“Soobin, calm down. Okay? It’ll turn out fine. Trust me!”

“No Beomgyu… I-I’m… I don’t know! H-he’s back but— but… Oh God! I’ll die today!” Soobin panicked and keep on walking around his office.

“Binnie, can you really love again?” Beomgyu seriously asked Soobin and it made him stop from moving.

“I never un-love him, Beomgyu. So, it’s not again,” Soobin corrected and pursed his lips. “I’ll tell him how much I love him and I will really pursue him no matter what,” he stated.

“Will you be okay? Will you really be okay, Soobin?”

Beomgyu has been worried and afraid that this day will come. He’s been anxious and totally prepared himself to stop Soobin if this day will come but why is he letting him go?

Simple. Beomgyu already gave up his love for Soobin. Beomgyu already accepted the fact that Soobin will never be his. Beomgyu already accepted the fact that Soobin is in love and will always be in love with the guy named Choi Yeonjun.

And he’s finally letting Soobin be happy with Yeonjun.

“Are you that worried?” Soobin asked him with a smile and went closer to him.

Beomgyu fakes a smile. “Not really. I just want you to do what you want. I… I just want you to be with someone… someone you really love the most,” his chest is getting tighter. “I want you to be happy, Soobin.”

“Thank you so much, Beomgyu… for everything. Thank you for keeping me safe everytime, for the love, and care. I… I really appreciate it a lot,” Soobin thanked and holds Beomgyu’s hand.

“Thank you too Soobin… for keeping my secret. You know it, right? You know it since then… but you decided to keep your mouth close. Thank you for keeping me despite of my feelings for you,” Beomgyu stated.

Soobin gasped and hugs Beomgyu. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Beomgyu,” he whispered.

Beomgyu tried his best to stop his tears. “T-thank you,” his voiced cracked and he gasps.

“I love you, Beomgyu… Thank you so much for being a great friend.”

“Soobin,” Beomgyu called him and he holds Soobin’s face with his shaking hands. “I want you to take care of yourself. Whether Yeonjun will love you again or not, please take care of yourself. Make sure to eat a lot. Make sure to not overdo things. M-make sure…” he paused to breathe.

“Make sure Yeonjun will take care of you too. Make sure that… t-that don’t let others hurt you. Make sure to love yourself too before others. Please Soobin? Can you promise me that?”

Soobin nods and smiles while looking at Beomgyu’s teary eyes. “W-why are you like this? I’m not going to leave you, idiot. S-stop making me cry,” Soobin tried to joke.

Beomgyu gently pulled him and kissed Soobin’s forehead. “I love you more Soobin. Please, be with the right person for you. The person that will never hurt you, the person that will always love you unconditionally. The person that will protect you and the person that will stay no matter what. Okay? Please… P-please do it for yourself,” he’s finally crying.

“I-I will, Gyu… I will love someone that will love me the most. Thank you so much Beomgyu. Thank you for everything.”

It’s Sunday. Taehyun’s preparing for something he’ll wear because Beomgyu told him to meet at an open park, he’s really excited. Beomgyu is preparing himself too and makes sure the thing will be in his coat’s pocket. Hueningkai is looking at the gloomy sky through the window, feeling something bad will happen. Yeonjun’s on his car currently driving while looking at the road. Soobin’s already at the café, waiting for someone to come while looking at the city lights through the glass walls.

What will happen on this Sunday night?

“I’m here,” a manly voice sounded inside the empty room.

Soobin turns to see Yeonjun, he automatically smiles at him. “How have you been?” Soobin asks, remains standing.

Yeonjun walk towards him, “I’m good. How about you?” Yeonjun asks back.

“Well! Great actually,” Soobin exclaimed, couldn’t contain the happiness.

“That’s good to hear,” Yeonjun commented and smiles as well. “Congratulations by the way, Dr. Choi.”

Soobin chuckles, “I made it… Congratulations as well, Atty. Choi! I heard you’re great,” Soobin returns the compliment.

“Well… maybe?” Yeonjun chuckles. “It’s been… it’s been ten years, Soobin…” he muttered and looked outside.

Soobin didn’t lose his eye contact to the older. “You said you want to say something… Tell me everything. I’m listening,” Soobin said.

“How should I start it? I might talk too much—“

“I don’t mind. Tell me everything. Tell me from the start until where you can remember. Tell me honestly what you really feel, I’ll just listen to you,” Soobin stated like it’s his usual line everyday.

Yeonjun chuckles, “Yes, doc. I will,” he smiles. “Well… I left because of a request. I w-was so mad when I saw you lying in there— coma. So… So I decided to kill someone…”

Soobin, like what he said is just listening. All open ears to Yeonjun. Observing his words, body movements, and every little thing like he’s examining him.

“I thought I will… That bastard,” Yeonjun paused. “I really beat him up real hard, Soobin. I broke his bones and face… I just can’t accept what he did to you and the fact that I didn’t even know about it. I was about to leave but he tried to get up and he slipped— Hueningkai was in there too when he saw it.”

“Then that’s when my parents used all their power to hide the truth that I was in there because I’m going to be a prime suspect if it’ll happen. And in exchange of it, I went abroad to study law. Sucks, right?” he let out a chuckle.

“I went crazy too, Pup. The night before my flight, I visited you and cried but I know you can’t hear me—“

“I heard you…” Soobin interrupted with a smile.

“Really?” Yeonjun smiles. “That’s a relief. Then I left after it, then buried myself in studying a course I don’t even like. I went really crazy thinking of you… I want to go back but… but I can’t. I really can’t… I’m so sorry.”

“You’re forgiven, Yeonjun.”

Soobin smiles at him. All these years, Soobin only wanted to know the truth why Yeonjun left. That’s all he wants and now that he heard it coming from Yeonjun himself, he’s already fine with it.

“H-how… how can you forgive me when I left you in that state and didn’t even come back right away?”

“I’m freeing myself from agony and longing. Forgiving someone is for your own sake too,” he said still wearing those smiles. “How about you? Have you forgiven yourself now?”

“I-I… I don’t know… I’m just full of guilt. I don’t know! I’m so confused, Soobin. I left you and come back just like this. I wasn’t with you when you’re sick and sad— and… and…” Yeonjun stops to turn around and sobs.

Soobin moves closer and hugs him from behind. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry if you’re feeling those because of me,” Soobin apologized. “I’m so sorry if I wasn’t beside you too. Yeonjun, I’m here now. I’m here now beside you,” he added.

Yeonjun turns around to see him. “You still love me even if you haven’t seen me in years?” he asks.

“I already told you I’m in love with your soul. So even if I can’t see you, touch you, feel you, the love remains. Physical features don’t matter if you’re really in love and that’s why my love for you never faded.”

“W-why… Why are you so fool for me, Soobin? Why? Soobin…”

“Yeonjun, for ten years. Yeonjun ten years past and it’s still you. Ten years and you’re still the one I love. Ten years and I tried to let go, move on, and have a normal life as if you never came but— but I just can’t. It’s still you. The moment I wake, when I eat, when I sleep, and repeat! Yeonjun, I’m so madly in love with you and I don’t care if it’s making me a fool! Yeonjun, we can finally start again now… You and me… Yeonjun, I’m ready…”

“Ten years… Ten years, Soobin. In that ten years did you even love yourself?”

Soobin gasped, slowly letting go of Yeonjun, and tears started flowing down. “I-I… It doesn’t matter—“

“It does Soobin!” Yeonjun snapped. “Soobin, I expected you to change in those whole damn years! I expected that you already learn your lessons. I expected that if I’ll come back, we’re both strangers or friends—“

“You expect me to just let go of those feelings?” Soobin scoffs. “Yeonjun, do you really expect I’m going to move on from you? Yeonjun I felt so whole with you and you expect me to feel that same feeling without you!?”

“That’s not my point, Soobin. Soobin, I want you to prioritize yourself, I want you to appreciate your own. I want you to love yourself first and stop pouring all those love in me! Choi Soobin, look at yourself. You’re going to beg again for me to stay with you. Where’s your self-respect?” Yeonjun raved in tears.

“Please Soobin, don’t be like this. Please live your life for your own before trying to live for others. Please Soobin, you can’t stay like this forever. You’re hurt because you’re not letting yourself to be happy,” he continued.

Soobin’s out of words. How ironic. He’s a psychiatrist but he’s also the one who needs some therapy. Soobin trembled and falls as he cries on the ground.

“D-did you ever… did you ever love me, Yeonjun?”

Yeonjun answered, “I love you, Pup. I did. All this time I thought you were the one beholden to me but it’s actually me who has so much debt to pay, Soobin and I did… I learned how to love because of the love you’re giving to me so this time please… please use that love for yourself too. Please, Soobin,” Yeonjun pleaded and kneels in front of the younger, holding his hand.

“I-I… I c-can’t… I-“

“Please… Please Soobin. You can’t do this to yourself. You can’t depend your happiness to others. Soobin, ones you fulfilled yourself, everything will come together. Soobin, look at me…”

Soobin who’s sobbing lift his chin and look at Yeonjun. “I love you, Yeonjun,” he whispered.

“I love you too… I always do so please, love yourself too. Please… and maybe if everything’s good… if everything’s on place… let’s try again. Okay? Soobin, fix yourself. Live a happy life even without me or Beomgyu or your parents… Okay?”

Soobin mindlessly nods at the older. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I messed up,” Soobin apologized.

Yeonjun hugs him tight. “No, you didn’t. You’re just going to be in your most beautiful moment of life. Please understand why I’m being like this. Please, Soobin understand why I’m doing this. This is for your own sake.”

“But w-what if… what if it’s too late now? W-what if you’ll leave and w-will never really comeback to me?” Soobin bawls.

“There’s no too late or too soon in loving yourself, Soobin. Once you learn it, you’ll just love the feeling. That’s what you said to me, right? Soobin, trust me. You’ll know it because I’ve been in there too. You’ll be the happiest once you’re at that moment,” Yeonjun assured him. “I love you, Soobin,” he added and kisses the top of his head.

“Y-you’ll… you’ll be really there for me?”

“Of course. Of course, Pup. You waited for me to love you back and now I’ll wait for you to love yourself first. I’ll be here… I’ll just be here…”

Soobin tried smiling. His eyes are almost closed due to excessive crying, his lips are chopped as well, and his hands are shaking. He saw Yeonjun smiling back at him.

“I’ll meet you at this place, if you’re really ready to love.”

Beomgyu’s in his car, wiping his tears because of the thought that Soobin and Yeonjun already talk things out and will probably end up together. He arrived at the park and he sight Taehyun wearing his black leather jacket, a black pleated skirt with his black high thigh socks. Beomgyu smiles when he saw him patiently waiting for him. He unclasp his seatbelt, enter a message for Taehyun but then he received a call from Soobin, so he wasn't able to send it.

“Congra—“

[B-Beomgyu… Beomgyu, w-where are you? I-I need you—]

“I’m on my way, Soobin. Calm down, okay?”

Beomgyu accelerated his car to where Soobin is. He’s furious, he’s really worried about Soobin. He thought everything will turn out fine. He’s actually shaking right now, thinking what happened to his best friend that he loves the most. Beomgyu’s into his thoughts and he a sound of loud horn and blinding lights from the right was sight.

Soobin’s at the sidewalk, crying, while waiting for Beomgyu to fetch him up under the rainy sky. Yeonjun left him and he thought he can handle it right away but guess he cannot. He’s sobbing loud and he doesn’t care about what others might say.

“B-Beomgyu, where are you?” he whispered between his sobs.

Another couple of seconds when a loud siren of ambulance got Soobin’s attention. His eyes pinned on the fast vehicle as it passed by him. He suddenly felt chills but maybe it’s because he’s just so fucked up right now and it's raining.

He waited for another set of minute then he received a call from his intern. He didn’t answer it right away, he just looks at it and hope it was Beomgyu’s number calling him. The call ended and then a message was received. Soobin shakes as he reads it and he felt like his life just ended.

(Dr. Choi! Your friend, Mr. Beomgyu is at the hospital…)