Chapter Eighteen
"When the satisfaction or the security of another person becomes as significant to one as one's own satisfaction or security, then the state of love exists. Under no other circumstances is a state of love present, regardless of the popular usage of the term."
- Harry Stack Sullivan
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Dedicated to Rakshita - @kk90543 who renewed my determination to finish this chapter when she left a very lovely and sweet comment on my profile that I wanted to reply to only after updating this chapter. I am sorry for being so late in both replying and updating, Rakshita, but I hope you will like the chapter. Thank you for your kind words! <3
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"Shravan, if you have been hiding any saree or clothes in your wardrobe for me, this is your perfect chance to give it to me," Suman said as soon as she responded to his call.
"This is new, I am sorry, am I talking to my Sumo?" He asked with a chuckle, shocked enough to ignore how she once again was breaking her own rule of the adequate of responding to the call with the usual polite 'hello,' followed by 'how are you?'
"It's late and I can't find anything that I can wear for dinner tonight," she muttered, frustrated.
"Hmm, I may have something, just get ready, I will bring it," he said, eyeing the pink he had bought for her despite how embarrassing it had been with all the hooting and rooting of Eric and Angela who he had accompanied to shopping in the evening.
"You are a lifesaver," she said in a hurried manner, ending the call without waiting for his response.
But Shravan didn't mind that, could never mind how slowly but steadily every aspect of formality was vanishing from their interactions. Just a few months ago he had hesitated for weeks before handing her the saree he had brought for her from his trip to Mumbai. Even though she had denied it, he knew she had felt awkward every time the monetary aspect of any situation was mentioned. But with time, especially after the matter of the debt due to Mami and Mama was discussed and settled, there has been a change in Suman's attitude towards money itself. She was no longer that uncomfortable. In fact, there was a strange calmness that now was present in her interaction with money as if it no longer had the ability to hurt her. It was interesting, and he couldn't pinpoint if it was due to PCD doing very well financially and the security that came with it or if it was because soon she would be freed from the debt that had weighed her down for decades. Maybe both...
He had observed her; Suman had never been stingy with money for others and had gone out of her way to accommodate others' needs and demands yet for her own self, she would settle for less, only the essentials, only what was really needed, and always made a fuss when someone else gave her gifts or offered to buy something, even Nana Ji didn't have the privilege of it anymore. She hadn't and didn't want to be dependent on others. And the casual insults that Mami kept throwing at, it was understandable why Suman behaved that way and why she worked so hard to maintain financial independence and security. He admired her for that. But he had never liked how she sacrificed herself for others, the way she never gave her own needs any importance, and when she backed off and gave up on things to accommodate others. In the past months, he has lost count of how many times he had glared at her when he caught her doing that, yet enough times for her to stop and smile at him before doing only what was within her limits. It was something she was still struggling with, but he hoped she would one day overcome it. That one day Suman Tiwari would finally understand how wonderful she was and would start to give herself the needed importance, stop thinking of herself as a burden of any sort. The day when she would stop sacrificing herself and start claiming what she wanted without feeling guilty about it...
"Here you go," Shravan handed her the Anarkali with a smile.
"In times like these, I think you missed your calling, you should have been a personal shopper," Suman told him with a giggle.
"It's just for you," he muttered in denial.
And because she was in a hurry, she couldn't ask him what he meant by that. Was it only she who thought he could be an excellent personal shopper or if she was the only one he shopped for?
"Thank you, this is so beautiful," she said after getting out of her room, finally ready.
"It looks beautiful on you," he told her gently.
Could he ever express the contentment that he felt at how she would accept his way of loving her? She was letting him take care of her, and she was letting him love her. He had loved her ever since he knew the meaning of love, and had dreamed of the day he would be able to walk alongside her the way he could now. And she melted his heart every time she made an effort to not cringe when he paid for something, or took care of her in any other way, too used to not letting others do the caring, too committed to her role of being the caretaker. But her uncomfortableness was easing away, she was making sure not to let it be an issue between them, for which he would always be grateful. He found Suman Tiwari endearing and the fondness that he felt for her was intensifying at such a fast pace that he feared that soon his being wouldn't be able to contain it and it would start showing even with the way he breathed. There were things, small and big, that Suman kept doing that made him sure that he too was loved by her. He was loved and they were making progress, slow yet peaceful. And even if neither of them had said it out loud - and maybe they didn't even need to - but the tangible friction and beautiful tension that was between them was love. And it was growing, blooming, glowing, and intensifying each day, with each interaction, with each soft gaze, with each fond smile, with each heartbeat, and each breath. And God, how everything was beautiful and easy now that she was by his side...
"We have heard so much about you," Angela said, looking at Shravan with a teasing smile that was a twin of the one Eric had on his lips.
And Shravan should have predicted it, letting these three people meet meant inviting trouble for himself. It was as if they have been waiting until that day to gang up against him by bringing up every cringy thing he had said and done around them. Now Suman knew he had been petrified the first time Eric and Angela had been able to drag him to a club, how after the sudden growth spurt, he had towered over everyone yet was too thin and awkward to be intimidating. And Eric and Angela were told about all the stupid things he had been up to when they were teens. His two worlds were meeting and fusing together, and the three of them were realizing how different Shravan was with them, around them, the friends, and the more than 'friend'. And how much he had changed due to what had happened between him and Suman, his parent's separation, and his mother's abandonment. The way Suman kept gazing at him all night told him that she noticed. Her eyes were on him throughout the dinner, sometimes tender, sometimes with a teasing glint, sometimes proud, sometimes with concern that warmed his heart. She kept looking at him with a soft smile as his friends kept sharing about their student life, exam stress, and first work experiences.
"Let's meet for the launch and then we can go shopping from there?" Angela confirmed as they parted.
That had been one of the things he was criticized for during their let's gang up against Shravan session; he couldn't bargain to save his life when it came to shopping. So despite being awarded the title of best shopper, he didn't know the art of getting the best deal from Indian shop owners who were used to people bargaining with them and therefore always overpriced things to then settle as per customers' skills and patience.
After agreeing to the time and place, and dropping off the couple at their hotel, Sharavan turned to look at her to ask her if she could actually take time off from her schedule or just felt obligated to do so but his mind stopped functioning when he found her gazing at him with such intensity yet so gently. Her attention on him made his heart skip a few beats.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked her.
"I am just so proud of you," Suman whispered, taking hold of his hand and intertwining their hands.
There weren't many people in his life who had told him that, or from whom he had sought approval. His father and she were the only ones, and her words moved him in ways he wouldn't ever be able to tell her. And he hadn't realized how much he had craved for it, of hearing those words from her, of being worthy of her admiration. And it was a heady feeling, her words, her gaze, and her touch. He didn't know how long they kept looking at each other in silence, there were so many things that he wanted to tell her yet at the same time, he wanted to let them go unsaid, wanting to know if she could now listen to his silence. And the way she tightened her hold on his hand, her thumb creasing the back of his hand, it was a demonstration that she did. And in return, he could read what was written in her eyes, in the soft smile of hers, and in the tender look on her face. And if their hands remained intertwined until they reached her home, and for some more, it only meant that it now has to become a norm...
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"It's such a delight to see you finally happy and so in love," Eric said with a smile.
And could Shravan deny that? No, he couldn't, especially when he was caught gazing at her with a fond smile from where they were standing as she continued bargaining with the shopkeeper.
"Angela and I have been floored by your Sumo and can definitely understand why you have been pining over her for more than a decade," Eric told him with a laugh.
"I wasn't pining," he tried to deny it.
And he wasn't, not really. His love for her had been a wound that never healed yet at the same time, no one had been able to move him slightest. Or maybe it was because he never allowed anyone to do so. He held the wounds given by her close to his being, overanalyzing everything and being petty. His bitter heart had been filled with something he wanted to be hatred and not something else. He was suffering from the pain of rejection from the two most important women of his life, and he hadn't been able to deal with it. Never truly had been able to grow out of the teen he had been, never been able to fully become a man. And no matter how much he wanted to deny it, his time had come to stand still ever since that day when he had been left behind, rejected, and abandoned by both his mother and Suman. It was only after coming back to India that his time started to flow, and therefore, only then he had started to grow out of his bitter teen self who put the blame of his bruised heart and ego on other women, portraying them as evil by nature only so he could accept and live with their absence in his life. Suman's presence in his life, her friendship, and her care had helped heal the open wound, and understand that there was no point in living in the past. And meeting his mother, and knowing the truth had truly freed him from the burden of his past. And he still didn't know what to feel about what had happened, what his mother had told him, and her reasons and her decisions, but it was now easy, knowing the truth of his mother made accepting and moving on a must. It had made him understand how he no longer could afford to let what had happened in the past affect his present and his future.
"Oh you were pining over her and how, no need to continue to lie to yourself, my friend," Eric said as he pushed him lightly, smirking when Shravan couldn't come up with a reply.
"We will be expecting you next summer at our wedding and she better be your plus one," he warned, aware of his friend's commitment issues.
"Next year? What makes you think you aren't coming back to India this winter for my wedding?" Shravan asked him with a cheeky smirk.
"What? Did you already propose to her?" Eric yelled out in shock, making everyone turn around to look in their direction.
After embarrassing chuckles and apologies, Eric once turned back to their conversation, and in a hushed voice started to ask Shravan a million questions at once and his excitement dimmed down when he was told that his friend still hasn't even confessed, let alone propose.
"What's stopping you?" He asked with a mean glare.
"I don't know," Shravan confessed with a shrug.
What was stopping him? He didn't know precisely. Maybe he liked the way they were now, or maybe deep down the fear of rejection was still clinging to him, not letting him let go of his hesitation. Maybe a part of him has gotten used to not truly trusting her with his heart even though Suman Tiwari has fought battles to earn his trust. So much so that even his father has stopped looking at her in the cold manner he had been before they met with his mother. And there was a subtle acceptance in the way his father now interacted with Suman that made it clear that he knew about Shravan's intentions of marrying her...
Or maybe it wasn't anything to do with him and everything to do with her? Maybe he was waiting, and waiting and waiting till she took the first step and claimed him as hers. Maybe he wanted to see if her love for him was intense enough, deep enough to make her confess first. Maybe he wanted her to come to him on her own and not chase after her. The letter he had written to her when they were teens still was placed there in the locker even if the gifts that he had accumulated for her had now found their place in her wardrobe. Maybe it was strange, to be stuck in the same phase of their relationship without tags, but they didn't know how to move forward. Or perhaps as he had told Eric, they would go from best friends to married without actually ever talking about it out loud.
"Make a move before she gets tired of waiting," Eirc advised him with a glare.
"If she ever got tired, she would make the first move," he replied with a shrug.
And then he himself was shocked at how certain he was of what he was claiming. Since when he was so sure of her feelings for him? Since when has she succeeded in conquering his fears? Since when did the certainty of their feelings being mutual become so ingrained within him that he could now confidently say that she would wait or make the first move even if he didn't?
"Bhai Sahab, please, make your wife understand," the shopkeeper's words interrupted his thought process.
And before he could reply, Suman's following words rendered him speechless.
"Aree, why are you dragging my husband into this?" Suman demanded with a glare.
"He is the one who is going to pay after all," the shopkeeper muttered.
"So I am saving his money, why would he mind his wife doing that?" Suman asked with an annoyed tone in her voice and continued their bargaining until the shopkeeper finally gave in with a tired huff.
"What was that all about? I am thinking I should learn Hindi, that was intense," Eric muttered near him, with a frown as he observed how Shravan had frozen with wide eyes and then was suddenly lost in his thoughts, only coming to the present when he elbowed him.
"Nothing," Sharvan replied, trying to process the casual manner in which she had continued the banter without correcting the shopkeeper.
"It didn't seem nothing, and are you blushing? What? What happened?" Angela asked with an excited pitch in her voice.
"Nothing," he repeated before making his way to pay the shopkeeper and sliding more money than due.
"I saw that," Suman muttered with a huff.
"You shouldn't bargain that hard with the small shopkeepers, their profit margin is small as it is," he said in his defense.
"Bhai Sahab," the shopkeeper exclaimed, moved at the consideration.
"You are lucky my husband is a generous man, otherwise I know the real prize and how the shop next to the street sells this for less than you have charged," Suman said with a glare without heat.
And before the banter could pick up once again, Shravan got hold of her hand and dragged her out of the shop.
"By now I am sure you bargain more for fun than to pay less," he told her with a fond smile, intertwining their hands.
"You don't know the thrill of it, Shravan Malhotra," she confirmed with a giggle.
The episode repeated in the next shop and then again until they were done. And by the end of it, he was called her husband enough times to understand his part in the skit she was building; she was the stingy wife and he was the generous husband. And each time he played his role to perfection, the giggles after stepping out of the shop were freer. Suman had always been beautiful to him, but the way happiness looked on her, she was breathtaking...
"Thank you for teaching me how to bargain. It was such a pleasure to finally meet you," Angela said as she hugged Suman.
They were at the airport to see the couple off, needless to say, they had enjoyed their stay and were leaving with the promise to come back for the wedding in the winter, they told her with a teasing smirk directed towards Shravan. While walking out of the airport, Suman asked him whose marriage they have been invited to. And to that, Shravan in a rush manner replied; whoever decided to get married in the winter.
"What do you mean by that?" Suman asked with a frown.
"There are so many weddings happening in the winter," he said with a forced shrug.
"You are right. I don't like winter weddings," she commented offhandedly.
"What? Then in which session do you want to get married?" He asked with a worried frown.
"Spring, or fall? When it's not too cold nor too hot," she replied, looking at him with a thoughtful gaze.
"Spring it is then," he easily agreed with a nod.
It just had to be before the summer. Before Angela and Eric's wedding. Spring was any way Tulip's session, her favorite flowers would be easy to find, and spring wedding was symbolic too. Perfect!
"Huh? Why do I feel like I agreed to something I haven't been asked?" Suman asked with a frown as she saw him lost in thoughts and nodding to himself.
She already was suspicious of being unaware of a secret between the three of them ever since the couple had invited her to their wedding next summer. There were multiple times when she had caught them talking in a hush manner, with teasing smiles, and calling their outings double dates. And while that made her giddy and happy, it was rather curious how not even once Shravan had corrected them, or anyone at that whenever they kept assuming them to be a couple too. She had noticed how readily he had gotten used to the terms too, easing into his role of the husband during their shopping spree. And not to talk about the hand-holding. For some reason now whenever they were anywhere around each other, one of them seamlessly would hold the other's hand, it kept happening even though it wasn't acknowledged with words, as if they had been doing it for years. It was natural and perhaps it actually was. Even if there hasn't been an official confession - an exchange of three words - each gesture, each gaze, each touch was a visible demonstration that expressed their feelings for each other...
She didn't know until when it would be enough, or if she should wait for him to make a move first. There have been a few times when she had felt he was about to give her the letter she already knew about but couldn't admit to him until he handed it to her first. The timing never seemed to work, for some reason, someone or something always interrupted them. But she hoped that happened soon enough, or otherwise, she feared that she was going to confess first. And she didn't want that, she wanted Shravan to give her that letter. Even though by now they both knew of their feelings for each other, that letter was symbolic of his trust in her, in trusting her with his past, present, and future. And she wanted him to trust her. He had loved her a long time ago, maybe never stopped, she knew that. But gaining his love never had been a problem, he had given her that easily and generously. It was his trust that she knew she had to gain. That was what had been stopping him from confessing, she knew. And she couldn't blame him for it. Their own past and what had happened between his parents, everything that his mother had done and told him when they had gone to meet him, played a huge factor in making him struggle with trusting her with the whole of him. And that was why she had decided to give him all the time he needed. And while from time to time waiting for him patiently was difficult, the way their relationship was developing and evolving was worth the wait. Being able to hold his hand, hug him and make him blush whenever he was bold, the pull and push, and everything else were just extra privileges that she was enjoying in the meantime.
"Can we go to the park tomorrow? There is something I want to talk about," Shravan suddenly asked.
"Sure," she agreed.
And the way he tightened his hold on intertwined fingers as they walked side by side solidified her belief that maybe, the day she has been waiting for has finally arrived or would arrive soon enough. It was him she was waiting for, and she had waited for him for more than a decade, she could wait for him for some more...
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The park near Tiwari Killa was a place where they had spent most of their time during their teens. No matter which session of the year, it had witnessed them and their bond evolving, breaking, and them reuniting again. And that's why now he was sitting at their favorite spot in the park with the letter in his hand, Shravan was waiting for her to come so he could finally hand it to her. He had several times made attempts to give her the letter he had written more than a decade ago, and each time he had felt his heart trembling with anxiety, doubts yet excitement, but something or other had always stopped him from doing so. This time around, for some strange reason, he felt he would be able to, and maybe that's why all he felt was peace and serenity. That must be an indication that this time around it would finally happen, wasn't it? That he was ready, that they were ready. There was so much he wanted to confess but for once, he felt he didn't need to practice the words, or even pay attention to his inhibitions and when she came to sit next to him, he let go of his hesitation...
"Here," he muttered, holding out the latter for her.
"Shravan," she breathlessly whispered his name as if she knew what it meant.
"I wanted to give it to you before but...It's old, but I wanted you to have it," he confessed, suddenly feeling shy under her gaze.
"Suman Tiwari, I still feel the same, probably never stopped," he whispered, looking into her misty eyes, taking in the expression on her face.
She looked heartbroken yet happy at the same time...
"Would you not read it?" He asked her, perplexed at her reaction.
She was reacting as if she already knew the content of the latter, and the meaning of his words even though he hadn't confessed properly. He was planning to, after she finished reading the letter but she wasn't making any move to read it. She was just looking at him as if she would start crying any moment. And he was trying hard to not give in to his cynic side and take her reaction as rejection. When she stayed silent for too long, he was forced to snap her out of whatever was going on in her mind.
"Sumo?" He called her out, only to be interrupted by her phone ringing.
"Let it ring," he requested with a frown, his heart beating in strange anxiety.
But when his own phone started to ring, breaking the silence between them further, and continued to do so until they both were forced to answer.
"Bhahiya, thank God you finally answered," Pushkar's voice was shaky and urgent.
"What happened?" He asked, looking up when he saw Suman standing hurriedly.
"It's Preeti's parents. They saw us on our date, Lala Ji and Mom were with them too. Lala Ji is trying to calm Mom but I am worried about Preeti. Her parents looked very angry, can you please go there to check? Or inform Sumo about it? I don't know if Preeti would be able to call her," Pushkar requested, stressed.
"Okay, I will, don't worry, Pushkar, we will go there now," he told him, standing up and following Suman as they walked together wordlessly.
Her pace was fast, Suman was almost running toward Tiwari Killa only to suddenly stop and turn back to look at him and then down at her hand which was still holding the letter, unread. There was a frown on her forehead and deep frustration in her eyes that were now shedding the tears she had been holding back.
"It's okay, we can always talk about it later," he muttered, understanding her unsaid words.
"I just wanted time to be on our side for once," she whispered with a sigh, closing her eyes.
"Let's solve this issue first and then we can talk. As long as you are here, I am not going anywhere," he promised, wiping away the tears that slipped her eyes.
Why was she crying now? Earlier, her misty eyes seemed to hold the shine of all the stars in the universe, as if she was overwhelmed even though she had yet to read the latter or know the meaning of his confession, but now there was a deep frown marring her face as she harshly wiped away tears of frustration. Did she really know what was written in the letter? Or what he meant? How? Or was he misreading everything? Again. He didn't know what to feel, what to think. Suddenly there was so much confusion and panic, which kept increasing when they walked into Tiwari Killa and saw Preeti crying and Mami yelling as the rest of the family tried to understand the situation.
They both had waited for this day for so long yet somehow once again, they were interrupted by an external situation. And for some unknown reason, a strange fear started to take place within them. It took only a few hours to realize why. It took only a few words and the peace that they had worked so hard for shattered...
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A/N:- My apologies to everyone I keep waiting every time. I suffer from writer's block and demotivation from time to time but then the lovely people that you all are, you keep motivating me to fight it and get back to writing. I am slow at it, I am sorry, but we are close to the finishing line so please stick by me till the end. I am grateful to you all for the wait and love you keep giving to this story, thank you! <3
I hope you all liked the chapter. I tried to not stop on a cliffhanger but it was such an appropriate place that I couldn't help it. A bit of drama ahead for the climax, but hopefully, you are liking the story so far and would like the next chapter too... ;)
Let me know your thoughts and feelings on the chapter, if you liked it or not, if it was cheesy, too sweet? Or something that you wanted for ShraMan? Are you liking the direction the story is going? Any complaints? (Other than me keeping you waiting? Sorry...T___T )
Thank you for reading, liking, for the comments, for all the kind words and sweet compliments, and for the motivation... *hugs*
Thank you! <3
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