What I wanted to say to my friends irl:

"Please stop faking it. Please stop. Enough. Just tell me how pathetic I am, how you despise me, how you pity me or be honest about me. Stop being the kind ones towards the pitiful shit and sugarcoat those words. Just tell me so I can have a reason. Please stop faking. Tell me the truth. Help me. Give me a reason why I should continue living on. Don't do it out of pity. I'm so confused and broken. . ."