"In some sense, every parent does love their children. But some parents are too broken to love them well."

- Wm. Paul Young

* * *

"No phone calls on the dinner table, Pushkar," Kamini warned as soon as she heard her youngest son mobile ringing.

"It's very important, Mamma," he protested but gave in as soon as his mother glared at him.

"Pushkar, your mother is right, work has its own time but dinner is family time," Ramnaath said as he smiled at the youngest member of the family.

Being the obedient pupil that he was, Pushkar put aside the phone and let his mother baby him without complaining.

Shravan smiled at the sight of the mother-son duo before sighing in despair, reminded of how much he had longed, yearned for the same but couldn't have, he smiled bittersweetly as he saw Pushkar beaming at his mother who was whining at the carelessness of her child when it came to his health and how much weight he has lost, how he didn't eat well.

It was times like these when he wondered about his own mother. Did he not deserved to be loved as unconditionally as mothers' love was supposed to be for their children? As much as he wanted to continue with his hatred for the opposite gender, it wasn't as blind as he would want it to be, for the sake of his own sanity...

There were countless women who so selflessly and unconditionally loved their children that they could and would do anything for them. So why did he do to not deserve the same love from his own mother? Why didn't she love him in the same way Kamini Malhotra loved her sons? After all, Kamini was no less than a she-devil, selfish, with an unstoppable hunger for power and money, but she wanted only the best for her sons, and in the end, the motive behind some of her most cruel actions was the betterment of her children, then how come his mother was so indifferent to him, her only child?

'Still her only child?' he wondered, bitter and resentful.

Maybe not, definitely not, he thought. She must have had more children, she must have married the man and had more children, and has forgotten him while he stupidly wondered and yearned for her.

Somehow thinking about his mother having more children only made him feel more lonely. Oh, how much he had longed to have a sibling of his own, how much he, as a child, had countless times pleaded his parents for one, especially after meeting Pushkar...

He remembered how a four-year-old chubby Pushkar had him awestruck as he had kept on blabbing stories of his old city while mispronouncing words due to the missing front tooth. He had been so fond of his younger cousin the second they had met when Lala ji and his family had moved to live in the same city as them, but Varun, then the overly possessive big brother, had never let him anywhere near his baby brother. Varun had always pushed him away, never letting him anywhere the young Pushker and taunting him for not having a brother of his own. That had been the reason why after every visit to Lala ji's house on the weekends, he had gone on hunger stricks, demanding for a sibling while his parents had helplessly looked at each other, unable to afford another mouth to feed...

He hadn't gotten the sibling he wanted, and now the thought of having one or more for years but never being sure of their existence made him resent his mother even more...

Maybe if he had a sibling he wouldn't have felt lonely all his childhood. Maybe if he had one he wouldn't have been this affected by his parents' broken marriage. Maybe if he had someone to share his thoughts and worries, someone with whom his bond was unbreaking, one of blood and flesh, one of unconditional love, he wouldn't have been the person he was now: cynic, full of hatred and rage, broken...

Apart from the abandonment issues, deep grounded insecurities, and disrepair, his mother had also left him with many maybe's and if only's, he thought bitterly.

That's what he hated the most, that no matter what, he was helpless to the truth that she has left an emptiness within him, a sense of loneliness that no crowd of London or India, not even a decade could eliminate. Her abandonment had affected him in so many ways, but most of all, after her, he has become paranoid of losing the people he loves and cares about, especially his father.

'And Sumo,' he quietly admitted to himself...

And therefore, sometimes his grip on them was tight enough to suffocate them, and he knew if he would continue to do so, they would start demanding their freedom, freedom from him, and his suffocating love. That's what he had understood from Sumo's refusal to take his help. He should let go of his fears and trust them, his father and her, and they would never leave him...

Hopefully...

"Thank you, Mamma," he heard Pushker cutely whisper and when he looked up, he saw the younger pulling his mother in a tight hug as Kamini smiled, beaming at her son.

He remembered a smile so similar to Kamini's on his own mother's face when she had the time to smile at him that way, that wide smile with eyes full of love, he still remembered it...

Where had that love disappeared?

What had he done to lose the love she once had for him?

He hated it, hated that even after everything, there were times when he missed his mother, craved her presence in his life, only to be remembered that his mother had left him behind, abandoned him for the love of another man...

And then he would remind himself; she wasn't needed anymore, he would tell himself, again and again, until he accepted it. Strongly believing it to be the truth, and it was the truth, he no longer needed her, he has survived his most vulnerable years without her, and now he was a strong adult.

And anyway, did he even had the right to miss her or yearn for her when he had his father? He asked himself sternly. After everything that his father had done for him, he shouldn't be ungrateful enough to continue to yearn for her presence in his life, especially when his father had been playing the role of both parents for years so sincerely...

Snapped out of his yearning, he was once again reminded of the sacrifices and the unconditional love his father has been showering on him all these years. And that had become something that forced him to compare the involvement and investment of his parents in his life. And by far, there was no comparison, there was nothing about his mother that made her worthy of being called a parent. Therefore, he had no right to yearn for her and no need to miss her, because from every point of view, he only had one parent and his father's love was more than enough for him, he once again reminded himself.

He looked up from his plate and smiled at the sight of his father busy in some kind of conversation with Lala ji, grateful to the man who had raised him well, has never reminded him or blamed him for his mother's betrayal, never abandoned him, never backed off from his responsibilities...

His smile widened, his eyes misty when his father without interrupting his conversation or looking at him dumped down a large portion of rice and curry on Shravan's plate and filled his glass with some fresh orange juice.

"Thank you, Papa," he whispered, blinking to clear the blurred vision as he looked down so no one would notice the tears or sudden tremble in his voice.

He tried to compose himself, scolding him for being sensitive to such matter, reminding himself that he should have a better grip of himself now because no longer he was a child or a teen, he was now an adult. With a sigh, he looked up, tried to take part in the ongoing conversation, laughing at the appropriate place, nodding and adding a word or two to appear as a part of the family he had never been around from the past decade, has never a part of...

The sudden ringing of his mobile disturbed the conversation, muttering a sorry he looking at down his mobile and picked it up without hesitation, ignoring the always reminded rule of never picking up a phone call on the dinner table.

"Shravan," the warning in his father's voice made him hesitate for a second, but he didn't let it stop him from standing up.

"It's Sumo, Papa," he muttered in hurry before walking away as he threw a pleading look to Pushkar who nodded at him, understanding the meaning of the unsaid words. Leaving behind the younger to explain everything to the elders, he walked out of the dining hall.

"Hey," he whispered once he was sure no one could hear him.

"Sorry, I didn't realize it was dinner time," Suman said, guilty as she looked down at the watch wrapped around her delicate wrist.

"It's okay, don't worry about that," he dismissed her worries, "tell me, what happened?" he asked, impatiently.

"They said yes, we have the contract," she shouted in contagious excitement, making him laugh along with her.

"I knew it," he said with a prideful smile, "I am so proud of you."

"Thank you, Shravan. I don't think it would have been possible if you wouldn't have helped me," Suman said, and he could hear her smile and gratefulness in her voice.

"You don't have to thank me, Sumo. And once again, I didn't help, it was something I did more for myself than you. I know you would have found a way or another, but it's me who can't look at you in any kind of distress. I just can't," he confessed quietly and regretting it within the next second when he only heard an awkward silence on the other side.

"Okay, Papa is calling, we will talk later," he muttered hurriedly while ignoring her protests and ended the call with a sigh.

Cringing at his sudden unneeded confession, he once again took his place beside his father who noticed the changing expressions on his face.

"What happened?" Ramnaath asked, controlling his rage at the display of disobedience that had never occurred before, never had his son ignored his words, apparently, only Suman Tiwari could trigger the strike of rebellion in his otherwise obedient son.

Only when he noticed the attention of the whole family on him that Shravan realized his father had interrupted everyone by asking him the question out loud.

"It was Suman - she had a very important meeting today - I had told her to let me know," he uttered awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

"She got the contract, right?" Pushkar asked in excitement, breaking the tension with his bright smile.

"Yes, she did," Shravan answered proudly before giving a grateful smile to his cousin, thankful for presence in his life.

"Really, Shravan, does that mean I can ask her for a party? Or better, a dinner, like the one we had months ago?" Lala ji asked, almost drooling at the thought of having the tasty food for once.

The sight of his Lala ji drooling over food made him laugh and his heart swelled with pride, his eyes shining and smile widening as the male population of his family, excluding his father, went on a very detailed description of the menu of 'Preeti Bhooj', they continued as he chimed in between if they forgot something, oblivious to his father's glare and Kamini who was very keenly observing the father-son duo as her cunning mind started to make sense of the happening, and she smirked, knowing well when to strike.

"I am going to sleep," Ramnaath suddenly said, interpreting the conversation when he no longer could tolerate the continued mention of the girl he wanted to be gone from their lives.

"What happened, Papa?" Shravan asked him silently, only then noticing the frown on his father's forehead, his tense posture, and his red eyes.

"Nothing, just a headache," Ramnaath told him before walking away, leaving behind his son confused and worried.

* * * *

Confined in his bedroom, Ramnaath Malhotra paced one side to the other, muttered to himself in an uncontrollable rage, hands closed in tight fists, his heart trapped between the happiness he had seen in his son's face and the fear of the past repeating itself.

"Why? Why, Nirmala? Why once again you are the reason why my son has to suffer? Why Suman has to be so similar to you? Why can't be she like any other woman? Why she is so held bend on bringing you into Shravan's life?" He cried out in rage, before falling on his bed with a thump, with his head in between his hands, his heart shedding the tears his eyes couldn't.

"What should I do now? What can I do now?" He asked himself with untrollable frustration, pulling out his hairs, and only snapped out of his internal dilemma when a sudden knock on the door was heard.

"Papa," Shravan called him out after stepping into the room, closing the door behind him, he came to sit in front of him on the floor with legs crossed. Handing him the painkillers with a glass of water, his son glared at him when he silently refused to take them.

"It wasn't necessary, son," Ramnaath whispered after he no longer could deny his son concerned filled eyes.

"Of course, it was. You have always been careless when it comes to you and your health," he scolded his father lightly with a worried frown.

"When you behave like that, I feel like as if you are the father and I am your son," Ramnaath joked with a smile as he looked at his son fondly.

"That is how it's going to be from now on if you won't start taking care of yourself," Shravan responded with a smile as he looked up at his father.

"Does that means you will disobey me more often?" Ramnaath asked sharply, no longer able to hold himself back.

"N-no, that's not what I meant," Shravan answered, shuttering as he narrowed his eyes in confusion at the sudden change in his behavior.

"I was joking," Ramnaath said with a forced laugh and ruffled his son's hair when he looked up at him somewhat unsure, the confusion in his son's eyes made him curse himself for being careless despite knowing how sensitive Shravan was to his moods.

"Anyway, tell me what Suman told you? What do you say? Can we demand dinner - 'Preeti Bhooj' from the Tiwari family?" He asked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"I don't know," Shravan answered with shrug, looking down at his hands, after a heartbeat, he continued, "she will come tomorrow, why don't you ask yourself?"

There was some kind of tension between his father and Suman, he had felt it when they had stood in front of each other a few days back. He had also felt it that day when his father had stormed into Tiwari Killa - with Kamini right behind him - and had glared at Suman who had stood by his side, angry at her for some reason known only to the two of them.

His confusion had only increased after that, especially when he came to know after that Suman had visited Malhotra Mansion that morning to meet his father. He still didn't know the reason or the conversation between them, but he had a feeling it wasn't something good. And he hadn't dared to ask either of them, fearing that he may make things worse or make them realize that he knew. At least now they were pretending as if everything was fine between them for his sake - he knew he was being a coward for overlooking it and maybe even increasing the misunderstanding between them with his silence, but he couldn't overcome his fear, he couldn't bring himself to mention it to either of them, but he wanted everything to go back to as it was before whatever misunderstanding was that happened between his father and the girl he loved...

He just wanted them to interact the same way they had since always. He hadn't admitted it to even himself, but the interactions he had witnessed between his father and Suman ever since he had come back were something that had warmed his heart. No matter how much he had been angry at the situation when she had agreed with his father that he would be the perfect successor of his father's firm, the sight of his father smiling at Suman and giving her opinion so much importance had been something he had been unconsciously very content about. But now there was a strange tension between them, an uneasiness, a distance that wasn't there before, and it made him worry and overwhelm him with fears and doubts.

"Only now I am starting to realize that Suman Tiwari is very important in your life," Ramnaath said quietly observing the changing expression on his face.

"She is. I never had many friends, she was my only friend in childhood and in London, no matter how much I tried, I couldn't find anyone who could replace her. All these years, I have missed our friendship and now that I can have my friend back, I don't want to lose her, Papa," he admitted helplessly, exhaling roughly with a shrug.

"Knowing your hatred towards women, I never thought it was possible for you to have a female friend," Ramnaath said bewildered.

"I know, right?" he said with a laugh, shaking his head at the irony.

"But she makes me want to trust her, she had proved herself, again and again, to be worthy of my trust," he confessed with a smile as he looked up at his father.

The shine in his son's eyes, the contentment and the trust he was hearing in his son's words, Ramnaath couldn't help but feel powerless as only a parent could. His child had suffered too much for him to let anything or anyone - be it Suman, Nirmala, or even himself - effect it or ruin it. Despret to find a solution, he asked his son something he wished he could ignore.

"Can't you see Nirmala in Suman? Don't you think she is like Nirmala?" He asked his son in the hope to remove the blindfold his son has on his eyes because of his feelings for the girl.

"No," Shravan denied firmly, "absolutely not, Papa. They are poles apart, with nothing in common," he refused, shaking his head at the unfair compression.

"Suman is independent like your mother was, she is as prideful as she was, I have seen the same spark in her eyes I had seen in Nirmala's. The same self-respect, same stubbornness, same self-importance, Suman seems like Nirmala's new avatar," Ramnaath objected with a strong stand, giving off a glimpse of his resentment for both women mentioned.

"Papa," Shravan whispered, shaking his head with his eyes closed, wanting to deny each word but the ever-existing fear of his and the conviction in his father's eyes were making him doubt himself. Suddenly he felt as if the entire universe's burden on his shoulders.

"Shravan, why?" Ramnaath asked him helplessly, the agony visible on his son's face making him powerless.

"I know Sumo, she isn't like Nirmala Ahuja," he said with forceful conviction, more to himself than his father.

"Yes, she is independent but she gives the needed importance to people in her life. She is firm, has her own opinions and ideology, but she hears me out. Her self-respect is very dear to her, but she compromised for me when it was reasonable. I have seen her countless times giving in to the irrational demands of her family, countless times she has denied herself and her needs for her family. She is very protective and caring, and has never backed out from her responsibilities,"

"While Nirmala Ahuja," he whispered, breathing out her name in exasperation, "I remember her, that night, years before she left. Papa, you may have thought I was unconscious because of fever that day, but I had overheard your conversation when she came home late at night. I have felt her neglecting me, and felt abandoned even before she walked out," he confessed.

"Even before I was old enough to understand what was wrong between you two, I had heard your fights, feard them and during those times, Suman was the only person I talked to. I don't know what kind of wife she would be for her husband, only time will tell us, but I know for that fact that she won't be that kind of mother for her children," he said with a conviction.

"She is so motherly towards her younger cousins, I can imagine what kind of mother she would be," he said with a chuckled, smiling fondly, his eyes shining with admiration.

"I have you, Papa, but she didn't have any parent almost all her life, no one more than her knows the importance of parents, of a family. And I have no doubt in my mind that she won't be a wife or a mother like Nirmala Ahuja," he ended his defense with a smile and with an undined pride in his eyes.

"Shravan, I didn't know you were capable of trusting a woman this much," Ramnaath said with a bewildered expression, startled by the depth of his trust in the girl, and with that his fear of his son getting hurt deepening.

"If anyone would ask me whether I am sure or not, I would answer that I am terrified. And I am, Papa. After what happened ten years ago, I haven't been able to trust anyone, and I know you had sent me away because you didn't want what happened to condition my life, but it has, and maybe it always will. No matter how much I want to forget it, move on from it, I won't be able to. But I want to trust her, she makes me want to trust her, so I am trying to," he whispered quietly and ending with a half-smile and a somewhat nonchalant shrug.

More then anything, he was tired of holding back, tired of denying himself what and whom he has desired what seems like all his life. The more he had pushed back his feelings for her, the stronger they have come back, knocking him out with their strength and drowning him in their depth, overwhelming him to the point of conquering his fearful heart and overpowering his cynic mind. When he had tried to overlook his feelings, his both shoulders had started to suddenly feel too heavy, no longer able to carry the excruciating torture he had put himself in ever since he had realized that the feelings he had buried deep inside him were surfacing, therefore, he has finally decided to let go, to not fight back, to stop pushing her away and to give in and trust her with a newfound hope that has born the night when she was so ready to jump off from the terrace, only for him...

'An idiot,' he thought of her fondly.

As Ramnaath Malhotra saw his son smiling to himself, lost in what seemed like the girl's thoughts, he helplessly accepted his defeat, recognizing the depth of his son's feeling for the girl and realizing that there was no way he could deny his son the only person he desired, someone with whom he thought he would lead a happy life.

Ruffling his hair lovingly, Ramnaath smiled down at his son, and got blinded by the smile he got back, he knew what he had to do. He had to protect that smile on his son's face, protect the shine in his eyes and never let the hope of the happiness die, never let the trust he was putting in that girl break...

'She has to become worthy,' he thought to himself, 'worthy of Shravan, worthy of his trust, she must be worthy...'

And he will make her worthy of his son, he decided...

He no longer was going to invest his time in fearing the past repeating it's self or forcing his son to deny himself his happiness, instead he was going to work on that girl and make her worthy of his son...

Yes, that was what he was going to do...

If his son thought of Suman Tiwari as a shining diamond, he was going to make sure she was one. He was going to polish, trim, shape and embellish the stone his son loved into a shining diamond...

Only for his son's happiness...

Only for his child...

Only for Shravan...

* * *

A/N:- So, the thought process behind this chapter had been the worry on Ramnaath's face after the Holi episode when Shravan spit out his hatred towards women after refusing to marry that girl (Urvashi). And with his constant refusal of getting married, and Ramnaath's refusal to realize that Suman was the 'only' woman he has in his life.

Remember Ramnaath after his plane crash episode where he had thanked her for being at Shravan's side. I was so convinced that Ramnaath could see that Suman Tiwari could be the only girl Shravan won't refuse getting married to. At that point, I had even thought that he will be one of the cupids for ShraMan...How naive of me, right?

Therefore, I personally felt wronged when suddenly no longer Ramnaath was behaving like the loving father he was shown as in the starting episodes and started to become the old movie villain father...But yeah, his dark shades were interesting, especially because of Satyajit Sir's amazing acting, but yeah, this is the kind of father I wanted Ramnaath to be...

So, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Please leave a comment or two and let me know your thoughts and feelings on the chapter and on the matter... :)

Thank you for everything... :)