes, I could feel the warmth of his skin against mine, the electric charge that sparked between us as we shared that kiss. It was a moment of pure madness, a memory that would haunt me for a while. His eyes widened ever so slightly, his reaction holding an intriguing mix of questioning surprise and mild curiosity. I could still feel his scent linger on me, a dangerous concoction of musk and bergamot.

Throughout the night, my mind swam in shallow waters, like a stream that only ran ankle-deep. But amidst the glimmering ripples, there was a spark that set my soul ablaze. I had kissed him and I had no regrets. Worst of all, I liked the feel of his skin against mine. The night was ripe with possibility, and my mind was a canvas painted with a kaleidoscope of colours. As I lay there, my heart racing like a wild stallion, I could not help but wonder what his lips might feel like, they seemed like petals of a rose, soft and delicate, yet intoxicatingly sweet.

With each passing moment, the memory of his touch was etched deeper into my soul. The abrasiveness of his skin against mine was like the texture of sandpaper, yet somehow it only added to the electrifying sensation that pulsed through my veins. And when his palms touched my waist, it was as if I was enveloped in a warm embrace, a cocoon of safety and passion all at once. The memory of it lingered, like the sweet scent of jasmine on a summer breeze, imprinted on my mind.

My mind was consumed by a storm of doubts - what if I had misinterpreted the intensity of his response? And even more concerning, how had I allowed myself to succumb to such fleeting madness? These questions kept me teetering on the edge of uncertainty throughout the night, unable to find solace in the throes of my own conflicted emotions.

As the night wore on, the euphoria of the moment slowly dissipated, leaving behind the sobering realisation of my actions. The weight of my impulsivity felt as heavy as a boulder on my chest, threatening to crush me under its immense pressure.

Lust, I knew all too well, was a treacherous sea, its currents strong enough to sweep me away. I needed to swim ashore before I was consumed by its dangerous depths.

The weight of my actions bore down on me like a leaden cloak, suffocating and unbearable. So I did what I knew was best. I ran. I turned on my heel and fled, leaving behind the remnants of a shattered moment.

I ran until my lungs burned, until my muscles ached, my feet pounding against the ground like a desperate heartbeat.

Without a word. Without a parting glance. Without so much as another thought.

I ran. As fast as I could. As far as I could, trying to escape the crushing weight of my own desires.

The overwhelming chaos of my mind made it hard to focus on anything else. My stomach churned with a sickening feeling, and I couldn't shake the weight of dread that had settled in my chest. I tried to close my eyes and find some solace in sleep, but my body refused to let go of the fear that had taken hold. Despite the unease, I knew deep down that I didn't feel wrong about what had happened. It was the fear of the unknown that gripped me, threatening to consume me whole.

I had kissed him. And I'd do it again without any regrets.

I tossed and turned the entire night, each movement reminding me of the languid moments I had stolen with Azaan last night. I could sense him in every corner of my being. His warm breath on my skin, his intoxicating scent invading my senses, his gentle touch sending shivers down my spine. It was as if this man had found his way into the fortress I had spent years building around myself and had slowly, meticulously, dismantled it brick by brick.

He had a way of piercing through the armor I had erected to guard myself. It was as if he could see right through me, my vulnerabilities and my weaknesses laid bare before him. I had sworn to keep those parts of myself hidden from the world, yet he had found them. The thought of it scared me, made me feel exposed and vulnerable. Why had I let him break down my walls? It didn't make sense, and yet I found myself fixated on every moment we had spent together, replaying them over and over in my mind.

As the alarm clock shattered my peaceful slumber, I jolted upright in bed, disoriented and disheveled. It felt like I had just closed my eyes when the shrill sound pierced through the silence of the morning. I let out an exasperated groan and buried my head into the soft pillow, wishing for just a few more minutes of rest.

The maids barged in, their footsteps loud and intrusive, drawing the curtains and placing my morning juice and newspaper on the nightstand. I tried to ignore their presence, but to my surprise, my mother entered the room right behind them.

"Why did you abruptly leave the party last night?"

"Don't tell me that's today's gossip."

"Shanzae got a little worried for you. You left without telling her and your phone was switched off as well." A look at my phone confirmed everything I had feared: multiple missed calls and messages, a few from Shanzae and several from Azaan. I could not dare to read the messages, but from the few I skimmed over, he seemed mad. I wasn't surprised.

"I had a headache. Didn't want to bother her." I mumbled into my glass. "Shanzae needs to stop complaining to you."

"She wasn't complaining, she was worried. I don't blame her. Your antics have us all worried."

I nodded softly, carefully avoiding her curious eyes. When I looked back up, her brow was raised, continuing to stare me down with a pointed and knowing look. Though my mother had excellent skills as a detective, I didn't appreciate it when it came to my personal life. Especially now, when her hands were itching to get me married and see me settled down with children. While I appreciated her concern, it wasn't the right time.

"I should be off to work." I pushed myself out of bed, disappearing into the bathroom.

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The day passed off rather uneventfully. There were no disruptions at work, nor were there any wayward political news. Throughout the afternoon, my phone buzzed incessantly with calls and messages from Azaan, which I successfully managed to ignore. I couldn't help but feel suffocated. It wasn't that I wanted to get back at him for ignoring me last week, but rather a deep-seated need for some distance between us. Perhaps it was the weight of our relationship, or maybe just my own anxieties getting the better of me, but I knew I needed some breathing room.

Last night, I acted on a reckless impulse, without any regard for the consequences of my actions. I had no explanations to explain my mindlessness, except to blame it on the dying darkness of the silent night and the need to unravel the beautiful conundrum that had blossomed between us. Like a delicate flower in a parched desert, the mere thought of love seemed like a mirage in our world. It was a rare luxury I could only dream of, an unattainable treasure that lay beyond my reach. But still, my heart yearned for it, like a caged bird that longs to spread its wings and fly free.

Yet, I knew deep down that love was a tragedy waiting to happen. Like a fragile glass vase, it could shatter at any moment, leaving behind nothing but pain and heartache. And so, I guarded my hearts with walls of stone, shielding myself from the inevitable disappointment and hurt that love could bring.

In this world of scarcity, love was a precious gem, coveted by many but possessed by few. And I knew that the faster I came to terms with this harsh reality, the better. For in our world love was nothing but a fleeting dream.

As I sat lost in my own reverie, Shanzae's entrance jolted me back to the present moment. With Aly following her lead, they made their way into the dining room. "What a surprise," I managed to murmur as Aly took a seat next to me. Meanwhile, Shanzae strode around the table, her eyes scanning every detail. "I didn't know you were joining us for dinner."

"Mommy doesn't like anything these days." Aly whispered secretively in my ear. "All she eats is ice cream and French fries."

I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in surprise, "That's a weird combination." I scrunched my nose up.

Aly let out a little giggle, "Daddy said the same thing, and mommy got so upset that she just grabbed me and stormed out of the house to come here.."

Shanzae continued to inspect the dining table, completely oblivious that Aly had let me in on her little secret. I rolled my eyes at her and whispered to Aly, "She fought with Aliyaar bhai over French fries?" Aly was quick to bob her head.

Typical Shanzae I thought.

I could already imagine Aliyaar Bhai walking in any second with a tub of ice cream and French fries to appease his very pregnant and hormonal wife. It was beautiful to see how in love they were.Watching their love bloom was like watching a beautiful sunrise, but for me, the sun had already set. With a sigh, I served Aly some hot soup.

Shanzae's voice was laced with frustration as she shifted in her seat, her tiny baby bump protruding from her dress. The light from the dining room chandelier highlighted the lines of worry etched onto her forehead. She looked at the platters in front of her, a deep frown forming on her lips."Is there nothing for dessert tonight?" she grumbled, her tone bordering on desperation.. "Does everyone want me to starve?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes, a small smile playing on my lips. "Why are you always so dramatic when you're pregnant." I asked teasingly.

Shanzae shot me a withering glance. "You make it sound like it's my hobby. It isn't everyday that I have to carry a baby in my belly and then hear my husband complain about my unhealthy eating habits. The audacity of that man!"

"Baby, c'mon I wasn't complaining." Aliyaar Bhai strode in with bags full of food and treats, his voice as soothing as honey. He set the bags down on the table and pulled out a tub of blueberry ice cream, handing it to Shanzae with a grin. The smell of freshly made fries and grilled chicken filled the room, making my mouth water. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the nauseating display of affection. There were times when these two still behaved like love-struck teenagers, and it was both heartwarming and annoying.

Seeing her dad, Aly plopped off the seat, her dark curls bouncing; her bright smile lit up the room as she ran right into his arms, "Can I have some too? I finished my entire soup." she asked with a wide grin, her eyes sparkling. Aliyaar bhai's expressions softened, but as he turned to Shanzae, her fierce tigress-like scowl made him shrink back, like a cowering kitten.

"Maybe ask your mommy that." he said, cautiously. Shanzae's eyes narrowed, her lips pursed.

"Aly, just one scoop. I don't want you getting sick before our trip to Italy."

"You're traveling to Italy too? Are you attending the Fashion Week?"

"I don't think Shanzae has any plans for attending the Fashion Week, but Taimoor has invited us for his daughter's birthday." Aliyaar Bhai informed me and my ears perked up at the name.

"Taimoor? The Mughals?"

Shanzae's eyes lit up with excitement as she nodded, "They've planned an intimate party to celebrate their daughter's birthday. Plus, I thought I could really use a short holiday before the doctor prohibits me from traveling again." She paused for a moment, then turned to me, a glimmer of curiosity in her eyes. "What about you? Are you attending Fashion Week?"

"I do have a few invitations but I am not sure at the moment. I might fly out for the weekend. Fashion Week is always so hectic." I grimaced thinking of all the work that was piled high at work.

Shanzae nodded in agreement, understanding my busy schedule for the next few weeks. I gave her a tight lipped smile, watching as Aliyaar Bhai wiped some ice cream off Aly's face with a napkin, making her giggle. As I watched Aliyaar Bhai and Shanzae together, my heart warmed at the sight of their genuine love and affection for each other. The way they looked into each other's eyes, the subtle touches and gestures, it was all so heartwarming. It reminded me of the kind of love I had always hoped for, the kind of love that was rare and special.

Just as I was basking in the domestic scene in front of me, my phone suddenly interrupted the moment with a loud ping. A message from the man I had been avoiding like the plague. As I picked up my phone to switch it off, a sudden chill ran down my spine as I read the words on the screen.

Azaan: Come down.

Down? He couldn't possibly be at Lal Mahal. My phone buzzed again and the heart that was racing suddenly dropped to my stomach upon reading the next text.

Azaan: I'm waiting outside

Another buzz.

Azaan: I swear I'll come up if you don't come down in the next five minutes.

This wasn't a threat.

The words on the screen rang with an ominous promise. A promise I knew was fully capable of keeping. My gaze shifted to Aliyaar Bhai and Shanzae, lost in their own world and whispering sweet nothings to each other. "Get a room, you two!" I grumbled before pushing myself off the chair and walking out of the dining room.

Azaan:

Four minutes....

Layla:

Are you fucking kidding me?

My heart was pounding in my chest as I tried to steady my breathing. I knew he was here, and I braced myself for the inevitable. There was no way he was leaving without getting what he wanted, and the thought alone was enough to send me spiraling. It wasn't hard to guess what he wanted - he made it clear enough. And the mere thought of it made my stomach churn.

He wanted me.

Azaan:

No. And you're coming down in right about three minutes.

Layla:

You can't be serious right now.

Azaan:

Try me!
I'm chatting here with your guard Siddique.

That was the moment my heart sank. The small hope that this was nothing but a tactic to get my attention extinguished faster than I had hoped. Siddique Nawaz was the head of security at the Lal Mahal. And there was no way Azaan would have gotten to him without actually being on the premises of the property. And now that he was with him, an image of Azaan being escorted through the hallways to the private residential wing of the Lal Mahal flashed through my mind, dread filled every pore of my body..

Layla:

You've got to be kidding me.
My entire family is here. I can't come down.

Azaan:

I'm coming up...

Layla:

Don't!

LEAVE.

Azaan:

You've got a little over a minute, Lee Lee.

Layla:

Don't you dare.
I'm coming down.

Azaan:

Aren't you a good girl?

With my heart racing and her mind clouded, I ran down the grand staircase of Lal Mahal. I could hear the sound of her footsteps echoing through the halls as I ran, my hair flying behind me like a dark cloud.

As I reached the end of the gardens, I saw him standing there, his back turned towards me. His black leather jacket hugged his broad shoulders, emphasizing the strength in his arms.

For a moment, I hesitated, unsure if I should approach him. But I steeled myself, preparing myself for what was to come.

Sensing my presence, he whirled around quickly, his eyes locking with mine. I wasn't sure how I had expected him to react when he'd see me. Angry? Dismissive? But whatever it was, it certainly didn't include the pain etched on his face. He seemed agonized, almost anguished at my sight, his eyes struggling to contain his inner turmoil. My stomach tied into all sorts of knots. Despite the soft relief washing across his face, his expression seemed pained. My reckless and unannounced departure had hurt him and it was evident he was struggling to push away the feelings that crawled under his skin upon seeing me again.

Looking around to see if anyone was there, I stepped closer to him and gently grasped his hand, pulling him to a more secluded corner of the residence. This sprawling estate was a labyrinth of rooms, hallways and gardens, and it was easy to get lost for hours, but I couldn't afford to be seen by any of my family members at this moment. I didn't have the patience to answer their curious questions or deal with their possible excitement..

Once we were alone, I turned to face him again. In that moment, all I could see was the intensity in his gaze, the dark pools of his eyes that seemed to swallow me whole. I felt a shiver run down my spine as he looked at me, his expression unreadable. He approached me with a fluid grace, like a predator closing in on its prey. His eyes, darkening like the midnight sky, held a hypnotic power that threatened to consume me whole. I felt myself teetering on the edge of a dangerous precipice, unable to resist the pull of his gaze.

I knew his tricks, the cunning and deceitful schemes he used to ensnare me in his web of desire. Yet, despite my best efforts to resist him, I found myself drawn to him like a moth to a flame. His touch was electric, sending shivers down my spine and igniting a wildfire of longing deep within me.

I fought to keep my wits about me, knowing that giving in to him would only lead to heartbreak and ruin. But in his presence, all reason fled, leaving me helpless and vulnerable to him.

He prowled towards me like a panther, his eyes gleaming with an insatiable hunger. Each step he took felt like a heavy weight on my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. I tried to move away, but his advance was unrelenting, and soon I found myself backed up against the wall. The hard surface of the wall pressed against my back, a constant reminder of how trapped I was.

His presence was overwhelming, like a looming storm cloud, and I was powerless to escape his grasp. But his eyes had darkened, piercing into me with a vicious stare. His gaze, which usually unsettled me with a pleasant feeling, intimidated me at the moment. His jaw clenched tightly, causing the muscles to ripple under his skin. His face contorted into a menacing expression, and his brows furrowed, accentuating the intensity of his gaze. Under the cover of the starry night sky, he seemed like a wild beast, ready to hunt his prey at any moment.

The world seemed to blur around me when he closed the distance between us, his body pressing against mine, rendering me powerless. His breath was hot against my ear, sending shivers down my spine as his arms caged me in. The intensity of his touch was suffocating, like the weight of the world was pressing down on me. I could feel the tension radiating off him, his knuckles white as his fists clenched tightly against the wall.

One look was enough to confirm everything I needed to know. He wasn't angry, he was furious.

Suddenly my fear melted away like wax under the scorching sun replaced with a fierce sense of anger. Despite the storm of emotions his presence ignited within me, I refused to be intimidated by him.

This was my kingdom, my realm, and I was its unyielding queen.

As his eyes bore into mine, I raised my chin, refusing to cower under his gaze. Despite the heat of his anger emanating off of him like a palpable force, I stood my ground, my face a mask of unflinching determination.

I would never let a man have the power to faze me.

But I knew Azaan was different. He had the ability to ignite a blazing inferno within me, leaving me powerless in his wake. The fiery feeling he invoked in me was undeniable, unquenchable, and it left me longing for more. But I would never give him the satisfaction of knowing that. So I stood there, my eyes boring into his, my face frozen, my expressions icy.

The air around us crackled with tension, the silence between us palpable. I could feel his eyes boring into me, assessing me, probing for any sign of weakness. And yet, his expression remained stoic, unreadable. And then he spoke, his voice laced with frustration and anger, his words like daggers cutting through the stillness. "Why?"

"What?" I bit my lip, trying to find the right words to express the tumult of emotions raging inside me. It wasn't just fear or uncertainty that had driven me to flee. It was a desperate need to regain control over my life, to break free from the expectations and limitations I had imposed on myself.

His eyes bore into mine, piercing through my facade of nonchalance. I could feel his eyes dissecting every word that left my lips, searching for any hint of deception. It was as if he was trying to unravel the tangled mess of emotions that I had been hiding from him, the ones that I had been trying so hard to suppress. The question hung in the air between us, heavy with unspoken implications. We both knew that the answer was anything but simple. He needed the truth, he deserved the truth. But the layers of complexities that needed to be unravelled between us were far too complicated.

Last night, I made a choice to attend the dinner, to dress up and smile, to play the part of a perfect princess. And just like that I had also made the decision to run away. On both instances I had acted on impulse, letting my heart lead the way. The realisation of my own vulnerability in his presence left me feeling trapped, as though I had willingly walked into a lion's den. I rarely acted on my emotions but I hadn't regretted my choices. At least not until this moment, where I found myself captive in the arms of the man I had desperately been trying to run away from.

Last night, my heart was a tangle of confusion and fear, leaving me in a state of nervous wreck that sent me running. Yesterday, in the sweep of his eyes and the hypnotic timbre of his voice, I saw a mirror of my past. In the intimacy we shared, a cocoon of sensual warmth wrapped around me and an abyss of delightful tenderness engulfed my senses. And a little knot of love and hope began to form in my heart. The sweet suffocating feeling of being wanted, of being desired, seeped into every pore of my body.It was a sensation I had spent years trying to deny, to repress, to convince myself that I didn't need or even want. But in that moment, as his eyes bore into mine and his fingertips traced delicate patterns across my skin, I realised that I had been lying to myself all along. The ache for something real, something raw, something true had never truly left me.

With a single glance at the mesmerizing liquid amber of his eyes, I knew. His disconcerted gaze spoke volumes, confirming what I feared most.

Azaan made me want again.

His eyes bore into mine with a magnetic force, a gaze that seemed to strip away my defenses layer by layer. Every inch of my skin tingled under his scrutiny, and I found myself struggling to maintain composure. He was a master of control, his every move calculated and precise. I felt like a pawn in his game, helpless and at his mercy.

Tonight his usual confident, debonair smug smile was replaced by a stern unforgiving frown. The air around us grew heavy with tension. As the silence stretched between us, his impatience grew palpable, and he let out a low growl that sent shivers down my spine. It was a sound that was strangely animalistic, yet undeniably arousing. And then he growled , his voice rough and gravelly, "Why?"

"Azaan." Azaan's jaw tightened at my quip, his eyes flaring with annoyance. The tension between us was palpable, thick and heavy like a humid summer night. I shifted slightly, feeling trapped and exposed under his penetrating gaze.

My heart was racing, a frenzied dance that threatened to burst out of my chest. I swallowed hard, trying to gather my thoughts, but my mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Fear, desire, anger, confusion - they all mixed together in a chaotic cocktail that I couldn't decipher.

Azaan stepped closer, his body looming over mine like a predator closing in on its prey. His hand reached out to grasp my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. The touch sent shivers down my spine, igniting a primal response that I couldn't control.

"Why? Why did you run away?" he repeated, his voice low and husky.

The intensity of his gaze was overwhelming, and I felt my resolve crumbling. The truth was that I had run away because I was scared - scared of the way he made me feel, scared of the unknown future that lay ahead of us. But admitting it felt like a defeat, a surrender to my own vulnerabilities.

"I—I didn't." I replied, trying to break free from his hold. But he only tightened his grip, his eyes flashing with a mixture of frustration and anger, very uncharacteristic for a man who always seemed so fiercely in control.

"Don't lie to me." He slammed his hand against the wall, causing a loud thud to reverberate through the room. "I can spot one from miles away."

The intensity of his expressions was almost too much to bear, but I refused to break. I met his stare head-on, my own eyes filled with defiance and a hint of something else, something I couldn't quite name. "Then get a job as a lie detector!"

"Don't change the topic."

"I'm not. And stop interrogating me! This isn't your fucking courtroom."

"Then I'll fucking make it into one." he growled, his voice low and dangerous. His anger was palpable now, radiating from him like scorching heat. There was no attempt to conceal it anymore, as his features contorted with frustration and fury.

"Try all you want, Azaan," I said, my voice steady despite the butterflies in my stomach. "But you won't find anything, because there's nothing to find."

Our gazes locked in a tense standoff, the air thick with unspoken words. Then, a strange change came over him, and the fury in his eyes was replaced with a hint of pain. His features softened and his voice dropped to a whisper, his breath hot against my skin, "I was waiting for you after the announcement." The disappointment plaguing his tone was difficult to miss. "And then I was looking around for you like a madman, only to find out you had left. Hours ago. You didn't even stay for my speech."

"No. No. Azaan." I was quick to comfort him, cupping his face and running my thumb along his jaw in a soothing caress. The rasp of his stubble against my skin bought a strange sense of comfort. "I left right after. I stayed for your speech. I wouldn't have missed it for anything. I heard everything and I'm so proud of you. So so proud."

Azaan's eyes searched mine as if trying to decipher the truth in my words. I could feel his breath on my face, hot and erratic. He was still holding me against the wall, but his grip had softened."Why did you leave then? Why didn't you wait for me?" He sounded betrayed. "Just when I thought we were getting somewhere you ran away."

I shook my head, unable to meet his smothering gaze. "What do you want from me?"

"What do you mean what do I want?" he demanded.

"What do you want from me Azaan?" Azaan's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but he remained silent, waiting for me to continue. "I already told you we cannot get anywhere."

"Why not?" Azaan's voice was low, barely concealing his impatience, his hand gently grasped mine, forcing me to meet his gaze once more. "Tell me," he urged, his voice softening. "We've been playing this game ever since we met? How long do you want to tiptoe around it?"

"We can stop. Now!" I snapped back, my voice laced with frustration, "I've already told you I'm not what you want."

"Speak for yourself. I know what I want." he growled, his tone bordering on anger.

I met his gaze, unflinching. "I do too. And it doesn't include us."

"Look into my eyes and say that again." he demanded, his jaw clenched and eyes narrowed into slits of frustration.

I couldn't help but feel a mix of anger as Azaan pressed me to continue our game. He seemed so sure of what he wanted, while I felt lost and fearful. I knew deep down that this was nothing more than infatuation, a fleeting desire for adventure and excitement. "Azaan. Stop acting like a baby. We both know this is nothing but an obsession. A game we both started because we like challenges. We both like adventure. This is nothing more."

"Maybe. But why not play along? We both know we enjoy it." he asked, his eyes searching mine for any sign of agreement. I wanted to say no, to put an end to this game once and for all. But something inside me longed for the thrill of the chase, the excitement of the unknown.

"Azaan."

"Tell me why you're scared of us? Or me?" he urged, and I felt my heart beating faster than a bird's wings in flight. Was I really that transparent? Did he see right through me, as if I was made of crystal? Did he know all along that I was afraid of getting hurt, of letting my guard down and being vulnerable? It was as if he held a key to a part of me that I wasn't even aware of, and the thought of him unlocking that door was both exhilarating and terrifying.

"I'm not scared." I said, my tone laced with defensiveness. The words felt stuck in my throat, as if I didn't want to admit to the truth. "I'm not scared of you. I'm not scared of us. I'm not scared of anything."

"Then why did you leave last night?" He continued to press for answers I was not ready to give. "Why have you been ignoring me?"

"Last I remember, you were the one ignoring me." I retorted, feeling defensive and vulnerable all at once. I knew I had to make a choice - either continue playing this dangerous game, or walk away before it was too late.

"Are you trying to get back at me for wanting to give you space? For giving us both some time to figure out what we both want?"

"No. I just— I had to leave."

"Why? What is it you're so fucking scared of?"

"Don't you dare." I shot back, "I'm not scared of you."

"Then why would you not give us a chance? Why would you run away like a coward?" he taunted, deliberately trying to rile me up.

"I— I."

As Azaan looked at me with those piercing eyes, I felt a shiver run down my spine. My heart raced as I tried to keep my emotions in check. I knew deep down that he was right, that I was afraid of our relationship. But I couldn't bring myself to admit it to him. My pride held me back, like a fortress guarding my deepest fears.

I wanted to tell him, to spill my fears and insecurities, but my ego wouldn't let me. It was like a lion's roar, loud and unyielding, preventing me from showing any weakness. I held my tongue, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had won this round.

The truth was, I was scared. Scared of getting hurt, of losing control, of putting my heart on the line. But admitting that to Azaan felt like surrender, a defeat that I couldn't bear. So I stood there, defensive and guarded, like a knight protecting her castle walls.

"Yes. Go on. Tell me. Tell me you're not scared. Tell me why you left?"

In that moment, I knew I should have confronted my fears and broken down those walls that I had built up for so long. But the conflicting emotions inside me were like a fierce storm, tearing me apart. I was like a boat lost at sea, adrift and directionless.

So I did, what I knew was the best. I lied.

"I got my fucking period. Happy!"

Another lie rolled off my tongue, as I refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had won. Deep down, I knew he was right. My past had left me with scars that were still raw, and I couldn't let any man use them against me.

I watched as his face transformed from sheer arrogance to suspicion, then realization, and finally to awkward embarrassment. The way his cheeks turned red and his eyes darted around the room gave him away. Despite his obvious discomfort, he seemed to have bought my excuse. He glanced at me once more, searching for any signs of deceit, before taking a tentative step back and rubbing the nape of his neck.

"You could have told me."

"Why would I?"

"I don't know?" He shrugged awkwardly, his eyes filled with regret. "At least I wouldn't have behaved like such a dick."

I raised an eyebrow, feeling a slight sense of satisfaction at his admission. "So you do admit you were behaving—"

"Yes! Yes!" He threw his hand up in frustration. "But it was driving me insane to think that after everything you ghosted me on the most important night of my life. I wasn't sure if you'd come last night and I had deliberately avoided contacting you because I didn't want you to feel pressured."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. I really thought some distance and time off would give us both the time and space we need to think about what we both wanted."

"And yet the gifts kept coming."

"I didn't say I was going to stop trying. But you came last night. And it felt like we both had something. It felt special. But then you disappeared without warning."

"I shouldn't have."

"And I should have given you the benefit of the doubt." I nodded but guilt ate on my insides. "I used to do theatre at school. I quite liked it. For my first performance as the main character I played Macbeth. That night I kept waiting for my family to turn up, but no one except my grandfather did."

"Why?"

"My parents had a fight. Altamash and Taimoor Bhai were too busy battling it out with each other to really care about my existence. And Nia was probably just with her friends. After that I just stopped inviting them. I rarely shared anything with them. It was easier to deal knowing they didn't come because they didn't know. And last night —"

I put my hand to his lips, silencing his words.

Last night, a celebration was in the air, the kind that could lift spirits high and leave a lasting imprint on memory. For him, it was more than just a joyous occasion, it was a moment to revel in. And he had wanted me by his side. But fear had crept into my heart like a thief in the night, stealing away my courage and leaving me alone in my doubts. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of selfishness as I had left him to bask in the glory of the moment alone.

Yet, as I thought on my actions, my mind was split in two. On one hand, a comforting thought took root, that while I wasn't there he was surrounded by loved ones, that he was not alone in his happiness. On the other, a painful truth emerged, knowing that I had led him back to a time of loneliness and despair. A place where darkness reigned supreme and hope was but a distant dream.

It was a place I knew all too well, a fractured past I had once called my own. A place where the mind could run wild with fears and doubts, where the heart could be weighed down by burdens too heavy to bear.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have disappeared without warning." I murmured. He considered my response with an understanding nod.

"I was so worried," He replied softly, "You weren't even replying, but I guess you probably weren't feeling too well. Are you alright now?" I nodded, my tongue faltering to produce any words. "Come with me," he said, his voice tender. "Let me take you out."

"Where?"

"That is a surprise," he replied with a warm smile, his fingers gently tracing the curve of my cheek. The touch sent shivers down my spine, and I felt my heart flutter with excitement.

"Tell me!" I asked with curiosity in my voice.

"You're probably craving some carbs and chocolates right now." He took my hand in his and pulled me closer, whispering in my ear, "Let's get you some ice cream, my sweet."

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