Part 22

Haziness superseded my vision as my lids slithered apart, light made obscurity vanish, and what was distorted finally became clear. Tanned fingers pushed tangled curls of ebony from my view as my sight took in the hundred of sketches; one more gruesome than the next scrawled along the white walls. Photos intricately drawn of decaying demons with scarlet eyes, sharpened teeth, blood gushing from deformed lips, flesh falling off bone, emerging from darkness. I rose into a sitting position, crumbled bed sheets surrounding my be stilled figure, my curls falling down my trembling spine as I gazed in dismayed wonderment of my worst nightmares sketched in horrifying detail, showcased in grandeur for all the world to see. It was as if someone had emptied my mind of its monsters, transforming the ghastly into displayed décor, before clearly stunned I twisted to stare blindly into the merriment of a green gaze watching my every move.

“Thought you’d sleep the day away,” Julie whispered happily, hugging her battered doll to her overweight form, her crumpled white jogging pants and t-shirt strangling her plump figure. The doll’s dark tresses had long ago lost the battle to stay intact; patches of its strands gone, dress stained on its small body, its eye missing altogether, and yet still this deranged girl sat in a bed identical to my own, patting this beloved toy as if it were made of gold.

“I’ve always wanted another roommate,” she whispered, her gaze leaving mine, her long red hair framing her chubby face whilst she continued as if my words were unneeded, as if it were the doll she really spoke to. “Never knew it’d only take a fire to get one.”

Emerald lenses flashed abruptly back to mine before her finger gestured to the empty air beside her, “Kylie here thought we’d be alone forever.”

Looking dazedly at the empty spot Kylie was supposed to be sitting in I answered numbly, “I guess I was more exhausted than I thought.”

My bewildered eyes trailed the small room as my legs swung to the icy floor, wincing at the slight ache of my overused muscles. I tried and yet failed to ignore the drawings covering every available surface of the adjacent wall choosing instead to focus my fearful gaze on the glory of the morning sky shining brightly in from the barred in window. And there leaning idly against its bolted shut frame lied my dead sister, gazing intently beyond its glass.

The sunlight lit her blonde tresses up like a corona; her miniskirt, cropped top, and four inch high heeled boots contrasting horribly to her angel like appearance before swiftly cerulean clashed with hazel.

“She is fucking annoying!” Andrea gestures wildly to the seemingly docile girl beside me, “and as crazy as bat shit!”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Julie’s gentle voice wholeheartedly exclaimed in agreement, her remorseful eyes finally reclaiming my own, “those flames last night… The way they just engulfed the building…Those people panicking, and screaming…”

I closed my guilt ridden eyes to the sudden flashes of their faces that seemed to overtake my vision; the smell of smoke, the scent of burning flesh, the sound of their unanswered cries for help, the sight of people being crushed within the crowd. “Yeah,” I whispered weakly, culpability forever apart of my spirit, “it was pretty scar-.”

“It was pretty spectacular!” she breathlessly exclaimed, forcing my incredulous eyes to hastily swing back to hers. Her features were just so manically animated… so gleeful in it’s reminisces of such a horrendous tragedy, such awful pain.

“There was just such a… beauty in its flicker,” Julie’s trembling fingers reached out before her as if lovingly caressing an invisible flame. “There was always something about an uncontainable blaze that seemed to fascinate Kylie and me. In fact we haven’t seen a fire that enthralling since… well since the inferno that claimed the lives of our parents.”

Unsure on how to react to that appalling admission my stunned gaze swung back to collide with my sisters, watching as Andrea snorted humorlessly, “See what I mean?”

“Do you see it?” Julie shouted out so unexpectedly I almost jumped in my seat as she gazed intently upon Andrea’s form, as if she could make out my sister just as effortlessly as she envisioned Kylie.

Turning slowly back to my unhinged roommate as she jumps crazily to her feet, I whispered, “See what?”

“The commotion, silly,” she teased as she ran straight through Andrea, my sister’s body distorting before reappearing beside Julie, that forever apparent frown on her lips as she glares at the oblivious red head. Fingers wrapping around the thick bars, Julie gazes longingly out at the view, “its like this is rehab, and a famous star is staying within these walls.”

I retraced her footsteps lethargically, moving to stand beside them, to look down at the cluster of eager news reporters and cameramen all ruthlessly crowded along the mental institution’s barren lawn. News vans littered the once empty streets, cameras capturing the building’s newly damaged surface as if just hoping for a glimpse of the madness it enclosed inside. The bars were frozen beneath my fingertips, my breath catching within my heaving chest while inwardly knowing how much more likely that it was that they were hoping to capture the first image of a supposed attempted executioner unjustly being set free to walk amongst the streets again.

As if reading my desolate thoughts I heard Andrea murmur, “I don’t think its only last night’s fire their trying to cover.”

Long, heavy, dark lashes partially blocked the massive view of so many below, a crowd that only seemed to grow in the minutes passed. My mind was on the unforgiving world I’d confront beyond these walls more than the sudden immobility of my roommate’s once energetic form as I impassively responded to Julie, “it’s probably just the misfortune of last night that their reporting on.”

“Oh, I think we both know the real reason their camping outside our entrance.”

Distracted, I wrapped my arms around my suddenly trembling figure, my sight still glued to the only way out, “Oh, and what’s that?”

In a voice much younger than her own Julie monotonously accused, “It’s all the murders you’ve caused.”

Frozen, my heart pulsating violently inside my chest, I knew instantly that I recognized that voice. The sweet innocence within its resonance, the high pitch of youth captured within its tone. Turning slowly towards its sound, my eyes widened in terror at the unwanted sight of Julie’s once emerald gaze now transformed into one pea green iris, the other that muddy, chocolate coated brown. Freckles slowly surfaced upon the bridge of her nose; tiny sprinkles of brown unearthing externally whilst dark rings took seize of the surrounding layer of skin around Julie’s lashes, forcing the piercing hatred in her gaze to appear intensified.

“The what?” I questioned, fear causing my feet to back away from the sight as brown tresses exceeded red locks, and long strands twisted into playfully swinging braids hanging down Julie’s shoulders.

“Don’t play innocent, Anna. We both know of what you did.”

“No… I never meant for anyone to be harmed,” I murmured into the silence, my curls swinging out around me as my head shook in denial, my eyes as if spellbound, never leaving hers.

My tentative footsteps retreated as Harmony’s features continued to slowly surpass Julie’s, quickly realizing that with every step taken she vigilantly stalked it with one of her own. Rage engulfed her form in a livid aurora of crimson, fury so all consuming that it began to literally rip Harmony’s essence from Julie’s frozen figure, and yet the tortured soul so absorbed on executing my demise barely registered its sudden lack of a host. Free from Julie’s unwittingly hindrance of resistance Harmony’s spirit truly took shape, her appearance so oddly like her natural human self that I almost let my guard down for the once tragic little girl before malevolence persevered, and the tainted infection of death began to show.

“You think that excuses the deaths you’ve caused?” she cruelly questioned, her skin paling, deep painful slashes obviously inflicted by evil’s touch now lining her skin, thick scarlet liquid trickling onto the ground. “You came into this place with darkness haunting every footstep you took!” Rapidly expanding splatters of crimson now seeped into her torn tee; soiling the vibrant white fabric while lacerations now appeared so deep that tissue and muscle lay exposed. “Every breath that escaped those lying corrupted lips!”

With every word vocalized Harmony resumed altering from that once sweet, innocent girl to the predestined victim she unwittingly became, blood now pouring endlessly from her ravaged lips. It appeared as if voracious minions had actually feasted upon half of her mouth, her tongue and scarlet soaked gums remained exposed along one side of what was left of her gashed open cheek even when what comprised of her lips were sealed closed.

I could see Andrea from afar, gazing upon me oddly, but it was as if she still remained in the brightness of day, whilst I now in a captured moment; found myself encased in darkness. She glanced at my recoiling form with confusion, “Anna?”

I could find no words to answer her, for with every second wasted Harmony drew closer. “I’m sorry,” I pleaded sincerely, tears bounding down my cheeks, “I didn’t know how to stop it. I didn’t-.”

“You didn’t do enough to save me!” she openly raged upon my remorseful figure as I slammed harshly into the wall behind me, dreadfully trapped within my own guilt. “You didn’t do shit to rescue me!” she vehemently screeched, her fingers rising swiftly to mercilessly seize my neck just as I disastrously dived away, crashing harshly into the side table, the lamp shattering as it collided with the hardness of tile. Panting uncontrollably from the floor, my wild curls partly shielding my view, I watched as Harmony stared down in bewilderment at her now ghostly form, at last realizing her unpremeditated departure from her enforced host.

Andrea rushed blindly to my side, but still couldn’t seem to capture my attention, “Anna, what’s going on?”

Staring engrossed at what had become of Harmony; body slaughtered, skin ripped from its bone in certain spots, hair converted crimson from her own blood caked within its strands. The only thing resembling Harmony’s former self being those forever dissimilar eyes, that red rim now encircling its lenses.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry,” I futilely repeated while knowing sadly there was no forgiving nature inside her to truly hear it.

Glowering down at my pathetic form, red bodily fluid spewing with every word raged, she fumed, “not as sorry as you will be! You think you get to waltz out into freedom and leave us to fucking rot in this hell hole?” She squats before me, hatred the only thing present in her gaze as I fearfully pressed my trembling body against the coldness of the plaster. “Think you deserve to enjoy a freedom paved in our blood! …I …don’t …think …so!” She rises quickly back up to her meager height, appearing somehow majestically wicked.

“Wherever you go Anna Marie, whatever you do… remember… we; the victims riddled along your damned, ill fated path will be following you.

And one day… one day soon, you will reap exactly the agony you sow!” Screaming as if suddenly feeling the pain of death magnified Harmony erupted into a ferocious gust of wind swirling throughout the room, papers flying within its fierce draft until as if merging into shadows lingering in corners, seeping into cracks along the baseboards she disappeared, taking her stifling condemning detestation along with her.

Thanks to me, for this one unfortunate little girl… in death; there was to be no harmony found…

…only the unwavering promise of imminent vengeance.

Numbly, I watched as Julie; completely unaware of the possession she was once under hurried to gather up the scattered sketches, “Oh no, Harmony’s drawings.”

“Harmony, drew those pictures?” I asked, slowly rising back onto shaken feet.

“Of course, Crazy. She told you about them. Remember… the monsters that travel in darkness… you smell them before you see them,” she looks back at me as if I was the only deranged person residing inside this room. “God, don’t you remember anything? In the lounge that day… these,” pointing to the pictures scattered along the floor, “are the creatures she always saw.”

I watched in stunned silence as Julie continued picking up Harmony’s pictures, wishing I hadn’t dismissed what I assumed was only ramblings of the mentally ill. “Did she say anything else?”

“Dude, Harmony was nuts, does it matter?” She rises up from the floor, gazing strangely back at me, “who exactly were you talking to? You kept apologizing and staring into space.”

I continued my silence, my back leaning against the wall until despairingly I allowed my body to fall back onto the floor. Oh god, Harmony knew…

Annoyed, Julie moved to sit back upon her bed, turning to her imaginary friend, “and they call me crazy, Kylie. See, this is why we should have never requested a roommate.”

Andrea, clearly dismissing my muttering roommate crouched down before me, her gaze determined to meet mine, “Marie, are you okay?”

My eyes clashed with hers, my own brimming with newly unshed tears. “I… I-,” I stuttered unable to grasp the response to her question until finally I admitted, “No… and I’m not sure I ever will be.”

………………………………………………………………………..

Trying to control the slight tremor in my hands I bundled my tresses up into a high ponytail, letting my locks spring freely from its elastic confinements, a cloud of curls surrounding my face. The image of my features still unmistakably terrified, the pallor of my skin still unnaturally white. Shaky, I straightened my black tee over my jeans while still managing to avoid those bright blue orbs probing into my skull.

“Marie, you can’t ignore it forever.”

I turned from my reflection, moving to sit upon the bed to slip into my white sneakers, my heart still racing.

“What happened to you this morning, hell what happened to you last night?” Andrea interrogated as I rose to stand in front of the closet before finally allowing my eyes to meet hers. A quick glimpse of Harmony’s blood soaked, rancorous image flashed before me causing my normal balance to disappear as I tumbled unsteadily into the closet door, barely catching myself before I could collide with the floor.

Andrea rose slowly from the bed, her gaze gentle, “that’s what I’m talking about. Ever since this morning you’ve been jumping at shadows. The nutcase has gone to breakfast now. You can tell me what’s wrong. It’s just you and me.”

I glanced back at my reflection, my lips trembling, my sight meeting hers through the glass before I spoke, “I saw her.”

Drea’s brows furrowed in confusion, “you saw who?”

“Harmony, she was in here this morning.”

Puzzlement refused to leave my sister’s features, “Harmony?”

I sighed in frustration, “Yeah, she’s one of the many people who have been butchered in order for me to meet my destiny.” I moved quickly towards the closet again, shoving my meager amount of clothes angrily atop the bed.

“Anna, you know none of that was your fault.”

“Really Drea?” I twisted swiftly to confront her sympathy, knowing how much I truly didn’t deserve it. “Are you sure about that?”

“You can’t save everyone.”

“I don’t seem to be saving anyone! All I keep finding myself doing is running and hiding while the innocent die all around me!” I shoved tanks inside my small duffle bag with more force than was needed.

“You can’t talk like that! You don’t control darkness! You have no power over what fate has in store for other people,” she stubbornly insisted.

“But with every choice made our fate changes, Drea! By coming here I doomed them all,” I screamed, grief dripping from my chin. Her arms extended out as if to comfort me, but quickly I moved from within her reach. “You can say it’s not my fault until your blue in the face, but it doesn’t exactly bring back the dead, now does it?”

My sister’s fingers ripped through her silken strands in aggravation, “So what…. she’s mad? Frankly Anna, who the hell cares? We have bigger issues to deal with right now.”

I threw another pair of jeans into my bag, my eyes blurred through my haze of entrapped tears, “I’d say she cares. And knowing what we know about souls, demons, hell even angels I don’t think dismissing a vengeful spirit is the right thing to do.”

I could feel Andrea’s eyes on me as I finished packing, her gaze saying more than mere words ever could as I tried and yet failed to hide the sorrow eating away at everything inside me.

“So… you’re telling me Harmony wants you to sacrifice yourself in some kind of… demented justice for her own doomed existence here?”

“No,” I paused, my fingers brushing angrily over my cheeks, scrubbing away my unwanted emotion, my eyes moving to collide with my big sisters, “death would be too easy. She wants me to suffer as she did; she wants to seize any joy my life could receive. She wants me to beg for my own demise.”

Voice full of unexpressed regret, Andrea whispers, “Haven’t you already?”

“Every damn day-.”

The sound of the door opening behind me caused me to halt, swirling to confront whoever dared to tempt fate to be near me.

“Thought I’d check on my newly released patient,” Christopher admitted, amusement lying beneath such conceit. “But it seems someone already is. Tell me Anna, who exactly are you talking to?”

I crossed my arms over my chest, my stance; a semblance of the annoyance only he seemed to unearth within me, my expression clearly pissed, “does it matter?”

He grinned mockingly, “No, truly it does not. Your papers are in order. I believe your Aunt is signing the last of it as we speak.”

“Then, why are you here?”

“Aww Anna, you wound me with your cavalier attitude,” he persisted ostentatiously, his palm covering his alleged offended heart. “Just thought I’d wish my most tragic occupant goodbye. Oh, and I prescribed some meds for you upon your release,” he snorted drolly, “more like baby aspirin the good they’ll do you.”

Glaring up into this misleadingly supposed healer of the mentally ill I countered, “as if I would take anything you gave me.”

He openly laughed; the lines in his face appearing that much more evident, “you know, just between us two. Hearing voices isn’t exactly a sign of great mental health.”

“Yeah, well neither is covering up manslaughter,” I retorted managing to wipe that condescending grin right off his lips. “Let us raise our hand if we’ve never done that.” The raising of my palm only seemed to add to the hatred inside his lifeless gaze as I easily swung the duffle onto my shoulder.

He grunted in contempt, “and what do you call your fragmentary stay here? Do you think if you’d had just a bit more time that fateful night that your charges might have been murder instead of mere attempt, or are you still having those rather convenient mental blackouts?”

My jaw hardened, my clenched teeth grinding, “I guess we will never know…”

I moved to exit from my cell, his palm quick to encircle my naked arm, “not so fast,” he muttered, the words dying as swiftly as our surroundings vanished into nothingness around us.

Darkness smothered any ounce of sunlight, the tile beneath my feet transformed into the richness of muddy soil. The walls of the institution melted away while the vast foliage and tall evergreens impeded any further view into the dark forest around me. Rain pounded upon the earth washing away the small bloody trail encircling my loafers. I gazed down in confusion at the huge hairy palms gripping the shovel within my blood covered grasp while knowing instantly without a shred of doubt in my mind whose body I now found myself entrapped within, whose memories I had intercepted.

My drenched form continued to dig deeply into the earth, mud covering my skin, water running into my eyes, before finally satisfied with my vacant hole I moved towards the stained sheets resting inert along the soil. Grasping the tiny bundle onto my shoulders I heartlessly tossed it within the shallow grave, Julia’s face uncovering in my haste, those deadened grey eyes gazing back up towards me. Her skin a deathly pale, her open lips blue, droplets pouring upon her frozen expression. Shaking, my heart raced at the sight of such a forced admittance of extinguished humanity, an unwanted compassion filling my frightened heart. Turning from the horrific sight, I wiped away my wayward admission of useless sorrow before quickly shoving dirt onto her unforgettable features. Tears continuing to blind my view I persisted to bury the victim of my brother’s affections while knowingly submerging any sense of morality I once possessed along with it…

My sight cleared of the ghastly image of the dead; my vision easily taking in the pathetic figure of Christopher crouched along my feet, shedding tears more for himself than he had ever shed for the girl he so cruelly disposed of. “Every night,” he pitifully whispered, “I try to forget the sight of those eyes. Those poignant eyes are imprinted inside my skull, and no matter how much I wish, or how many drugs I take they continue to haunt me.”

At last I glimpsed beyond his wretched façade, saw a small sliver of what passed for humanity inside his warped mind, his unadulterated terror finally exposed for all to see as he openly exclaimed, “What the hell are you?”

“No longer your problem anymore,” I countered, walking through the doorway while visibly ignoring the tragic expression imprinted upon his face.

I joined Clarice in silence, Andrea appearing beside us, her voice whispering; curiosity laden inside its tone, “What did you see inside his mind?”

“Not now,” I inaudibly muttered, my eyes crashing into those of the scarlet swathed nurse, unequivocally deceased, standing indolently behind the lobby’s central station. Portions of flesh snatched from her mutilated body, crimson gushing down the front of her once immaculate uniform, her name tag barely decipherable beneath that never-ending flow of red liquid, Britney Collins etched into its surface. She beamed ominously into my grim features watching wordlessly as I passed by.

The hall stretched before us seemingly endless in its dimensions, the sight causing the quickened rhythm of my heartbeat as my own unintentional victims lingered along its sidelines as if a joyful congregation wishing me well… but as I gazed into the eyes of so many I knew my contentment was the last thing that they favored. Brody separated himself from the malicious crowd; his stomach viciously remained carved open, spilling his life-force onto the tile beside us, his footsteps silent as he furiously hounded our sluggish movements. Mick joined this disturbed march; blood pouring from the front of his pants, massive chucks of his skin impatiently chewed from the bone… whereas an additional nurse stood waiting in the distance, vomiting what appeared to be a horde of hungry black locus. It was only as we ventured beyond her ravaged form that her hair shifted to frame her pale, exposed face; her eye sockets horribly vacant of its usual orbs.

We rounded the corner; tears for all I had inadvertently damned trickling down my face as we continued to bypass that ill-fated lounge. My eyes as if compelled against my diluted self-control lingered within its space. This area like a horror scene reenacted presented a dismal view of blood spattered like droplets of red paint along the walls; glass smashed littering the tile floor, and amongst its center lied my initial four fatalities. There a woman with accusingly ill-omened eyes lay; her arm obviously wrenched from its customary position, a man holding her struggling form to the ground, another leering while disgustingly active between her legs whilst the final attendant remained cowered in the corner; chewing ravenously on the woman’s ruthlessly detached, forcibly amputated arm. And yet still all eyes, livid to behold my impending departure, merely watched as I walked by.

We entered into the open elevator like a waiting, gaping, metal coffin about to be submerged into the earth. Gazing out at the horde of infuriated dead; all enraged to witness my exit, incensed to observe futile tears plummet from my despondent eyes, furious to view my ability to walk into the light while they seemed entrapped in this damned continuation of a hellish reality. The doors sealed before me, its thud sounding so final as with its closing it seized all sight of the horrifying result my mere existence here had triggered.

“We’ll take the side entrance from the balcony, the lobby is pretty extensively damaged,” Clarice said, her finger pushing the ground floor before she turned towards me. “Are you okay?” she asked, her eyes worried.

I nodded my head numbly, “of course.”

The pleasant elevator music spilling into this small space ridiculed the torrent of emotions I concealed within, my body feeling almost on the verge of collapse at trying to contain it.

“It’s just that you look so pale,” Andrea inserted, her arm coming around to hug me towards her.

I quickly shook off her embrace unable to handle undeserved affection right now while ignoring the hurt filling her eyes that my action caused. The doors released, my mouth falling ajar in fright whilst I tried to hide my apprehension, my dread as I gaped wide-eyed out at the continuous crowd of burned corpses all standing, waiting for my arrival.

My brows creased in dismay at their melted inflamed flesh; their blackened appearance, patches of hair missing on charred skulls, the only thing that truly seemed to remain alive inside them being the abhorrence found within their irate glares. What seemed to eat away at my conscience the most was the idea of these ravaged remains of life not just being ill-fated souls but once lovingly labeled Aunts, uncles, mothers, and fathers. My trembling hand moved to cover my quivering lips, attempting to smother the horror-struck whimper I felt determined to rise to the surface. My limbs felt frozen, my mind trying to absorb my responsibility to so much death, so many lives unnecessarily extinguished.

Clarice bumped into me accidentally, knocking my weakened form onto the tarnished tile just outside the fringes of the enraged crowd. If ever a person was forced to confront a seething throng craving retribution it still would not compare to the unadulterated hatred flowing off this mass towards me. I could most certainly guarantee had they unearthed a means to drag my unwilling form back to hell with them I would have been powerless to stop my seizure.

Clarice’s firm hold pulled me to my feet as if realizing my inability to rise on my own before she pushed my inactive form through the doors out into the glorious sunlight. I glanced back into darkness seeing the horde; eagerly hungry for my demise as they halted at sunlight’s edge as if forced to remain in darkness, encaged in death’s merciless grip.

“Oh god, Anna,” a voice exclaimed, arms enveloping my stiff figure, the scent of lavender overwhelming me into a false sense of safety before Aunt Grace released me to gaze determinedly into my troubled hazel irises. “I told you, you didn’t belong here. You never did.”

She hugged me tightly, her firm clutch twisting me within her hold until my reluctant gaze once again lingered upon that looming entryway, and yet this time…

I saw nothing.

No dead waiting for me to join them, no desire lying in lifeless eyes craving for me to suffer even an ounce of the agony they endured, no unwelcomed visions of death all around me… There in the dimly lit entrance only lied blackened rubble of a torched foyer.

Holding Grace just as firmly towards me, I wondered truly if this was what it meant to be mad as I found myself whispering an unsolicited answer to her words, “I wouldn’t be too sure of that.”

“What did you say?” she asked, her eyes following mine to the burned building. “Oh yes, how tragic that fire had to have been. All those poor people,” she murmured, rubbing my curls soothingly before turning me towards her, away from the view. “The sooner we put this place behind us, the better.”

“I’m afraid that’s easier said than done,” a deep, baritone voice commented appearing along the edge of the terrace, interrupting our conversation even as another equally stocky built attendant followed closely behind. I noticed how he ignored my existence choosing instead to focus solely on Grace, doubtlessly just as easy as I noticed the hatred buried beneath his false sense of consideration. “We’ll have to escort you from the premises. The crowd outside can be rather ruthless when they smell a story, and well… with this being Mayor Stevens’ daughter-.”

“I am not his child,” I callously interrupted causing the grimace to erupt upon his lips, his gray eyes finally meeting mine.

“No, I believe his ACTUAL daughter is the reason you were sentenced here in the first place.”

Grace stepped forward while oddly shielding me, her long, powder blue skirt drifting within the breeze, her eyes livid, “my niece did nothing wrong. It’s the REASON she’s being released.”

He smirked condescendingly, “no, I believe her conviction proved her guilty, her release merely confirms how forgiving a man can truly be, and how easy the powerful can undermine our justice system.” Gray eyes glowered disdainfully down at me before quickly returning Grace’s furious glare, “it lies as proof of how the exceptionally wealthy and influential can manipulate discharging even something as unmistakably wicked as her back onto our streets.”

I saw my Aunt’s spine harden beneath her white sweater, anger surging off her stationary form, “Well then it’s a good thing your prejudiced way of thinking didn’t enter the judge’s mind when he signed her pardon.”

An aged brow rose in mockery, “good, isn’t exactly the word I’d use.”

“Well then, how about you USE those legs to execute what you are so justly underpaid to do, and lead us the hell out of here?”

His smile more like a scowl was tight upon his thin lips as he partially bowed, arm extended, “but of course… after you.” We repositioned to move between the two, each gaining a guard at our side as he murmured loudly just before the crowd enveloped us, “let us just hope that you do your job, and keep… THAT on a very tight leash.”

Overwhelming would have been an inadequate way of describing the pandemonium that erupted the moment we turned the corner towards the front entrance. The merciless crowd of endless predators all dying to capture a story surged forward, encircling us the way ants enclose a stray crumb. Inside those eyes I didn’t catch a glimpse of the need for truth, no what lied in such desperate pupils was the desire to spin anything discovered today in favor of their own selfish means; their own self-seeking ends. The guard’s sudden grip on my arm viciously tugged me into the heart of the horde, his clutch almost abusive, the slight grin upon his lips telling me of his enjoyment at my discomfort.

So much hunger, so many anxiously eager faces, I felt as if I had been thrown before a massive flock of heartless minions once again, just waiting to tear me apart. “Just keep your head down,” Grace whispered into my ear, “and keep walking forward. You did nothing wrong, and you do not owe the world their twisted form of entertainment tonight.”

I blinked back sudden tears trying to ignore everything that had happened to me over the pass couple of days; the guilt I still felt consuming my every thought, the dead obviously wanting my day of ultimate judgment, the fear of the world surrounding me, not to mention the barrage of personal questions being thrown at my retreating form.

“Anna, how does it feel to finally be free from the Glover Dale Asylum?”

“Do you think you’ll be able to adjust to society again?”

“Miss Cortez, are you happy with the judge’s decision to release you on probation?”

My Aunt’s arm came around my trembling shoulders, my view nothing more than blurred grass as I barely contained my emotions. Did no one in this world view me as human anymore? Did no one care about how everything that has happened in my life made me feel?

“Ignore the vultures, Marie,” Grace whispered, her tone pissed, her arm tightening around me as if to offer a comfort I could no longer feel.

“Anna, how do you think your little sister feels now that you’re free?”

I could hear the series of clicks of what sounded like a million cameras following our trail but not once did I look up, not once did I want the sadness clinging to my features to be forever captured for the world.

“Anna, people have the right to know. You’ve been in this institution for over a year now; do you remember what happened that night?”

Never had I appreciated the sight of Grace’s red Toyota corolla as much as I did in that moment. I watched numbly as a guard I had not seen rushed to open its doors, the car already running. We dived within our chariot, the crowd still encircling its exterior, some reporters becoming so desperate for their shot that they pushed forward managing to squash several into the surrounding steel.

“God, this is crazy,” Grace muttered, her shaking hands putting the car in gear, and yet her eyes noticing she has no open path to aid our departure. She turns to me noting the colorless tone of my skin. “Are you okay?”

My smile faltered before it could even truly take form.

She snorted humorlessly, “Of course you’re not, stupid question. Anna, you’ve survived things most kids your age never experience. This,” she gestures to the chaos all around us, the guards still trying to make a passageway, “is only temporary on your path to something great. Enduring this will only make you stronger.”

I swallowed with difficulty over the lump in my throat, “what if it doesn’t?”

She turned quickly towards my crestfallen figure, “what do you mean?”

“I mean, what if it doesn’t strengthen me? What if this isn’t temporary and the world continues to see me as the monster the courts made me out to be? What if I am forever labeled tainted and instead of making me strong it slowly kills me inside?”

Her fingers took hold of my chin firmly, her cerulean eyes entrapping mine, “I won’t let that happen.”

A sudden thrash against my side of the car forced us to jump apart, my eyes meeting that of the cameraman’s. “Anna Marie, how does it feel to know that your father wants to reunite his family again?”

As if helpless to stop myself my finger hit the window’s button, listening to Grace’s shocked gasp as it lowered. “Marie, what are you doing?” she asked.

“He what?” I questioned dazedly, ignoring the ecstatic expression on the slightly balding man’s features as a microphone was shoved into my face.

“He told reporters candidly that he feels you’ve recuperated immensely, that with the right medicine administrated, and with time the family wounds can be healed. Is that true? Is that what you want?”

“Yeah, a family with you in the new role of Mommy,” Andrea harshly mocked from the backseat, her anger irrepressibly obvious within every syllable spoken. My eyes met hers in the rearview mirror, my heart twisting painfully at the sadness found in her gaze.

“I …,” I stuttered, my eyes still on my sisters’, “I… just want peace.”

“And that’s all you fucking vultures are going to get,” my aunt roared to the never-ending crowd, her fingers already rolling up the window, his microphone stuck between the glass. Her foot hit the gas petal sending me back against my seat, uncaring of the people jumping out of the way of the car as she zoomed down the driveway.

My gaze clashed with that mirror again watching as reporters stood staring after us longingly; desire for a story still lingering inside their eyes. It appeared as if the crowd had grown immeasurably since I gazed upon them from the window this morning, but it was only as we neared the open gates of the asylum that I realized why its sudden expansion in magnitude. There comingling within the gathering’s depth was the crimson covered victims watching me go.

My clueless assumptions were wrong. It was not sunlight stopping their imminent attack; it was not darkness that held them entombed. No, as Harmony stood dead center; blood pouring from her deformed lips, a slow grin showcasing scarlet coated teeth, her smirk pure corruption as she waved goodbye. I suddenly knew…

This was about the perfect opportunity; the ultimate moment for me to truly experience what it means to suffer, a flawless occasion just waiting for the damnation of my utterly warranted annihilation.

The open road stretched for miles and miles ahead of us, the institution growing smaller with every minute passed, my gaze still attached to its shape.

Grace let out an entrapped breath, releasing the windows; the ensnared microphone now suddenly free plummeted; smashing against the pavement, fall’s crisp air hitting my cheeks, “sadness won’t touch us. It’s all behind us now, everything is going to get better from here on out. Life is about reinvention. If you want to go on being an ordinary teenager then that’s what you’ll be.”

My eyes returned to that mirror observing my dead sister’s eternally pissed expression at the mere mention of Rick, my darker essence suddenly projecting before me as if she too resided within the backseat; such happiness inside those red eyes as if elated to finally be free.

Sighing, my forever distressed gaze on the swiftly passing view I muttered inaudibly, “Yeah Aunt Grace, whatever ordinary is for me.”

…………………………………………………………………..

The sun had lowered within the sky as if the earth had performed a siren’s song and helpless the sphere of fire leaped to encounter its persuasion. The heavens grew darker, its edges now appearing as if sapphire had been dipped into streaks of cobalt as at last Grace’s Toyota pulled into the driveway. Her fingers moved to cut the engine, the inside of the car soundless and yet we remained motionless as if paralyzed by the trauma this morning had inflicted.

It felt strange to be back here, to gaze upon such a commonplace neighborhood and know that Drea and I used to ride bikes up and down its roads. To look upon the upper middle class houses and know that these people had smiled upon me, tickled me at barbeques, invited us to play along with their kids. I wondered what they would say when they gazed upon me now. Would they whisper, she was always a good kid where did her parents go wrong? Would they ask each other, how could a girl do something so cruel to her own family? Or would they say nothing at all? The worst was the silence, the fear inside their lingering eyes, the way people you knew your whole lives suddenly regarded you with such fright, such panic.

“You’ve been really quiet the whole ride down,” Grace said, her words interrupting my desolate thoughts, her features tired as if today had been as strenuous as living a whole year. “Something you want to talk about?”

I sighed deeply wishing something as simple as words released could unburden me of the cumbersome load I bore. “You mean other than the fact that I was just released from a mental asylum, the last time I was here Andrea was still alive, or the fact that the world believes me to be a monster only set free because of my Step Father’s influence?”

Her eyebrows lifted, “that’s an impressive list, Baby girl. And I admit that the transition back into this world won’t be easy but you have to remember your name was never released, you are now living far away from home, and as long as you stay out of trouble your probation will be smooth and easy.”

My eyes wandered over the array of flowers lining the stone path leading up the Grace’s huge veranda, her white porch swing moving in the sudden gust; slamming into the veranda’s railing. “Smooth and easy aren’t words associated with my life.”

Her palms sliding into mine forced me to meet her imploring gaze, “they can be though.”

A grin stole over my lips, dimples playfully filling my cheeks.

“What’s so funny?” Grace asks.

“You… you just seem so sure. You make naïve look easy.”

She openly laughed at my words, this being the first sign of pure joy I’d seen in her face all day, “I forgot that you’re the sarcastic one.”

My smile slowly faltered, my customary frown taking its place, “even if I wanted to believe in what you say you’re forgetting that even if my name wasn’t released, Rick’s was. It’s not hard to put two and two together.”

“Your name is Cortez not Stevens. Here, you have a second chance at life.” As she spoke my eyes wandered over the white two story house; its endlessly large picturesque windows, its pink shutters, its surrounding willows, its huge backyard while silently wishing with all my heart that this could be my second chance, that here I could at last stop looking over my shoulder, but then… my gaze fell to the side mirror and I knew instantly that I’d never truly exist in this world again. I was tainted by darkness and once touched it felt impossible to break free. “Marie, you have to stop looking for demons.”

Hazel clashed with identical and yet reddened eyes of my darker identity as she smiled innocently up at me. I found myself whispering, “if only it were that easy.”

“It will be that easy,” Grace firmly announced, her voice causing me to turn back to her, her features truly beautiful when she smiled. “It just takes one day at a time, one footstep after another.”

Dimples appearing again, “you are just a book of clichés, aren’t you?”

She opens the door with keys in hand, what’s left of the sunlight seeping into her golden hair as she laughed, her joyful eyes as blue as her skirt drifting in the wind. “And you are just a breath of optimism.”

“And you call me sarcastic.”

Rising from the car mimicking her actions I paused to check out my surroundings. I noticed curtains shifting mysteriously before they once again resumed their placement. I moved to grab my bag observing a kid on his bike coming our way before oddly our eyes met and something changed inside his gaze before he swiftly directed his bike to the other side of the road. A woman next door dressed in what appeared to be her sleeping clothes came to grab the mail, her eyes intent to study the ground, her grip on her post was strangely rigid before without ever meeting my assessing gaze she hurried back into her home.

I slung my bag onto my shoulder following Grace’s footsteps with sluggish ones of my own wondering if what she said was true, would I be able to start over, or had the rot in my supposed new life already begun? How far was far enough away to escape my past? Was this paranoia, or commonsense for even the most computer illiterate person knew to google the Stevens name was to find out my existence.

I had almost for a millisecond allowed myself to foolishly hope only to trail after my aunt to the front doors feeling slightly gutted as that minuscule optimism I secretly treasured died at the ruby painted words scrawled along its surface; Baby killer.

“Those Bastards,” she muttered, her fingers shaking with rage as she unlocked the vandalized doors, her footsteps hurrying in the direction of the kitchen.

Stunned, I walked inside the polished entryway seeing only the paint lining those doors, my bag falling at my feet. This was how my aunt found me, her small form rushing back towards the entrance, cleaning supplies in hand. I watched as she scrubbed at the wood, her figure shaking at how vigorous she cleaned as if the words banishment would somehow fix my warped homecoming.

“So much for a new beginning.”

My words immobilizing her efforts, “Anna, do me a favor?”

“Yes…?”

“Take your cynicism upstairs.” She goes back to cleaning, never even checking to see if I’d follow orders.

I picked up my bag from the polished wood walking down the short steps to the hallway. I ignored the living room with its white couches and yellow painted walls, art lining every available surface. I ignored the path that would lead me to the kitchen heading instead for the long staircase that would guide me towards the bedrooms. I knew this house as well as I knew my own, my fingers trailing the framed photos of Drea and I when we were younger hanging against the wall along the stairs. I gazed at one of Grace and my mom sharing a drink while laughing on New Year’s Eve, of one with me and Drea opening presents on Christmas day, of me and my sister playing with the hose during summer break, and then I paused.

I stopped mid-step to gaze back at the determination glued to my Aunt’s features, “Thanks, Auntie Grace.”

Blue collided with hazel, a smile free from even a hint of malice erupted on her lips, “Anytime Sweetie.”

My silent footsteps sunk into the plush exterior of the beige rug lining the hallway. I moved as if in auto-pilot towards my normal room but found every door except one to be closed shut. It was the one room I had no intention of entering, the one room I had planned to completely avoid in all the time I would stay here, and it was the one room my Aunt had put my things in. The door creaked open as I eased my reluctant figure inside, the sunset turning everything I saw a soft orange, my sister leaning nonchalantly along the huge window seat as if oddly awaiting my arrival. Boxes cluttered every available surface in the azure painted bedroom, the only area free of mess being the bed and the space I took beside Drea.

I followed her gaze outside to the pool, the sun reflecting off the water, “I can’t believe she gave you my room.”

I sighed heavily, as if I hadn’t been through enough today. “Andrea, you’re dead. You have no room.” I rose to drop my duffle by the bed while choosing to ignore her petty pity party and unpack my stuff. “Besides, we use to draw straws to pick bedrooms, you always cheated. Did you really think I didn’t know you colored the tip so that you always picked the right one?”

She smirked at the hidden memory, “if that’s true, why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“It was important to you. It never was to me.” Clutching a framed photo of us two I moved to place it on the bedside table.

A weird silence fell over us before Andrea finally voiced the thoughts really plaguing her mind, “are you going to tell me what happened last night?”

I paused mid-pack, my fingers trembling as I grasped the small figurine, “what do you think happened? You warned me of how much they wanted me and I blew you off because I didn’t want to see the truth, and now… I can’t find a way to escape it anymore.”

As if unable to find the strength to hold myself up any longer I slumped against the bed, Andrea’s arm suddenly slinging around my shoulder, my eyes on the small glass ballerina, “you don’t need to escape. I’m here for you.”

“That’s just it, you weren’t,” I mumbled, rising to place the ballerina on the dresser before continuing to unpack. “I fucking jumped from a three story window to escape demons, I landed inches from you, and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. They froze everyone around me Drea, how am I supposed to fight that?”

“Anna,” Grace questioned from the doorway, my body suddenly stationary at the sound. “Who are you talking to?”

“I …I was just...”

Drea stood before walking back to her seat at the window, studying our interaction like a person watches actors on television. “She won’t believe you. I mean, who would?”

“I was talking to Drea.”

Staring at me peculiarly, her eyes examining the room, “you can see your sister? You can speak to her?”

My gaze collides with Grace’s finally seeing the tiny flicks of alarm inside her blue irises, the same emotion I saw within every occupant that sat in the court room that day. Inside those sapphire lenses so similar to Dreas lied; such fright, such disbelief of the unknown, and such confusion on if I should have been allowed free that instantly I found myself rectifying my words.

I looked back at that framed photo; a picture of innocence, “I know she’s dead but…” My fingers absentmindedly grasped my silver cross around my neck, “I like to believe she’s still… here. Like she’s watching over me, as if she’s my own personal guardian angel.” I turned back to Grace, “do you not feel that way about Daddy?”

The relief inside her gaze was almost overwhelming as it fell over her tense form and as if exhausted she flopped tiredly down upon my bed, “I think about your father everyday. Wonder how different your life would have been had he and Drea never died that night, wonder if having had someone in your corner would have made a difference in the judge handing out that unjustly sentence.”

I smiled sadly, turning to take in Drea’s strangely silent form as my sister gazed out the window as if in deep thought, “guess we’ll never know.”

The door bell chimed in the distance causing a mocking brow to rise over cerulean eyes, an action only we could do, “expecting someone Marie,” Grace teased.

“Do you think the reporters found me?”

Groaning, and yet rising at the repeated peal of the bell echoing throughout the hallway Grace grimaced, throwing words over her shoulder as she left, “I hope not. The last thing we need is a campout on the front lawn.”

Hazel orbs strained to peep along the corridor before glancing back at my sister, my nervous hands still unpacking, “what’s got you so quiet?”

For a minute there I thought she wasn’t going to respond before softly she said, “You’re right.”

“Um… can I get a clue as to what you’re referring to?”

A stray tear trickles down Andrea’s face, dusk falling causing a display of colors to project along her features, “I was right there and I couldn’t do anything to protect you. Once again I failed you.”

Moving to sit beside her again I clasped her hand, “you didn’t fail me.”

“I didn’t save you either.”

“You don’t have defensive powers, Grandma told me that.”

Watery shame filled blue eyes met mine, “I also don’t have the experience or knowledge to train or protect someone as powerful as you, Andrew told us that.”

I felt a blockage of emotion suddenly clog my throat, “you’re not thinking of leaving me, are you? Be- because,” I stuttered, “Clarice was there too and she couldn’t do anything to stop them either.”

Seeing the fear gathering in my face, she playful tugged at one of my long curls, “I’m your guardian, she isn’t. She’s just a standard watcher sent to assist.” Her features turned more determined than I had ever seen, “no, there’s something I have to do.”

I watched confused as she rose from her seat, my heart plummeting, “you’re leaving me here… alone?”

“No Marie, besides you’re never truly alone, and I’ll be right back.”

“That’s basically what he said.”

Andrea’s brows creased, her sight searching my downcast expression, “he who?”

“The demon that unfroze everything last night. He said the guardians wouldn’t be the only ones protecting me from now on. That until both sides reached a decision, both would watch over me.”

I watched the indecision plague my sister after my words before she forced a smile upon shaky lips, “well there you go you couldn’t be safer.”

“I could actually,” I mumbled returning to my abandoned box, pulling out random childhood things. “If I was an ordinary teenager,” I whispered, repeating Grace’s words.

Andrea’s amused snort sounded unmistakably forced, “ordinary is highly overrated.”

“That’s not something I’d know about,” I frowned as my finger came into contact with Rick’s captured features smiling up at me, an object partially covered by so much junk.

“What’s wrong?”

“Mom actually sent a freaking family photo,” I whispered incredulously, my hands hauling the offensive frame from the box.

“Burn that thing,” Andrea ordered, extreme fury lingering within her voice while she moved closer.

Turning it over to look at it fully I gasped in horror, my quivering palms dropping the photo, the glass cracking upon impact with the wooden floorboards.

“God, what is it?” Andrea questioned seeing the unexpected fright filling my face, her fingers picking up the discarded print. “He’s fucking sick!”

There inside the frame was our last family photo altered so that Rick and I now stood adoringly together, his arm tenderly wrapped around my shoulders, Courtney standing before us as if she was our child instead of my half sister.

“Andrea, on the back, There’s a note…”

Impatient fingers flipped it over to examine Rick’s quick scribble as I moved to stand beside her, ‘the committee delays the inevitable but soon… your future with me will begin. Love forever and always… Rick.’

I slumped back against the naked mattress, my eyes terrified as I took in my sister’s reaction, her facial features even more determined than before.

“This,” she exclaimed holding up that ghastly photo, “will never happen. Do you hear me, Anna? I will die a hundred deaths before I allow this to take place.”

“Drea, what are we going to do?”

The glass detached in a crushing sound of further breakage as I watched her toss the frame in the trash with more force than necessary, “don’t you worry. I’m going to figure that out.”

She stalked purposely towards the window again but this time with every step she took her form slowly began to disappear. Panicking, “Drea, you will come back to me, right?”

She faced me, her body almost phantom smiling through such sadness, “nothing could keep me away.” Then as if she never resided within these walls she vanished completely without a trace.

My dejected eyes plummeted trailing the room until they fell back onto that open box, seeing fur sticking up from its lid. I shifted snatching the teddy bear from its hiding place clutching it to my trembling form. I inhaled deeply; eyes closed smelling the scent of our old apartment. Smelling life before everything had gone to hell and back, smelling the fragrance of my mother’s perfume while marveling in my inability to hate her. I could hear voices whispered throughout the corridor, wiping away my unwelcome emotions I rose, stiffening not only my spine but my resolve.

Andrea would find a way, I knew it.

Placing the bear softly upon my pillows I eased my way back out into the hall quietly heading for the staircase. I paused at its opening gazing down in wonderment of Grace and an unknown man clearly wrapped in a passionate embrace. His fingers played in her long honey colored tresses, another muscular arm holding her firmly towards him. Her palms rested against his broad chest, her small body fitting perfectly against his powerful frame. There was such love wrapped around them that I felt like an unwanted voyeur for even glimpsing such unrestricted pleasure. A contentment it seemed I would never share. Guilt plagued me for I suddenly felt like a redundant interruption in a life I clearly had never truly been apart of. I began to turn back to my room when something stopped me.

They had pulled apart slightly; their embrace turning into an adoring hug, his handsome features now apparent as he bent to rest his dark head against her tiny shoulder, his body facing me. Subsequently his eyes opened to stare directly into mine as if he had known all along that I stood hidden along the landing… those irises a burning, seething… crimson.

My grip on the banister tightened; my knuckles turning a pasty white watching as a grin stole over his lips, darkness tugging at its edges.

“Welcome home, Anna,” he boomed out from the entrance causing my Aunt to distractedly confront my dazed expression, obvious delight filling her gaze.

“Oh my god, I didn’t see you there.” She took a step forward, guilelessly tugging this demonic fiend along behind her. “This is David, my fiancé. I told him to wait to be introduced later. I wanted to be the one to explain everything to you, not drop everything in your lap in one day.” I watched in silence as she playfully slapped against his chest as if to scold him, his laughter sounding false when compared to the hunger in his eyes as he gazed upon me. A desire it seemed only I could see.

How ironic was it that my aunt criticized my mother for her evidently poor choice in men not knowing that their obliviousness seemed to be the one thing that they shared.

“Its okay, Aunt Grace,” I calmly responded trying to ignore my inner rage at my forever entrapping companionship with darkness. “I don’t blame you for actually having a life.”

David beamed up at me, his gaze reverting back to that innocent mixture of blue-green, “what can I say Anna, you are all Grace talks about. Please excuse the impatience, but I found it nearly impossible to stay away.” He took another step up the staircase towards me, my aunt now gazing foolishly hopeful behind him while I forced a smile, feeling the wood of the banister crack beneath my palm.

He smiled sinisterly at my grip before that disgusting gaze traveled from my hand along my skin, it lingered on my breast before meeting my eyes as he finally stood before me, hand extended, “it’s nice to know beauty runs deep within this family.”

I watched as Grace’s smile wavered at my still immobile form knowing instantly the game that he played, the role he would continually force me into. Forging a smile for my aunt’s sake I thrust my hand inside his, finding his handshake as warm as my own something that only caused his grin to widen. “It’s nice to meet you,” I lied.

With David’s eyes capturing mine, a quick glimmer of scarlet flashed within those malicious orbs, “not half as nice as it is to meet you, Marie.”

Ignorant and yet wildly happy Grace starts back towards the entrance, “Anna, we’re gonna go grab a pizza for dinner. You gonna be okay alone, or did you want to come with?” She slips into her jacket finally realizing her boyfriend hasn’t moved, that his amorous eyes are still on mine, his hand still entrapping my own.

“Yes, do come with us,” he implored, the lust in his gaze vastly inappropriate and yet clearly unashamed by its blatant disclosure, his thumb caressing the back of my palm.

I took a step away while turning towards my aunt whilst forcibly yanking my hand from his, “no thank you. I think I’ve had enough of crowds today.” Grace’s expression turned sympathetic; the creature’s facial features currently beside me mimicking that of his girlfriends’ as he moved reluctantly back towards my aunt. “I’ll just continue unpacking.”

“Okay, we’ll be back soon,” she replies merrily while pulling David through the door, her fiancé’s leering sight being the last thing I saw before the door closed resoundingly shut.

Eyes frantically assessing the situation I ran blindly back into my bedroom, slamming the door while resting heavily against it. Fingers shaking, quickly I fumbled with the lock fastening it into place wishing it could that simple to keep evil out.

“You’re gonna need a deadbolt to keep him away.”

Closing my permanently distressed gaze, my head lying against the cool wooden door frame I whispered, “so much for ordinary.”

“Ordinary,” I heard my sinister twin snort contemptuously at such a naïvely spoken belief. “You would think with everything that’s happened they’d at least give you a lousy day off.”

Sighing heavily, I pushed myself towards the vanity seeing my darker reflection lounging idly along its frame before my despondent gaze fell to what remained of that discarded photo still lying in the trash. I stared entranced upon Rick’s delighted expression; that confidence within his features, that strong conviction found laced within his gaze that stressed; through anything he would always come out a winner.

Grunting tragically at the ludicrous notion of a vacation day, a short freedom from my disastrous existence I knew without a doubt in my mind that a lousy day off sure as hell was not likely…

………………………………………………………………………

(This chapter took forever. I don’t even know why lol maybe it was the descriptions of the dead. I was always writing and deleting, writing and deleting lol.)

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